Wednesday, April 14, 2004

feminism, part one

I had an interesting conversation with my friend Inverse today. Lovely. Enough of things to blog about for one whole week. This is part one of a many part series. Stay tuned.

This blog is dedicated to people who can't change a car tyre. If you are a guy and don't know how to do the most basic of modification to your best friend (car), please stop reading now. Go and buy a shotgun and shoot yourself in the balls, take whatever remains and feed them to the starving hyenas in the Afghan Zoo. Then proceed to Thailand and get yourself a pair of boobs. After that come back here and read the remainder of this blog.

If you are a woman who can't change a car tyre, well, nothing unusual. 90% of the women will ask men for help. The reasons:

- "I dunno how to change car tyre"
- "Its heavy"

Well, if you dunno how to change car tyre, what the fuck are you doing driving a car? Don't you think that its your responsibility to learn how to change a tyre if you want to drive? And if you think its heavy, think about it....how far do you have to carry it? Hell, you don't even have to carry it. From the boot, surely there's a way to tilt it a little and lean it on the ledge, then chuck it down on the road. Its rubber, it won't break! Then when its on the road, just roll the damn thing to the correct place la! Nobody ask you to be a sohai and carry it to the place. And once its in place, all you need to do is lift it 6 bloody inches!!

How hard is it to change a car tyre? Put a 10 year old kid there and he can figure it out. Sure, it might take him time, but he will figure it our sooner or later. However, a lot of full grown women can't seem to figure it out. When it comes to changing car tyres, it is like asking a kindergarten kid to solve triple integrals - just not possible. Credit to the 10% of the female population who actually have changed a car tyre themselves. But to the rest of them, for fucks sake, if you want to drive a car, learn to change the damn tyre:

1) Open car boot, clear all the junk in it (its a woman's car, hence got a lot of junk)
2) Lift up the carpet and the board (not very heavy, definitely lighter than the shopping bags)
3) There should be a small long plastic bag with some tools in it. Look for it and empty its contents
4) Use the spanner (yes, I know some women dunno what a spanner is), it should be one of the longest tools used to undo bolts and nuts.
5) Unscrew the spare tyre from the car boot. Keep the bolt and nut.
6) Unscrew the jack from the car boot (if you dunno what a jack is, or how it looks like, I cannot help you anymore. You have lost the right to drive a car. Sit at home like the women in Saudi Arabia and get your husband to drive you around)
7) Use the jack to lift up the car. Remember, you are not at a workshop, you cant lift the whole damn car. Just lift the side where the tyre needs changing.
8) Open the hub cap. (The fancy plastic plate covering the nuts). Use the spanner to open all the nuts.
9) Take out the punctured tyre and put the spare one in. No its not heavy. Its all in your mind.
10) Screw back all the nuts, replace the hub cap, lower the jack, keep the punctured tyre back in the boot
11) Do NOT throw the punctured tyre. It is possible to repair it sometimes. Bring it to a tyre shop.

The next time your car tyre gets punctured, fucking change it yourself. Don't bloody park your car by the roadside and flag down cars to help you.

Actually the real reason is cause most women are afraid of grease. Grease = acid. Highly corrosive. Can damage those beautifully manicured fingers. Bloody hell, then wear a glove la! And grease can be washed with soap you know? That's why some donkey a few hundred years ago invented soap. So that we can wash our dirty hands.

Isn't it bloody ironic that the same woman flagging down a car for help probably insists on women's rights? Equal rights that allow them to get an education. Equal rights that allow them to get a job. But the same woman throws away all her rights to equality when she insists that she can't and won't change a car tire, contradicting the rights that women in the past fought for, among which includes the right for women to drive a car (women in Saudi Arabia are not allowed to drive cars). So why do some women fight for equality when they clearly do not wish to be equal (ie. expecting special treatment)?

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