Thursday, June 30, 2005

projek beli ham tai

*my template is still a bit fucked up...don't bitch...

This is a continuation from the other day's post about me reminiscing about the good old days when adolescent kids first discovered the joy of porn. You can read it here.

After a while, we got pretty pissed offed about the whole 'borrowing' issue. Firstly, like I said earlier....the dude with the porn was king. It was irritating to harass some assholes just for enjoyment. Also, there was a great demand in relative to the extremely low supply. There was usually a queue....and the damn VCD usually got 'lost' by some dude who decided to keep it for himself, even before you could land your hands on it.

That is when my friends and I decided we had enough of this nonsense and decided to go out and buy it ourselves. Bruce and John, whom my older readers may remember as my partners in crime for the 'screwing the headmistress' car' incident.

I was in Form 3 then. Three of us idiots, each without balls big enough for the job decided to go to the pasar malam together and buy it together (very much like how girls go shopping together). We agreed that the SS2 pasar malam was the best place for our treasure hunting expedition because Bruce and I stayed near there and that it was pretty damn big. The plan was to buy the stuffs and then go over to Bruce's place to enjoy our bounty erm, play Red Alert. At the last minute, John chickened out on us, saying that his mum wouldn't let him go out with us (she forced him to study for that stupid pointless exam called PMR).

Anyways, Bruce and I decided to go ahead and get the goods. We walked around the whole place deciding which stall we should go to. We figured, it would be embarassing if the guy shooed us away for being underaged. Therefore, we decided would have been suicide to approach any stall with a housewife seller. Also, the timing had to be right. We couldn't buy it in front of other customers who might get anal and scold theVCD seller. We circled the damn pasar malam at least 5 times trying to pluck up the courage to approach the AhBeng sellers.

The feeling is like.....when you were 15 and trying to talk to a chick over the phone for the first time. You have to pluck up the courage to sit by the phone. You compose yourself and dial the first 3 numbers but you suddenly get scared and slam the receiver. You compose yourself, maybe walk around to take a piss....come back and manage to dial all the numbers, but again slam the phone down once you hear the ring tone.

Finally, we settled for a stall manned totally by young guys. It was exactly like talking to a chick.

"Leng chai...oy meh?" (Handsome boy, what do you want?)
"Tai ha jek...." (Just looking...)

And so, not having the courage to ask the first time around, we had to compose ourselves by pretending that we were interested in the stupid movies on sale. And of course there was the usual, "Eh, you ask la.." , "Why don't you ask?", "Why should I ask?". Finally, we decided on who gets which line. We compose ourselves and I go......

"Tai lo, ley yau mo mai ham tai?" (Boss, do you sell porn?)

Bastard gives us a cheeky grin, "Yaoo, ley oy meh?" (Yeah, what do you want?)

Bruce, "Ley kai siew la, wo oy yap pun geh.." (You recommend, I want a Japanese one)

Stupid ass.....speak for yourself. I wanted a white woman one. And so I told the AhBeng. With that, he nodded and he brought out a box from under the table. There were different compartments holding over 100 different CDs. He showed Bruce a few Japanese VCDs and showed me some with white women. (It was also interesting to note that one of the VCDs we chanced upon had a picture of a snake and a horse. No ducks and goats though)

Then, just like the conversation with the hot chick on the phone, once you get past the initial barrier, all fear just evaporates into thin air. We spent a good 5 minutes flipping through all the VCDs and studying them carefully, just as you would when you buy your first car. Bruce bought a couple of Japanese ones (one was for John) while I ended up with a French one. I can't remember how much it cost, but the AhBeng told us he would sell it to us cheap and that we should look for him if we ever wanted more.

Bruce made the mistake of bringing his to school to show off. Needless to say, a lot of people wanted to borrow it until it finally got 'lost'. Mine? It's still at home in corner of one of my cupboards hidden in one of my old books. To be fair to the AhBeng, it was pretty darn good.

Moral of the story : Buying porn is an important process in building a kid's character. It gives him the courage and skill required to chat up chicks.


point well said!!!


your template make my eyes blurblur... hope you finish it :)

you remind me of my first porn. why is it so hard to get porn when we are young, now i have tons of it..



LOL! Bravo! *applause*

I think for me it started that way and sooner later just casually start flipping through it while the older ones were looking. Probably even pretending to look at the 'normal movies' for all I know.

I didn't give a rat's ass if the adults educated me. I was educating myself about porn so mind them, at least I haven't raped any girl just to try sex out.


BAHAHA!! Oh ESSENTIAL to a kid's character building huh? We should tell the education ministry.

'Sir, in addition to teaching kids proper sex education to prevent STDs, unwanted preganancies & AIDS, they should watch porn daily. It helps them build character'.



Sex education. good for horny kids.

wah...after 5 years still have the VCD eh? Must have serve you well..hehehe

searching through my dad's cupboard for porno CDs was like a adventure to me :D~~ . Nowadays I just download it throught p2p or bittorrent , after all today's porno are quite..........boring -_-" .

dannyfoo : Yups, self-education beats everything else. No need for people to teach.......kids have to take the initiative themselves. Hahahhaa..

raksha : No no. Watching porn doesn't build character. Just the buying process. Watching porn just releases steam so those kids don't go around whacking every kid they see.

papi : Nope, it's been 7 years. I haven't seen it in a while.

yungjie : Yeah, but those days high speed internet didn't exist.


wonder if it is much different for girls to buy ham tai...

lol. everybody had that rite of passage, didnt they?

lyn : According to a few credible sources, the AhBengs will think that you are ill advised in such matters and will guide you more throughout the process. Or, you could try it and let me know..

captain carcinogen : It's called 'the cumming of age'


Honestly though, porn is getting really boring. Same positions over and over again......

My first porn was a playboy video. It had no men. All women prancing around.


i used to borrow from my guy friends. either that, or raid my old man's special drawer 0_0 then there was kazaa and it's all happiness since

anonymous : Apparently, you don't really know where to get good stuffs.

kimberly : You watch too?? Awesoommeeee...


I remember a friend who went straight up to an oldman and said very loudly.. "Boss, ada Blue ka?" We laughed our guts out and slapped our foreheads when EVERYONE at the vcd stall stared at us.. But we went home with the best porn ever.. Rocco Siffredi's Tarzan.. Superb haha..

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