Friday, June 24, 2005
PPS bash conspiracy
Since everybody seems to be talking about the PPS birthday party cum blogger's meet, I figured I should join in and talk about it too. Yeah, I wasn't there.....but that's not going to stop my imagination from running wild right? Labels: blogs
Personally, I don't really dig the idea of meeting up with tons of people I don't know. They say you can't teach old dogs new tricks. Well, when I was a little kid, my mum told me not to talk to strangers. I guess since we Malaysians have a tendency to run amok, she did have a point. What if this Project Petaling Street thing is a scam and that Aizuddin bloke was actually some kinda underboss working for Uncle Ho trying to recruit people to sell DVDs in Petaling Street? Or start a Petaling Street underworld gang made out of geeks? Call me paranoid, but after learning of our amok tendencies, I rather play it safe.
That said, there were a few bloggers who I would have loved to heve met - chicks and blokes alike. For instance, I would like to have counted how many times Fuckstress said 'fuck' in an average sentence and explain to Eyeris why Liverpool really really sucks.
But I also have a problem. Considering that I am a genius (everybody knew that already) my brain is extremely powerful to the extent that I have little or sometimes no control over it. Therefore, it sometimes controls my voicebox to emit sounds that shouldn't be emitted.
Scenario 1 : When meeting someone whom you already knew what she looked like. (I say 'she' because I don't give a hoot whether a guy is good looking or not)
Stuffs people say : Wow! Your pictures on your blog don't do you justice!
Stuffs I might say :
1) Holy shit! You are damn fucking ugly in real life!
2) I didn't know ugly people could write until I started reading your blog.
3) Yups.....you are as ugly as your blog pics suggest. May I suggest that you use Photoshop?
4) Baby, I've got an F, I've got a C, I've got a K...and now all I need is You. *blatantly plaglarised Minishort's friend's line*
Scenario 2 : When talking to someone whom you never knew existed.
Stuffs people say : Oh, I am afraid I've never read your blog before. I'll go home and start reading it.
Stuffs I might say :
1) Oh...I've not heard of you. Maybe that's because your blog sucks.
2) You're not very well known. Maybe you should consider flashing your nipples on your blog.
3) I'm sorry, I don't intend to go home and read your blog. I have better things to do.
Scenario 3 : When someone whom you knew existed but hate their damn guts comes up and talks to you.
Stuffs people say : *I don't know....what DO you guys say?*
Stuffs I might say :
1) Did you know that everytime I read your blog, I feel like killing myself?
2) I understand that you love blogging, but do everybody a favour and keep your blog to yourself ok?
3) I'm sorry, I don't talk to stupid people.
There were however some stuffs which I thought I could say out loud after some beer:
1) Hey Kenny! My legs are hairier than yours! Wanna compare?
2) Where's Mr. Minishorts?
3) Hey Kimberly....do you remember asking me whether I wanted to make out with you? I checked out the toilet just now..it's quite clean.
4) Hey Huai Bin! I've got this friend of a friend who was wondering where he could get some...er, white powders. For experimental purposes only. Swear.
5) Alright...who here thinks that my blog is uglier thanEyeris?
6) Mr Waiter dude, I know you are actually Viewtru spying on us...admit it!
But of course none of the above things happened at the birthday party. Well, at least that is what people report. They reported an enjoyable environment and everybody went home happy. But you see, behind all the nice pictures, behind all the words of enjoyment, there is actually deception. Deception from evil geek bloggers out to control the Malaysian cyberworld while based in the Internet cafe on top of the Koon Kee wanton mee shop in Petaling Street.
*If anybody got offended, please email me. I have a few friends who just graduated with a degree in psychology. They could do with some useful work experience*
*I dunno about you guys, but there seems to be a huge gap between this last line and the 'comments' and I can't figure out why it's there. Earlier, before refreshing the page, there was a huge gap between the title of the post and the main body. I think those evil geek underworld dudes have started attacking my blog*
and MINE is uglier than yours! oh wait. your's doesn't have a FIVE TIME CHAMPIONS LEAGUE WINNER banner. ok, you win. hahahahahaha.
:) :) :)
eyeris : No dude..if I bash you up the girls would be pissed offed at me. :p