Friday, July 16, 2004

crazy women

I hate shopping.

Shopping is to men what football is to women. But the thing is, when guys watch football, we don't inconvenience anybody. We don't bash people up. And we certainly don't really have to pay that much for football.

It was Jaya Jusco's J-card member's day at 1 Utama. That means that you can only go into the sale if you are a member of their "privelledge card". Its basically some kinda ploy conjured upon by the departmental store to trick their regular customers that there would be a great sale. But instead they earn more money.

Ordinarily, I stay the fuck away from these kinda places. Unless I need to buy underwear or shirts or stuffs like that. But my mum needed a driver, and more importantly, needed someone to carry her shoping bags for her. She was stressing the importance of going early to get parking places. The conversation as follows:

Mum : We have to go early. There would surely be a lot of people there. Sure jam.

Vincent : What? Its holidays for me. I wanna sleep. Besides, its a weekday morning. It won't be packed.

Mum : Hmph! You don't know only. Wait till you get there.

Vincent : People no need to go to work meh? No school meh? Okla. We go at 10am ok?

Turns out, I was fucking wrong. Because when we reached there at 10.30am, all levels of their basement were totally full. In fact, there were even people who had finished their first round of shopping and had loaded their car boot and were going back into the store to buy more shits. So, we had to go all the way to the new wing of the damn place to get a parking spot, and its damn bloody far away.

But I was right about the people having to work and the people having to go to school. However, I underestimated the population of housewives in the PJ area. Turns out there are fucking lots of them. Its true that women will spend $1 on a $2 item that they don't need. They just buy it cause its cheap.

I also saw a lot of Ah Bengs and Ah Lians there. Guess they are free cause their VCD business as well as their Guest Relations Officer jobs only start at night. Now, the thing with women shoppers, especially those housewives. When they see a target, maybe a bra or frying pan that they want, they just home in on an item. Like a homing missile you know. It just homes in on a target it spots from far away, and just heads towards it. No matter what might be in the way, they just crash into everything. I swear, I got brutally beaten up today. A lot of bloody middle aged women rammed their fat asses into me. Those savage bitches even went to the point of smashing their new pots and pans into my knee. Dangerous place it was.

Also, I noticed something odd. There were fucking many women in the men's department. What the fuck were they doing there? There was even a point in the men's underwear section when it was filled with women. Not a single guy. WHY?? Victoria's Secret and Ann Summers aside, I certainly don't think that guys want to be caught in the bra section in a department store. It was just an infestation of estrogen. A plague. A deadly swarm.

Plus, some housewives are bloody stupid too. When queueing up at the counter, I overheard two random people speaking. I don't think they came together. I reckon they were queueing up and were just trying to make a conversation with each other, cause thats what housewives do best. It was something like that:

Housewife #1 : Wah! That's a lot of stuffs you bought.

Housewife #2 : Yalor. Very cheap only. 70% discount some more. How to find?

Housewife #1 : Yeah. So cheap. Jaya Jusco sure lose money one.

Housewife #2 : Hmm yeah. I think they are just trying to thank us for being J-Card holders. To encourage more people to get J-Card.

No you stupid cows. No idiot will sell something under cost price. No matter what, they still make your money. On an average, most people spent around 200 bucks today. Its an infestation of more than 5000 women here today. That means they just had a cool one million dollar turnover today. Just in that branch. Not bad, one can make a living out of legally conning women out of their money.

And fuck. The queue for paying! I can't fucking believe it. People actually queue for 45 minutes to GIVE money away! WHY???

And also, I am fucking convinced that women are as strong as, if not stronger than men. But they hide it so that they can ask us to help them carry stuffs. Just look at their bloody shopping bags. Even carrying a few of my mum's bags made my hands just want to break. But bloody Ah Lians can carry more than 3 times their body weight. SHIT! Sly women.

Ok. Call me a sexist. Or critisize men and football. I don't really give a rat's ass. It wasn't a very nice experience today.

Moral of the story #1 : Women shoppers are a hazard. Stay as far away from them as possible.
Moral of the story #2 : Women shoppers are stupid cause all their blood flows right into those big shopping bags, thus restricting blood flow to the brain.

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