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Tuesday, April 27, 2004

reports

Most of us have to face writting a bunch of gibberish at some point in our lives.

The following are the types of reports most of us have to write in order of appearances in our lives:

Events report : Check this out. This sort of report rates as one of the stupidest things that teachers created. Students are faced with this in primary school. I remember my fair share of events report. We had to write a weekly composition telling our teacher what we did that past week. And like doc in his article, most of the time we had to make up some crap to write and please our teachers. Damn the teachers were sure a bunch of nosy buggers. What business of them is it what I did during my weekend? But then again....that said..........aren't blogs pretty much the same as events reports...??

Book report : This was designed by morons to encourage kids to read books. Unfortunately, these same morons have probably never read a story book in their life because they obviously didn't know that all story books have a sypnosis on the back cover. We would be asked to read a book, and then write out a sypnosis about the book as well. Blah. Stupid. All that needs to be done is to visit the school library, and copy the sypnosis at the back of the book. Then there were also kids who were too lazy even to do that, so they made up their own storybook and wrote a bunch of gibberish for the storyline. Like as if the teacher would know that the book didn't exist.

Lab report : So now that we have successfully tricked our way out of primary school, we now enter secondary school. With a huge sigh of relief, we can kiss goodbye to event reports and book reports. Say hello to lab reports. These are even worse than the previous two. Because there was no way we could get away with making up crap to write in this report. Damn, so we actually HAD TO do the lab sessions properly and to understand stuffs in order to write the report out. This got even worse in upper secondary school if you were in the science stream because you now had to write 3 bloody reports a week.

Glorified report : Next, we get to university. Suddenly, the lab reports have become more glorified. And like the earlier case of book report, now we are faced with writting glorifieds book reports as well. Sometimes we have to read journals written by people with too much free time on their hands. After reading those journals, the lecturers force us to write a summary on it, and stating whether or not we agree with it. Blah. Again, we can't make stuffs up. And unlike book reports in school, we could not just copy the sypnosis, because apparently thats called plaglarism which is pretty much something you do not want to be accused off.

Thesis : It just keeps getting worse and worse. In your penultimate year or final year of university, they force you to write a mother of all reports. Probably some 5000 word report if you are a science student, or bloody 10 000 word report for an arts student. Philosophy students are the luckiest of all, they get to write a 20 000 word story book. In this mother of all reports, we are expected to write what we have learned over the year, concentrating on a particular topic or project that we have done. Blah. Don't know anybody who has tried to make up the contents of this report. Don't reckon its a very good idea.

Job report : Ah. Finally. After 17 years of report writting in school and university, we graduate and come out in to the working world. Its great. No more crappy reports right? Wrong. Suddenly, you find that you have to write a damn report for every damn thing you do. Bloody company sends you to Alaska for a training job, you' ve got to write a report on that. They ask you to purchase a few products, you've gotta write a report on why you choose product A and not product B (probably because company A cut you a deal that would make YOUR wallet a bit fatter). And before you realise it, you are now writting reports on why the coffee maker in the pantry keeps breaking down to why you decided to hire Clown A and not Clown B as your assistant.


I retract all previous statements about event reports and book reports. I would kill to write those kinda reports again. My bloody thesis is due in on Friday and I am here writting this damn event report. Damn. And oh. *raising my mug of coffee* Cheers to another 40 years of report writting.

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