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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

glory hunters

Some blokes weren't too pleased with my last post. Apparently some people may do 'community service' and help out with charities. So apparently, they claim that they are doing their part.

So what?

You help out with charity or do community service because you WANT TO. Do you expect an award? Are you a Rotarian (or a Kiwanian or a Leo) just because of the name and the 'prestige' that goes along with it? Did you expect glory to be heaped upon you for your demi-god contribution to society?

If you think you have done your part in making this country a better place to live, think again - you haven't. Community service can never be complete. I personally have the biggest beef with the condition of kids these days. Top scorers who can't hack it. Model students who are judged on nothing but their grades.

But I try to fix those problems. My work will never be complete. I work with one batch of students and I would like to think that they have learnt to look beyond their books, but the following year, another batch of students come in and I have to start from scratch again.

I never demand a trophy. I never dream of recognition. I do it because I want a change in the way things are. If I sat on my arse all day complaining about the inadequecies of the MoE, I wouldn't be able to get anything done. Some people offer no solutions. Some people offer no remedies. All they do is complain about the injustices that befall them. And true to nature, they complain when people like me appear and ask them to make a difference.

Just yesterday, I asked a friend to bin his trash at McDs. While he argued, another friend of mine did it for him. Make out what you wish out of it.

And you know, the most irritating assholes are the ones that are overseas and moaning about the state of their country. Do you want me to fix it for you and make everything nice and dandy so you can enjoy the spoils when you return? Would you like me to roll out a red carpet for you to come home when that is done?

The best part of it all - everybody moans that I have something to gain out of supporting this government. You're goddamn right I have something to gain. This is my fucking country! I have all to gain! I don't care if it is the current government in charge or in the future the current opposition takes power. The point is to stop moaning and get your butt moving.

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Saturday, June 24, 2006

broken tape recorder

The most frustrating thing about writing the things I write is that I have to keep repeating myself. I constantly feel like a broken tape recorder that keeps playing its tracks in a loop. It is like preaching to a choir - everybody is pretty much immune to my reasoning, and my logic. In fact, I imagine my sense of 'patriotism' (for the lack of a better word) is irritating if you read it over and over again.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, then you would notice that nothing ever seems to change. Yet, like a Maths teacher who has to keep repeating that 'negative times negative gives you positive', I have to keep repeating myself because somehow the slower learners in the class can never get it.

Never once in my life have I ever said that this is a perfect country where everything works out fine and everything is nice and dandy. Far from it. Yet, I still accept it for what it is. There are always solutions to every problem. Unfortunately, most Malaysians, especially those overseas, like to do nothing but complain and whine and groan.

Moaning gets you no where. You either fix your leaking boat or you deal with it and sink with it eventually. WHAT GOOD IS MOANING?

I write this because there has been a sudden influx of 'gomen bashing' blogs. They offer no solution to a problem. All they do is whine and bitch about how everything is broken. What is the point of it all? Are your complains going to patch up your leaking roof, or fix your broken down car? Why are you depending on other mice to pin the bell on the cat's collar? Why can't you do it yourself? Why WON'T you do it yourself?

It is the people who open their mouths the loudest who don't get anything done. It is the very same idiot who shouts, "OMFG What is happening to my country?!?" who sits on his ass yabbling away at nothingness while doing exactly that.

A fucktard once asked me why we as engineers have to study about 'ethics' in business. I replied that it is important so that we understand the importance of ethics in our dealings. "But if my unscrupulous boss wants to act a certain way, what can I do?" he asks. I reply, "This is why, my friend, one day, when you become a boss, you act APPROPRIATELY." "But then," he asked, "How to make money like that?"

I was sitting in IKEA's food court for lunch today. There is a huge sign that requests that people clear their trays and plates from the table after eating. I was sitting in front of the section where people were supposed to bring their trays and plates after eating. I observed no more than 4 people who actually cleared their plates.

You want to be a developed nation? Sure.

The straight government and first class facilities would be perfect. You might not be able to sort that out in the short term, but heck, you can start doing your part by being a little civic minded and a little less rude.

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

tis' is life

I figured that it is best not to get philosophical and shit like that, but if you were sitting in my shoes there is no way you can go about keeping your sanity without looking on the bright side of things.

There were no less than 100 times when I was asked, "Is this what you want?"

The answers varied.

First it was, "Oh hell, yeah!"

And then it turned into, "Positively sure"

After that, "Yes, this is what I want."

But 'yes' is okay. There's nothing wrong with a 'yes'. As long as the answer is not 'I don't know' I reckon I shall get along pretty fine. An 'I dunno' always translates to a 'NO' because you wouldn't turn down something you've always wanted. And so, my answer is still an affirmative' YES'.

You learn load in life, you know. Most of those lessons don't come from books and schools. I used to think you would learn those lessons in working life, but now I realise that it is not true. You get loads of lessons in life as a consequence of working - most of the time out of office hours.

I think I can come out of all this, hick town and all, saying that I learnt more in this last few days that I have in my last 21 years. Or at least, I hope that I can say that without lying to myself. But you know, even if that doesn't turn out to be completely true, what's true is that I have never felt more satisfied with every action I have taken in the last week.

You read this and think, "What's this old bloke babbling about?" Never mind that. If there is a lesson you should derive out of all this is the simple fact that you should always pick up your balls when you are young and able.

Now, if you excuse me, I need to go somewhere and scream, "YOU"RE GODDAMN RIGHT THIS IS WHAT I WANT!"

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

distraction

I was supposed to tell you this fantastic, absolutely brilliant story of a peacock I once saw at a zoo, but then a random question popped by. You see, on a field trip to the zoo when I was no taller than 4 feet, we passed the peacock enclosure.

Oh no, wait. I was supposed to get to the random question.

How come it's okay for kids to skip school for 3 days (and on the first week after the school holidays, too) just to attend a religious camp? Is praying in a group more important than school?

Now honestly. When you go to a zoo, the few things that interests you are the lions and tigers because they are all macho and all. Then there are the monkeys and the chimpanzees - the clever animals and there are usually animal shows staring those clever animals. Then of course there are sea lions. People also tend to talk about snakes. Even though snakes are insanely boring creatures, they make great subjects because of their gluttony and the stuffs they do with their food.

But wait. I am confused. You mean kids have to go to a religious camp to show their love for God? Whatever happened to doing things like this during school holidays? Never mind the teachers, how come parents allow kids to go for holiday during term time? Heck, I wish I could go hang out with my friends in Frasers during term time, too.

But peacocks? Who gives a shit about peacocks? Turn to your colleague and ask him to name you 5 animals you find in zoos. I bet you my virgin ass that nobody will put a peacock in the list of the most popular animals. This is because peacocks are probably as insignificant as anteaters and tapirs. And they say that peacocks are vain creatures.....

Goddammit. Don't flame me till wit's end, okay? Of course praying to God and everything is good. But you can surely do stuffs like that during your free time, rite? We wouldn't want our kids to miss out on important subjects like Pendidikan Moral and Trigonometry, would we?

So anyways, we were passing by the peacock enclosure and was about to walk past it when the damn creature perasan a bit and spread its feathers. Suddenly everybody stopped to look because heck, if one kid finds something awesome, every other stupid kid will follow suit. The peacock, happy with all the attention it was getting proceeded to march around the enclosure with the arrogance of a tampon a.k.a 'stuck up cunt' parading its glorious feathers.

Sorry for the random distractions. There aren't anymore after this.

Little did the peacock know that all the attention it was getting was not due to those dull coloured feathers, but because Littly Timmy the dumbfuck was pointing at the signboard laughing out, "Hehehe...PEA-COCK! Teeheee...got small cock!"

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

disillusioned

For some reason which I do not wish to justify, I found myself in KLCC the other day and I figured that I should spend the entire day doing something useful (and educational). And so, 15 bucks later, I got into Petrosains and the Speed! exhibition.

If you didn't already know, Petrosains is an awesome science centre that deals concentrates on the whole science behind petroleum (from the dinosaurs to the processes to the uses). Speed! deals with the science of Formula 1 which Petronas should know a great deal about because of their involvement in the sport. Both 'science centres' are very well maintained and extremely informative. They are suitable for people from all walks of life - they are written in simple terms and there are loads of volunteers around to explain things to laymen who might have questions.

What I found myself constantly irritated about was the fact that parents brought their young children there like as though it was a playground. Some kids ran around playing with the models like as though they were toys and kept banging on buttons for the interactive displays. The sad thing is that most of the parents made no attempts to stop those kids from spoiling the models and were certainly uninterested in actually teaching their kids something (which should be the whole point of taking your kid to a science centre, no??)

I spent 7 hours in the place slowly going through the exhibits and most of the stuffs, yet there were a lot of things that I didn't quite manage to see. And disturbingly, despite it being the school holidays, I did not see any teenagers going there alone to check out the place (There were a group of guys in Speed! but they were more interested in the simulator game). When I was in Germany and in Munich's Science centre, everywhere I went, there were school kids and college kids silently observing the exhibits and reading about them. Some of them were holding notepads and taking down notes (for studies, I presume).

And so, I left the place frustrated that I wasted a lot of time waiting for some kid to stop playing with some models and that their parents made no attempts to educate them. I was disillusioned to the fact that there were hardly any teenagers interested in science enough to visit a science centre on their own but many of them were window shopping around the mall outside.

As I walked to the LRT station, I was thinking about all these issues about how Malaysian kids are a bit messed up (more stories on that later). Nevermind about the governments and stuffs like that...shit like that is more than enough to screw us up as a nation. Inconsiderate parents, bird-brained kids...all of the likes. But when I reached the LRT platform, I saw rows and rows of my fellow Malaysians queuing up to get into the LRT.

Maybe there is hope after all.

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Thursday, June 08, 2006

looney theory, part 3

Part 1
Part 2

*please note that these theories are looney, just like me, and probably just like you*


I was reading the newspapers this morning, along with some other stupid blogs (it's an illness I have, I swear) and I noticed that a lot of people seem to have a lot of opinions on running the country. Unfortunately, these n00bs are wasting their time (I am not talking about the guy in the papers - he's obviously not a n00b). We all know that their opinions count for nuts, because opinions are like assholes - everybody has one and they are usually shitty.

Also, like I explained in Looney Theory Number Two, I would soon be the PM of this country. Running it would be a breeze in the park. There are a couple of policies which I would implement which would make Malaysians Love Malaysia (just like the name of my party).

1. Bangsa Malaysia

This Bangsa Malaysia thingy is important, I kid you not. Everybody keeps babbling about they have to check a box stating their race and religion when they fill up forms and stuffs. INANE RAMBLINGS! Who cares about some shitty form that you had to fill? It is extra effort, you lazy pricks, just to write your race and religion?

Let's take it a step further, shall we?

Let's abolish holidays like Chinese New Year, Hari Raya and Deepavali since we want to place more emphasis on calling ourselves Malaysians and not Chinese Malay Indians. Oh, no, wait...on second thoughts, Malaysians don't like things to be taken from them, so I shall cut down the CNY and Hari Raya holidays from the present 2 days to just 1 day. And the extra day we save can be used for September 16, because it is a travesty that we want to be Malaysians but do not celebrate Malaysia Day. And since there is an extra day, why not put the cherry on the icing and declare 9th August a public holiday too? Because honestly, that was probably the most awesome day in our history. (If your history sucks, please stop calling yourself a Malaysian until you check up stuffs like that.)

Why stop there?

What's all that monkey business about Chinese schools and Indian schools anyway? Why don't we settle for a uniform education system? Since Malay is the national language we shall keep the kebangsaan schools. Of course people are going to make noise about destroying culture and shit like that, but seriously, if people wanted their kids to speak Mandarin and Tamil, they would teach their kids anyway - with or without schools. Like, I don't see any school teaching hokkien, but every Chinese from Penang can speak Hokkien anyway.

And like my friend TigerJoe shrewedly observed, racial problems can be solved in the bedroom. For those of you who are slow in the head, that basically means that if everybody fucked everybody and everybody was a rojak, we wouldn't have any racial problems. So heck, let's ammend the laws to allow free-marriage. And since Malaysians love free stuffs, we'll even give tax rebates to newly-wed rojak couples for 10 years.


2. Upgrade ISA.

Humans are stubborn assholes. They want reforms but they want everything to go their way. Malaysians are recalcitrant here. Every time something happens that they don't like, they take to the streets to protest. Like Maddox rightly puts it - Civil Disobedience is still DISobedience. This is where a dictator like me comes in. You need dictators when you want reforms. You can ask that Ataturk bloke.

Have a gathering in front of KLCC? Show sympathy pics of your bloody head? Disagree with anything I say? The new ISA would have the power to bash your already thick skull further in. We could even gather all those protestors (and the pussies who stand by the side and take pictures) and treat them like hamsters. We feed them shitty horse food and force them to run on a great big wheel all day long. This wheel would of course be connected to a turbine that can produce electricity.

So there you have it....no more IPPs, and all that extra electricity could be sent to some places like Myanmar and be stored for future use in great big huge capasitors. I also listen to opinions of the rakyat and I heard a suggestion that we can lower the price of electricity since we have excess. That is a good idea and the money saved from there can be used to subsidice the price of fuel. This would guarantee my victory in upcoming elections because all the shallow kiamsiap bastards would only vote a government that gives them cheap fuel.



My plan is fool proof. I think I would even have extra money to subsidice the price of Haagen Daaz ice cream.

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

write write write

Some wise bloke once told me to keep writing if I was lost for words. You know, just write whatever comes into mind. Write like as if you were talking to a friend, or to your dog...write what you thought about when you were in the toilet, driving, cooking....even reading.

And so it is, I am talking to you. Writing to you, actually. I don't quite know what the next sentence is going to bring, so I am just pressing random buttons on the keyboard till something coherant comes out. Of course, you're not going to be impressed, but who the hell ever said that this was meant to impress you?

Actually, I have quite a number of topics that I want to write about, but my current state of mind would not do justice to those topics. So, I reckon random snippets of random things should work here.

I was talking to my friend Seta the other day when he said that he had to run for a bit. Apparently his Ewok of a dog pooped in his house. I think his words sounded something like, "Scuse me, my dog just made a mess...I have to go clean up the mess and reprimand her." Has the world gone mad? Since when did we reprimand dogs? What ever happened to just kicking them? Seta wasn't pleased when I suggested that, though.

Oh, this RANDOM EVIL WOMAN FRIEND of mine was talking about my writing the other day which somehow reminded me of the stuffs I used to write in Form 5 and in college. I read through most of it and grimaced at the sheer idiocy of my words, but she professes that it is the most inspired piece of writing ever......sure as hell beats that stupid Dan Brown anyway.

And finally, an old joke which I heard ages ago, which some muppet tried to tell me today:

Who killied Coco Pops?
.
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.
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.
.
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Cereal Killer

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quick trivia

Once, in Standard 4, I wrote a composition that was 350 words long. Instead of marvelling over the fact that a 8 year old child genius could do something that some Form 5 kids struggle to do, my bitch of an English teacher refused to mark it when she saw the word count at the end.

I remember her words : "354 words?!?! I AM NOT MARKING THIS!"


Funny then, that I had problems churning out 50 words today.

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

not quite there yet

So you wake up one day in a weird place. You are still hungover from last night. You look to your side and see a woman lying next to you. She is nude, and you obviously don't see her face because you are staring at her enormous rack.

You feel something on your prick and when you look down, you discover that you passed out before taking out the damn rubber. Boy, that's gotta hurt. Slowly, you wince as you try to remove the damn thing. And then, like a bandaid, you decide to rip it off in one go.

And you do just that. It hurts, but then you feel relieved. Just then, your one night stand companion turns on her side and faces you. You stare at her and you just can't belive that Angelina Jolie is staring into your eyes.

She gives you a peck on a cheek as she leaves and she says, "Thanks a lot. You're one of the best I ever had."




Question:

Would you be:

a) BEAMING WITH PRIDE...because firstly, you were drunk and you weren't even performing 100% and secondly, she's Angelina Jolie and she's probably had men of all shapes and sizes before.

b) PISSED...because she said you were 'one of the best' and not 'the best'.

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