Thursday, July 22, 2004


In contrast to popular belief, I am actually having a productive holiday. No more bumming around. No more fighting with crazy women in shopping centres. No more sitting in front of the TV watching Olympic ads all day. I am actually working for a small engineering firm. Like an spaceship apprenticeship.

I have actually worked every summer since I got into uni. The first year was the best, I did all sorts of crap. Like driving a fork-lift. Like playing with an oxy-acetylne torch (blowtorch). Like welding random pieces of scrap metal together for fun. But those are all different stories.

No doubt, as with the rest of my daily encounters, I am sort of a dumbass-magnet. You know the stuffs about how opposites attract? Yeah, I attract a lot of dumbasses in my life. I just don't know why. Not surprisingly, I encountered a lot of cow-brained humans donkeys in the last 3 weeks. If you thought that cow-brained humans were stupid, you clearly have not met cow-brained donkeys.

Few days ago, I needed to get a technical drawing of a Heat Exchanger (never mind what it is) from a manufacturer. The woman on the other end of the line sounded pretty much like a juvenile boy (maybe with a hint of moustach on her upper lip). She agreed to fax me the drawing. 2 minutes later, the fax machine beeped and I found 3 pieces of paper coming out. First was of course the cover sheet, Attention : Mr Vincent Lau. Stuffs like that you know. The next two sheets were actually of the same drawing.

In case you were wondring, no, Miss Moustachio did not send me two of the same. In fact, she had cut an A4 landscape drawing into half and sent it as 2 A4 portrait drawings. Which is impossible to read. When I called her back to ask her to send the drawing in ONE piece, she didn't sound too happy. She kept asking me why I couldn't read the one I sent her. I nicely explained that only a particular germ species from her planet would be able to read that, and nobody else. She accepted my explanation and sent me another one.

If you had no idea what I was talking about, well, its like you take a picture of you squeezing your girlfriend's tits. Your girlfriend asks you to send her the photo. But your envelope is too small. So, you use a scissors and cut the picture into half. And then you post it to her in individual pieces. One picture of your perverted face. Another picture of your palm wrapped around those boobs. Then imagine her father finds the picture of the boobs, then imagine. Oh wait, I am straying away from the topic.

Another occasion, barely two days ago, was even more stupifying. There was this guy, a final student in a local university. He probably wanted to do his final year project. To spare you all the jibberish technical crap, he wanted to buy an anode made of pure Magnesium. When I told him that nobody manufactures pure Magnesium anodes, he insisted that he needed pure Magnesium for his project. I told him to build a time machine and travel back to Form 2 and pay attention in Chemistry classes. Anybody who didn't sleep in Chemistry class can tell you that Magnesium is a damn reactive metal. Meaning that if you have a huge chunk of it, and you expose it to heat, like he wanted to do, it would mean that his university would need to build a new science lab, and his parents need to buy him a new coffin.

After making that point clear to him, and on the verge of shouting profanities through the phone, I decided to play a little game with him. I asked him whether he wanted an anode with or without a core. An anode core is where you make the electrical connections from. In the application of his project, buying an anode without a core is like buying a lightbulb without a filamen. He asked me whether the core is made of Magnesium again. I said no, and he happily said that he didn't need a core. Which would be like buying a torn condom.

After all the crap talk, I calmly told him that our company is not a manufacturer, and that we don't manufacture torn condoms anodes. We could get it for him, but that would cost a bomb. So I sent him on his way. I never felt happier. I helped educate a fool. And it isn't even the field in which I am studying in uni. Haha.


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