Tuesday, August 17, 2004

camp stories - chapter 4 : my 3rd eye

Me, I have a third eye. Its situated at the back of my neck. Which means I can see things. No, not those kinda things. Not those paranormal stuffs although I have had an encounter with a ghost and a skeleton.

Otherwise, no, I see stuffs. Stuffs like the paranormal interaction between 2 horny sex deprived juvenilles. Non comprehende? Ok, I see stuffs like the magnetism of testosterone and estrogen. If you still don't understand, you seriously have issues man. Ok, one last try. I can tell when some horny muthafucker is attracted to a skanky cow. Even though neither of them told anybody about their secret sex-in-the-barn episode. Its just a sixth sense you know. Some people can see ghosts, some people can smell a dog's fart from miles away. Me, I can tell you which cock is interested in which pussy. Just by looking. Its like I have ESPN.

Most of my bestest friends can testify to my unique talent. Its a gut instinct that is actually quite fucking useful you know. You can use it to blackmail people for free lunch. Or free sex. Which ever you prefer.

Back to the story. In the camp, there were 20 people. 10 people per group. One old group. One young group. Me, always the youngest everywhere I go, would obviously be in the young group. In my group, there were 3 girls.

1) Goldfish - Malay girl. Typical type. Group 2 camper. Company probably forced her to go for it to learn leadership stuffs. Really should have no business staying in the jungle. Actually, should really have no business staying on planet Earth. A waste of precious oxygen. A contributor to global warming. A face that only her mother will love. Although she does have a nice pair of milk jugs.

2) Ahlian - The name says it all. Ahlian. Group 2.5 camper. On one hand, its good cause she wants to do all the stuffs. And doesn't complain much except for 20 foot long anacondas 1 inch long leeches. But on the other hand, her Ahlian type frame really doesn't put her in a suitable physical condition for some of the activities.

3) Moon - Another Malay girl. But looks Chinese. Arguably the chunnest chick camp. Started off as a Group 2 camper, but progressed magnificently to the Group 3 stage. Hardly ever complained about any shits throughout the camp. Just got on with stuffs herself. Also, it helps that she said that I was one smart child proDG. Full of wisdom and knowledge it seems. Which made her even more fucking sexy.

Also in my group was a Malay guy I was quite close to. Lets call him MightyMouse. MightyMouse was a good friend and a fellow perfect camper. Experienced dude who taught me lots of shit.

On day 8 of the camp, I saw Ahlian whispering to MightyMouse about something. She seemed to keep giggling about some stuffs like a cheshire cat having her period. MightyMouse looked stunned and suddenly his ears turned fucking red. And then, he whispered some shits back to her and she nodded and showed him a thumbs up. Being a guy which minds my own business most of the time, I let it be.

The next day, all fucking hell broke loose. All the other guys were nudging MightyMouse and making fun of him. Again, I didn't give a shit and let it be. By night, it was getting unbearable. Could Ahlian have said that she fancied MightyMouse? Fuck no chance in hell. Consulting my sixth sense, I finally came to a conclusion that MightyMouse had the hots for Moon and Ahlian wanted to blackmail him.

Speaking to MightyMouse, he confirmed it. He said that Ahlian had spotted his juvenille infatuation and confronted him about it. He admitted that his dick stood at attention everytime Moon was around -- since day 3. Ahlian said she noticed it since that very day. Ahlian claimed that she too has 6th sense.

I was feeling really pissed off. Why? The jungle screwed up my senses. My natural instinct was supposed to harnessed in the jungle -- my spiritual home. But I was the last dude to figure it out. Damn. Maybe ESPN works better in the city.

Moral of the story : Women can never seem to shut the fuck up. After MightyMouse confirmed it with her, everybody knew of the story. Cause Ahlian really didn't know how to keep quiet and kept hinting stuffs. I think even Moon figured it out too. Which gave a big spoiler to MightyMouse's intention to go see her after the camp. Women's mouth = bloody dangerous.

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