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Tuesday, May 18, 2004

OMFG! OMFG! OMFG!

WARNING
**this is gonna be an exceptionally long blog. But read it. You won't fucking regret it. As you can see, even the title is written in capital letters, something that I have never done in the past**


Yesterday, I stumbled upon something fucking interesting from this guy called Viewtru's blog. In one of the archives, I found this:

AWM - Automatic Wanking Machine


WTF?? Japanese people invent all sorts of stuffs. I reckon, every weird shit that you can think off, the Japs have already done it. I mean, who in the right sense of mind would use that? Well, besides people with no hands that is. My Thai friend, lets call her Minnie, she reckons that since girls have dildos and vibrators, guys should have something of that sort.

But Minnie is wrong. You see, a dildo and a vibrator represents a dick. Something that women don't have. If at all, the invention should be something that represents a cunt - something guys don't have. But why the fuck invent something that we already have?

Shit, I reckon, stuffs like these are invented not to be used. They are invented for decoration. Its something that you put in your living room, say on the coffee table. And when guests come, its something to show them and let them laugh at it, maybe even switch it on, touch the rubber part, and laugh more (provided they trust you when you tell them that you never used it before).

Today, I was chatting on MSN with a few of my juniors from school. I started chatting with Andy who is now in college. We started talking about scout stuffs (going camping when I get back to Malaysia during holiday). And then, another guy Seta, who is now in Form 5 and is currently the scout troopleader came online. We invited him to join the conversation to plan the camp. Not very interesting. Yet.

You put a bunch of guys together and they will talk about dirty stuffs sooner or later. The topic of Benjamin then popped up. Benjamin is a Form 3 kid and one of the scouts too. We recalled a similar conversation merely 4 days ago when the bunch of us were talking and somebody said "wanking". Benjamin didn't know what that meant. And we were in no mood to teach him. He even said, "Eh, nobody teach me, how I know what it is?" To which Andy said "Eh retard, this is not something that ANYBODY will teach you." I think I said something like, "Yeah. Fuck. This kinda thing is self study."

So back to today's event. In the midst of talking dirty stuffs I showed them the AWM website. Among the comments were, " Haha. Fuck, surely Benjamin won't know what it is for." And at the moment, Benjamin came online, and we invited him to join the chatroom. And then showed him the website.

Benjamin: bah....wht's dat website about

Vincent: hahahahahahahahahahahahaahah

Andy: lolz

Benjamin: to help u hold stuf?

Vincent: hahahaahahahahahaa...fuck! HOLD STUFF!?!?!?!

Andy: dumasss...hold what cup arr??

Seta: to hold "things"

Benjamin: ?

Vincent: sssh ssssh....dun teach him...hehehe

Benjamin: tell lar

Vincent: ask ur chick...see what ur chick say

(yeah! Fucking big surprise eh? He has a girlfriend! Wonder what they do when they are alone?)

Benjamin: ook...but my chick dun come on9 lar

Andy: ben...what do you think it holds??

Vincent: fuckkkkkkkkkkkk...eh mch...u hav no idea how much i m laffing ok

Benjamin: whats mch?

(at this point, I was laughing so hard, a trickle of tear flowed down my cheek and nearly short-circuited my keyboard. Also, I was getting stomach cramps. But that is unrelated, I think it had something to do with what I had for lunch)

Vincent: Mch = MuCH

Seta: hahaha...this is what happen when you spoonfeed kids too much..

Benjamin: so what does it do lar…..hit underwear?

Vincent: WTF is “hit underwear?”

Benjamin: Oh! I know already! massager

Vincent: yeah!! Finally..correct..massager!!!

Benjamin: massage wht

(humour has subsided, sarcasm now kicks in)

Andy: massage wat, vincent??

Vincent: hand la!! Wat else do u think? Its the shape of a hand...massage hand laa!!

Benjamin: huh?? How??

Vincent: Fuck, you play piano oso dunno meh??? Before playing, fingers stiff, u massage them, make them relaxed, then can play better mah

Benjamin: Oh...but you see the 4th pic. Why the picture show him putting it at there?

Vincent: Oh that wan...u want to relax mah..lie down la...

Andy: Yaler...its a massage wat..hahahaha

Benjamin: Weird....sure or not wan?

Vincent: Eh fuck. You get massage dun tell me you stand up meh? Lie down and relax mah....so gotta rest the thing somewhere mah.

Benjamin: Hmmmm...ok...but why put there?

Vincent: Haiyah..you stand up straight, hands by ur side...tell me your fingers reach until where? Near your penis there rite?

Benjamin: Yeah......so?

Vincent: So? So when you relaxing you surely put your hands straight wat..its a finger massager...so put at where the fingers are la....so thats the best place to put it laa...rest it there la...

Andy: Yaler dumbass...simple things oso dunno meh?

Benjamin: Oooohh...now i know la..next time i dunno things...i ask...then i know la..



Aaaaaa fuck man!!! What the fuck is wrong with our education system?

1) Kids don't seem to know things that they should be proficient in at that age. But they seem to be getting more As for exams than we ever did.

2) Kids believe anything you tell them without questioning. That is how the education system moulds them.


I hope that when Benjamin and his girlfriend grow up and get married, they know that they need to have sex to have children and not wait for Cinderella's fairy godmother to make her pregnant. Or even worse, I hope they don't expect a fat man riding on a reindeer sledge to deliver them a baby. (Oh fuck wait....thats Christmas. Got mixed up. Sorry)

But don't say people can't be that stupid! Things like these do happen! Don't believe me? Found this on Metalrage's blog : Childless couple told to have sex

Ah. FUCK. What a world.

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