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Thursday, July 08, 2004

vincent's lessons in life #1

When you are my age, a lot of people are very busybodied. They like to ask questions about you. For example, when I bumped into my old music teacher from school just the other day, she asked me whether I had a girlfriend. My reply? Well, read on.

Case 1 -- When asked by friends or people you can be rude to.


Scenario 1

Mr Nosey : Eh Vince, got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Nope
Mr Nosey : Wah fuck you gay ar? So long no girlfriend!
Vincent : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)


Scenario 2

Mr Nosey : Eh Vince, got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Got
Mr Nosey : Wah chune or not? Shag how many times a day?
Vincent : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)


Scenario 3 ---> Personally recommended

Mr Nosey : Eh Vince, got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Girlfriend? Nope. I married already. Got kids already. Didn't know meh?
Mr Nosey : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)


Scenario 4 ---> Even higher recommendations

Mr Nosey : Eh Vince, got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : I've been shagging your sister for ages. Didn't you know?
Mr Nosey : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)

**Clearly Scenario 3 and 4, the sarcastic versions are the winners**



Case 2 -- When asked by aunties, uncles, teacher -- people you have to be polite to


Scenario 1

Auntie KPC : Vincent boy boy! Got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : No. Not yet.
Auntie KPC : Oh! Auntie knows a very nice girl from Batu Pahat. Auntie introduce to you!
Vincent : No thank you.
Auntie KPC : No no, I insist. Her mother is my best friend.
Vincent : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)


Scenario 2

Auntie KPC : Vincent boy boy! Got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Got.
Auntie KPC : Oh? Her father do what work? Her mother do what? Rich or not?
Vincent : Thats not important to me.
Auntie KPC : Don't be stupid. You know, if your father is poor, thats your shit luck. But if your father in law is poor, thats your own stupidity.
Vincent : .... (dumbfucked. nothing to say)


Scenario 3 ---> Tried and tested answer

Auntie KPC : Vincent boy boy! Got girlfriend already or not?
Vincent : Nola auntie. Still studying. No money. Girlfriends need money to go dating and all that. Wait till I graduate and start working. Also, still need to stay at home with mum and dad la.
Auntie KPC : Wow! Good boy! Well done.


**This way, the old fashioned busybody will leave with a very good impression of you. Besides, you will feel good, because lying creates somekinda stupid hormones and pumps it into your brains, thus making you feel confident in yourself, like estacy pills. There you see, I feel good already.**

Clearly, when answering question you don't wanna answer, telling the truth and lying are not very good ideas. The best way -- Vincent's way.

Ramblings:
well done...lol. i'd better be prepared for "got boyfriend or notttttttt...???"
 



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