Monday, May 29, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
a german story
I like to talk to Germans with regards to the war and Hitler and the likes. A few months ago when holidaying in Germany, I met an old man who lived through the war and told the story of the war through his eyes. Then, one Friday, I had a chat with a German colleague of mine, also with regards to the war. As you can imagine, I got two very different stories.
With regards to Hitler :
Old man says : Great man......He united Germany, he built the AutoBahn, he drastically reduced unemployment. Yes, he was crazy, but in which war, past and present did people not die?
Young man says : He built the AutoBahn and reduced unemployment by forcing people to work there. He would throw them in jail if they refused. And killing 6 million Jews just for the heck of it is NOT the effect of every war.
With regards to 6 million Jews :
Old man says : RUBBISH! All propaganda. That figure is no where near as close to that.
Young man says : Maybe 6 million is pushing it. The figure might have been closer to 5 and the half million.
With regards to propaganda :
Old man says : Kids these days are fed with rubbish. The winners write the history books. Everything they learnt in school was written by the British and the French.
Young man says : Old people still believe the propaganda spread by Hitler. They refuse to come to terms with what really happened.
With regards to coming to terms and admitting their mistakes:
Old man says : The war was not started when Hitler invaded Poland. It was started when the British and the French forced us to sign the Versailles treaty after World War I. They were the ones who started the war. The government see the situation with Japan and Asia and they are trying to avoid it, so, they will throw you in jail if you dispute the fact that 6 million Jews were slaughtered and that the war was Hitler's fault. The blame is to be shared by Germany, America, Russia, Britain and France!
Young man says : We should learn from our mistakes and own up when we do something wrong. Hitler is long gone, and nobody cares already. It is time to move on.
So you see, in every story, like I told you the other day, there are THREE sides to a coin. In this case, it would be the story of the old man, the young man, and myself - the person bringing you this story in the first place. I try to be objective, but as I might have subconsiously favoured with one of the above parties.
The thing is, when you hear a piece of news, you tend to believe what you want to believe. The old man says the young people have been brainwashed by the government while the young man claims the old people were brainwashed by Hitler long ago.
As far as history goes, it is well known that the winners write the books, the powerful paint an ugly picture of the losers. So who do you believe? Who should you believe?
More importantly, though, is the question of "Who do you WANT to believe?"
Thursday, May 25, 2006
the uninformed malaysian
Recalcitrant Malaysians have been screaming all day blaming everybody from the government, the IPPs, TNB and even Petronas for the price hike. As usual, they got it all wrong. Yes, someone is to be blamed, but unfortunately, the screams I have heard today have all been aimed at the wrong party. If only you guys knew the full story......... Labels: current issues
Speaking of full stories and the inability of the press to deliver full stories, our god-papa of online journalism, Sir Jeff Ooi has today wrote an article which Malaysians have taken heart to till the extent that some idiot left a comment in my previous post to ask me to go read it. A lot of people questioned why I considered The Star and JeffOoi as being a 'different lie, but same bullshit'.
While the Star did an awesome job today in trying to convince people that all was well and jolly, Jeff Ooi applied Newton's 3rd Law (equal and opposite reaction) and convinced everybody that apocalyse was upon us. Ergo, different lie. So how about the same bullshit part? Well, since you are all convinced that the Star and other mainstream papers are bullshit anyway, then I should need no effort trying to reiterate that fact. But Jeff Ooi? "Oh, a LITTLE BIRD told me this. Oh another LITTLE BIRD told me that."
Funnily enough, most people consider the bloke to be a very credible journalist and nobody questions the figures and the statistics he plucked from the mouths of his little birds. You would think that a person with 8000 page views a day would do some thorough research before blogging something, but no....Sir Jeff has managed to stupefy me today with some half baked research.
There are also emerging IPPs using coal coming on-stream in the blood-sucking party soon, namely
1. Tanjung Bin -- To be commissioned September 2006; PPA 25 years; 25 more years to expiry
I am sorry, Uncle Jeff, but Tanjung Bin is the name of the power plant NOT the IPP. It's called the Tanjung Bin Power Plant and it is located in Tanjung Bin, hence the name. The IPP in question here, the one who owns Tanjung Bin is none other than Malakoff which he had earlier named as an IPP. This is no mistake folks, because he goes on to say...
It is to be noted that except for Second Generation IPPs, the first 5 IPPs charge all its capacity to TNB. In comparison, Tanjong Bin and Jimah exert a 85% capacity charge.
If I remember correctly, TNB's net profit in 2005 was RM1.5 billion. It's in the papers anyway. But TNB's payment to Tanjong Bin alone when the coal-powered IPP is fully operational is about RM1.2 to RM1.5 billion.
Balanced account, you may say, with just payment to one IPP alone.
Here I have two bones to pick. First, it is blinking obvious that Jeff thinks that Tanjung Bin is an IPP, which it is NOT. Now, if an article cannot do a simple thing like getting the name of the IPP right, how on earth is it possible for us to trust his statistics and numbers which he seemingly plucked out of the air?
Secondly, his argument is incredibly ridiculous. He says that TNB's profit of RM1.5 billion would be fully paid to Malakoff (or, if not mistaken, Teknik Janakuasa which is a subsidary of Malakoff that would run Tanjung Bin Power Station). Our dear papa-blogger however forgot to take into account the money TNB would receive from selling all that electricity to the consumers!
And you know the thing that probably peeves me.....even more than that MENJ bloke? MENJ is a certified looney. No sane person reads what he writes and takes it to heart. But most Jeff Ooi readers, most of the 8000 or so everyday go to his site, read it, read the comments and take it as a gospel truth. And that, is scary. I shall stop at bashing his (inaccurate) facts, and move on to the responsibility part of it.
If you want to run a 'social commentary' website, then surely you have enough knowledge to know the right from wrong, no matter what perspective you look at. There are times when the comments from readers are so ridiculous it is actually funny to read.....
I don't understand the economics of this. If there are more power coming in as projected, then shouldn't TNB encourage power usage by cutting the rates??? What is the point of increasing rates and having even more excess capacity which TNB will still have to pay for?
Best solution is to sell all TNB power station to raise money, or close down most of its power station, dismantle and sent overseas to power hungry countries like china, Indonesia, vietnam, Myanmar, bangladesh and india.
Encourage power usage? More power = cheaper rates!??? WTF?! Do these people believe that selling electricity is like selling fish in the market?
Surely the purpose of a 'social commentary' website is to educate people? So when someone makes a ridiculous comment that is read by 8000 people who might actually believe it, then surely the webmaster has a responsibility to educate such people? Or if he feels he is not qualified to moderate such comments, technical or otherwise, then surely it is not his place to blog about an issue he knows NOTHING about?
I am peeved because the only time Jeff moderates the comments is when someone makes a racist statement and he is afraid the police would press charges against him. But when someone says something that misleads and gives people wrong information, our Freedom of Speech Champion chooses to do nothing about it. There is a huge difference between allowing and respecting contradicting opinions and allowing INACCURATE AND UNSENSIBLE NONSENSE.
The average Malaysian complains about pretty much anything under the sky but now with the astronaut programme, the scope has widened to pretty much anything under the stars.
The average Malaysian demands that we become a first world country, but refuses to pay first world rates.
The average Malaysian blames everybody but himself.
The average Malaysian does not arm himself with facts, but chooses to arm himself with conspiracy theories.
The average Malaysian is uninformed and rely on stories from their colleagues at work, or their next-door neighbour and for some reason take those stories to be an accepted gospel truth.
The average Malaysian would read this and get angry with me, but didn't realise that I never sided with the government this time around.
Labels: current issues
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
the looney theory, part 2
Some idiot asked me yesterday whether I thought there was something wrong with the government.
Of course there's something wrong. However, I would struggle to name a single government in the world where there isn't 'something wrong' with them. Of course, this post comes just shortly after TNB raised their tariff, but before the average kiamsiap idiot gets to complain about it tomorrow in their blog and at work. And it would rain gold tomorrow if nobody blames the gomen and maybe even my pet goldfish for the price hike.
So, yes, there's something wrong with the government - they do not do enough to shut idiots up. Too many racist pricks. Too many fundamentalists (whatever the fuck that means). Too many hypocrites. Too many shit talkers. Too many kiamsiap vampires.
Of course I have many looney theories on how I can solve all that stuffs, but that would be a story for another day. I was watching American Idol just now, when I saw that Chris bloke. He kinda reminded me of a kid in primary school called Chris too. Primary school Chris was as hairy as an ape though. Anyway, that hairy ape once told me, "If you become the prime minister of Malaysia, I will run away and leave the country."
Now, not one to hold a grudge, I figured it would nonetheless be fun to be the PM and take him up on his bold proclaimation. Besides, being PM would be fun since I get to do all sort of cool things and more importantly, I get to actually run the country as and how I see fit (and kill some people in the process).
I figure, it's not exactly an easy thing to wrest over power from the current government, so my first step would be to make money, like loads and loads and heaps of cash. How I plan to do that however, is none of your business since I can't have you stealing my ideas. But the plan is to emulate that Thaksin Shinawatra bloke.
Steps to become a PM:
1) Have loads of money.
2) Pay exisiting MPs to join your party which you conveniently name Malaysians Love Malaysia.
3) Build roads and give people money from your own pocket, way before election time.
4) Win the general election.
5) Celebrate with a Haagen Daaz chocolate fondue.
Monday, May 22, 2006
the looney theory, part 1
As most of us know, we have had a looney running around spewing hatred about other people. This invariably caused a lot of people to get really, really, really mad at this looney.
Me? Not so much.
See, looneys are different from the average idiot. There are loads of idiots out there who are idiots simply because they are misinformed. I get pissed offed because these idiots think they are right when I try to re-educate them. Yet, I believe idiots can be brainwashed, simple because they are idiots in the first place. On the other hand, it is a much simpler process with loonies.
With looneys, their logic goes beyond comprehension. For example, if you see a dead cow by the roadside and next to it, there is a crumpled lorry, we can all assume that the lorry banged the cow. An idiot will however tell you that the cow banged the lorry and then dropped dead. But the loonies? They are the best. They will tell you that an alien spaceship landed in the middle of the road, killed the cow and smashed up the lorry.
Anyway, since everybody from blokes with dodgy facial hair to animals like tigers, penguins, ducks and geckos are feeling little looney, I have decided to join the gang. Therefore, all my posts for this week would be of a looney variety. Whether or not I really believe it is irrelevant - what's more important is that I wish to be a certified looney by the end of the week.
You know all those stuffs about being gay and all? You know, the argument of whether being gay is in-born or a perversion? I was thinking that it's a perversion of some sort, but then some scientists have been saying it could be in-born. Nevertheless, that is all irrelevant because sexual behaviour CAN BE perverted too. Like, humans didn't grow up with a natural instinct to screw horse and goats, yet some people do that. That means, even if it was a natural thing that some kids were born gay, you could actualy perverse their sexuality and turn them into straight little kids.
I was watching Thundercats yesterday and then I remembered, like ALL LITTLE BOYS at that time, I had a MASSIVE crush on Cheetara.
And heck, it wasn't just Cheetara. Cartoon chicks have this weird pull on little kids, for some sick twisted reason which I cannot possibly fathom. First, when you grew up there was always Smurfs and you wondered how come Smurfette, with all her blonde hair was the only female Smurf and how come she got to be so hiao towards the Smurfs (even Papa Smurf) and how come she ran around wearing her skimpy pyjamas.
Yes, and after the Smurfette crush came Cheetara, which is a natural progression, one might assume. Kids progress from weird creatures in their vivid imagination, then to some weird half animal (pussy) half human chick, and then finally to a proper Princess, the Goddess of all kiddy crushes. It was a great cartoon because He-Man was cool, and then you also had Teela and The Sorceress on top of She-Ra with the huge battlecat. This is something Disney blatantly ripped off when they did Aladdin which had Princess Jasmine (another hot chick) and her pet tiger.
The point is.....
Even if a kid was born gay, after watching Cheetara and She-Ra (possibly wondering whether She-Ra, Teela, and the Sorceress sleep in the same bed), that kid would be perverted into being straight, no shits. This only goes to show that cartoons are nothing short of awesome in preventing gayness. A deprived childhood would see your kid turn gay.
And actually, kids these days face a worrying future. There are NO HOT CHICKS in mainstream cartoons these days! There's Dexter's Laboratory, Cow & Chicken and shit like that. The closest they get to seeing a hot chick is Powerpuff Girls, and heck, the Powerpuff Girls aren't even close to being as hot as the Little Mermaid and her sisters.
But please don't misconstrue this as a call to allow your kid to watch just any show with a hot chick in it. Sometimes, it can do more harm than good. If your 3 year old son watches or plays with the below cartoon, then you have loads to worry about.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Slyvester : Good morning Vincent! How was your holiday? Labels: musings
Vincent : Twasn't a holiday. I went for a scoutmaster course thingy so I can officially be a scoutmaster.
Slyvester : Er....boy scouts?
Vincent : Yes, I volunteer at my old school every week.
Slyvester : Oooh.....I know your objective already!
Vincent : Hmmm?
Slyvester : That's right...you get to meet some nice girls!
Vincent : You understand that it's a school......with YOUNG KIDS?!?!
Slyvester : Never mind what.
Vincent : AND YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE LIKE 14, 15, 16 YEARS OLD?!?!
Slyvester : Good what. Easy to bluff them.
Vincent : *kicks Slyvester's balls and feeds them to the office fish*
I know some seriously dodgy characters. Welcome to a day in the life of Vincent Lau.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I was listening to a new acquiantance bitch about some people I know. People say it is best to take things like that with a pinch of salt, but there was something quite convincing about his sermon that made me believe every single accusation. Labels: awesome theories
In situations like that, people like to say that we should always remember that there are always two sides to a coin and every party will give their own account of a disagreement. Wisdom comes in the most unlikely of sources. I was in a jungle hearing all this when it hit me....Only an idiot says that a coin has 2 sides. It has 3 sides. Head, tail and the side. It's a freaking cylinder! There are THREE surfaces on a cylinder.
And that is where the anology gets even better. There are 3 sides to a coin in every argument - the two parties involved AND the view of a neutral 3rd party observer (one who is literally in between the other two sides).
The point of all this?
Not much actually. I haven't been around for the past few days and I am dead tired but I wanted to tell you mortals out there that your prophet has just realised something that your puny brains aren't capable of figuring out on your own.
Labels: awesome theories
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Dear Friends, Labels: musings
If you have been important enough in my life, you would know what is in store for me in the fairly distant future. As you all know, I would soon be exposed to multitudes of AhLians.
I have a small request that I hope you would oblige due to our years of friendship and trust.
If I one day hook up with an AhLian who cannot speak proper English, I ask that you do me a favour and stab me in the eye with an ice pick. It would most probably kill me, but it would definately save my soul.
Of course, you could stab that AhLian instead, but that would result in you getting sent to jail and I do not wish for such a fate to befall on a friend such as yourself. However, if you stab me, I shall write a letter in my own blood saying that I gave you my full authority to do just that.
I hope I am not asking for too much.
Thanking you in anticipation.
Your good friend,
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
first and last
So there was this time, many many moons ago when I was no older than 17 years young. My cousin and I were in that vile place on the mountain, and I was desperate to get into the casino, just a month or so before I was supposed to leave for the UK.
Being an expert in such matters, my cousin (who was already 24 then) prepped me with the requirements. It's simple in theory. When the guard asks for your IC, hand it over. But of course, not before you had strategically placed a couple of ten ringgit bills under it. The cop then takes the IC from you, and upon feeling some paper-ish stuffs under the plastic would proceed to conceal the money with a David Blaine-ish hand movement, return your IC and let you into the casino.
But of course, that was all theory.
Still, being desperate just to have a look at the casino, I did just that. Corruption was so rampant, it was said. I heard hundred of testimonials of how easy it actually was. It was a dead cert that it would work. I had counted on everything, except of course a woman cop at the entrance.
It's intuition, you know. Like an assasin, who at the last minute gets a hunch that something would go wrong, I tried to abort the mission. My cousin convinced me that it wouldn't be a problem - a cop is a cop, and all of them are corrupt.
"But it's a woman!"
Well, there was a difference. As soon as her fingertips touched my IC and the dollar bills under it, she looked at me funny.
Ah, cool. She's taking me through some back entrance.
Goddammit. It's THAT easy.
And so the woman led me through a series of corridors, which is exactly what I expected. Back entrance, you know. Soon, I would see a door and she would say to me, "Nah, masuk diam diam." I would then enter the door and nobody would ever notice me entering the casino.
All was well.
Except for the glass door and the huge unmistakable blue logo hanging above it.
Ibu Pejabat Polis Genting Highlands
She entered and I sheepishly followed. She dumped my IC on a table along with the two 10 ringgit notes. The guy behind the desk, presumably her boss took a glace a the evidence, and then at me.
"Nak cakap apa-apa?"
"Minta maaf tuan. Saya tidak sepatut....."
If there ever was a time in my life which I was closest to pissing in my pants, this would be it. I was literally in deep shit. Any action he chooses to take against me would probably mean that I won't be able to go to UK to study in a month's time. This was a time when I was just like the other Malaysians out there - so convinced that the system we had in place here was so fucked up, it was peanuts to screw around with it. Except of course, the system worked this time and I was left cursing my bad luck - never mind that I was wrong in the first place.
And then the guy goes and says something I would probably never ever forget in my life. Two reasons : it was bullshit on one hand, but it was so true on the other.
"Kau fikir kau kat mana sekarang? This is Malaysia, you know. This is not Indonesia. We are not corrupt people. Kau masih muda...kat sekolah pun nak buat macam ni. Besok bila besar, cem mana?? Habis Malaysia ini kalau semua orang macam kau"
He then let me off with a very stern warning, but not before returning my money.
And if shit like that does not change you, then nothing will. That remains the first and the last time I ever tried bribing a cop. If it costs me 300 bucks because I was speeding, or because I jumped the queue - then it is MY fault and I will pay the piper. I make no excuses, I provide no justifications. No need for the bargaining. No need for the "Macam mana, tuan?" If you know you made a mistake then salvage what is left of your integrity by putting your hands up and admitting to your mistake.
Coming back from overseas and complaining that your country is fucked up doesn't help. Shit like that goes a long way though.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
I have learnt a great deal of patience. I have learnt not to get angry at inanimate objects. The other day my car got stalled and I laughed through the whole ordeal. My friend commented that I seemed pretty calm inspite of shit happening. I reckon I've learnt to be calm in a lot of situations. My next personal goal is to stay calm when an idiot talks to me. My second goal would be to avoid blogs written by shitheads. Labels: musings
I heard that that Takeshi Kanina guy is as gay as a busload of hippies. Apparently, he was photographed feeding some bloke pastries on his hotel balcony. This confirms my belief that pretty boys usually swing both ways. Jay Chou, anyone?
Hafiz is a shithead. It's one thing to lose if you aren't quite good enough. It's another thing to bend over and let people gang rape your ass without so much as a fight. I don't blame that kid who lost. He's just not very good. And even so, he did try to fight back. Hafiz has a mind weaker than an 85 year old cock. THREE misjudgements within 10 points?!?! You're a fucking professional, you twat.
Damn you Amber Chia! WHY, why do you have to go and get a speaking role in an advertisement?!?! We are all content with your pretty face and awesome body...no need to spoil the fantasy by announcing to the whole country that you are nothing more than an AhLian. Of all the 'beauty queens' we had, only one could speak proper English. Too bad she was quite a fatty, though.
Some kid told me the other day that I didn't seem to like realistic social commentaries, or some mumbo jumbo phrase which I really can't remember. Therefore, I shall repeat what I said on another site. Our mainstream news is pretty crappy. But if you compare Star and NST with JeffOoi and Malaysiakini - it's a different lie, but pretty much the same bullshit. Oh wow, you read JeffOoi, you know something I don't. Way to go, genius. I wonder what they feed kids in schools these days.
Quote of the week : Green fanta, anyone?
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
the braindrain reason
The Sunday Star published an article the other day based on a study conducted by the UK Executive Council for Malaysian students. They tried to investigate the reason as to why Malaysians are reluctant to return home after their studies. It is an 'interesting' article to say the least, because it attempts to look at various angles and to disect the problem at the source. "As a developing country, it is impossible for Malaysia to match the salaries of doctors in Britain. We don't have such deep pockets. "Money should not be everything," he told about 100 Malaysian students at a dialogue organised by the Malaysian Students Department in London yesterday. Of course, telling a bunch of Chinese that "money isn't everything" is kind of a foolish thing to do. (That was a joke, please laugh). Labels: malaysia
I could go on and say that the UKEC probably got their data from students, in which case a lot of the reasons in that article are not valid - because let's face it, what does a student know about a working environment? Heck, for the data to hold any shred of credibility, the only people who are qualified to make such an assessment is someone who has worked in BOTH the UK and Malaysia. But for argument's sake, let's just assume all is right and dandy.
So, that article to various discussions and comments, most notably by the Higher Education Minister, Datuk Mustapa Mohamad.
Money is not everything, students told
I do not begrudge all that. We all live to fulfil our ambitions, and if those ambitions take you some place else, then all's fair.
Yet, as I was reading all that and thinking, "Something's not right here." That remark of his led to various comments by various young people saying that "Patriotism doesn't put food on the table". I was actually amused by such comments, for these people seem to be implying that doctors and engineers and lawyers in Malaysia are struggling to 'put food on the table'. Your ambitions are yours and yours to fulfil. Do not try to justify something that cannot be justified. Do not try to make it out as if you would be stone poor if you were to return.
Among the reasons given for wanting to work in the UK was 'career advancement' but again, I suspect that that means nothing more than 'I want more money.' The thing is, if you were good enough to get a job in the UK after all the competition from the British citizens themselves and the EU citizens, then chances are you are pretty darn good and shouldn't have a problem securing a job with a big MNC or GLC in Malaysia, which is pretty much one of the best starts for 'career advancements'. From the engineering point of view, short of Airbus (who incidentally doesn't employ non-EU citizens), there aren't really many companies that have operations which are not covered by similar MNCs in Malaysia.
What probably peeves me off the most is that the government is practically begging people to come back and serve. One of the steps taken by the government to attract these people is to make their pay almost comparable to what they would be getting overseas. What we have reduced ourselves to become? Begging our citizens to serve us? Creating merceneries? Patriotism cannot be forced upon people. Let them come back when they are ready. Let them come back if they want to. When they decide to return, welcome them like you would a prodigal son. But do not, do not bait them with wads of cash. If cash is all that a doctor is interested in, then they are doctors who we probably do not want anyway.
Here you go, the real reason why Malaysians don't want to come home after they study:
"As a developing country, it is impossible for Malaysia to match the salaries of doctors in Britain. We don't have such deep pockets.
"Money should not be everything," he told about 100 Malaysian students at a dialogue organised by the Malaysian Students Department in London yesterday.
Of course, telling a bunch of Chinese that "money isn't everything" is kind of a foolish thing to do. (That was a joke, please laugh).
Monday, May 01, 2006
At some function the other day... Labels: jokes
Pretty waitress : Would you like wine or beer?
Vincent : Beer please. And after that some whiskey would do just fine...
Pretty waitress : How about you, sir? Beer or wine?
Slyvester : What wine is that? I want to see the bottle..
*inspects the label carefully*
Slyvester : Aaahh....Cabinet Sawvinon. Yes, I want some.
And then, as you would expect Slyvester then proceeded to sniff around the glass, hovering it so close to his nose that some of his nose hair might have dropped right in. He swirls the glass so much you would think he's trying to create a storm in a teacup (pardon the bad joke). The yuppie then proceeds to take another whiff of the cabinet before finally deciding that his tongue is ready for all that rotten grape.
Slyvester : Errgh! Scuse me! Scuse ME!
Waitress : Yes, sir?
Slyvester : This wine is not cold enough. Give me some ice.
*plonks 4 cubes of ice into the wine glass*
Vincent : Dude...what the fuck are you doing?
Slyvester : This wine is too warm.
Vincent : SO!?!? That doesn't mean you plonk ice into your wine!!
Slyvester : No la. It's meant to be like that. For beer, you don't put ice. But for wine, you are meant to use ice to chill it.
Vincent : No way!
Slyvester : Yes, trust me. I always drink wine.
Vincent : Eh, red wine is supposed to be drank at room temperature la. Ok, you can argue that room temperature in France and places like that is 15 degrees....so you are supposed to chill it in a bloody ice bucket!
Slyvester : Oh, ice bucket is ok, but ice cubed are preferred.
Vincent : Alrite. I've learnt a new lesson today.
I am proud of myself. I have learnt to control my anger and not shout at idiots. It is a skill which I believe would prove useful in the months to come.