Saturday, July 31, 2004

stupid muggles

Squeezing whatever free time I had over the last one week, I have got myself reading a few of my brother's books. So, I started off by reading the first Harry Potter book. Having watched the movie, I was impressed. Admittedly far more impressed than I expected.

The words were kept simple. The story was indeed very intruiging as I really had to tear myself away from the book and do other things. The same could be said of the second and third books. Short and simple. That's how its supposed to be. After all, isn't Harry Potter a child's storybook?

However, banking on the success of her first 3 books, the damn mudblood writer got greedy. She wanted to appeal to adults too. And so, she wrote the forth book, which is about 3 inches thick. A child's book 3 inches thick??!?!

After spending 2 days on that book, and just now 4 straight hours finishing it, I have come to a conclusion : this ain't a fucking kid's storybook!

Here's why :

1) No kid's book is more than one inch thick.

2) Nobody is supposed to die in a kid's book. Think Snow White & the 7 horny dwarves.

3) No children storybook should end like that. I imagine a lot of 6 year old kids went to bed crying.

4) Of course, that depends on whether they could read it themselves.

5) That damn muggle writer even described as some dumb fat fuck bad ass wizard cut off his own hand to dump it into a bowl of soup.

6) I was waiting for Harry to go start shagging that girl with the weird name. Stupid muggle can't even give Asians proper names.

**If you dunno what a muggle is...or a mudblood......................never mind, I need to go read the 5th book.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

multi cultural dickheads

We all know our country to be a land of culture, of racial harmony, bla bla bla. What we should also realise is that in addition to all that crap we profess to have, we also have dickheaded citizens which are of undoubtedly superior quality.

Today, I had a privelledge of encountering 4 such wankers. For convenience sake, lets call them TurbanDick, BlackDick, BlondehairDick and SkinnedDick.

First incident involved TurbanDick and BlackDick. I was driving along LDP (a highway). It was 8pm. The streetlights seemed dimmer today. In front of me, a dreaded Kancil (a fucking stupid small car). Usually, those morons in Kancils like to speed, like as though they are excited to die and go to hell. However, I encountered a different case today.

TurbanDick was driving this Kancil. Actually, I can't exactly call it driving. It was as though he was in love with his brakes. Crawling in the middle lane, he was moving at the speed of 20km/h. On a fucking highway. There were a lot of cars around, and I was having difficulties overtaking him. So, I had to follow the bugger for about a minute. TurbanDick was seriously pissing the fuck out of me. My foot wasn't even on the gas, yet I was going much faster than him.

Finally, when I managed to get past, turned my head to see what was taking him so long. The motherfucker was busy typing an SMS -- in the middle of the fucking highway!! While driving. Wish I could burn that TurbanDick of his. Bondama!!

After getting past him, I immediately stepped on the gas. Its like a bird being let out of a cage you know. Just fly away as soon as possible. Barely reaching top speed, I saw a shadow in the distance. My cat reflexes told me jam on my brakes immediately. Barely 10 metres ahead, stood BlackDick, pushing his fucking bicycle across the bloody highway!! With no lights, and dressed in black, he was tempting me to run him over. Such a dumb motherfucker. I was actually shivering after that. Partly cause the air-cond was cold, but also partly that I saved two people. BlackDick for one. And I saved a potential old man or old housewife with bad eyesight from running over the dumbfuck. As I gave his eardrums some work to do, he smilled apologetically to me showing me his shinny white teeth. Suniandi!

Next, I went to eat in a hawker centre in SS2. Near the entrance, BlondehairDick was setting up his store. He had already worn his essential waist pouch and arranging the foldable metal table into place. The many pieces of circular plastic discs were on a wooden sheet, for display. Barely 5 minutes after setting up shop, the corner of my eye caught the glitter of some flashing lights. This was followed by an "Ah Du - Ta Yi Ding Hen Ai Ni" ringtone. I looked (I was sitting near the entrance) and BlondehairDick was just about to whip out his handphone out of his waistpouch.

Suddenly his happy face turned grim. He shouted out to a few of his friends, and they immediately started packing those VCDs into small boxes while BlondehairDick was folding up the metal table. But he was so excited running around, that he forgot he leaned the metal table against the side wall. He tripped over the damn thing, and fell flat on his face. The best part, the box of illegal stuffs he was selling flew through the air. Immensely malufied, the dumbfuck grabbed all the stuffs, dumped it into a Proton Wira and sped off immediately. As the car pulled away, I noticed its spaceship wings and exhaust. I think BlondehairDick was going back to Mars. Maybe his superiors summoned him back. Kan ni neh!

Finally, as I was walking back to my car, I passed by a large drain. Squatting by the drain was SkinnedDick. What was he doing? Smoking a ciggarette by the drain. I don't understand, why can't he stand? Or sit? Or fucking lie down? Its damn uncomfortable to squat as we all know that. Thats why toilets these days are made with seats! And why next to a bloody drain? We all know that hawker centres are not clean. How about the drains then? Dumbfuck. Bodoh punya pundek.

Don't we love being Malaysians? Such broad cultural diversity. But stupidity never distinguishes culture does it?

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

the great big golfing scam

You ever seen a kid play golf?

Those 5 or 6 year old kids in the golf course. Complete with golfing apparatus and dressed like Tiger Woods too, playing every Saturday and Sunday morning with full grown adults.

You know what that is called? A scam. A lie. A puppet show. You know why? Cause those kids, they don't actually love to play the game. Its cause they were forced by their parents to play the game. Maybe the fell in love with it in the end, but I would gladly wager that it was a means by typical kiasu parents to show off.

"See, my son plays golf."

"My son, he is quite good at golf. He played since 4 years old you know."

"Look at my boy. Golf at such a young age. He must have some class."

Ok, let me explain.

Think back boys and girls, when did you first start playing a sport? As in seriously play a sport. Like football, badminton, stuffs like that. Standard 2? Standard 3? Maybe even later. The early years of childhood was mostly spent playing "Police and Thief", skipping rope and stuffs like that. Not really a sport. more like games.

Why? Cause people, or rather, kids in general play games that their friends play. Think about it. Everytime you played "pepsi cola" or "police and thief" during break time, EVERYBODY played. The sad little kid who didn't play was automatically the outcast. The kid with no friends. Those are the dynamics of the kiddy world.

So, if you consider a kid in Standard 1 or 2, how many of his friends do you think play golf? Therefore, there isn't much of influence present. And in kiddy world, no influence = no interest. So, I hardly believe that a 7 year old kid would walk up to his father one day and say, "Dad, buy me some golf clubs, I really want to play."

Another possible way that a kid could have garnered interest is by watching TV. I started playing badminton after watching Malaysia win the Thomas Cup in 1992. But then again, badminton is an exciting game to watch. Same for football. Golf, on the other hand is a game which really cannot be appreciated by someone who has never played the game before. Only after you start playing, then will you learn to enjoy watching it. So again, the kid certainly would have preferred watching Powerpuff Girls than watching a bunch of guys hit a ball on a barren wasteland like St. Andrews.

So there we go. Kids don't like golf like they like sweets or chocolate. They like it cause their fathers shoved a titanium stick in their hand and asked them to like it. Why? All cause some parents really really want face.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

hardworking slugs


The most low-life of all creatures. When I think of a slug, I somehow think of a snail, minus off the shell. Useless. A menace. A bane. A waste of our preious oxygen. A contributor to global warming.

Now, how are slugs hardworking? They are not hardworking. Just a show-off.

I was sitting on the LRT (public transport) this morning. There were a lot of college students on it going for classes I reckon. The thing is, most of them were trying to read some of their notes. On the train. On the way to class.

Look, I am also a student. While it is good to read up stuffs before class (although I never do), stuffs like those are meant to be read the night before. And usually harworking people do their homework about the next lesson. So, theres only one explanation. If you are hardworking, you would have done it already, the week before or the night before, certainly not on the train. Working on the train is a last minute job, and hardworking people certainly don't do things like that.

Secondly, I also need to study. And how the fuck do you study on a train, I have no idea. Nothing goes in. Its noisy. The train vibrates. You get dizzy when you read. There isn't a proper table to put your book. In other words, its impossible to really study much on the train.

Next, on my return journey, I encountered the same situation again. This time, it was school kids who had just finished classes. There was this one dude who was sitting opposite me. He tried to do some maths sums on his lap. He did ONE sum, then figured that he won't be able to do much work. He folded up his file and took a nap.

Whats the point of all this you ask??

Well, I hate scum like these. These guys aren't studying. We already established that fact. I bet they do the same everyday after school. Do one sum on the train then go and sleep. They are pretending to be hardworking. So that people on the train look at them as studious hardworking students. Its all a farce I tell you. A show. A stage play.

Bah. I'll tell you about another stage play tomorrow.

Monday, July 26, 2004

just eat it

I met a doctor on Friday. She looked aneroxic. Malnourished. A bag of bones. Skeletal like. But the irony is, she gave me advice on healthy lifestyle when I think she could do with some advice herself.

Dr. Bones : So, do you drink?

Vincent : Of course. Humans, unlike skeletons need water. Without water, we die. How about you? Do you drink?

Dr. Bones : No. I mean do you drink alcholic beverages?

Vincent : Well, yeah. Of course. I know how to enjoy life.

Dr. Bones : Did you know that consuming alcohol is bad for health? Why you still choose to drink?

Vincent : Hmm. Did you know, KL's API (Air Pollution Index) is quite high. It causes serious resipratory problems in the future. So why you still breathe?

Dr. Bones : Ok then. Let's make a pact. You drink less and I will breathe less.

Vincent : Okay.

Dr. Bones : Good. Now, drink occasionally. Only when you have friend's birthdays or stuff like that.

Vincent : Okay.

Dr. Bones : And when you drink, try to dilute your drink.

Vincent : Ok-wat? Fuck? What did you say? Dilute???

Dr. Bones : Yeah dilute. Try to put ice in your beer. Or mix one can of beer with one can of water.

Vincent : ...........................

(30 seconds later)

Vincent : Dude, you've gotta be shitting me.

Dr. Bones : No, I am serious. Its bad for your liver.

Vincent : ..........................

(30 seconds later)

Vincent : Woman, here's 5sen. Go buy yourself a life.

**She later advised me not to smoke (which I don't), not to eat chicken feet and wings, not to eat prawns too often, not to eat pigs intestines, not to eat sausages, not to eat Maggi mee, not to drink fruit juice (?!?!).


That kinda shit reminded me of a joke:

Old man : Doc, doc. I am already 80 years old. Tell me how to prolong my life. I wanna live to 100.

Doc : Do you drink?

Old man : No

Doc : Do you smoke?

Old man : No

 Doc : Do you gamble?

Old man : No

Doc : Then why the fuck do you wanna live for so long for?


I reckon, Dr. Bones doesn't have a clue how to live life properly. She's leading a life not worth living. Live to eat, not eat to live -- people should learn to live by that rule. Some women like to watch their weight by eating one carrot a meal -- what the hell for? I just don't geddit.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

innocent cunt

From today's Star newspaper:

Hawker to change wordings on "controversial" advertisement

PENANG: Hawker Will Goh, who got into hot water with the law over banners promoting his skewered rojak, will be amending the wordings of advertisements for his stall. 

The advertisements, which now read Perempuan Mesti Mahu Batang Rojak, will have the word Lelaki inserted so that they will read Perempuan/Lelaki Mesti Mahu Batang Rojak, to denote that men, too, would savour the skewered fruit potpourri. 

However, Goh, 49, said he will only make the amendment to the sign on his stall as all five banners put up earlier had been taken down.

He claimed he had not meant to be crude when he put up the advertisements as he had learnt in business seminars that every advertisement must have a title or slogan that is eye-catching and attention-grabbing. 

“I feel that women like rojak more than men and the words batang rojak, merely describe that the rojak is skewered on the lili,” he said. 

Goh and his business partner, Alex Ghee, 51, called a press conference yesterday after their advertising caper for their new stall offended a woman teacher, who lodged a police report against them. 

The allegedly offensive banners were put up in Lebuh Macallum, Jalan Anson, Weld Quay, Jalan Jelutong and Jalan Gurdwara to publicise the new stall. 

Goh said he decided to set up a stall to sell rojak sticks when he saw the stream of customers at similar stalls in Butterworth and Bukit Mertajam. 

When contacted, state police chief Deputy Comm Datuk Othman Talib said they would be lenient with Goh as long as he heeded the police advice. 

“Goh also explained to us that the wordings on the banners were merely a business gimmick to attract customers without any malice,” he added.  

Some people should really learn to get a fucking life.

1) I actually laughed when I saw the picture of the fat man eating the satay.
2) I thought it was pretty ingenius.
3) Anybody offended by that should really get their heads checked.

But then again. My principle has always been simple. I tell a joke. It maybe sick or dirty or disgusting. If you don't uderstand the joke, then I really don't have a problem. But I get really pissed off if someone understands it and scolds me about it. What the fuck? If you understand something that means you are just as sick/dirty/disgusting.

So, the dumb bitch teacher who got "offended" should really ask herself, what so offensive about the guy advertising that women like to eat the satay more than the men? Maybe he recorded his sales and found that more women bought those satays than men. Well, we all know thats not the case, but there are really two ways to look at it. Look at it the clean way, and there would be nothing wrong with it. Look at it the dirty way, means you are just as dirty, so who the fuck is to say that it is offensive?

Michaelooi is right. These women like to act innocent, as pure as an unused sanitary napkin. But actually just as corrupt minded as everybody else.

Chaocheebai. Stupid cunt. I pity the fat man.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

vincent's theory of alcohol consumption


My jokes are being copied. That's not good. I came up with a theory years ago on why drinking alcohol is good for health. Today, I received that explanation in my Hotmail Inbox. Some lame ass cunt heard must have heard that thing from me and started telling the whole world by email.

But, fuck it. Never mind that.

Here is why alcohol is good for  health.

You see, in the wild savannahs of Africa, you have all sorts of slow moving herbivors. Like deer and zebra. The thing is, they like to migrate a lot for some fucking reason. Something to do with finding water. Now, the problem with migration in a herd is that the whole herd is only as fast as the slowest deer. Which is obviously not a good thing.

In an ideal world, the rest of the herd would kill the idiot deer which is slowing them down. Or move on without him. But these creatures form a caring society, very much like what we Malaysians claim to have. So, they wait for the slow bugger.

Now, sometimes, a few lions visit the herd for dinner. Obviously, it is not to have dinner with the herd. They run around a lot, you can see stuffs like that on Animal Planet. Finally, after all the chasing, they catch a deer. Which in all common sense should be the slowest deer.

So the herd now loses a member of their herd. They mourn about it. But it is not much of a loss if you think about it. Cause with the slowest deer gone, they can then migrate at a greater speed. Which is good. Cause they can get to the food source and fuck the other deers. Maybe have a deer orgy there or something. But that is besides the point.

Moral of the story : Alcohol does kill your brain cells. But its a good thing. Cause the slower brain cells die first, and therefore enabling you to think faster. Your brain becomes more efficient.

Example of theory in practice : When drunk guys have sex, there is no foreplay or what shits like that. Its just bang bang bang, and squirt squirt squirt. Over in 2 minutes. Much faster than usual ain't it?


In contrast to popular belief, I am actually having a productive holiday. No more bumming around. No more fighting with crazy women in shopping centres. No more sitting in front of the TV watching Olympic ads all day. I am actually working for a small engineering firm. Like an spaceship apprenticeship.

I have actually worked every summer since I got into uni. The first year was the best, I did all sorts of crap. Like driving a fork-lift. Like playing with an oxy-acetylne torch (blowtorch). Like welding random pieces of scrap metal together for fun. But those are all different stories.

No doubt, as with the rest of my daily encounters, I am sort of a dumbass-magnet. You know the stuffs about how opposites attract? Yeah, I attract a lot of dumbasses in my life. I just don't know why. Not surprisingly, I encountered a lot of cow-brained humans donkeys in the last 3 weeks. If you thought that cow-brained humans were stupid, you clearly have not met cow-brained donkeys.

Few days ago, I needed to get a technical drawing of a Heat Exchanger (never mind what it is) from a manufacturer. The woman on the other end of the line sounded pretty much like a juvenile boy (maybe with a hint of moustach on her upper lip). She agreed to fax me the drawing. 2 minutes later, the fax machine beeped and I found 3 pieces of paper coming out. First was of course the cover sheet, Attention : Mr Vincent Lau. Stuffs like that you know. The next two sheets were actually of the same drawing.

In case you were wondring, no, Miss Moustachio did not send me two of the same. In fact, she had cut an A4 landscape drawing into half and sent it as 2 A4 portrait drawings. Which is impossible to read. When I called her back to ask her to send the drawing in ONE piece, she didn't sound too happy. She kept asking me why I couldn't read the one I sent her. I nicely explained that only a particular germ species from her planet would be able to read that, and nobody else. She accepted my explanation and sent me another one.

If you had no idea what I was talking about, well, its like you take a picture of you squeezing your girlfriend's tits. Your girlfriend asks you to send her the photo. But your envelope is too small. So, you use a scissors and cut the picture into half. And then you post it to her in individual pieces. One picture of your perverted face. Another picture of your palm wrapped around those boobs. Then imagine her father finds the picture of the boobs, then imagine. Oh wait, I am straying away from the topic.

Another occasion, barely two days ago, was even more stupifying. There was this guy, a final student in a local university. He probably wanted to do his final year project. To spare you all the jibberish technical crap, he wanted to buy an anode made of pure Magnesium. When I told him that nobody manufactures pure Magnesium anodes, he insisted that he needed pure Magnesium for his project. I told him to build a time machine and travel back to Form 2 and pay attention in Chemistry classes. Anybody who didn't sleep in Chemistry class can tell you that Magnesium is a damn reactive metal. Meaning that if you have a huge chunk of it, and you expose it to heat, like he wanted to do, it would mean that his university would need to build a new science lab, and his parents need to buy him a new coffin.

After making that point clear to him, and on the verge of shouting profanities through the phone, I decided to play a little game with him. I asked him whether he wanted an anode with or without a core. An anode core is where you make the electrical connections from. In the application of his project, buying an anode without a core is like buying a lightbulb without a filamen. He asked me whether the core is made of Magnesium again. I said no, and he happily said that he didn't need a core. Which would be like buying a torn condom.

After all the crap talk, I calmly told him that our company is not a manufacturer, and that we don't manufacture torn condoms anodes. We could get it for him, but that would cost a bomb. So I sent him on his way. I never felt happier. I helped educate a fool. And it isn't even the field in which I am studying in uni. Haha.


Tuesday, July 20, 2004


There is a cool phenomena which should be thoroughly observed when the skies open up and it starts raining.
Dogs always take a shit, just before it rains. And after they take a shit, they sniff their shit longer, circle it three times and sniff it again. After that, they run around the compound for a while before shitting a smaller lump of poo. When you see that happen, I suggest you run and take cover, cause it usually rains 2 minutes after that.
Haha. If any of you believed that, I reckon you have serious issues by being too gullible.
Anyways, I am talking about some "Sugarladies". Sugarladies are women made entirely out of sugar. They smell like sweet, they look sweet, and probably taste sweet too. Most Sugarladies are young ladies, either studying or working. Now, the most important characteristic of a Sugarlady is that, like sugar, they disolve in water as well.
Rain to them is like acid to flesh. Highly corrosive. Like a highly toxic waste that was discharged by a condom factory. Therefore, hardly surprising that when it rains, that is the time when National Geographic Channel's photographers get the most job to do. Cause you can see all sorts of weird things going on.
Like, when Sugarlady wants to run to her car from, say a five-foot-way. The car is 10 metres away. Instead of sprinting straight to it, Sugarlady runs with one hand over her head with the hope that the width of her palm is enough to shelter her crowning glory from the unforgiving acid rain. Apparently, Sugarlady's hand is not exactly made of sugar, so it won't melt.
We all know, from watching TV and from common sense, that we can run the fastest when we have two hands in front of us, moving front and back. So, by putting ONE fucking hand on top of her head, not only does it serve no purpose in acting as an umbrella, it also slows her down drastically.
But, I just figured out why Sugarladies have to do that. That's cause, over the years, they hadn't done that. The rain obviously coroded the top of their skull and exposed their brain. The rain then disolved part of the brain, thus making them stupid. Kinda like a chicken and egg story you know. Are they acting like that in the rain because they are stupid, or are they stupid cause they acted like that in the rain? I dunno.
Also, one quick note. Only women and Ahquas carry umbrellas around when its not raining. So, if you are a guy and you are one of those people who carry an umbrella around when its bright and sunny, well, I suggest you cut of your testicles and feed them to the staring hyenas in the Iraqi zoo. After that, go to Thailand and get a new pair of boobs. Then call yourself Lulu and continue with the umbrellas.

Monday, July 19, 2004

olympic advertisements

I don't know what the deal is with advertisers and the Olympics.
Every time the Olympics approaches, a lot of companies come up with "different" advertisements. Don't get me wrong, I think that most of the Olympic advertisements are good. But most of them have this effect where it makes all the small folicles of hair on my hair stand up straight. I like that, and just wish they could have proper advertisements all the time -- advertisements that most people would enjoy watching.
If anybody recalls, the last Olympics in Sydney, there was a Petronas (I think) advertisement, which probably is the best advertisement I have ever seen. Its a black and white scenario in the backdrop of a kampung. Man Bai's "Kau Ilhamku" is the tone setting to give the added atmosphere. Two kids, one fat ass and one skinny fart are doing house chores. They help wash cars and stuffs and get paid for it.  At night, they watch the glory of the hockey team on TV and they cheer Mirnawan Nawarwi.
After collecting enough money, they put it in one big bag, they WALK to the airport. A colour setting is now seen and in the backdrop of Kuala Lumpur. The fat kid goes up to the counter and asks to buy 2 tickets to Sydney. "Mau pegi tengok hoki," says the little kid. The nice lady behind the counter asks, "Adik ada passport tak?" They shake their heads and dejectedly walk away, disspointed that they miss the chance to see their heroes.
Just then, the hockey team walk into the airport. The fat kid sees them and starts kowtowing to them. His little brother follows suit. They are happy and walk back home. The punchline is the last scene where they are on the way home. The little guy asks his brother, "Abang, passport tu apa? Duit ke?" To which his brother shrugs and says,"Entahla. Abang pun tak tau."
Even on TV these days, a lot of advertisements about the Olympics somehow evoke a funny spirit in you. Stuffs like "You may have the muscles of Hercules, legs like the wind, bla di di bla bla, but the most powerful muscle in your body is your heart." There's another one that quotes a Bulgarian weightlifter who won the silver in 1992 :" People who say that winning the silver is actually losing the gold, obviously have not won the silver before" and is accompanied by the guy leaping like crazy after "winning" the silver. Ordinarily all these shits sounds damn bloody cheesy. But in this context and when watching the accompanying video clips, it is actually quite good.
But one thing all these ads lack : realism in the Malaysian flavour.
The ultimate Olympic advertisement goes as follows:
A small kid in some remote kampung in Sandakan watches the Olympics on TV. He sees Watson Nyambek fail miserably to get past the heats of the 100m. He then looks out his window, and sees a torn and tattered Malaysian flag hanging from the roof of his house. Politicians had left it there the previous general election and never took it down. Its symbolism at its finest. He vows to train hard to uphold the country's pride.
He does that everyday. He sprints to school. He carries two pails of water drawn from the well and sprints with them. The music plays to Sheila Majid's Lagenda, cause that's what he wants to be -- a legend. As the years go by, another general election comes, and a new flag replaces the countless old and tattered flags. The wind blows, and Jalur Gemilang flaps graciously in the wind. The camera focuses on his muscular feet and then switches shot to his eyes, full of confidence and determination.
The gun goes off, as he is running in a stadium alongside the other great sprinters in the world. The camera focuses on him, solely on him. The fire and the passion in his eyes as he seeks glory is clearly seen even through his Oakleys. Just then, the crowd roars out loud.
But our hero is still running. Camera zooms out and the audience discovers that some damn Yank had already won the race, and that our hero is still 10m from the finish line. He finally crosses the line last. But its ok. Cause he is the first Malaysian to reach the finals of the 100m in the Olympics. He returns to a hero's welcome.
The passion seen through the Oakleys had already evaporated. It had been replaced with complacency and greed. Our national hero now becomes a Grandfather. He is showered with gifts everywhere he goes.  He gets a Bata sponsorship for running shoes and appears in various Milo advertisements. But its been ages since he has been home to see his father who had coached him previously.
He finally goes home to see his ailing father. Who bestows upon him some word of wisdom, " With great power comes great responsibility." The old man continues," You have the power to run, but you have become complacent. You should be ashamed of yourself." But our hero has none of that. He scolds his father for not being proud of him for being a Grandfather and  a national hero. The father heaves a huge sigh of dissapointment and looks out the window. There in the background, amidst the cloudy skies lie the once again tattered flag drapped over the flagpole, refusing to fly, unfazed by the strong winds of change.
*Damn. I think I make a damn bloody good Director.
*Grandfather = Datuk
*If any of my foreign readers don't understand the Grandfather joke, well, never mind about it. 

Sunday, July 18, 2004

there are some people...

There are some people who know, who are doctors, whom you will never go and see, even if you are dying.
There are some people you know, who are engineers, whom you won't ask to build your house, even for free.
There are some people you know, who when they die, will go straight to hell.
There are some people you know, who will never get satisfied by one woman.
There are some people you know, who when they grow up, will be drug addicts.
There are some people you know, who will never get laid in their life.
There are some people you know, who will eventually get AIDS from screwing too many people.
There are some people you know, who will grow old with the same woman he was with in school.
But of all the types of people you know, you will never know which motherfucker will be your boss in the future. So, beware of the toes that you step on today, for they may be connected to the ass that you have to kiss tomorrow.
My friend just learned that the hard way. Well, too fucking bad ain't it?

Friday, July 16, 2004

crazy women

I hate shopping.

Shopping is to men what football is to women. But the thing is, when guys watch football, we don't inconvenience anybody. We don't bash people up. And we certainly don't really have to pay that much for football.

It was Jaya Jusco's J-card member's day at 1 Utama. That means that you can only go into the sale if you are a member of their "privelledge card". Its basically some kinda ploy conjured upon by the departmental store to trick their regular customers that there would be a great sale. But instead they earn more money.

Ordinarily, I stay the fuck away from these kinda places. Unless I need to buy underwear or shirts or stuffs like that. But my mum needed a driver, and more importantly, needed someone to carry her shoping bags for her. She was stressing the importance of going early to get parking places. The conversation as follows:

Mum : We have to go early. There would surely be a lot of people there. Sure jam.

Vincent : What? Its holidays for me. I wanna sleep. Besides, its a weekday morning. It won't be packed.

Mum : Hmph! You don't know only. Wait till you get there.

Vincent : People no need to go to work meh? No school meh? Okla. We go at 10am ok?

Turns out, I was fucking wrong. Because when we reached there at 10.30am, all levels of their basement were totally full. In fact, there were even people who had finished their first round of shopping and had loaded their car boot and were going back into the store to buy more shits. So, we had to go all the way to the new wing of the damn place to get a parking spot, and its damn bloody far away.

But I was right about the people having to work and the people having to go to school. However, I underestimated the population of housewives in the PJ area. Turns out there are fucking lots of them. Its true that women will spend $1 on a $2 item that they don't need. They just buy it cause its cheap.

I also saw a lot of Ah Bengs and Ah Lians there. Guess they are free cause their VCD business as well as their Guest Relations Officer jobs only start at night. Now, the thing with women shoppers, especially those housewives. When they see a target, maybe a bra or frying pan that they want, they just home in on an item. Like a homing missile you know. It just homes in on a target it spots from far away, and just heads towards it. No matter what might be in the way, they just crash into everything. I swear, I got brutally beaten up today. A lot of bloody middle aged women rammed their fat asses into me. Those savage bitches even went to the point of smashing their new pots and pans into my knee. Dangerous place it was.

Also, I noticed something odd. There were fucking many women in the men's department. What the fuck were they doing there? There was even a point in the men's underwear section when it was filled with women. Not a single guy. WHY?? Victoria's Secret and Ann Summers aside, I certainly don't think that guys want to be caught in the bra section in a department store. It was just an infestation of estrogen. A plague. A deadly swarm.

Plus, some housewives are bloody stupid too. When queueing up at the counter, I overheard two random people speaking. I don't think they came together. I reckon they were queueing up and were just trying to make a conversation with each other, cause thats what housewives do best. It was something like that:

Housewife #1 : Wah! That's a lot of stuffs you bought.

Housewife #2 : Yalor. Very cheap only. 70% discount some more. How to find?

Housewife #1 : Yeah. So cheap. Jaya Jusco sure lose money one.

Housewife #2 : Hmm yeah. I think they are just trying to thank us for being J-Card holders. To encourage more people to get J-Card.

No you stupid cows. No idiot will sell something under cost price. No matter what, they still make your money. On an average, most people spent around 200 bucks today. Its an infestation of more than 5000 women here today. That means they just had a cool one million dollar turnover today. Just in that branch. Not bad, one can make a living out of legally conning women out of their money.

And fuck. The queue for paying! I can't fucking believe it. People actually queue for 45 minutes to GIVE money away! WHY???

And also, I am fucking convinced that women are as strong as, if not stronger than men. But they hide it so that they can ask us to help them carry stuffs. Just look at their bloody shopping bags. Even carrying a few of my mum's bags made my hands just want to break. But bloody Ah Lians can carry more than 3 times their body weight. SHIT! Sly women.

Ok. Call me a sexist. Or critisize men and football. I don't really give a rat's ass. It wasn't a very nice experience today.

Moral of the story #1 : Women shoppers are a hazard. Stay as far away from them as possible.
Moral of the story #2 : Women shoppers are stupid cause all their blood flows right into those big shopping bags, thus restricting blood flow to the brain.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

job application gone wrong

I'll be fucked!

On my Friendster bulletin board quite some time ago. Its existance was brought to my attention just today:

Since I am such a semi-nice guy (semi cause a nice guy would have politely told the dude his mistake and offered him a shoulder to cry on -- obviously there is no fucking way in hell I am going to do that), I have taken the liberty of sparing my friend from further embarassment by blurring out his name and the girl's name.

So, as a lesson to other, erm, not so clever people:

1) You can send PERSONAL messages to your friends. No need to paste it on the bulletin board for everybody to see.

2) That is not the way to apply for the post of boyfriend.

3) Those applications are usually done by verbal applications and subsequent verbal interviews.

4) If any, written applications are written in a better way, like how you would write a job CV.

5) Using words like "eh", "leh" & "bbyez" is damn fucking potong steam ok.

6) When applying for a job, never tell your boss that you are applying cause you have "nothing to do". It makes the job seem like a stepping stone.

7) Asking your would be employer to "remember" to reply your application is dangerous.

Moral of the story : Horny guys are stupid. Cause all the blood flows to the dick, thus leaving insufficient blood to the brain.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

orange fever

Bah. Orange is cool ok.
We have many good things that are orange in colour.

What a bloody beautiful creature eh? Its orange.

The colour of the greatest team in the world. No shits.

Orange stuffs even keeps juices in. So that we can enjoy the sweetness of the fruit.

Orange is clearly a happy colour. See, the woman is smilling.


A clear beauty.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

new face

Yes, if you didn't already notice, I changed the background colour. And the colours of the fonts.

So let me know if the new colour causes you to go blind or something. I just had a feeling that orange was a little cool.

If you guys go blind, thats not a good thing. Cause I lose readership. Then I get depressed. Then out of frustration, I kill the sohais which infest this world instead of making fun of them. Then I go to jail. Thats not good because I hear they do stuffs to your backside in jail. Just ask Anwar. Oh fuck wait. That was BEFORE he went to jail. Never mind then.

So, yeah. Tell me if my blog causes you be coloured blind.

kids on wheels

What the fuck is wrong with the world these days?

I was walking in the street just the other day, when suddenly Road Runner flew past me. Followed closely by Coyote.

I blinked.

It wasn't those cool cartoon characters. It was a couple of moronic small boys. They were wearing those shoes with wheels attached to the heels. I've been back only for a couple of weeks and had never seen that shit before. Fuck, I don't even know what its called.

I saw another bunch of morons skating around a hotel lobby yesterday afternoon, and another fat lazy twat today.

I believe inventors and manufacturers have a moral obligation. Making our lives easy is one thing. But kids these days are fat and obese enough. With all their obsession with computer games and tuition classes, these young brats don't really go out and play much, so the bit of walking around is good for them.

Besides, its not a good idea if you are fat and do not have a good gait. Why? Cause I saw one of those lazybums in the hotel slip and fall face first on the slippery marble floor. And the dumb fuck started crying. Well, doh! Its good that he fell and injured himself. Imagine if he lost his balance and hit an old woman on a walking stick? Or fly down the stairs?

What next? Motorised wheelchairs for kids?

Damn. The next time I see one of those kids on those things, I am going to try my utmost best to trip the donkey.

Monday, July 12, 2004

well-informed kid

Tomcat told me this story yesterday. He was with his girlfriend (Pussycat) and her 9 year old brother, Pokemon.

Tomcat : I feel horny.

Pussycat : Me too.

Tomcat : Let's have sex.

Pussycat : But my brother is here.

Tomcat : Fuck it. Give him a sweet and ask him to go watch Sesame Street.

Pussycat & Tomcat : *starts the beautiful process of fornication with Pokemon in the other room*

Ok, I made that up. I don't befriend horny people. But for argument's sake, lets just say I do, but they won't tell me stuffs like that.

Suddenly, Pokemon starts screaming, like most 9 year old kids who start screaming at random.

Pokemon : Sperm! Sperm!

Tomcat : WTF??!??!?

Pussycat : WTF?!?!?!?

Pokemon : Sperm! Sperm!

Tomcat : *laughs until a few drops of urine dilutes the pre-cum which had accumulated at the tip of his dick*

Pokemon : Sperm! Sperm!

Tomcat : Pokemon, what is sperm?

Pokemon : Bird bird water!

Pussycat : Hahaha. I swear I didn't teach him that. Hahaha.

Tomcat : *laughs until even more drops of urine totally washes off the pre-c wets his pants*

Kids these days. Some of them are quite stupid. Others are just way ahead of the pack. *Shakes head in disbelieve*

Sunday, July 11, 2004

i am a scout

Ok. Stop fucking laughing.

Well, maybe most people don't know me well enough. But in college and university, whenever I tell people I am a scout, they fucking laugh in my face. "Scum like you also a scout ar?" Well yes, because if not for scouting, I would be a bigger scum than I am today.

I can write for ages till all of you fall asleep and grow nosehairs till they touch your lips, but I still won't finish telling you the benefits of scouting. Also, cause if I start listing all the benefits down, its going to be damn fucking boring.

So, just take my word for it. Its fun. And its good for health.

Friday, July 09, 2004

rampant rabbit

**Scroll down slowly**

Hahaha. Fuck. On the back page of today's Star newspaper:

Ok what's wrong with that? Nothing really. The guy, Javier Saviola is nicknamed the "rabbit" cause of his distinctive two front teeth which resembles Bugs Bunny.

However, those dudes at the Star are clearly not knowledgable enough in some matters. Cause a Rampant Rabbit isn't a football player. Still don't understand? Well, here's a picture of a REAL Rampant Rabbit:

More info, in case some of you wanna buy it (I am not here to judge you), can be found here. Although, if looking at the picture, and you didn't already know what it is, then I think you should really be surfing this website.

**Oh, if you opened the first website in the office, and your boss happened to walk past, sorry dude. You really shouldn't be reading blogs in your office. Haha.**

vincent's lessons in life #2

When you are a kid, adults like to ask you stupid questions. For what fucking reason, I really do not know. The most common question -- what do you want to be when you grow up? Now, I have a lot of friends in college who don't fucking know. I have friends in uni who are studying a course, but doing it for fucks just cause they don't know what else to do. So how the hell do you expect a bloody 5 year old kid to know what he wants to be?

So kids, pay attention on what to say when faced with Stupid Old Hags Asking Idiotic questionS (SOHAIS).

Case 1 -- For kids aged 3 to 8

Scenario 1

SOHAIS : Boy boy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
You : Fireman!
SOHAIS : Cannot cannot, fireman dangerous job, not glamourous enough
You : .....(cause you are small and really don't know what else to say)
**Hope that one day, SOHAIS' house gets burned down**

Scenario 2

SOHAIS : Boy boy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
You : Policeman!
SOHAIS : Cannot cannot, policeman dangerous job, not glamourous enough
You : .....(cause you are small and really don't know what else to say)
**Hope that one day, SOHAIS get robbed**

Scenario 3

SOHAIS : Boy boy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
You : Doctor/Enginner
SOHAIS : Good boy. Here,take a sweet.
You : *happy* and run away to play computer games.
**Just answer doctor/engineer cause SOHAIS love that answer, for some stupid reason**

Case 2 -- For kids aged 9 - 15

Not necessary, cause SOHAIS never bug you with that question when you are that age.

Case 3 -- For kids aged 16 - 18 (things get complicated now)

Scenario 1

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Doctor
SOHAIS : Oh, good good, follow your father's footsteps ar?
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, "FUCK U LA. I follow my own footsteps")

Scenario 2

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Engineer
SOHAIS : Oh, good good, follow your sister's footsteps ar?
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, " FUCK U LA. I follow my own footsteps)

Scenario 3

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Roadsweeper
SOHAIS : *Annoyed look* Do you not have any ambition? What kinda goal is that?
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, " FUCK U LA. I wanna be what I wanna be)

Scenario 4

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Housewife, like you.
SOHAIS : These days, girls also need education. Unless you become somebody's mistress. Which is not good. No morals. Bla bla bla bla.
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, " FUCK U LA. Don't you get the point that I am being sarcastic?)

Scenario 5

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Teacher
SOHAIS : Are you sure? The pay is crap you know. Its not glamourous enough.
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, " FUCK U LA. I want to educate people so that they don't end up like you)

**Clearly, we are now stuck in the mud. Cause whatever answer you give, you are left speechless. Whether you are telling the truth, a lie or resort to sarcasm, you are either way screwed**

Here are a few recommendations :

Scenario 6a

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Seeing as to how you are asking me all these questions, when you really don't give a shit, I figured I follow in your footsteps and be a double headed snake.
You : Lawyer la
**Sorry lawyers, just couldn't resist taking the piss**

Scenario 6b -- Really this time

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : I wanna be like Vincent
SOHAIS : WOW!!! OK then! Good for you!

Clearly, there is no suitable answer. Except the last one. Damn. I am contradicting myself. So, since you can't answer it properly without getting screwed, well, avoid SOHAIS at all costs. On second thoughts, maybe Scenario 6a is the best answer.

Moral of the story : Its fucking 2am. I can't sleep. I end up doing stupid things. Humour me.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

vincent's lessons in life #1

When you are my age, a lot of people are very busybodied. They like to ask questions about you. For example, when I bumped into my old music teacher from school just the other day, she asked me whether I had a girlfriend. My reply? Well, read on.

Case 1 -- When asked by friends or people you can be rude to.

Scenario 1

Mr Nosey : Eh Vince, got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Nope
Mr Nosey : Wah fuck you gay ar? So long no girlfriend!
Vincent : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)

Scenario 2

Mr Nosey : Eh Vince, got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Got
Mr Nosey : Wah chune or not? Shag how many times a day?
Vincent : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)

Scenario 3 ---> Personally recommended

Mr Nosey : Eh Vince, got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Girlfriend? Nope. I married already. Got kids already. Didn't know meh?
Mr Nosey : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)

Scenario 4 ---> Even higher recommendations

Mr Nosey : Eh Vince, got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : I've been shagging your sister for ages. Didn't you know?
Mr Nosey : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)

**Clearly Scenario 3 and 4, the sarcastic versions are the winners**

Case 2 -- When asked by aunties, uncles, teacher -- people you have to be polite to

Scenario 1

Auntie KPC : Vincent boy boy! Got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : No. Not yet.
Auntie KPC : Oh! Auntie knows a very nice girl from Batu Pahat. Auntie introduce to you!
Vincent : No thank you.
Auntie KPC : No no, I insist. Her mother is my best friend.
Vincent : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)

Scenario 2

Auntie KPC : Vincent boy boy! Got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Got.
Auntie KPC : Oh? Her father do what work? Her mother do what? Rich or not?
Vincent : Thats not important to me.
Auntie KPC : Don't be stupid. You know, if your father is poor, thats your shit luck. But if your father in law is poor, thats your own stupidity.
Vincent : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)

Scenario 3 ---> Tried and tested answer

Auntie KPC : Vincent boy boy! Got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Nola auntie. Still studying. No money. Girlfriends need money to go dating and all that. Wait till I graduate and start working. Also, still need to stay at home with mum and dad la.
Auntie KPC : Wow! Good boy! Well done.

**This way, the old fashioned busybody will leave with a very good impression of you. Besides, you will feel good, because lying creates somekinda stupid hormones and pumps it into your brains, thus making you feel confident in yourself, like estacy pills. There you see, I feel good already.**

Clearly, when answering question you don't wanna answer, telling the truth and lying are not very good ideas. The best way -- Vincent's way.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

dumb bitch

We have always had dogs in our house since I can remember. In the past, our dogs, or bitches if you may were quite smart asses. Kinda like their owner, you know. All of them paria (mixed breed) dogs given by people. And all those dogs guarded my house very well indeed.

My first two dogs which had already existed long before I was born were probably the smartest and the best. One of them, the bitch was a typical stray dog. Everytime before we fed her, the bitch would sniff the food like as though to check whether we poisoned her. And typical to her stray nature, sometimes she managed to run away from home, most of the time digging a hole under the fence and escaping by crawling out the drain. Quite a smart bitch. And once she was out of the house compound, we could not find her for 2 or 3 days, even when my dad drove around the neighbourhood looking for her. When she was content with shagging enough of the other stray dogs, then she came back to our house. What she ate and drank in those 2 or 3 days, I have no fucking idea.

Like humans, I always felt that a smart dog is a creature which learns things themselves. Creatures which could survive if you threw them into adverse conditions. Those pretty dogs you see in dog shows can jump through hoops for you and can fetch a bone for you are actually quite stupid animals. Why on earth would the dog go fetch a piece of stick for you if he can't even eat it? Just because you taught him to fetch it? Thats just being sohai, quite like many kids these days, but thats besides the point. I mean, those so called smart assed dogs, are not actually dogs, they are parasites. Cause if you throw them on the street for one day, they just drop dead.

There are a lot of smart stories about my many dogs which I had previously. All smart asses. Therefore, when we sometimes hear that a dog is stupid as it likes to chase its tail, I never believe any of it. Cause I have had fucking many dogs, and none of them had done that before.

There's this pretty young stray dog we got around 2 years ago. Her bitch of a mother went around some neighbourhood fucking around, probably engaging in many orgies, and did not use protection. Needless to say, she got pregnant. So a family friend gave us one of the puppies. I am not going to tell you her name, cause it sounds gay. Although in my defence, my sister chose the name.

I barely had this dog for more than 4 months before I left for the UK. So I haven't really had time to spend with this bitch. Just yesterday, I experience something I had never seen before. The bitch was wagging her tail furiously. Just then, she happened to look behind her and gave a loud bark. Then it started, she fucking ran around in circles chasing her fucking tail!! Obviously she couldn't fucking catch it, but she kept running around and around until she got dizzy. Cause she lay down on the floor for a while to gain composure.

Two minutes later, she was back on her feet and chasing that fly swatter again! It was like watching Discovery Channel. My mum, who has had a dog ever since she was young said that she never encountered this, until we got this dog. Damn. What a fucking stupid dog.

Monday, July 05, 2004

new lesson

I learned something new early this morning.

Zeus is a football fan. Maybe Hades and Apollo as well.

i saw a chick

She was a sight to behold from the moment I first laid my eyes on her. The most perfect of God's creations, a real work of art. And there she was, right in front of my eyes. Standing there for my eyes to photograph her image into my memory. My brain and all its fantasies were working overtime. For the first time in a fucking long time, my usually noisy mouth was left speechless -- her beauty had left me, and left everybody aroud her stunned beyond words.

Basking in the sun, her snow white skin looked a pale yellow with a hint of a soft smooth complexion making her cute and cuddly. I wanted to run my fingers through her, just like you would do to a puppy or a silk shirt you bought. I held back. I didn't know how she would accept it. She was a beauty. But she was young. It would be wrong.

Her round, black beady eyes stared at me seductively. I looked straight into them, hypnotised by her glare. It was like staring into a dark mysterious cave, wondering what lay beyond that. Her nose was straight and pointy, cute and stubby. She didn't smile much though, it might have been a flaw or quite simply her arrogance knowing that she was the centre of attention among the males. Gosh, I just love chicks with an attitude.

Her legs were like no other. They were short, but long for a chick her size. They were straight and perfectly proportioned. You could tell that those legs would grow beautiful in time. Her breasts had already developed and she strut around with an air of confidence of having a full fronted asset like that. She marched around the area with her chest out and chin up like a beautiful model doing the catwalk. Such elegance was nothing unexpected from someone so breathtaking. Her cute, firm ass swayed from side to side as she floated aimlessly towards me.

This was it. She was heading towards me. I glanced to the side and saw a chap beside me. No contest. I would win. She would choose me. Just to be sure, I threw a second glance behind my shoulder to see an old lady with her grandson. I knew then, there would be no holding back. She chose me. The moment I had been waiting for all afternoon had presented itself to me.

I swept her off her feet and held her in my hands. Brushing against her with my fingertips, running my fingers through her hair. Her eyes were gorgeous when I stared into them. She returned the favour. As I put a finger between her legs, and another finger stroking her breast, she gave a sigh of appreciation. I was in Cloud Nine. I could have done this all day. She seemed happy. I was over the fucking moon.

The time came when we had to part. Her mum had come looking for her. And while my chick looked like an angel sent from the heavens, her mum was an absolute bitch whom I didn't want to mess with. So, as we parted, and held her in my hands for one last time, I took a picture of her. A picture which I would cherish. A picture which would be pinned up in my room to stare at all day contemplating her God sent beauty.

Just look at her :

*Did anybody seriously think that I was talking about a girl? I am not fucking crazy ok*

Sunday, July 04, 2004

japanese dick festival

"Welcome to dick festival! Our network screwed up big time and did't get me a matching microphone to match the dicks in the background as well as my dickface and my pubic hair which is growing on my head. But it did get me a fucking long microphone though"

"Haissh...if only your dad could match up to this"

"Man....this sure is one fucking heavy Royal Dick"

"I represent the Kingdom of Lan Jiao! I demand that your troops surrender or face the wrath of our dicks!"

"With this sacrifice to King Dick, I hope my husband will be granted with a dick the size of my sacrifice"

"I' ve got a sinus problem. My nose keeps leaking fluids when I see some chicks."

"Sing-a-long! We are olddd...We are hornyyyy...but we have dicks that won't stand...we need to present this sacrifice because Viagra is expensive.." (Alright, it doesn't fucking rhyme. So what?)

Thanks to Andrew for this website. Check it out for more pictures. And any knowledgable souls want to tell me more about this festival?

Friday, July 02, 2004

jaring rocks my world

Jaring was one of the first few Internet Service Providers in Malaysia. In fact, I think it was the first. It had a cool name and everything. 'Jaring'in Malay means net. Which of course is short for Internet. However, a lot of housewives who had never heard of the Internet when it first came out thought that Jaring was a fisherman's net.

In the 8 or 9 years since I first started using the Internet, I have been getting more and more pissed off. What you don't have, you don't miss. Back then, I was content with a 28kbps modem. No complains. After a while, when a 56kbps modem was out in the market, I started using that.

Very soon, I got into college and then into uni. In university accomodation, I was using a T1 line with a speed of 100Mbps. And I was fucking pleased with that! Then, when I moved out to a house in UK, my housemates and I shared a broadband line with a speed of 1Mbps. That was good enough for me.

Now that I am back here for holidays, I am stuck with a fucked up 56kbps line which keeps disconnecting me.

Hehehe. As I am typing this, my brother is watching a dumb fuck game show on Astro Ria. So, I am going to change the topic of this article mid-way.

The show was in Malay, but I am going to translate it direct to English cause I am feeling lazy.

Host : Which city is the most highly populated city in China?

Dumbfuck #1 : Beijing

Host : Wrong. (but fair enough, good try)

Dumbfuck #2 : Hanoi

Host : Huh?? Wrong!

Dumbfuck #3 : Chiangmai

Host : WTF??? Sohai ar you? Wrong!

Dumbfuck #1 : Cape Town

Host : You guys are a bunch of fucking retards, do you know?

[Ok, I made up the comments of the host, but thats probably what he was thinking]

To end the misery of some of you, whom I know this is killing. Hanoi is in Vietnam. Chiangmai is in Thailand and Cape Town is in South Africa!

If you are so retardedly stupid, don't waste your time to go on game shows ok.


Fucking jaded.

Why? Cause of football, ahlians, bisexual women, anomilies and more football. But thats tomorrow's story.

Brain dead. No inspiration.

And we all know,

A writer with no inspiration is like Pamela Anderson with no silicone.