Wednesday, March 30, 2005
A few days ago, I had a chat with a friend on MSN. Let's now call her Beebs. Labels: musings
Beebs : So where you going for Easter?
Vincent : Staying at home playing PS2, staying in Morpheous' and Kay's house for the Easter. They have a PS2 and satelite TV!
Beebs : So...not going anywhere?
Vincent : Wanted to go skiing, but got ditched. Then usual travelpals couldn't and didn't want to go anywhere.
Beebs : So why don't you be adventurous and go alone?
Vincent : 'Adventurous' or sad?
Beebs : Yeah.....like as though you feel very 'happy' playing your PS2 the whole day?
Now, I have a lot of friends whose opinions count for nothing. Beebs is not one of them. She looks like a person who goofs around, but when she says something serious, I'll listen intently. Beebs did drive home a damn good point straight through my head. I was never against travelling alone. I did it last year when I toured London myself (stories are in the June archives). But back then, I used the excuse of loving time alone with myself.
When faced with a situation like mine...a lot of people would choose to stay home. What would you do if you really wanted to watch a movie which none of your friends wanted to see? A large number of people would rather stay home than be caught going to the cinemas alone....cause apparently that's quite a sad thing to do.
In this case, I heard countless stories about the tulips blooming in Amsterdam and how bloody marvellous they looked. Its spring now, and this would be my last spring in the UK if I don't get a job here. I figured...if I don't go now, there will never ever be a time when I would go. Not in the near future, that is.
And so, two nights ago, while playing Pro Evolution Soccer 4 on the PS2, I decided to fuck all. Since when did Vincent give a shit about what people said? I am going to Amsterdam. I am going to the red light district capital of the world! And...I am going alone! People always said, a good companion would be someone you really love. Guess what? I fucking love myself. Couldn't ask for a better companion.
When was the last time YOU had an adventure?
Monday, March 28, 2005
confused about sex
Global warming has had strange effects on the weather. Slightly over a month ago, the weather was showing signs that spring was here. It got warm and the flower buds were sprouting. Then, one fine day, it decided to snow. That was the most snow I had ever seen here. We even made a snowman out of all that snow. Labels: awesome theories
About two or three weeks ago, it got all warm again. A few days ago, some people up there decided that they should make it cold again. Now, this has little bearings on us superior humans. All we need to do is put on more clothes and turn on the radiator in our homes. But for the inferior living things around, that ridiculous change of climate from cold to warm to cold to warm and cold again has caused some serious confusion among them.
Every spring, we see loads of daffodils popping up everywhere. This bunch you see here is just outside my room.
Lovely, eh? The shoots popped up about 3 weeks ago, and they blommed about 2 weeks ago. That was fine because it was in the middle of the warm spell. But, another patch of daffodils also outside my room were not so lucky.
The weather has also greatly affected the ducks. There is a huge lake in the middle of my uni, and there are a shit load of ducks around. Spring marks the start of
mass orgy mating season for the ducks. However, ducks don't have calenders to tell them the date. So, they rely on the weather to tell them when they should start having sex making babies.
I saw a bunch of ducks the other day as I was walking by the lake. Actually, more like 3. I ain't no expert about ducks, but I guess there was this male duck which wanted to screw a female duck. As he tried to get jiggy with it, the female duck retaliated and started flapping her wings around crazily. You know, sort of to tell him to fuck off. That dude, like most males, are horny and didn't wanna just walk away from the free sex. He proceeded to harass the female duck again.
Then, from afar, another duck came into the picture. I am guessing he's a male duck too. He sort of told the other male duck to leave the nice lady alone, cause its not yet mating season and they shouldn't start copulating just yet. The first guy got pissed, and pecked the busybody in his face. They started fighting while the female duck watched.
This brings me to another interesting fact. As a follow up to the "How to Score" article. I was discussing those theories with a girl from my hostel. She agreed with every single bit of it and added another cool observation. She says, a lot of people tend to hook up around Easter/spring time (this time of the year). I thought a while and found that that observation does hold true when comparing with a few test subjects I knew. She however, did not have an explaination. I told her that I would try to figure that out.
And then.......it just hit me as I was typing the stuffs about the ducks (about 5 minutes ago). Ducks aren't sure when to mate. Flowers blooming is ALSO a sign that the plants are mating! Even the plants are confused when they should mate!
Could it be that horny teenagers share the same mating habits as primative ducks and yellow daffodils?
I'll get back to you on that when I come up with a more conclusive theory because I feel damn excited now - like a nuclear scientist who just discovered how to kill more people with the same amount of plutonium .
Labels: awesome theories
Friday, March 25, 2005
I miss Haloscan. With the Blogger commenting system, I can't edit comments made by morons, and I can't check their IP. Anyhows, over the last 2 days....some people made comments on my article about my SPM article. Labels: blogs
There were some really long racial comments which I deleted without much inconvenience to myself. Those poor buggers must have spent 5 minutes typing something which I deleted in 3 seconds. I'll blog about that another day.
There were a few other comments from some matkool's which really made my day:
what the ... bodohnye. so this blog is only for ppl who aggre with you. ahaha moron. if u scared others wont agree with you..why create this blog in the first place... letak dalam diary kau lah bodoh! stupid...or at least dont let other ppl post comment -out- -really-
Thursday, March 24, 2005
On Sunday, I found myself in a random library. Now, I never really spend time in library to study. The only time I enter libraries is to borrow a book or to return it. Its too quiet to study and being surrounded by other people studying really gives me a spooky feeling. Anyways, since I had extra time to kill, I went browsing around the social science department. Labels: jokes
Turns out, there are some pretty cool books around.
*That was a joke, guys.*
*Although, sometimes people mean what they say when they joke.*
*Not in this case. Really.*
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
There hasn't been a lot of posts recently cause term has ended, and I moved in to stay in my friend's house. Then....my comp got screwed up real bad with some viruses, so I am typing this from the computer lab. And since I hate typing from the labs with shitty keyboards...I am going to make this short. Normal blogging business should resume tomorrow when I get back my computer. Labels: musings
"I am dissapointed with the attitude of some people who claim that football is
about life and death.........it is so much more than that" - Bill Shankly,
You always hear people saying,"Winning isn't everything." Funnily enough, nobody says it if they just won something.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
i love the news
Loads of cool stuffs going on in Bolehland..... Labels: musings
Induction course waived so that Pakistanis can start work earlier
We urgently need 100 000 workers? ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND?!?! Why is that? Cause somebody had the great idea of deporting all the illegal immigrants.....which is correct. Only problem is, they forgot that the illegal dudes aren't exactly in Malaysia to go shopping. All the illegal dudes do some kinda work. Which means.......someone forgot that kicking them out would result in an acute shortage.
Shouldn't they have had ready substitutes? And.....what exactly is an induction course? I reckon that induction course thing is to introduce the workers to the Malaysian culture....so that they don't go around catching people's dogs and eating them..oh wait, sorry, that was the Vietnamese dudes. So....waiving the induction course does solve the problem at hand, but won't it cause more problems later?
MB : Crime on the rise due to media
KOTA BARU: Mentri Besar Datuk Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat has blamed the print
and electronic media for the increase in the crime rate, especially in
"Reporters are actually the cause of increased crimes and moral
decay among youths as they are the ones who like to write about negative
things," he said.
He said reporters should write about positive things and that newspapers
should not resort to using "sexy" photographs to attract more customers.
"For instance, the newspapers like to publish articles on gays and
lesbians. What is this? Semua karut (All nonsense)," he said.
Yaler.........semua karut! Man....I dunno about you guys, but I really love this dude.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
dear uncle agony
Dear Uncle Agony, Labels: stories
I am writting to tell you of a problem I am facing. You see, recently, when I was feeling very horny, I thought it would be a good idea to get on of those things people refer to as a 'girlfriend'. Although I am a guy from that small little island, who are generally clueless when it comes to women, I found it quite easy this time around. (didn't even need help from the gomen!)
That wasn't a problem back then. This girl...Rabbit, was quite a cute girl, the type that lot of guys like. She's small, you could almost fit her in your shirt pocket. I wooed her for a while, and succeeded in no time. At the surface, she seemed like a perfectly normal person. However.....things started changing.
Most distressingly, she has extremely weird eating habits. From young, she was trained to eat boiled vegetables. Its bad enough that vegetables have no taste, and eating them is like eating grass....but eating boiled vegetables is like eating paper. She also refuses to eat fried stuffs, which means that since dating her, we have not been to a single fast food restaurant.
Initially...I didn't care. However, she has started to control my diet. I love eating junkfood, and my side drawer is full of stuffs like potato chips and chocolate chip cookies. She has officially banned me from eating anymore chocolate chip cookies even though I love it. I did not want to make her angry.....so I complied and I now stock all the junk food in my underwear drawer and eat them in secret.
Then....the other day, we ordered some Chinese takeaway for dinner. The Chinaman was kind enough to send us a complimentary bag of prawn crackers to go with our meal. I hadn't even taken a piece, when my beloved Rabbit held the bag of prawn crackers in her hands......and crushed them into smitterins!! Still....I respected her dislike for those stuffs...so I bit my tongue.
The final straw came the other day, when my parents sent me some goodies from back home. Among the stuffs I got were some pork floss (bak hu). When she saw it.....she THREW it away. She FUCKING THREW my bakhu away!
I lost it. I have never been so angry in my life. I confronted her. I asked her nicely why she did all those things. She said that she loved me and didn't want me to ruin my health by eating all those stuffs. She claimed that those stuffs would possibly cause heart problems and even cancer. Later, she told me it was for my own good, like a mother who doesn't let her kid eat loads of sweets.
That is when I melted. She showed that she cared for me. What started off as a fling slowly grew into love. I now love her a lot, and do not wish to breakup with her. However...I do not know what to do when she doesn't let me eat all those things. We very frequently go to a restaurant that sells organic food. I always feel like puking whenever I injest all that green stuffs.
I dunno what to do man....help me..
Dear Lion Pretender,
I think you need to get some balls......and more urgently, some brains.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
life is beautiful
A scary number of young people out there are pissed offed with their lives. I was just reading an article off Petaling Street about this dude who was saying that 'life is not beautiful' and that life becomes meaningless as we get older. I have heard loads of my friends complain time and time again that they hate the way they live their lives, and that it sucks. Labels: musings
I disagree. I love every bit of my life. I have a loving family, I do not sleep under a bridge, I fill my stomach 3 times a day (2, sometimes when I wake up in time for lunch).....all those taken into account, how can I complain that life sucks?
Life......has its little bonuses. There is a bit of good in everything. The key point is to focus on all those good stuffs. If you think life sucks, then do something about it to make it exciting. So what if all we do is work, pay taxes and bills? If your life is really that meaningless, then surely it is up to you to inject a fresh breathe of air into it?
Take a break....look around you. The world is a beautiful place. Take a walk in the parks and look at the green trees. See if you can find a nest with birds feeding their young. Go out after a rain and treat your lungs to a breathe of fresh air. See if you can find a rainbow with colours so beautiful, they make your heart stop.
If having a 800cc Honda motorbike is enough to make people happy, and enough to make them feel that their lives is indeed beautiful, then perhaps its time to re-evaluate whether our goals make us miserable.
Maybe then........the success of a person would be measured by his happiness.
UPDATE : I just remembered this...so I thought I should add it in. There were a couple of saying I heard as a kid...
Life IS a bed of roses, just beware of the thorns.
You either complain that roses have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.
*did you know....chasing the magic dragon really DOES make you feel happy?*
Monday, March 14, 2005
mr nice guy
*sorry I haven't been able to reply to all your comments in the previous posts...will get down to it as soon as I can..net connection in my room has been really crap...am typing this from the comp lab* Labels: awesome theories
Once upon a time, when I was young and stupid, madly chasing after chicks in school, I was under the impression that girls were sweet little things and everything about them were wonderful and perfect. On the other hand, guys were down right assholes who used to screw them over. As you would guess.....that was a stupid assumption that was quickly put to rest when I grew some brains. (you can read all about that assumption here)
And soo....back then, I figured, in order to stand out amongst all the other assholes out there, I've gotta be a nice guy. And so, I made friends with all sorts of chicks. I made friends with friends of chicks too. I went around being nice to everybody around me. For a short while, I even stopped cursing. In short, I was being a damn nice guy. However, as you would rightly guess, that ridiculous tirade of mine didn't last and I soon gave up. I was left, however, with some good friends......but that's not the point.
This brings me to the point I was trying to make in my previous post. There is always a reason to everything. Always. If someone does something nice to you, there is a damn reason. There is no such thing as a free lunch (both literally and metaphorically).....especially if you are a chick with big boobs and a pretty face.
From my earlier tirades....I got to know a lot of girls, and still do. I have said it here before, that most of my close friends are indeed girls. Everytime one of them tell me that a guy has been especially nice to them, I tell them the same thing - he wants to get into your pants. There is NO SUCH THING as a nice guy. Do NOT trust a thing with a dick. Me, a guy....and I am saying it...if you are a girl, and a random guy starts doing nice things for you, there are two possible reasons for that:
Yeah...so when a guy is nice to you, it doesn't always mean that he wants to shag you. It might be that he wants to get to your friend too. Here, he is hoping that by being nice to you, you would put in a good word for him. I KNOW! Cunning, ain't it? However........not all guys are that far sighted, so the probability is high that you are the one he wants to bed.
I have held this opinion for a damn long time, and everytime a friend tells me of a nice guy she met, I shoot him down. So far....I've always been proven right. However, there were few occasions where I personally knew the guy, and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I would, on those rare occasions personally vouch that he was a nice guy. I now say...no such fucking thing as a nice guy...and no exceptions to that rule.
Now...don't be stupid and start saying....my boyfriend is nice to me! Yes, doofus, of course he is nice to you. He is your boyfriend. I would, however be vary is he starts being nice to other random girls.
In fact.........I'll take it one step further. I'll go as far as saying...I AM A NICE GUY. That would give you a clear indication of how big of a scum guys are. I am making it a habit to tell every chick I go after about this blog. That way, at least they have a warning as to how big an ass I am.....oh wait, there was a point behind this post (and it was not me)......
Yeah...so girls...don't say I didn't warn you. I am telling you, don't go out with a guy just because he was nice to you and your friends when you hardly knew him. Its a perfectly ok reason if he was smart, or sexy, or rich, or has a car....but if you date a guy cause you thought he was 'nice', well, that's bullshit and I am going to have to call you a real big doofus.
And guys, there was a good lesson to be learned from this post...something that would help you guys out on your future quests..I obviously can't spell it out, cause women read this too. So, if you are that stupid that you can't figure it out, or misinterprete wrongly and fail in your mission........well, too fucking bad.
*In case there are any doofuses reading this, which is usually the case (I am constantly surrounded by doofuses), please note that I meant that nobody is randomly nice to you if they are strangers or acquaintances. Once you are already friends, then of course you can expect some nice treatment from friends. However, please remember that the 'no free lunch' theory applies all the same.*
Labels: awesome theories
Friday, March 11, 2005
Cool. Labels: awesome theories
I would like to thank everybody who commented yesterday. Man...got damn many mini-orgasms. They even talk about me in forums! Cool shits!
As always...I've had people say how bloody marvellous I am, I have had people who disagreed with me, and I've had people call me all sorts of cool names with mouths that they use to suck their own dicks.
Most of the thanks go to the people who disagreed with me, but took their time to think of reasons why they thought my article was wrong. Sweelin, especially. I love good debates from time to time.
Then....I've had most of my above mentioned mini-orgasms from the people who called me loser, jealous, sad fuck, etc. One dude even dedicated his whole blog title in my tribute. A lot of people have been saying those stuffs on forums too.
I realise that most of them are new to my blog and don't know me, so I should warn you flamers...I get kicks out of reading baseless critisism of me. If you want to critisize my article, fine by me. But whacking me without saying why you think I was wrong only further proves to me that I was right....and I fucking love it when I am right.
That wasn't really the point of today's post. Some dude asked me just now...how do you come up with all these alternative views? Nobody really thinks like you. But after you say it...it sounds damn true. Needless to say...I got another mini-orgasm there.
But that story of my life goes back a long way. When I was in Standard 6, I had this really awful class teacher. She's the second worse teacher I had in my primary days (worst teacher was Pontianak, if you remember her). She was unprofessional, and biased. She hated my guts because my mother had gone to school and berated her for another issue, which I really can't remember.
However...if I meet this cow on the streets, I'll shake her hand...caused she taught me something that I use till today...and is extremely invaluable. She randomly asked the class one day : "Why do coconuts grow so tall?" They are not trying to keep their fruit away from animals, cause there really aren't many animals on the beach anyway....so why so tall for?"
Nobody figured out the answer. She then said that she didn't know the answer, and had been thinking of it for a long time. The main point, she said, was to look at everything around, and ask "WHY?"
Everything exists for a reason...everything happens for a reason. People say, the appendix in your body serves no useful purpose. I say, it does have a purpose, just that we haven't figured it out yet. And so, at that age, I was extremely inquisitive and started disecting every information I got. Every time I saw something, I asked myself, "Why is it like that?"
It might be eccentricity, or downright mental, but it has indeed helped me in many decision making processes. There's not much of a point for this post, really just to give people an insight into how I think. I just feel that an inquisitive mind is a healthy one.
Labels: awesome theories
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Wow weeee!! Labels: current issues
Some girl sets a new national record! 17A1's for SPM!!! She must be getting loads of congratulations from everybody. Hell, even the PM congratulates her. So here I am, jumping the bandwagon with the rest of the people.
Congratulations girl, for throwing away your childhood for the sake of a few A's...you damn moron.
Look...I don't care what the papers say about her and her interest and whatever co-curicular activities she is involved in. A few years ago, before the introduction of the current 'open-cert' concept for SPM, such cases were unheard off. Its was simple concept, really. Education Ministry says...you gotta take this and this subject, and you just did it.
Open-cert system came about in 1999, the year before I did my SPM. It was good...it allowed students the freedom to choose the subjects they wanted. Students who weren't too sure of what they wanted to do in the future could study more subjects to keep their options open. Students who knew what they wanted to do could study less subjects, hence focusing only on the subject that they would pursue in the future.
Problem was.....kiasuwankers like these surfaced. Come on..for umpteens of years, its been the general agreed rule of thumb that about 8 or 9 subjects would be suffice, leaving the students enough time to enjoy life. With the workload that schools pile upon students these days..don't try to fucking convince me that she leads a normal student life when she has to study for 17 fucking subjects.
Me...I manage my time properly, and take pride that I do it well (just today...a junior of mine staying in my hostel asked me where I find so much time to act in plays, watch football everynight, go out without fail every weekend and still find time for projects) In spite of that...I can think of no forseeable way that you can study for 17 subjects and still lead a normal life.
Look at the girl....she can't even talk properly. I shall now disect every single idiotic quote of hers in that newspaper article :
"It was overwhelming news and I’m not ashamed to say that I cried"
Ok...nothing wrong with that..except that the first line of the article read : A year ago, Nur Amalina Che Bakri declared publicly that she was aiming to score 17As in the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia examination. So tell me...how is it overwhelming if you already expected it??
"I was inspired by Mahatma Gandhi who said, ‘The measure of success is not the result but the effort’
Riiiigghtt...I hate pompous people. Here, she's trying to sound deep by quoting a famous person from something she read somewhere. Its a good quote, but she uses it in very very wrong context here. She was asked why she chose to do 17 subjects and she quotes Ghandhi? And if it really wasn't about the result, then why are people interviewing you, and not some random stupid dude who put in as much effort as you, but only got 2A's??
"I also remember reading about a girl who scored 15 A1s in her SPM and I thought if she could do it, why couldn’t I?"
Thats not called raising to the challenge. Thats called KIASU. Period.
"I usually finish all my schoolwork and revision by 1am"
This proves my earlier theory about not having a life. Come on...which school going student sleeps at 1am? (unless you are playing computer games, which is a different story altogether) You have to wake up at 6am to go to school. 5 hours sleep a day?
And...the major bone of my rant :
Nur Amalina hopes to become a gynaecologist........Like I said above...the open cert concept for SPM was especially designed to suit people who knew what they wanted to study. If you already know that you want to be a gynae, why the fuck did you take subjects like Commerce, Econs, Accounts, Malay Literature and Art? Also...why did you take Basic Science when you are already doing Physics, Chemistry and Biology? Basic Science is a core subject for Arts students who are not doing the above 3 science subjects.
If that does not illustrate the case of people taking subjects just for the sake of it, then I don't know what it is. Its a sad practice....of people who want 'face'. There is no reason that somebody would voluntarily subject themselves to all that unnecessary stress of studying so many subjects. Oh...actually, there are two reasons.
The first reason is interest. We can however strike that reason out cause interest in both Science and Arts subjects are mutually exclusive. Interests might overlap, but only a little. There is no way so much of interest exists in all Science and all Arts subjects. If thats really the case, then everything interests you, and you are nothing more than someone who gets excited easily. The more the obvious reason to why she did all those subjects - bragging rights.
Well....congratulations dude, you have earned your bragging rights. You have earned it indeed...with all your hardwork, I'll give you that. But you did it for the wrong reasons and at the cost of sacrificing the simple pleasures of schooling life...pleasures that no amount of success in your future life will ever bring you.
So....once again, congratulations.....you blinking moron.
Post publication entry :
This post has since generated loads of interest within the Malaysian Internet community. From the comments below, you can see that there are many people who agree with it...and many who strongly disagreed. There were some forums that this was discussed in :
4) Malaysian Bikers
5) Hell Storm Raiders
Somehow, and dissapointingly, many people chose to make this a racial issue.
This was a view I took when I wrote the article, and one which I still hold on to. I still congratulate her for her hard work, but I pity her for having thrown away her childhood for the sake of a few A's. She may, one fine day prove me wrong......but till then, I still maintain that she is just another of those people who are only good at studying.
Labels: current issues
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
kids & death concept
Yesterday, I was in Sainsburys (local supermarket) to stock up on some Pringles and Mars bars. As I was surveying the soft drinks section, a small girl of about 6 came along and stood next to me. Her mum was on her other side, trying to figure out whether she should buy the 6 pack or the bottled option. Labels: awesome theories
Both of them were dressed rather weirdly. Well, the girl was wearing a white shirt, with a black blazer and black skirt, with her stockings up to her knees. Probably just finished school. Her mum was wearing almost the same thing. Black skirt with a black jacket and black heels. Who the hell wears heels to go grocery shopping?
The girl wanted to pick up a small can of Coke (don't know if they have it in Malaysia...its even smaller than the usual 330ml). Instead of asking her mum whether she could get it...she did something damn weird...she asked me. I thought she was mistaken at first cause I was standing on her left, while her mum was on her right. I ignored her at first, but she kept staring at me before repeating, "Can I have one?" I smiled and said," Sure you can...but you gotta ask your mum first." Her mum laughed,"You silly girl...take it, but only one."
What was more interesting out of the whole situation was how they were dressed. Like as though they just went to a funeral....all they needed were some black hats and the costume would have been complete.
That got me thinking..........I always read in story books and random stories about how kids deal with the concept of death. You can surmise from all those stuffs that people make out kids to be innocent and naive. We somehow assume that they do not understand the concept of it. Whether their pet dog died, or grandma died....adults usually explain it to them with loose terms like :
1) Lassie has gone to sleep.
2) Grandma has gone to a better place...with Lassie.
3) Grandpa will not be around us anymore.....but he's gone to heaven to meet Grandma.
You know...stuffs like that.
Me thinks.........that's a damn stupid thing to tell a kid. My first dog died when I was 5. (He was actually poisoned. The following week, my neighbour's dog got poisoned too. Few days after that, some fuckers climbed over my neighbour's gate while they were watching tv and took a shit load of stuffs.)
I remember coming home from school and asking my mum where Tiger was. My mum just told me. No bullshit about going to sleep. No bullshit about better place. She told me everything. Some bad people threw some food over the wall. Tiger ate it, and got very sick in the morning. Took him to the vet but it was too late. He was dead. I remember taking a shower immediately after that....which lasted only 2 minutes cause I was scared that Tiger's ghost would come and disturb me. However....that was the last of it.
You argue...that's a dog. How can I compare a dog to a human (like grandma)? But I believe kids don't make the same distinction. Something beloved died all the same. I was upset.....I loved that dog. (My feelings for dogs are now very different though). Point is...I was glad my mum told me straight to the face what had happened.
Mum : Tiger has gone to sleep.
Kid : When will he wake up?
Mum : He won't wake up.
Kid : Why won't he wake up...he always wakes up.
Mum : He is real tired.
Kid : I'll wake him up. He'll want to play with me.
bla bla bla...And it would never end...until you tell the kid the damn truth, which would then make it even worse.
I think...if there's ever a time a kid has to grow up and learn about life, it is times like those where such experiences would prove to be an invaluable lesson.
Labels: awesome theories
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
in the news today...
I had quite an interesting topic to write about, but when reading today's Star, I couldn't resist talking about two stuffs... Labels: current issues
Firstly, the headlines...
Malaysia and Indonesia to hold talks on territorial claims
Sooo....basically, we are fighting with our neighbours over who a certain part of the sea belongs to. Why? Cause there's some black gold lying down there. Apparently, they are now going to sit down for talks to discuss who the sea belongs to....and more importantly, who gets to dig up all those liquid fosillised dinosaurs and gaseous dinosaur farts which have been lying down there for millions and millions of years.
I can only imagine what those talks between our foreign minister Datuk Syed Hamid Albar, and the Indon guy (whatever his name is) is going to be like :
Syed : Hello my friend.
Indon : Hello to you too.
Syed : I have come to tell you that our government owns the sea where you can find all those black slush.
Indon : Well, you don't. We do.
Syed : Well, according to some maps that we drew in 1979, those blocks belong to us.
Indon : No shits, Sherlock?? My 2 year old son drew some maps yesterday too. You want to have a look at it? We can ask some of our people to draw some more maps tomorrow, you want to see those too?
Syed : Ok ok....there is a way to settle this. International Court of Justice would be a fair 3rd party.
Indon : No way! Those bastards gave you those 2 small islands last time. Unfair!
Syed : So what do you propose we do?
Indon : I tell you what....you take one, we take one.
Syed : No can do. Those two are ours. Why should we GIVE you one?
Indon : Noo....we are GIVING you one, since you have been so kind to all the illegal workers in your country. I mean....I don't know any other country who shoos all the aliens away, and then gives an extension for them to stay.
Syed : Yeah...we were kind! So let us have both those oil blocks!
Indon : Oh!! So that's what you are after! The oil! So without the oil...you won't bother about the sea? Thats bad attitude man. For us...we just wanted the sea so that we can patrol our warships around there to show our citizens that we have powerful navy!
Syed : Ok...you can keep the sea and the water. In fact...since you were so interested in the water, we'll give you all the sea you need. Just let us erect a couple of platforms there. Its very small...we promise!
Indon : No no no...the sea is precious..let's flip a coin for it!
Syed : That's a damn good idea..heads I win, tails you lose!
Indon : OK!
*coin lands standing up on its side*
And....other more pressing issues..
Its a baby boy...oops its a baby girl
Gist of the story.....a baby boy was born, with the male XY chromosome, but looked like a baby girl. How so? Well.....there's actually only one way to tell if a baby is a girl or boy. Apparently, if you were to have a look at the baby...you would think its a girl.
Important quotes from that article :
Their baby had a medical condition called genital anomaly. It affects one in 5,000-10,000 babies – which means between 400 and 800 people here probably have this problem. (in Singapore)
Such babies usually grow up to be extremely attractive and very feminine girls, Prof Biswas said.
Extremely attractive and very feminine? Tiuuuuuuuuu loorr............HOW?? 1 in 5000 is not a small statistic! Thats 0.02% Not a small number at all!! Sooo...how do you know if the chune chick you are after....isn't really a chick? I dunno! I know a lot of EXTRemely Attractive and VERy feMINine girlS (EXTRA-VERMINS). How??
I know you guys out there are starting to freak out. I have a suggestion. I decree that all guys should now date ugly manly blimps. The EXTRA-VERMINS would then be lonely and start getting desperate since the guys are scared and only shag blimps for their own safety. EXTRA-VERMINS then take to the streets and start protesting that they are normal and should be given a chance. Social unrest is caused...but nobody wants to listen to them......
That's where the King of Men comes to the rescue. He stops the social unrest by agreeing to start shagging all the EXTRA-VERMINS. He sacrifices his sanity and takes the chance that he doesn't shag the wrong type. In the end....everybody is happy.
Labels: current issues
Monday, March 07, 2005
I went to a house party last night. House parties aren't exactly parties where you sit down, eat some chicken wings and play 'spin the bottle'. These sort of house parties are where you go....drink a lot, drink some more, and then puke then pass out. Labels: stories
Ok....maybe not for all people, but the last two are usually true for people who can't hold their drink and can't control themselves. Apparently, people told me that I talked a lot of crap last night, and judging from that....they said I was drunk.
I disagree. I talk crap ALL the time. And to prove I wasn't drunk...I am going to say that I remember every single thing that I said said and did last night.
** Drinking makes you warm, that why I was chatting with some people in the open air backyard (approx 0 degree celcius last night) wearing nothing but my Nike Dry-fit t-shirt (and pants, of course) and a drink in my hand. Some dude asked me whether I was cold, I told him that only my fingers were cold. I told him its cause the cup was cold from the ice. Half an hour later...the drinks had kicked in and I started thinking it was cold. The guys, mocking me cause of my earlier statement said, "No its not cold. Just our fingers are cold." I retorted back, "Fuck you. I am cold ok. My nipples are all sharp and pointy. Don't believe? Touchla!"
** There was a point where I drank Baileys with ice. Baileys is a cream-based alcoholic drink. After finishing the drink, there was of course some Baileys stuck to the cup and the ice cubes. Without thinking, I poured
some lots of Chivas (whisky) into the same cup and mixed it with Coke. The result? The Chivas coagulated the leftover Baileys and the Coke made those coagulated bits float around the cup.
End result -- a drink that resembled the colour of diahorrea in the toilet bowl. It tasted like shit as well (not that I've tasted that), but as a principle, I NEVER waste alcohol, so I just continued drinking it. I then took that cup around showed everybody what happens when you mix Baileys and Chivas. I gave good advice that they should never do what I did. People listened.......although most of them didn't look too interested.
** Last year at the same house party, by 1230am, there was a considerable amount of puke everywhere resulting from people, mostly girls, who can't control how much to take in at a time. Three of us thought it would be cool to bet on what time the first puke would come. Surprisingly, people were more sensible this year. When it was quite obvious that none of us were going to win the bet, the other two dudes mentioned that I was quite high and might in fact win it for myself. I declared, in front of a few chicks around me, "If I puke tonight, I'll eat it all up!"
** One of my friends wanted to leave quite early. I asked him to stay and drink more. He insisted that he had to go cause his girlfriend wanted to sleep. So I told him that I would talk to her on his behalf. For no particular reason, I am going to call him BlackLabel and call her RedRidingHood.
Vincent : I'll talk to her, ask her to let you stay a little while more.
BlackLabel : No its ok....you can sit down.
Vincent : Hey RedRidingHood! Why you ask him to go home so early? He needs to drink more!
RedRidingHood : Past his bed time.
Vincent : Ah...but its not past your bed time, so you can stay back and drink a bit. He can go home.
BlackLabel : No no dude....its past OUR bedtime.
RedRidingHood : Yeah..OUR bedtime.
Vincent : *winks* Ahhh......I understand. Both of you go home and......sleep la...
Now...you tell me....I remembered all that. You still say I was drunk???
Friday, March 04, 2005
If you remember, a few months ago, I was complaining about the travesty that was besieging football. It happened again the other day. I went to the common room to try to watch some football highlights. Instead, a bunch of girls were watching MTV. Labels: musings
This is something I never understood. What the fuck is so interesting about MTV? If its the music that you appreciate, go buy a bloody radio. Ok...before I continue ranting, let me tell you why I hate watching MTV (or any other music tv channel) so much.
1) Its not possible to like ALL the songs.
2) Its possible to like some songs, but they might have a piss poor stupid video that goes with it.
3) Some might have a good video, but the song is shit....which makes you get a headache listening to it.
Bad video - Bunch of fags dancing around, no storyline. (Any Backside Boy video you can think off)
Good video - Scantily clad women shaking ass (Shakira - Whenever, Whereever)
What do you do when you watch MTV and they start playing a crap song? Switch channels to and put on Channel [V] ?? What if they are playing some shit song as well?
Look.....radio was invented so that people could listen to things. TV was invented so that people could SEE things. Now....with faggots like the now defunct Backstreet Boys, who (besides juvenille girls) wants to see them dancing, swaying their gay asses and their boyish faces? If you are a singer.......SING!
This also brings me to another point....although I don't really mean it, but I figured its right and I have to be fair to ugly people. Its because of the emergence of music videos that the great singers who are ugly don't get to go very far. Ok....even before music videos came out, the good looking people had an advantage (Elvis) but at least the ugly people stood a chance (Lobo). On the other hand, these days......you are more likely to succeed if you have a pretty face and a nice pair of boobs, even if you sound like an African bullfrog with sore throat (Mandy Moore).
Still.....all that would not concern me if they didn't watch MTV instead of football. What so interesting about seeing a few people dancing in a club and watching an 18 year old girl with fake boobs run away from paparazzi and throw her camera from a helicopter (Lindsay Lohan - Rumors) Its a nice song...I'll give you that much. But what do you learn there? Nothing...except that it doesn't make sense and gives false information. It actually takes much more than gravity to destroy a memory card. Read it somewhere....can't remember, so just trust me.
Here's a suggestion. Instead of watching an inane show where people beat drums and scream into the microphone, it would be better to buy a radio. Cheaper too. If you still think that you want to feast your eyes watching something, then may I suggest watching the Discovery Channel or National Geographic. You can put the TV on mute, and turn up the sound on your radio. At least then you'll learn some educational stuffs, like how lions chase some zebras and how hyenas eat basically anything...things like that. And if you really want to see scantily clad people, National Geographic does documentaries on tribal people too. Sometimes you can even see them naked.
Hell, I don't even mind watching football without the commentary. You can have your music in the background if you wish...just don't piss me off by watching a bunch of angry guys with a nose ring screaming and going beserk on tv while having an epileptic fit
banging playing their drum.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
how to score
Over the years, I have noticed the behaviours of many horny teenagers and young adults. A lot of young guys want to hook up with girls - mostly for fun. Apparently, its quite a cool thing to walk around shopping centres holding a girl's hand. Its also apparently quite cool to start sentences with, "My girlfriend says......." as opposed to "Ashley says...." Labels: awesome theories
So, yeah, back to the topic....if you are looking for a chick for serious stuffs, like making babies, building a home, stuffs like that, sorry I can't really help. However, if you wanna be like most of the people around me, pay attention guys!
1) This one is specifically for you if you are studying overseas (might work in local uni, you gotta use your head, depending on situations). Try to get to know as many chicks (freshers, of course) as you can during your first week. Usually, in the first week, most people are excited about the new place, and want to meet as many people as possible. Contrary to popular believe, this is NOT the period where people get homesick. Move in for the kill when the chick gets homesick. Most people start missing home about the 3rd week or so. A smart dude takes advantage of that. Of course, the quality of chicks here might not be good. Any chick who falls for an equally desperate guy during this period usually isn't the most independant of people. You might get pissed offed with her attitude quite soon. Then again........most people do this 'for fun' anyway.
*This is by far the most effective method. Term here starts near the end of September. By October or November, you suddely see a lot of people hooking up. Those relationships are usually over by Christmas, where the festive season usually makes people lonely again, and this is where the second round of pairing up takes place*
2) Women are damn jealous creatures. No, really. They pretend to be happy for their friends, but are damn jealous when their friends score. Usually when one of their good girlfriends hook up with another guy, they get jealous and start wondering what the fuck is wrong with them. Better still, if that particular girl is the only single girl in her gang of friends. Guaranteed success.
*This one works anywhere. The downside is the timing. There's only a small window of opportunity which you can pounce on. The correct moment is when her friend just hooked up with the guy. You then have a time limit of about 2 weeks. After that, you run the risk that the jealousy has worn off and she might be ok with the idea of being single*
3) In this case, your target chick has a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are single. This is by far the hardest scenario and the most challenging. The good thing about women (good for them) is that they are extremely loyal to their single friends. Its then extremely hard to get chicks to go out on dates or to hang out with you when there is an added distraction of her irritating female friends.
What do you do? Well, you could go about the hard way and try to get around her friends. But this is where the jealousy I talked about comes into play. Her single friends might not like you and can easily convince her that you are a wanker. QED, get rid of the competition. But, how do you get rid of a bunch of single females? That's where the tricky part comes into play. You have to sell your soul to the devil or something, or basically get your own single friends to help you.
The trick is for them to 'attack' all her friends at the same time. Even better, you then exploit the weakness by applying method number 2. After you got your chick, your friends can then dump her friends while waiting for you to buy them an expensive dinner.
I think 3 methods is enough for today. I shall now leave you with two words of advice :
1) Yes, I know you and your friends and your cousins as well as their girlfriends are not like that. That's why its called a fucking generalisation!
2) Quoting Maddox, "I am right. If you disagree with anything, you are wrong."
Labels: awesome theories