Wednesday, April 07, 2004
adventure at nite
I was sleeping very soundly in my bed. I woke up when something hit my window. Sort of a soft object, like a cloth, some drunk bastard must have thrown it from the street. Still groggy, I went to check it out. My window turned out to be a magical window made by elves. So when the drunk fella threw his shirt at my window from outside, the molecules of the shirt disintegrated, and seeped through the glass molecules of my window. Once inside my room, the shirt molecules placed themselves back together. Anyway, I picked up the shirt which was sitting on my window ledge.
I could feel this burning sensation all over my hand when i grabbed the shirt. Just then, I realised that there were like a million ants crawling all over the shirt and the fuckers were bitting me. Immediately flung the shirt to the other corner of the room, near the door. Weird, I thought, didn't know that ants could disintegrate their molecules to penetrate the glass window. Then I realised I was fucked. These weren't ordinary ants. These were Superants!! Can crawl faster than tortoise. Their body like crab shell (but smaller). And they blocked the damn exit (I threw the shirt near the door remember).
Fuck. Gotta fight. I grabbed some purple kriptonite tablets in my bedside drawer and ate them. Superants hate purple kriptonite. Then, from the far end of the room, I could hear their general order the troops to march to me and start attacking. Must be a new general I thought. Quite stupid. Didn't know much about war tactics. This was cuz the ants started marching towards me in a single file order. So one fucking long line of ants, marching towards me one by one. "This should be interesting," I thought. So, I sat cross legged on the floor, waiting for the sohai ants to march towards me.
And it started, one by one the ants reached me, and one by one I crushed them with my finger. (Yes, yes I did say that their body is as hard as crab shell, but I ate the purple kriptonite mah). And everyone I killed, I flicked their dead lifeless body back to the stupid git of a general. Son of a bitch that coward. What kinda general stands behind his troops? That bastard should be in the front line of the battlefield!!
So, after killing like half a million ants with little effort, the mo liu* general suddenly asked his troops to retreat from attacking me and regroup near my door. Didn't know what the dumb fuck wanted to do now. So I shouted to him:
Me : Haha you dumb fuck. I have purple kriptonite. I killed half your troops. Surrender and get the fuck out of my room and I will spare your life.
Mo Liu General : In your dreams will I surrender!!
Me : Eh?? Thats funny. I thought I am dreaming** now.
Mo Liu General : Oh fuck, yeah thats right. Then in your....er....Damn I will not surrender!! Troops prepare for Plan A!!
Me : Plan A?? Then what the fuck was all of that just now called?
Mo Liu General : That was Plan One.
Me : Oh, you use numbers? Then this should be called Plan Two.
Mo Liu General : Go to hell!! This is my plan. I can call it whatever I like. Now prepare to suffer!!
Me : Oh okay. Suit yourself then. I was just worried you might confuse your troops.
(I stood up, trying to see what those retarded Superants were trying to do. Sort of wearing something on their backs. Sod it. I will kill them anyway)
Mo Liu General : Troops!! Start your jetpacks!!
Uh oh. What the hell were these idiots trying to do? Fly? I had never seen Superants flying. Slowly but surely, they started to fly. One by one. Again. Then it hit me. Like a brick hitting a lump of tofu. Superants when they use jetpacks actually transform into mosquitoes!! So there it was. The end of my gallant and brave fight against the Superants. I could defeat everyone of them as ants. But as mosquitoes, I knew I was fucked. So, I went back to bed and fell asleep, letting those idiots bite whatever they could.
*mo liu - Litterally translated from cantonese means "no ingredients". Like eating rice with no ingredients. Not very nice. So it means someone hopeless.
**This was a dream in case any stupid people out there didn't get it.