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Thursday, February 03, 2005

uses of a condom

*This is a continuation of yesterday's post*

Besides the obvious, condoms actually have many uses. Trust kids to explore those uses.

I brought the pack of Durex to school the next day to show my friends. I still remember, it was a two-pack Durex, extra-sensitive. After examining those condoms throughly, and 'learning' all we wanted to learn, we then decided to have a bit of fun with them. We did however have problems guessing what the 'oily disgusting stuffs' was for. I can't believe we were that stupid.

The first one was dealt with in predictable fashion. As most of you guessed in yesterday's comments section, we first used it as a baloon. Another session of lat-tali-lat-tali-tam-pom to decide who would blow up the condom. Can't remember who did it, but sure as hell wasn't me. I remember poking fun at the guy for giving a blowjob to a condom.

Didn't blow it real big, we were afraid it would burst, and we wanted more fun with it. Tied it up and went around showing it to the girls. I don't think they were pleased. Stupid boys. Next, we let go the air and filled it with water. And what good is a water baloon condom if it is not used? Since it was still schooling hours, we couldn't throw it at someone, so, during recess time, we let it drop from the 1st floor. (People from my school will know the location - dropped it from the old library and it landed outside the staff room door)

Needless to say, we ran as fast as our legs could take us as soon as we dropped the water-condom, laughing as hard as a pack of hyenas. We were small, but we had balls. Big ones too. Never did find out what happened. Would have been fun to see the face of the first teacher to walk out of the staff room only to find the floor wet and a torn condom greeting her.

The other condom, we found more use for. During the break time, Joshua was complaining that his watch was old and the leather strap was tearing. It wasn't even water-resistant, he complained. When class restarted after that, he fell asleep when the teacher was teaching in the front. He had removed the watch from his wrist and left it on the table. Someone took it and passed it to me. It was initially meant to be a hiding prank. We always took people's stuffs and hid it to piss them off.

This time, I had other ideas. I unrolled the remaining condom and put his watch inside. In doing that, I also realised what the oily stuffs on the condom was for. The watch slipped in with ease, and I tied a dead knot, sealing the watch inside. I passed it back to Pete who was sitting next to him. Pete then wrote a note, "Hey man, now your watch is water-proof" and put it back on Joshua's desk along with the watch-in-condom.

Joshua got fucking pissed offed when he woke up after the period ended. He thought Pete did it, cause Pete's handwritting was on the note. Now, Joshua is huge, Pete a midget. They started fighting cause Joshua smacked Pete in the head. Due to Omerta, Pete never told Joshua it was me, and so, he absorbed all the blows instead. Good lad.

Moral of the story : Condoms cause mayhem in the hands of adolescent kids.


That's just the beginning of my education. Over the years, I discovered from observation, and sometimes by participation, the many uses of a condom (besides the obvious) :

1) Baloon
2) Water container
3) Plastic bag
4) Makes a good gift - give people flavoured condoms for their birthdays. Its funny.
5) Tie both ends together and use as rubber band
6) Use the rubber band condom to lastik people
7) Funny when you squeeze some white colour shampoo in it and throw at people

If you can think of anything else, or have used it for any other purpose, please let me know....

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