Tuesday, December 14, 2004


Singaporean women require 5C's - we've all heard about those ridiculous demands and laughed at it. Every other woman has this other even WORSE requirement of only 4C's. Nobody laughs at this though.

So when is four worse than five? Its when those C's are Cut, Colour, Clarity and Carat. If you are a guy and you don't know what those stuffs are, you're quite fucked actually. However, if you are girl and you don't know what the fuck I was talking about, please STOP reading immediately and give me your phone number. I want to know you.

I went jewellery shopping yesterday and learned loads of useful stuffs.

You know those small pieces of carbon called diamonds? Bad things, those. How come a single piece of stone costs so much? I don't know. Theres all sorts of funny names for their classification as well. Like the colour of a diamond is graded alphabetically from D-Z, D being the best colour. Don't know why not A though. Diamond clarity has some questionable names too. Best clarity is coded F (flawless, very rare). The more common ones but still high quality ones are VVS1 and VVS2 (very very slightly included - whatever the fuck that means)

Ok, these fucking jewellery shops are scammers too. You see a diamond ring on the display and look at the price tag - RM30 000. You stop and count the number of zeros before you walk away thinking what a cool piece of jewellery it is and wishing you could buy one. Actually, the price shown is marked up way over the selling price. For diamonds at least. Don't know shit about the gold stuffs. The woman in a yellow clown suit said that she could reduce the price by 40%, but after more frequent bargaining she ups the discount to 45%.

Now, theres a big difference between all sorts of diamond rings. There are some which easily tricks people. You see a big ring and its scattered all around with diamonds. Next you see a small ring with just ONE diamond in the middle. Actually, that one, can be more than 2 times the price of the big one. Thats cause that one diamond is bigger and hence more valuable than the rest of the insignificant little bacterias trying to pass themselves off as diamonds.

So yeah, the woman in the yellow clown suit was saying that for the ring with the small diamonds, there is not certificate for it. The only certificate of authencity is from the jewellery shop. However, those with the single diamonds have a certificate from the diamond cutters that they came from. Which I figured out, that certificate has just as much value as the stone itself. Which I also figured out, it would be easier to get those guys in China to make print a fake cert and polish a piece of glass to call it a diamond.

Think about it. How many people on the street know the worth of a piece of stone? That means, you can buy a really expensive piece of 2 Carat, D colour, F clarity stone and give it to your girlfriend, and she won't even know how much its worth - hence not getting your deserved reward in bed later on. Or, if you look at it from the other point of view, you could also give her a piece of glass and she might over-reward you later on.

Assume that there's a family heirloom passed down over generations. I don't think there were certificate of authenticy in those days. Or say there was but your great great grandmother lost it when she came to Malaysia from China some 100 years ago. For generations, your ancestors pass it down, and its treasured by everybody. They guard it with their fucking lives. One day, the family goes bankrupt trying to pay for the medical bill of the old lady suffering from Lupinostitis. They finally decide to sell the diamond, when the jewellerer tells them that its nothing but a piece of glass.

The point is, if nobody tells you, most people would have no fucking idea about the value of the jewellery they are wearing. Hence, most people are wasting it.

Vincent's Theory of Common Logic is that people shouldn't use something if they don't know its value. Hence, people shouldn't wear jewellery if they don't know how to appreciate its value. When that happens, the minority who do know the value of stuffs are mocked by the uninformed majority. The majority then gets fed up and stops wearing jewellery. Sooner or later, nobody bothers about a hard piece of stone anymore. Men no longer have to satisfy the lust of women by buying them expensive stuffs. MANkind is happy once again. Good triumphs over evil. The dark force is forced back to the pits of darkness.

Vincent becomes the King of Men.


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