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Sunday, April 04, 2004

women & football

Big game yesterday. Manyoo vs Arse team. No prizes for guessing who I support. Anyways, which brings up an issue that has always been going on.

Women & football. Water & oil. Same anology.

100 women in a room.

80 of don't give a rat's ass about football. They don't care if Milan win the Champions League or whether Gerrard Houllier gets sacked. Always fight with their boyfriends. The boyfriends want to watch football. They wanna watch Footballers' Wives (it is a tv-soap about err...footballers' wives..DOH). They cannot grasp the concept of people chasing a round object around the pitch. Warning : trying to educate these women about the beautiful game is like trying to get Rio Ferdinand to remember to pee in a cup - just not possible.

19 of them claim they are football fans but actually only watch bloody David Beckham, and more recently, Jose Antonio Reyes. (If you are a guy and don't know who those 2 people are, go look yourself in the mirror and slap yourself repeatedly each time repeating "I am stupid. I am stupid."). These group of people are not known as football fans. More like "fans of footballers". I actually heard a girl say, "I like Bergkamp. I like the way he kicks the ball." Which actually means, "I like the way Bergkamp's ass moves when he kicks the ball". They usually watch football to please their boyfriends and figure that they enjoy the cute guys on display. And not suprisingly support the same team as their boyfriends. They have no clue what the offside trap is and they only know that when a player gets tackled in the box, they have to jump and scream for a penalty. Even if its in the wrong penalty box. Warning : unlike the first group, no woman will EVER admit that they belong to this category.

The one woman that knows about football, well she's that one in a hundred. She actually knows who Carlos Valderama is. She knows about Roger Milla. She can tell you about the tactics and can argue that Houllier's tactics are right but only using the wrong set of players. Needless to say, popular among the guys, but only for football matches and beer I am afraid. Warning : membership to this group can only be acknowledged by a panel of male judges. This is because 19 other women also claim to be part of this elite group.

However, every 4 years, we experience a strange phenomena. During the World Cup, every woman knows everything. From the housewives to the Ah Lians. All talking about it as if they have been following the sport since they were born. Never did and never will comprehend this peculiar behaviour. But then again, which guy would understand this sub-species eh?

So if you are a woman reading this, which group do you belong to?

Now, if you are a guy, you either:

a) played the game, support a team, watch every match possible
b) never played the game, only watch it
c) think that football is a stupid game and have no idea what this article is about.

If you are part of group A, well 90 out of 100 guys are. So you are ok.
If you are part of group B, (disabled people are excused) don't be so fucking lazy la. In order to appreciate the game, you've gotta play it.
If you are part of group C, (Americans are excused...they think football is a game played with the hand) please cut of your testicles and feed them to the starving hyenas in Afghan Zoo. Then proceed to Thailand and get yourself a pair of boobs. After that, scroll to the top part of this article and place yourself in any of the 3 categories mentioned earlier.

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