Tuesday, January 24, 2006

life's calling

Sod it.

I take back everything I said yesterday. Nature has a funny pull on things you know. Just as I was pondering over the uncertainties in life, not knowing what I wanted as such, then comes along a day like today and gives me a sign. I have it in me now. I have found my life's calling.

Well, to speak ill of today would be unjustified, yet it was, shall I say......refreshing. It's not so much a beautiful day as you might think it was. Just your ordinary mundane day, I would say. But that all changed in the evening with the occurance of just a single event.

The solution to the great puzzle of uncertainty lay in the predicament I found myself in this evening. You see, my brother usually takes the bus home from work, but he got held up and since we like having our meals together as a family, I had to go pick him. He works about 7km from our house, but it took me one full hour to get there and get back home. Thinking about it, I can run those 14km in under one hour, so that sums up how sucky it is to drive these days.

And then it got me thinking, there are too many cars on the road. Most of us urbanites drive everywhere. In most houses in my neighbourhood, there are on an average 3 cars per house, which means that almost everybody who can drive owns a car. Everytime we go out to eat, it is quite an effort finding place to park your car.

There lies the problem. There are just too bloody many cars on the road. The problem with that? Well, after reading this blog, you should have learned that there are a lot of idiots around. They are everywhere, so it is not surprising that when you put idiots in a machine that moves, you get a walking disaster.

Of course you know what I am talking about. Like, the asshole him front of me today who was doing 80km/h on a road in a residential area, and then for no reason just decides to slam on his brakes. Or, like those hippies who double park their car just because there isn't any more parking space left.

Speaking of which, let me sidetrack a bit (actually, I have been sidetracking all this while, since I was supposed to talk about my calling in life, but stay with me alright?). There was once a Singaporean dude who grew up in Malaysia, who plonked me down in a coffeeshop in KL during the daytime. And there he was, going on and on about how he thought Singapore was a better place to start a new business. Not knowing my ferocity when it comes to defending my country, he went on, "There are a lot of things Malaysia can learn from Singapore." Well, to be fair, I wasn't going to argue with that but I knew he was going to say something stupid, so I humoured him, "Oh yeah? Like what?" "Oh, loads of things! They are more efficient, more competitive and even more civic minded."

Simply put, if I had any intention of arguing with him, he sure did his best to put me off due to him utter idiocy. Here he was, talking about civic mindedness, just a few minutes after deciding to double park his huge 4WD in front of the coffeeshop just because he was lazy to look for a parking space elsewhere.

But heck, let's get back to the 'idea' I have. You see these idiots everywhere. They cut queues and they double park (or triple park) their cars. It is not uncommon in PJ to see people creating their own road dividers with their cars. If a road in front of a coffeeshop is wide enough, people would park on both sides of the road, and when all those parking lots are taken, they will park their cars smack in the middle of the road to sort of create a divider between the two lanes. Now, this is not something you get to see everywhere, and my friend Keng had this awesome idea of taking tourists to the SS2 area in PJ and show them how we park our cars.

Of course, now this is where I get to my life calling thingy I have been rambling about. Heck, I have been beating around the bush all this time that some idiots might have buggered off somewhere else, probably to read view another blog with photos and shits. But never mind them.

You see, you can't teach old dogs new tricks, which is why it is next to impossible to educate people to drive courteously. I mean, if assholes don't even bother moving aside for an ambulance to pass, do you expect them to park courteously? There is a chance they might do that, but those chances are probably as fat as Rossie O' Donell. Quite simply, assholes like that can't be taught lessons in a civilised manner, so we have to do something that would really jolt them to their senses, even if we break the law in the process.

I figured, being a very civic minded person, I think I make an awesome vigilante. You know, sort of like Batman. Batman breaks all kinds of rules (speeding, driving modified cars, carrying dangerous weapons around in public, etc..) but he gets away with all those things simply because he is doing it for the greater good. So, I figured, if I had all that money like Batman, I would BE a Batman. Ok, maybe not the ridiculous costume but certainly the car and the gadets.

Everytime I see an idiot cutting the queue at a junction, there I go with the Dogmobile (the year of the dog is coming so I figured it would be good fengshui to talk about Dogs) and ram that bastard Kancil's ass until it gets so smashed up that it won't be road worthy anymore. Problem is, we shouldn't go around harming idiots even if it is for the greater good. Let's face it, if we ram a Kancil with a Dogmobile, the driver is gonna get fucked pretty bad.

So I got this idea from James Bond. Maybe the Dogmobile could have some sharp stuffs stuck at its side that can puncture the offending asshole's car tyre(s). Also, I could have those small pellet bombs on my utility belt. Those would be for the cars that double park by the road side. One bomb on the undercarriage and the car is as good as scrap. No assholes harmed and a very expensive lession for them, but a lesson nonetheless.

And heck, on another sidenote (I seem to have a lot of that tonight), I think I am beginning to enjoy writing stuffs again. Ok, never mind that again.

There we go then. It's decided. There is no more confusion in my life. I have to make money, and then I get to enjoy being a science geek developing the Dogmobile and the Dogbomb (teehee....actual dog bomb might work you know) and I get to be a superhero vigilante. So there we go folks, I've already decided on my objective in life.

Now.....time to get me one of those big chested blondes that Batman always seems to get.

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'Well, after reading this blog, you should have learned that there are a lot of idiots around. They are everywhere, so it is not surprising that when you put idiots in a machine that moves, you get a walking disaster.'

Haha, why do I get the feeling I somehow inspired this post?


I wanna kick kids' ass like Maddox .

i was stuck at the bloody rothman's roundabout yesterday for freaking 40mins when i'm only about 5mins away from home! just found out that it was caused by two stalled cars, lots of bloody impatient kiasu drivers who won't give way to one another and slow action by the authorities. funny, especially since the ss2 police station was barely 200m away. @#$%^! where's the dogmobile when it's needed?!

alynna : Oh no, not just you. All women drivers. HAHAHA

lishun: Yes I was stuck there too. Took a detour and got stuck there too.


so you're Dogman then?

Yups, and not some stinking ewok. I am talking about the bad ass Rottweiler who wouldnt hessitate to bite off your balls if you piss him off.

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