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Thursday, October 28, 2004

miser

Sometimes, when making a joke, you can be perceived to be someone you are not.

Me? I am a very generous person.........to myself of course. Here are two stories that contradict my kind and generous character.

Case #1:

Friend : You know ar, that bloody Rajesh, everyday take a lift in my car, but damn fucking stingy. Toll also never help to pay, petrol also never help to pay.

Vincent : Scold the bastard la. Leeches like that exist in the society. Damn blood suckers.

Friend : What to do?

Vincent : Don't panic, go find some salt, and pour all over the scum invertebrate. Watch him shrivel up and die. If you got magnifying glass, try to observe what happen to his little dick.

Friend : No la dumb fuck. Not the leech. I mean Rajesh, what do I do with him?

Vincent : Oh, that leech. Just write him a long bill and give it to him at the end of the month. Here, let me help you.

*scribbles stuffs*

Friend : What the fuck is this? Why got so many things?

Vincent : Sohai ar you? Charge him petrol and toll only meh?

Friend : Yeah, then charge what?

Vincent : Tyre wear. The fucker so fat, make your tyres wear out faster. Not cheap you know. Also, brake fluids and brake pads. Since he is so fucking fat, your car becomes heavier, and because of that fucked up thing called inertia, its quite hard to brake your car.

Friend : Kaneneh you........I am not that fucked up.

Vincent : Wait.......got some more. Engine oil also. Air-cond gas too. Fat people release a lot of heat you know, so everytime he sits in your car, you gotta on the air-cond at full blast. I think he is spoiling your car's suspension too. Everytime you go over a bump, the extra lard he carries destroys those springs.

Friend : Hehehe..you calculative fuck.

Vincent : But then again, its useful to have him around. No need to worry about tyre punctures. He got damn many spare tyres.




Case #2:

In my en-suite room in hostel....

Kay : Can I use your toilet?

Vincent : No.

Kay : Why not?

Vincent : Don't waste my money.

Kay : How the fuck am I wasting your money??!? You don't even pay the water bill. (hostel pays for it)

Vincent : You're right about that. But I pay for blue colour blocks of soap in the cistern.

Kay : What the fuck does that gotta do with anything?

Vincent : Everytime you flush the toilet, that blue thing disolves into the water mah. So the more you flush it, the more frequent I have to replace it with a new block.

Kay : You kiamsiap fuck! I need to pee! *uses the toilet anyway*

Vincent : Heyy!!!!............you gotta pay me back for that.


*yes, I am an asshole, if that wasn't already obvious to you*

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