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Thursday, July 29, 2004

multi cultural dickheads

We all know our country to be a land of culture, of racial harmony, bla bla bla. What we should also realise is that in addition to all that crap we profess to have, we also have dickheaded citizens which are of undoubtedly superior quality.

Today, I had a privelledge of encountering 4 such wankers. For convenience sake, lets call them TurbanDick, BlackDick, BlondehairDick and SkinnedDick.

First incident involved TurbanDick and BlackDick. I was driving along LDP (a highway). It was 8pm. The streetlights seemed dimmer today. In front of me, a dreaded Kancil (a fucking stupid small car). Usually, those morons in Kancils like to speed, like as though they are excited to die and go to hell. However, I encountered a different case today.

TurbanDick was driving this Kancil. Actually, I can't exactly call it driving. It was as though he was in love with his brakes. Crawling in the middle lane, he was moving at the speed of 20km/h. On a fucking highway. There were a lot of cars around, and I was having difficulties overtaking him. So, I had to follow the bugger for about a minute. TurbanDick was seriously pissing the fuck out of me. My foot wasn't even on the gas, yet I was going much faster than him.

Finally, when I managed to get past, turned my head to see what was taking him so long. The motherfucker was busy typing an SMS -- in the middle of the fucking highway!! While driving. Wish I could burn that TurbanDick of his. Bondama!!

After getting past him, I immediately stepped on the gas. Its like a bird being let out of a cage you know. Just fly away as soon as possible. Barely reaching top speed, I saw a shadow in the distance. My cat reflexes told me jam on my brakes immediately. Barely 10 metres ahead, stood BlackDick, pushing his fucking bicycle across the bloody highway!! With no lights, and dressed in black, he was tempting me to run him over. Such a dumb motherfucker. I was actually shivering after that. Partly cause the air-cond was cold, but also partly that I saved two people. BlackDick for one. And I saved a potential old man or old housewife with bad eyesight from running over the dumbfuck. As I gave his eardrums some work to do, he smilled apologetically to me showing me his shinny white teeth. Suniandi!

Next, I went to eat in a hawker centre in SS2. Near the entrance, BlondehairDick was setting up his store. He had already worn his essential waist pouch and arranging the foldable metal table into place. The many pieces of circular plastic discs were on a wooden sheet, for display. Barely 5 minutes after setting up shop, the corner of my eye caught the glitter of some flashing lights. This was followed by an "Ah Du - Ta Yi Ding Hen Ai Ni" ringtone. I looked (I was sitting near the entrance) and BlondehairDick was just about to whip out his handphone out of his waistpouch.

Suddenly his happy face turned grim. He shouted out to a few of his friends, and they immediately started packing those VCDs into small boxes while BlondehairDick was folding up the metal table. But he was so excited running around, that he forgot he leaned the metal table against the side wall. He tripped over the damn thing, and fell flat on his face. The best part, the box of illegal stuffs he was selling flew through the air. Immensely malufied, the dumbfuck grabbed all the stuffs, dumped it into a Proton Wira and sped off immediately. As the car pulled away, I noticed its spaceship wings and exhaust. I think BlondehairDick was going back to Mars. Maybe his superiors summoned him back. Kan ni neh!

Finally, as I was walking back to my car, I passed by a large drain. Squatting by the drain was SkinnedDick. What was he doing? Smoking a ciggarette by the drain. I don't understand, why can't he stand? Or sit? Or fucking lie down? Its damn uncomfortable to squat as we all know that. Thats why toilets these days are made with seats! And why next to a bloody drain? We all know that hawker centres are not clean. How about the drains then? Dumbfuck. Bodoh punya pundek.

Don't we love being Malaysians? Such broad cultural diversity. But stupidity never distinguishes culture does it?

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