Saturday, June 19, 2004

adventures from prague - the retarded pigeon

Kay went into the post office to buy stamps for a postcard. Inverse and Lai were outside chatting. Me, as the professional navigator was looking at the map deciding which the shortest route to our next destination would be.

(Note: As the only guy, I appointed myself the official map reader, because if I gave the task to any of the girls, I would get tired walking round and round in circles)

Outside the Post Office is a postbox. Now, Czech postboxes are damn small. Don't know why. It is about 2 feet tall and 2 feet long with a depth of about a foot. Basically, it is an enlarged version of postboxes in houses. Now this postbox was hung on the wall about 3 feet off the ground.

Near where the girls were standing were a few pigeons. A big fat Czech dude stormed out of the postoffice, and I reckon this scared the shit out of the pigeons.Literally, cause one of the pigeons managed to find time to take a shit on the ground before taking flight The other pigeons followed suit. Except for this sohai pigeon. It was happily standing under the the postbox, lazing around in the shade. When he saw his friends fly away, he decided to join the bird party.

Only problem is that the dumb fuck forgot that he was standing under the postbox. His built in radar must have malfunctioned because he took flight and smacked his bird brains into the bottom of the postbox, giving out a sharp yelp of pain. Still in the air and trying to maintain balance, this dumb bird then flapped his wings a litle more trying to take off. Unfortunately, he probably got a mini concussion and was then forced to land just a couple of feet away from me.

Being a tourist, ever ready with a camera in hand, I decided to make the stupid pigeon famous. Here is a picture of the most low-life of dumb birds:

Upon further inspection, notice that the sohai's feet are well, missing a number of things. One the left foot, one of his toes is missing. On the other foot, all the toes are missing.

I then deduced that smacking his head on the postbox wasn't exactly an isolated incident. I reckon that this pigeon is really a dumb retarded pigeon. Either that or he is fucking clumsy. It is prety obvious that he lost those toes in other mishaps.

There are a few I can think of:

1) He was trying to screw around with a female pigeon. Being clumsy, he kept shoving his mini pigeon dick into the wrong hole. This made Mrs. Pigeon very angry and she bit off his toes to feed their children.

2) He was perching on an electric cable. As we all know, it is ok if birds perch on one cable. But if they somehow touch two cables at the same time, they become fried chicken. I suspect, this retarded pigeon might have been perching on one cable, developed vertigo, slipped and touched two cables at the same time, thus frying his toes off.

3) However, the most probable explanation -- this is the same sohai bird that got knocked by MichaelOoi's car a few weeks ago. His story here (25th May)

Conclusion: Birds are stupid. Just look at the size ratio of their head to their body and you will understand why.

I also noticed that there are a lot of pigeons in Prague. They are everywhere, on each street and square and park. I also don't like them and prefer other birds to them.

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