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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

team america : world police

I hardly ever give out good movie reviews, but this is one movie that I fully endorse. Partly because its written, voiced and directed by Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the South Park dudes). If you don't know what South Park is, please get the fuck out of my blog.

This movie is an animation of puppet characters (you can actually see the puppet strings) called Team America who go around policing the world from terrorists. Hence the title, Team America : World Police. They have to stop the evil North Korean dude, Kim Jong-Il from using Middle Eastern terrorists to destroy the world.

Typical Trey Parker and Matt Stone, they don't give a shit about anything other than themselves and end up making fun of everybody and everything. The Americans, for example travel around in aeroplanes and helicopters fully painted with colours from the American flag. The beginning scene sees them obilitering the Eifel Tower and the Arc de Trioumph in Paris while trying to stop some terrorists. They then take out the Lourve because a terrorist ran in there to hide. This pokes fun at the American military who do not bother about collateral damage.

The Middle Eastern dudes are not spared either. They seem to live in a desert setting like in Star Wars, and the only words that come out from their mouths are Derka, Mohammad and Jihad. Their turbans ressemble the towel turbans that women wrap around their heads after a bath. Prominent celebrities are mercilessly mocked like in South Park. Michael Moore is a 'socialist weasel', Matt Damon is a retard, Susan Sarandon an actress whose 'talents are fading with age'.

Foul language is a must and as always, there is a puking scene which is probably the funniest scene in the whole movie. The puppets even have sex, and not just any type of sex - its probably every position in the Kama Sutra. Watch out also for the great songs with fantastic lyrics. There's a song which Kim Jong-Il sings which pokes fun at the Asian pronounciation of words. He sings "I'm so lonely" which turns out "I'm so ronery."

I have once sworn never to publish any lyric of any sort on this blog, but this bit is too good to give a miss. The hero sings this song while thinking of his girlfriend :

I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark,
When he made Pearl Harbor.
I miss you more then that movie missed the point,
And that's an awful lot girl.

And now, now you've gone away,
And all I'm trying to say,
Is Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.

I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school,
He was terrible in that film.
I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part,
He's way better then Ben Affleck.

And now all I can think about is your smile,
and that shitty movie too,
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.

Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
guess Pearl Harbor sucked,
Just a little bit more then I miss you

Finally, it has what all great war movies have - a great speech from the hero to rally his troops. In this case, the hero rallies the leaders of the world to let him kill Kim Jong-Ill. He goes on to name the 3 types of people in the world, dicks, pussies and assholes. It likens the Americans to dicks, the anti-war protestors as pussies, and the terrorists as assholes.

Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck a asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are a inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us fuck this asshole we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.

And so....I know I've given away quite a lot of stuffs, but this movie is not to be watched for the storyline. Its to be appreciated for the ingenious sick jokes that come with it. They probably won't show it in Malaysia, so go download stuffs from Kazaa, or get Uncle Ho's version from the pasar malam. Whatever it is, you just MUST watch this show.

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