Sunday, June 20, 2004
adventures from prague - armoured dick guard
In my two most recent trips, first to London and then to Prague, I have seen a lot of armours. No, not the sissy armoured skirts which were used by the Romans. I am talking about those full body armours used by cavalries. However, I noticed something very odd about some of the armours.
This picture was taken in the Tower of London. I don't have any pictures of this from Prague because we were not allowed to take pictures in the museum. As you can see, I have taken the liberty of circling the mysterious detail of the armour.
At first,when I saw this in London, I didn't give much thought about it because, upon further inspection, there was sort of a cap and latch where the dick guard could be opened. So I figured, this was so that the guy could open the cap, yank out his dick and
wank pee without much trouble.
However, the armour I saw in Prague did not have such a cap and latch mechanism. This meant that the guy wearing the armour would not use it to pee. Now, before you all shout and say that it is a dick-guard to protect the guy's dick, here's something to think about :
1) Its way too big.
2) Its way too high up.
3) Knights wear a chain mail (flexible iron shirt) under the armour anyways, so his dick would be under the chain mail in the first place.
4) Assuming there is no chain mail, that dick guard would only protect his dick if he had an erection in the middle of the battle -- something not very likely when faced with equally ugly men aiming to kill you.
5) Its actually not the dick which people want to protect, its the balls.
6) These kind of armours are worn by cavalry and knights -- people on horses. Their dicks and balls are not at all exposed to dangerous situations.
Besides the above, also in the museum in Prague, I saw an exhibit of a funeral dress. The strange thing about it, it was made from velvet and had exactly the same bulge coming out of the pants. This made me fucking confused. Assuming all my above 6 points were wrong and it was indeed used for protection -- that myth would now be dispelled as a dead guy would not need protection, and certainly not with a velvet dress.
The best explaination I could think off -- its for showing off. Make your enemy think you have a giant dick. Hopefully, they get scared of you and run away. As for the funeral dress, the guys wife would probably stuff the velvet dress with rocks, so that people would envy her husband for having such a big sausage.
Still very much confused though....