Friday, August 13, 2004

camp stories - chapter 1 : women

I have known this fact all along. But it suddenly occured to me, the striking resemblence between football and camping. Like my football theory and its effect on women, camping in the jungle has the same implications.

There are 100 women in a room :

70 women won't go near a jungle. No matter how much you persuade them to leave behind the city, they just won't fucking do it. Its like trying to get a wild boar to stand still.

25 women go camping for fucks. Cause someone told them its a nice thing. Cause someone told them its good for their health, so that they can lose weight and everything. And most importantly, cause there are a lot of topless guys around displaying their well tanned and muscular body.

5 women who actually love camping, damn they are hard to find. This is the anomily. Unlike football where this group of women are mostly good for a couple of round of beer, Group 3 of camping women are actually one of the most perfect types of women around.

Let's ignore Group 1, cause discussing them really isn't much fun.

Group 2. These skanky cunts are really the bane of every camper's life. Most probably followed their boyfriends along. Or most of the time cause some itchy dick guy invited them along. That itchy dick guy is usually a guy who has never been camping with girls before and therefore thinks that it would be fun to have a couple of chicks around to flirt with. Usually ItchDick learns from his mistake when the rest of the guys squeeze a tube of toothpaste on his dick and balls when he is sleeping.

So why is Group 2 a bane? A menace? That's cause some girls really aren't made for the jungle. Whne going camping, women should remember not to bring fucking make up. The bloody monkey on the tree really ain't gonna give a fuck whether you look like Tracy Chapman or Anna Kournikova. Also, they should fucking learn that mud, like rain water is not acidic.

Leeches and mosquitoes are fucking small creatures and shouldn't be treated like a 20 foot long anaconda. Therefore, no need to scream and attempt to burst my eardrums. Which reminds me of a saying we had in school in the scout troop. If there is a big fat leech and I get to choose who it bites, I rather it bite me on my ass than it bitting the damn skanky bitch travelling with us. Thats cause I can easily pull out the slimy creature. The puncture wound on my ass will heal eventually. But it bites that cunt, my eardrums will shatter, and that will NOT heal.

But most importantly, some women should really learn that when you go camping, you are meant to be independant. That means, they should not fucking expect guys to carry their water bottle for them let alone their fucking bag. Also, when climbing a steep slope or a high ridge, it won't hurt to lift their fucking legs higher. If they can do it when having sex, I don't see why they can't do it when climbing a mountain. If a big fat wild boar can climb it, why can't those fucking sugarladies do the same?

However, Group 3 women campers are the best and the sexiest chicks in the world. Here's why:

1) They carry their own bags. Independence. Thats a fucking good thing.
2) They are most likely very fit. Thats a fucking good thing.
3) They don't use makeup. You can see how they really look like without disguise. Thats a fucking good thing.
4) They can cook. Thats a fucking good thing.
5) Unlike most other women, they don't complain much. Now, thats a real fucking good thing.

You get the point. Oh, and most importantly, you can read a person's entire character just by jungle tracking with a person for 8 hours. How? When everybody is tired and half dead, there is no hiding or pretending, all your true colours will come out.

See kids, the benefits of camping.

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