<$BlogMetaData$>

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

a small reminder

Valentine's Day is in two week's time. I don't really bother what people want to do on the day...but I thought that I should give people valuable advice on what to buy your partner for 'the big day'. Everybody probably has some kinda idea, so read on as I go through the common stuffs:



Flowers

Girl to give Guy - No.

Don't try to be clever. There's a reason why most guys don't receive flowers. Guys are practical people. What the fuck do you expect us to do with a plant? Eat it? Save your money. Buy us beer.


Guy give Girl - No.

1) They are fucking expensive.
2) They die in less than a week.
3) They stink when they die.
4) You can't do anything with it.
5) It lacks originality.
6) Roses have thorns which can prick you. What if the woman has diabetes? The cut might develop into gangraine, and she might have to amputate her finger after that. What kinda sick bastard would do that to his woman?

Never mind whether the girl likes it or not, I believe I have stated enough points why you shouldn't buy flowers.



Soft toys

Girl give to Guy - No.

Don't try to be clever. There's a reason why most guys don't receive soft toys. Guys are practical people. What the fuck do you expect us to do with a teddy bear? Eat it? Save your money. Buy us beer. Or a vintage Optimus Prime transformer robot.


Guy give Girl - No.

1) Help cut down on the exploitation of child labour.
2) Its fucking expensive.
3) YOU, the guy, can't do anything with it.
4) It lacks originality.
5) Unlike you, the girl would actually play with the damn teddy bear. Worse still if you give her a big mother of giant bears. Any guy who does that needs to get a smack and think a bit. Giant bears exist for one reason - to be cuddled in bed. Now, you give her the giant bear, she cuddles it. Without that ball of cotton, she cuddles you.

Never mind whether the girl likes it or not, I believe I have stated enough points why you shouldn't buy giant deformed bears.



Chocolate

Girl give Guy - YES.

Chocolates are good. They can be eaten. Enough said.


Guy give Girl - YES.

However, its a bit tricky when you give it to her. You have to make sure she opens the present in front of you. Then, make sure she eats one. Hopefully, she'll offer you some. Decline at first. Ask her how it tastes. She should offer you one more again. Eat with glee.

Its even better if she's on a diet. She will say stuffs like "But I'll get fat." Here's where you say stuffs like, "Oh dear, I don't care, you're so pretty it doesn't make a difference." Note that you DON'T say that she WON'T get fat. You still sound like a nice guy, but she also takes note that she MIGHT get fat. Hopefully, she'll offer you the rest of the chocolates. Like the above case, decline first. She should offer you more. Eat with glee.




Anything else is fair play. It shows creativity. Personally, I feel its best to make the presents yourself. Or if you aren't artistic enough, then buy something simple and make it look like as though you made it. You need to use your head here. I can't help you. Cause I can't have people copying my cool ideas. That would then make me look unoriginal. Which would be bad for my image.

Labels:


Ramblings: Post a Comment

<< Home