Monday, December 27, 2004
*if you are a little kid who believes in the fat guy with the red suit, please leave this site immediately*
Labels: awesome theories
Ok, this is the season for santa, that big fat man with the reindeers and everything. In a chat with Andy the other day, he told me of how he used to believe in Santa. Supposedly, he said, he was stupid and naive back then (not much has changed since then). The blow came to him like a nailgun shot to his lungs. He got a present one Christmas and found a price tag on it.
I explained that all those stuffs you hear about elves making the presents in the North Pole is damn stupid. Cause elves are small creatures with funny long ears and long toes. It would be ridiculous for them to stay in somewhere so cold cause their ears will freeze up. Have you ever seen a snow cap which can cover such long ears? No, right?
So anyways, those elves that work for Santa aren't exactly elves, but are actually small little children in China forced into child labour. I mean, this presents thingy for Santa is a big business. Do you expect him to finish making the presents all by himself? So, he gotta subcontract some of the work. To little kids in this case. The irony, right? Kids making presents which they are going to get themselves.
I then told him that Santa does really exist. He does give out a lot of stuffs to kids. Well, not all kids la. Just kids who get caught up in the hype. Like if a 5 year old kid somewhere in Afghanistan who has never heard of the fat man before, then of course he won't get a present. So, contrary to popular myth, Santa doesn't really have to deliver presents to ALL the children. That lightens his workload but he's still facing a problem. Cause there are still a shit load of children who still needs those presents.
So, again, he subcontracts the job to a group of people who call themselves parents. He gets parents of the kids to buy those gifts, decide whether or not the kids are good or not, wrap the presents and personally give the presents to the kids. Some of you might be thinking, hey, I am a parent, but Santa has never spoken to me about giving my kids any presents. Well, Santa works in mysterious ways, you see.
This way is called Hyped Propoganda. Without the existance of Santa, or the story that Santa gives away presents, nobody would have any motivation to give out any presents. Kids won't be expecting anything during Christmas. That is why, proof that Santa really does exist is evident in the many presents that we receive during Christmas.
And, like all big major contractors, Santa is quite a fucker. He subcontracts work to other people to buy and give away the gifts on his behalf. He gets the credit from the little kids. But he never pays back his subcontractors. Screw the fat man.
Labels: awesome theories