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Monday, April 12, 2004

ultraman

I was going through my Friendster's list today when something bothered me. This guy from school put his main picture as Ultraman. It has always been his main picture, but today, something in my head reminded me that Ultraman was a loser.

I have always hated Ultraman. Even when I was small. Those were the days when I had to ask my mama for permission to watch tv. I dunno why is it that adults think TV is no good for kids. Anyway, she always let me watch Ultraman cause it was dubbed in Malay and my command of that language was shit. So I watched it for the sake of watching tv.

Ultraman is so fucking stupid. Those were the days of Ninja Turtles and Transformers. Compared to them, Ultraman was ultracrap. Firstly, even a 5 year old kid could see that the git was wearing a blody PVC costume. Not good. The monsters were all ugly fuckers with equally ugly costumes. Compared to the Decepticons and Shredder who were damn cool and had cool names (if you are between 17-25 years old and dunno who the Decepticons & Shredder are, go find the nearest mirror, stare at it long and hard, and slap yourself repeatedly saying,"I am stupid. I am stupid.)

I even realised at that early age that the buildings were made of cardboard. And the storyline was always same. Which meant that every episode:
1) Monster is born
2) Terrorizes Tokyo. (Its always Tokyo)
3) Some stupid 'army special unit' attacks the monster with aeroplanes
4) Fails. Then some guy who is part of that army special unit will transform into Ultraman.
5) Ultraman fights the monster
6) Ultraman gets beaten up and thrown against the cardboard buildings (Obviously! Compare the size of the thin fuck compared to the fat ass lard of a lizard monster)
7) The red light on Ultraman's costume will start beeping, meaning he is going to die
8) The moron does something stupid, summoning the powers of the Sun and channels it through his crossed hands and killing the retarded monster.

I tell you. The retards who wrote the storyline ought to be castrated and shot in the balls with a shotgun, whatever is left can be fed to the starving hyenas in the Afghan Zoo. If you watch 3 episodes, you will find that the rest of it is the same damn thing. Why can't the stupid wanker do his superpower in the beginning? Save the trouble of getting bashed up and destroying the buildings (yeah, I know they are made of cardboard, but still the props person has to make new cardboard buildings everytime).

And the costume. For fucks sake. The image of it still haunts me till this day. When the moron falls down or stretches, you can actually see the lines on the PVC costume stretching. Like some sex costume that gets stretched while filming a porn movie.

Burn in hell Ultraman. Curse the jabroni for scarring my childhood with his crap. Hopefully, one day the monsters get pissed off with the moron for always cheating with superpowers. Then maybe one day, 10 monsters will attack him together before drilling a hole in his PVC costume and gangrape his cursed ass. Kids these days are so lucky. They don't have to watch such crap. Ultraman sucks. Long live Optimus Prime.

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