Friday, September 24, 2004

vincent's lessons in life #3

Following up in the success of #1 and #2, recent turn of events have forced me into coming up with a 3rd series.

This is especially useful for students suffering from senioritism. It is a disease that usually effects 3rd or 4th year students in university who don't give much of a hoot about making new friends anymore. Symptoms include an unexplainable sensation that they know it all, been there and done that, and especially try to stay as far away as possible from new friendly freshers, irrelevant of how hot or big boobed they are.

Case 1 -- For people you will see once and never again in your life.

Scenario 1

Freshie : Hi. My name is John Smith.
Vincent : Hi. My name is Vincent
John : Cool. What are you studying?
Vincent : Engineering. And you?
John : Cool! Same! We are going to be classmates!
Vincent : Er...no. I am in my 4th year.
John : Wow. So tell me...............(and you will spend the next 1 hour answering stupid questions)

*now, what have we learned here? When answering a question about what course you are doing, NEVER mention popular subjects like medicine, engineering, law, etc. Instead, mention something like "Sports Management". Also, we learn NEVER to mention that you are a senior. Always, always act dumb. Remember, freshers have a lot of fucking questions. So, pretend that you dunno anything as well*

Scenario 2 -- learning from past mistakes

Freshie : Hi. My name is John Smith.
Vincent : Hi. My name is Vincent
John : Cool. What are you studying?
Vincent : Spors Management.
John : Wow. Sounds cool. What do you study? What are the job prospects? How long is your course? Bla di di bla bla bla.

*clearly, that was not a very good idea. My bad*

Scenario 3

Freshie : Hi. my name is John Smith.
Vincent : Cool. My name is Smith Johnson.
John : Cool, what are you studying?
Vincent : Pissology.
John : Whats that?
Vincent : The art of taking the piss out of other people.
John : Are you mocking me?
Vincent : No shits, Sherlock.
John : *PUNCH*

*Some of you might prefer this method. But it is not very convenient. Lot of blood involved. Maybe broken teeth*

Scenario 4

Freshie : Hi. My name is John Smith.
Vincent : *Stares blankly*
Freshie : What is your name?
Vincent : *Looks elsewhere*
Freshie : Not very friendly, are you?
Vincent : *Picks up handphone and makes a fake call*
Freshie : .............

*the clear winner*

CASE 2 -- When talking to people you will meet again. Like those buggers in your same hostel.

Scenario 1

Vincent : *Eating, minding own business*
Freshie : Hi. Can I join you?
Vincent : Sure
Freshie : Hello. My name is Elanor.
Vincent : *hmm..nice boobs* *munch on chicken* *yum yum*
Freshie : What is your name?
Vincent : Vincent.
Freshie : What are you studying?
Vincent : Engineering.
Freshie : Oh, I am doing Psychology.
Vincent : *tears up chicken and continues feasting*
Freshie : So, where you from? How do you find this place? Do you know my boob size? Bla bla bla.

*nice people stay in your hostel. You have to be nice to them. But when you are not in the mood to answer questions, this is clearly not the right approach*

Scenario 2

Vincent : *Eating, minding own business*
Freshie : Hi. Can I join you?
Vincent : Nope.
Freshie : No?
Vincent : Yeah, you heard me right. Fuck off.
Freshie : *Fucks off*

*A good way -- if your plan is to be a recluse the whole year. Cause after that, I highly doubt that anybody will want to talk to you. Ever*

Scenario 3

Vincent : *comes down 5 mins before the cafeteria closes*
Freshies : *all seated* *munch munch munch* *yak yak yak*
Vincent : *grabs food, sits alone*
Freshies : *Smile at Vincent*
Vincent : *Smiles back* *Enjoys the pork chop*

*Fantastic for a short term recluse plan. Wait for them to get to know everybody, and especially wait for them to find out whatever nonsense it is that they want to find out. Then have a chat with them 1 month down the road when they don't have anymore questions*

*Evil genius wins again*


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