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Monday, September 27, 2004

hero

Yes, I know its been a fucking long time since this show hit Malaysian shores. But I was still stuck here back then. And it just opened in UK cinemas this week. That's how sad the film industry here is.

We were quite damn bored today, so we went to watch this show. Which turned out to be damn bloody bad idea. Cause its a downright prostitution of Chinese cinema and martial arts just to please the lustful Western tastebuds. Crouching Tiger, Hero, Flying Daggers all have one thing in common -- a stupid love story. Since when did Chinese Kungfu show have love stories? Ask Wong Fei Hung to kiss a girl and he would gladly give you a flying kick to the ass.

The only good thing about this show was how they played with the art of colours. That was maybe the only factor that prevented me from storming out of the cinema.

The kungfu sucks. Period. There is nothing else to discuss.

If people said Puteri Gunung Ledang was a slow movie, what the fuck do you call this? Its worse than watching retarded snails copulate. At the end, the stupid ghost faced Maggie Cheung killed the guy by putting a sword through his stomach. Then, she went to hug him from the back, and pushed the sword all the way through his body so that it stabbed her too. My friend Morpheus and I actually shouted, "What the fuck??"

And do you actually need 1 000 fucking arrows to kill one man? Imagine this. There is a guy standing between a gate and a bloody big group of archers. They take aim and shoot. 20 arrows hit the guy and he dies. The rest of the arrows pierce the wooden gate. Have they thought about whose job is it that is going to pull the arrows out of the gate? Dumb fucks they are.

This is easily the worse damn movie I have watched in a fucking long time. And this is coming from someone who about a week ago watched Garfield and The Day After Tomorrow back to back. It was a damn waste of my 4 pounds. I should have watched Wimbledon. At least I get to see Kirsten Dunst wearing a miniskirt for most of the movie.

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