Tuesday, November 23, 2004
My friend Andy has a few problems. I am concerned for his welfare. Firstly, a few months ago he got a new housemate in his house in Australia (he's studying in Australia, you see). He says she's a Korean girl.
Now, I've seen a lot of Korean girls. The thing about these Korean chicks is that they do tend to look like an Asian barbie doll. Honestly, I haven't seen a single Korean girl who I will kick out of bed. I mean, its not as if all of them are damn hot, I am saying that I won't kick them out of bed. You get the drift? So, I suspect that Andy is shagging this Korean housemate of his.
He keeps denying it saying that she resembles a pork chop. You see, he's a bad liar too. Cause I like eating pork chops, and pork chops are usually of a lean cut, very little fat. So I think pork chops are an ideal description for a fit chick. But anyways, I already established long ago that Andy is indeed lying to us and is indeed shagging his Korean chick. Ok, that story settled, lets put that aside for a while.
College term just ended in Australia, and he just got back to Malaysia a couple of days ago. Chatting on MSN with him and another friend Keng, he was telling us that his new maid is crazy and told his family that she has psychic powers. I told him that when old Indonesian women tell you that they are psychic, I won't brush it away. I adviced him to get his mum to check the maid's bag and look for a glass jar. Especially a glass jar filled with formalin to preserve a dead fetus.
Now, if you are a foreigner reading this, you will be thinking that I am a sick fuck. So here's a sidenote story. Some people keep dead fetuses in a glass jar. That 'thing' is called a toyol. Toyols are used in black magic. It is believed that if you feed the toyol (don't ask me how) and look after it properly, the toyol will help you out with a lot of stuffs. Like cursing your ex-girlfriend to grow a dick or some jerk guy to have maggots infest his rectum. In short, never mess with somebody who has a toyol.
So, Andy started getting scared. That damn chicken. Keng and I then convinced him to make friends with his Indonesian maid. You know, talk to her nicely, give her some money, talk about her son, stuffs like that. I then pointed out that if he is nice enough to her, she might lend him the toyol to use to help him get the Korean pork chop of his. Cause its the holidays now and she went back to Korea as well.
Andy wasn't too pleased with our suggestions, calling us naughty names. You know it when an Indian guy starts cursing in Cantonese (we taught him all those words!). However, its also because Andy doesn't know any Hindi or Tamil words. I then later realised why he wasn't too pleased.
T.O.Y.O.L. = The One Your Only Love
Pork chops was his TOYOL all the time. My mistake.