Thursday, April 15, 2004

clever boy

Two days ago, a very hot chick who is quite a good friend of mine had her birthday. Lets call her TwinkleEyes. Now, TwinkleEyes is single, so a lot of donkeys after her. And I mean a lot. A whole herd of them. Birthdays for TwinkleEyes = a lot of presents from stupid donkeys. Cause the donkeys assume that she will be happy when they give her the presents. I believe her presents this year included 2 pairs of earings, a diamond necklace, a gold chain, a watch and a very very cool clock.

TwinkleEyes asked my advice whether she should keep the presents or return them. For me, there was only going to be one answer. If those guys are so bleeding stupid, just keep them and enjoy it. Besides, none of them are working. Its not their money. It all their parent's money. So theoretically, it was a present from their parents. This got me thinking of an incident when I was in school in 1999.

There was this guy, one of my best friends, Joe. Now, Joe saw this hot chick that he "loved at first sight" in the first week of Form 4. This girl, Trishia, was seriously damn freaking hot. And single. The perfect combination for any horny hot-blooded male high on testosterone. He started this process of courting her. His tactics, till this day remain the single most unprecedented thing I have ever seen in my life. Only Joe could make it work.

Joe would chat up Trishia on ICQ and on the phone (nothing unusual). But the thing is, Joe is a typical joker. Cool Joe, they would say. Trishia, on the other hand, was on the other end of the spectrum. Very nice girl. Very womanly.

But Joe made it all work. He had an asthonishing talent. He could go on a date with her and play with his food, and burp out loud, and she would find it funny. He told her that he didn't like standing behind her when on an escalator because "you have a big Indian ass and I can see it from behind". And she laughed about it. He called her a horse cause she laughed like one, so he said, and she would laugh her deepest horse-like laugh for his benefit. You have to keep in mind that he was still courting her at this time. The above mentioned stuff would be common amongst couples, but Joe had only met and known Trishia for 3 months.

Humour is always important when talking to girls. It makes them interested and makes them like you more. But what Joe did was pushing it to the limits. In fact, over the limits at times. Guys around the world would be reading this and wondering what the fuck they did wrong. The truth is, they did nothing wrong, it was just that Joe is the type of stuff that legends are made off.

When Trishia's birthday approached, he thought long and hard about it. Birthday means that he would have to buy a present for her. He quickly figured out a few simple math equations:

Hot + single girl = A lot of admirers -----> Equation 1
A lot of admirers = A lot of presents -----> Equation 2

From Equations 1 & 2, it could be deduced that:
Since a lot of presents, yours has to stand out in the crowd

And it did stand out in the crowd. Literally. He bought her a punching bag toy. It was a tall 3 foot high inflatable ballon with a heavy base, so that it would always remaind upright. And printed on the face of the punching bag balloon was a cartoon picture of a horse (he called her a horse, remember?).

A few of us saw his present before he gave it her.

Simon : "Dude, are you crazy?"
Ratnam : "Dei Thamby! Stupid ar you?"
Vincent : "Eh dumb fuck, she'll laugh at you in your face la"

His reply, the exact words still ring out loud in my head till this day. With a big smile, he said, "Don't worry, she'll love it. It will work."

Work? It worked like bloody magic. They became a couple a few months after that. And they still are.

Moral of the story : Presents are important. Choose wisely.

Warning : Try the punching bag balloon trick it at your own risk. I still maintain my stand of, "Eh dumb fuck, she'll laugh at you in your face la." Yes, Joe made it happen. But Joe is different.

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