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Friday, July 09, 2004

vincent's lessons in life #2

When you are a kid, adults like to ask you stupid questions. For what fucking reason, I really do not know. The most common question -- what do you want to be when you grow up? Now, I have a lot of friends in college who don't fucking know. I have friends in uni who are studying a course, but doing it for fucks just cause they don't know what else to do. So how the hell do you expect a bloody 5 year old kid to know what he wants to be?

So kids, pay attention on what to say when faced with Stupid Old Hags Asking Idiotic questionS (SOHAIS).

Case 1 -- For kids aged 3 to 8


Scenario 1

SOHAIS : Boy boy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
You : Fireman!
SOHAIS : Cannot cannot, fireman dangerous job, not glamourous enough
You : .....(cause you are small and really don't know what else to say)
**Hope that one day, SOHAIS' house gets burned down**


Scenario 2

SOHAIS : Boy boy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
You : Policeman!
SOHAIS : Cannot cannot, policeman dangerous job, not glamourous enough
You : .....(cause you are small and really don't know what else to say)
**Hope that one day, SOHAIS get robbed**


Scenario 3

SOHAIS : Boy boy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
You : Doctor/Enginner
SOHAIS : Good boy. Here,take a sweet.
You : *happy* and run away to play computer games.
**Just answer doctor/engineer cause SOHAIS love that answer, for some stupid reason**


Case 2 -- For kids aged 9 - 15

Not necessary, cause SOHAIS never bug you with that question when you are that age.


Case 3 -- For kids aged 16 - 18 (things get complicated now)


Scenario 1

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Doctor
SOHAIS : Oh, good good, follow your father's footsteps ar?
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, "FUCK U LA. I follow my own footsteps")


Scenario 2

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Engineer
SOHAIS : Oh, good good, follow your sister's footsteps ar?
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, " FUCK U LA. I follow my own footsteps)


Scenario 3

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Roadsweeper
SOHAIS : *Annoyed look* Do you not have any ambition? What kinda goal is that?
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, " FUCK U LA. I wanna be what I wanna be)


Scenario 4

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Housewife, like you.
SOHAIS : These days, girls also need education. Unless you become somebody's mistress. Which is not good. No morals. Bla bla bla bla.
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, " FUCK U LA. Don't you get the point that I am being sarcastic?)


Scenario 5

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Teacher
SOHAIS : Are you sure? The pay is crap you know. Its not glamourous enough.
You : ....(when actually you wanna say, " FUCK U LA. I want to educate people so that they don't end up like you)

**Clearly, we are now stuck in the mud. Cause whatever answer you give, you are left speechless. Whether you are telling the truth, a lie or resort to sarcasm, you are either way screwed**

Here are a few recommendations :


Scenario 6a

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : Seeing as to how you are asking me all these questions, when you really don't give a shit, I figured I follow in your footsteps and be a double headed snake.
SOHAIS : Huh?
You : Lawyer la
**Sorry lawyers, just couldn't resist taking the piss**


Scenario 6b -- Really this time

SOHAIS : So, big already, what do you want to be?
You : I wanna be like Vincent
SOHAIS : WOW!!! OK then! Good for you!


Clearly, there is no suitable answer. Except the last one. Damn. I am contradicting myself. So, since you can't answer it properly without getting screwed, well, avoid SOHAIS at all costs. On second thoughts, maybe Scenario 6a is the best answer.

Moral of the story : Its fucking 2am. I can't sleep. I end up doing stupid things. Humour me.

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