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Thursday, July 22, 2004

vincent's theory of alcohol consumption

Fuck.

My jokes are being copied. That's not good. I came up with a theory years ago on why drinking alcohol is good for health. Today, I received that explanation in my Hotmail Inbox. Some lame ass cunt heard must have heard that thing from me and started telling the whole world by email.

But, fuck it. Never mind that.

Here is why alcohol is good for  health.

You see, in the wild savannahs of Africa, you have all sorts of slow moving herbivors. Like deer and zebra. The thing is, they like to migrate a lot for some fucking reason. Something to do with finding water. Now, the problem with migration in a herd is that the whole herd is only as fast as the slowest deer. Which is obviously not a good thing.

In an ideal world, the rest of the herd would kill the idiot deer which is slowing them down. Or move on without him. But these creatures form a caring society, very much like what we Malaysians claim to have. So, they wait for the slow bugger.

Now, sometimes, a few lions visit the herd for dinner. Obviously, it is not to have dinner with the herd. They run around a lot, you can see stuffs like that on Animal Planet. Finally, after all the chasing, they catch a deer. Which in all common sense should be the slowest deer.

So the herd now loses a member of their herd. They mourn about it. But it is not much of a loss if you think about it. Cause with the slowest deer gone, they can then migrate at a greater speed. Which is good. Cause they can get to the food source and fuck the other deers. Maybe have a deer orgy there or something. But that is besides the point.

Moral of the story : Alcohol does kill your brain cells. But its a good thing. Cause the slower brain cells die first, and therefore enabling you to think faster. Your brain becomes more efficient.

Example of theory in practice : When drunk guys have sex, there is no foreplay or what shits like that. Its just bang bang bang, and squirt squirt squirt. Over in 2 minutes. Much faster than usual ain't it?

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