Tuesday, June 14, 2005
rapunzel learns about BJs
Have you heard of the story of Rapunzel and her erm...lessons? It was all very good...except for the fact that Rapunzel was a tad too naive in such matters and missed out something important. Mark, being too much of a gentleman, did not wish to enlighten her on the simple matter of pleasing HIM. Labels: stories
But of course, we know that it is a fairytale, and gentlemen don't really exist. As soon as everybody starts stepping aside for reality, Mark gets pissed offed that he doesn't seem to be getting what all men crave - a mind blowing blowjob (all pun intended).
So one day many years after they were happily married, he loses his patience and asks Rapunzel for a blowjob. She didn't know what it was. He told her. Eager to please him....she did it. But Mark had just come home from work after fighting bad guys all day. He didn't have time to take a shower and clean himself.
As you would imagine, it was not a very pleasurable experience for Rapunzel. It tasted like shit, if she ever knew what that tasted like. It was smelly and reminded her of some stinky mouldy cheese spread. And to top it up, she did not derive any physical pleasure out of it. It was no different than sucking on her thumb. But she was confused....he seemed so happy about it. She had never seen him this happy before. Everytime they made love before, he seemed to be hard at work. But now, he looked like kid eating candy.
Puzzled, she consulted her good friend Vincent (who is not in anyway related to the writer of this blog).
Rapunzel : Tell me Vincent, what is it with guys and blowjobs?
Vincent : Aaaah....blowjobs..the best thing ever to happen to a guy.....except for that time when Atari revolutionised video games with the creation of Asteriods.
Rapunzel : So...what is it with blowjobs? What so special about it?
Vincent : Well, its like this..........................
I presume everybody is familiar with the fact that 'men' and 'ego' are synonymous terms? If you did not know that, you won't understand how the rest of the below stuffs relate to anyhting. Now, when you boost a guy's ego, it's as good as giving him an orgasm. That is why I encourage people to send me fan mail. But anyhows, blowjobs feed a guy's ego like no amount of words can. Here's how.
I would firstly presume that everybody has had experiences with blowjobs. Either you have participated in it (giving or receiving) or you have watched enough porn to know the positions of the giver and the receiver. If you do not have any prior with regards to that and do not know of such matters, you could click here to see a very moderate pictorial example of a blowjob.
Ok, sorry for the sidetrack...back to where I was. How does it boost ego? Assuming the usual position of a blowjob like in the picture, the receiver is lying on his back. From there, his view is restricted (unless propping his head up on a lot of pillows) and there is a small matter of optical illusion - the damn thing actually looks like a damn tall coconut tree because it is sticking out on a flat barren surface. That's effectively Ego Booster #1.
Ego Booster #2 comes in the actual 'giving' process. All that effort is focused on to that deity with the giver usually on both knees. If you think about it, in most, if not all religions, people do tend to pray on both knees, with the object of worship facing them. So here is the psychological effect of the guy thinking that he is actually God and that the receiver is worshipping NOT him, but his all powerful little deity standing out elegantly.
Also, as Rapunzel had shrewedly pointed out earlier, there was no physical pleasure felt by the giver. In fact, nobody would ever want to give blowjobs if it weren't for the willingness to make thier partner happy. And blowjobs can't be forced onto an unwilling giver, because teeth are sharp and that would not be a clever thing to do. So essentially, blowjobs are like a birthday present - something given, although it does not benefit the giver. Which brings us to Ego Booster #3 - anybody who receives a birthday present is the centre of attraction.
And with that short lesson, Rapunzel was greatly enlightened as she went home to her Mark....
FA : sorry...you already have 'multiple orgasms'
jane : thats........really up to you.
keng : have your retinas been scorched before?
word : evolve? from what? its always been educational...
kimberly : how do you know? compared with other ahpeks before? ehheehehe..