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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

bring it to big bro

Being overseas, TheStar Online has been my only means of getting news from Malaysia. Read it everyday without fail. However, I especially look forward to reading it on Wednesdays after they update their Youth2 section. And the first section I read is called "Bring it to Big Bro."

It is an aunt agony section where people pour all their problems writting to this Tai Ko (Big Bro). I suppose they call him Big Bro because young people feel more secure talking to a Big Bro as opposed to an old fart auntie. Hehe..who knows? Maybe Big Bro IS an old fart auntie who is 72 years old sitting at home knitting a jacket for her great grandchildren and once a week Star sends her a bunch of letters, she does a lucky draw and chooses 3 to answer. Or maybe Big Bro is a guy and is really a "big bro". Maybe he is a 24 year old fresh grad from some Psychology School somewhere. But I like the guy/girl. I think he/she is good. Thats not the point.

I read it for humour. I find a majority of the letters damn freaking funny. AND stupid. Ok, some letters are about family problems. So they obviously can't talk to their family about it and sure as hell can't ask their friends what to do cuz...well what the hell would their adolescent friends know about those kinda problems eh? So fair enough. Those people I really feel sorry for them.

The jokes are mainly the "problems" about themselves.

"Oh. I have no friends. Nobody wants to talk to me. I think thats cuz I am ugly and stupid. Help me Big Bro. Help me."

Shit man. If you think you are rich, there's always someone richer than you (unless you are Uncle Bill). Similarly, if you think you are ugly and stupid there are way more uglier and stupider people than you. Unless you look like an orc and have an IQ of a donkey. But even then, there are even uglier orcs and retarded donkeys. If you have no friends, its not because you look like an orc and think like a donkey. Its because theres a problem with your atitude, the same attitude which made you write stupid letters to be published in the nation's most popular newspaper.

Also, there are stories like:

"Help me Big Bro. I like a girl. But everytime I go near her, I don't dare talk to her. I don't know what to say"

You fucking wanker! Go home and look for your balls where ever it might be that you dropped them. So if you don't dare talk, you think that big bro can help you ar? And if you dunno what to say, chances are that you are a boring git so do the girl a favour and do the rest of us guys a favour. I am assuming she is a hot chick since you have never talked to her before, so it can't be her personality that attracted you. So must be the boobs then. Or is it the ass?

Since you like her and everything, so you should want to make her feel happy. Don't EVER talk to her then. Cuz you will probably bore her to death. That's the favour on HER part. The favour on OUR part is that she will then go on to think that it would be more interesting to watch two snails race a marathon than talking to guys. And then she will tell all her hot friends thats all guys are boring and that its nicer to watch snails. After that all the hot chicks won't go out with guys anymore and would rather watch snails. Then we got no chicks to go out with. Then in 10 years time, our country becomes like Singapore becuase the girls have better things to do than go out with "boring" guys (but its true in Singapore's case). The the government have to start campaigns to get their youth to date. The good and happening name of Malaysian youth goes to the drain. Why? All because of losers like you.

Then theres the classic:

"My boyfriend broke up with me 2 years ago. I still feel depressed. I miss him so much. I have tried to take my life a few times and I still feel like committing suicide these days"

Too bad Big Bro has to be professional and everything. If I was Big Bro, my answer would be simple. How would you like to kill yourself? Give me your parents contact number, I will help you out. You want to hang yourself, I ask them to buy you rope. You want sleeping pills? I can get for you also. I also know someone working in KLCC so you can borrow his security pass to go to the top floor. But if you want a gun, sorry. Can't help you then. You stupid bitch. Its been 2 fucking years. Get over it.

You know, its ironic. When somebody dies and the family wants to put an advertisement or when somebody wants to advertise their condolences, the people have to pay Star something like RM5000 for a tiny bitsy column so small that you can't even see the dead fellas face. For a full page, you have to pay something like RM30K. But every week, they waste one full page dedicated to letters to Big Bro. Stupid letters from stupid kids these days who can't solve their own problems.

Again, I am inclined to blame the stupid Education Ministry for not making the students think on their own. And also for not having enough brains to hire proper school counsellors. All schools should have 2 counsellors, both young and attractive, one male and one female. Thats the only way kids are going to talk to them. Its more effective than employing a bloody fat ass old dinosaur who has no work to do the whole year because nobody wants to talk to him/her.

Conclusion : Stupid people sitting in high up places cannot use their heads to think, how do they expect kids to think for themselves??

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