Friday, May 21, 2004

lick it baby, lick it

One of man's good inventions are self adhesive stuff. All you need to do I add water and they stick. Like envelopes and stamps. Unfortunately, I am astounded by the stupidity of humans. Yes, you need moisture to stick those stuffs. And the best source of moisture is your tongue. But why the fuck do people insist on licking the damn adhesive part?

I reckon its more hygienic to lick the rim of the toilet bowl. Because at least it is washed with soap every week or so. But the adhesive on the stamp is fucking dirty. Only God the factory workers know what kinda shit is stuck to the glue. Imagine a huge pot where they mix the chemicals and stuff. Say, a few rats drop in and die. Add a few cockroaches if you wish. Then, they use that same chemical and coat the envelope or stamp. 2 months down the line, some sohai decides to lick the thing.

Two hours ago I just finished an exam. We are required to seal the corner of the exam book to cover our names (so that the stupid marker can't mark unfairly). Now, that seal is the same adhesive that I am talking about. Well, sort of the same. You see, in envelopes and stamps, they are transparent in colour. But this stupid thing was fucking brown. To be precise, shit brown. (for a defination on shit brown, click here)

I licked my finger coating it with spit, and then used my finger to apply the spit onto the adhesive. I only managed to coat half of it with my body fluids. So I had to lick my finger again. I made a mistake. I licked the same finger. Motherfucking shit! I could taste some weird crap. Not sweet, salty, sour or bitter. Even my superior taste bud could not tell which animal had shitted in the chemicals in the factory. Immediately, I stood up and cleared my throat, gathering a huge lump of phelgm and spit and fucking propelled the poison into the invigilator's face. The crap landed smack in the middle of his forehead, and like acid, it ate away his forehead and dripped into his eyeballs, temporarily blinding him. My classmates thanked later thanked me for taking out one invigilator so it was much easier for them to copy.

And then later, I saw a fucking dumb cunt sitting 2 seats away from my left licking the damn thing! I looked at her face to see her disgusted expression to but the stupid cow didn't show any. She must have liked the taste because barely 2 seconds after licking the damn thing, she protruded her tongue again and again, sort of like a big fat monitor lizard. I reckon she had totally drenched the paper with her spit.

To my right, another sohai was doing exactly the same fucking thing! It was like watching porn. He looked fucking happy as he was licking the sticky stuffs. I could have sworn he had a wide grin on his face and a bulge in his pants. He probably was thinking about something of his girlfriend's which tasted the same as that foul tasting glue, but nonetheless it was something that he had licked so passionately just the night before.

Oh. I forgot to add. The paper I did was an optional module for me but was compulsory for Manufacturing Engineering students. Of all fucking people, they should know how fucking dirty a manufacturing plant is. But well, I forgive them. Exams are designed to make you stupid. But make me smarter.

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