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Friday, April 02, 2004

letters

I had to send a letter today. Not an e-mail. LETTER. You know those things where you write on a piece of paper, fold it and put in another folded white paper called an envelope. Then you need to lick another piece of paper called a stamp and then paste it on the envelope.

Its been freaking ages since I sent a letter. Everybody sends greeting cards for birthdays and everything, yeah. But nowadays, how many people send letters? Ok, official correspondence. Banks send you letters. Electric company and phone company sends you letters. Bloody income tax sends you letters (not me though). But those are not the letters I mean. Those are more of "saman". Nobody wants to receive those letters. I am talking about letters which you look forward to receiving.

Friends writting to friends. Dear John bla bla bla. Signed off with a fancy signature and everything. Besides old people who in the last 10 years refused to learn how to use the computer, I think it is safe to say that most people aged 40 years and below no longer send letters (Okla, I am talking about the modern people who live in the city. Not the kampung people la). And it would be ridiculously stupid to send a letter with just one line asking "How are you?" You have to at least fill up half the writting pad for it to be worth the stamp fees. So people of few words, like me, how? Hence the e-mail. You send a one line e-mail also nobody will laugh at you. Problem solved.

Then how about love letters? Wonder whether people still send love letters by post. Draw hearts and everything, maybe a picture of 2 bunnies copulating, spray the letter with Chanel No.5 perfume, maybe pull out one of their pubic hair and put inside the envelope. The letter reads, "My love, bla bla bla, smell my scent, feel my lust." Do people still do that? And in those days, you watch movies and read novels, when two lovers have to be apart, the woman will say, "My love, I will write you everyday. A letter each day that we are apart to show my love to you." Cause apparently it is quite romantic for a person to send a letter everyday. These days you don't hear people saying, "My love, I will e-mail you everyday. I will use Yahoo! Greetings to send you a card, one for each day I have loved you."

Why is that considered less romantic? The bugger still have to make the effort to send an e-mail everyday. The bugger still have to pay money to log on to the net. In fact, the bugger is trying to save the environment. By sending letters, do you know how much paper he wastes? Writing pad, envelope, stamp. Killing the trees, polluting the ocean (pen ink I believe mixes well with water, hence killing the fishes). Is that what you traditional romantics want? Then everytime send the letter need to spray with Chanel No.5. Do you have any idea how expensive it is, even if the fella bought it for you at KLIA duty free?

People those days used to keep all their love letters. Waste of space. Imagine how many stacks and stacks of letters they have to keep in their storeroom. And when they do get married and have kids, what if their kids find the letters? Lets face it. Theres nothing clean about the wordings in love letters eh? With e-mails, just save it in diskette. One diskette can fit more than 50 e-mails. That means if got 500 e-mails, you only need 10 diskettes. Cheap eh? And can keep anywhere. No need storeroom. No risk of kids finding it.

And in those days. When the people break up, its usually the crazy woman who calls the guy and screams her lungs out. Later burns all his letters to get over him. Then when meet him one the street, she says to him with her nose high in the air, "I am totally over you. I burned all your belongings. ALL your letters all burned to ash." What do they say these days? Same case, crazy woman calls the guy, "You bastard, you cheated on me. I want to let you know, you mean nothing to me. All your e-mails, I've DELETED them all. DELETED them to the recycle bin. And emptied my recycle bin already!"

Haha. Compare the guy 10 years ago. When he hears that the crazy woman burned his letters. Adui, heartache. Sakit wei. Thinking of all the pubic hair that was burned along with it. (Please don't get confused, the women are the ones who spray Chanel No5, the guys are the itchy ones who put their pubic hair). These days, when heard that his e-mails got deleted, the guy replies, "Its ok, I still got a copy of each of them in my 'Sent' folder.

So let this be a lesson. Always send e-mails. To friends or to lovers. Unlike me today, I had to send a letter to the loan shark asking for extension of payment. Cause she don't have internet access (yes SHE).

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