Thursday, June 08, 2006
looney theory, part 3
Part 1 Labels: awesome theories
*please note that these theories are looney, just like me, and probably just like you*
I was reading the newspapers this morning, along with some other stupid blogs (it's an illness I have, I swear) and I noticed that a lot of people seem to have a lot of opinions on running the country. Unfortunately, these n00bs are wasting their time (I am not talking about the guy in the papers - he's obviously not a n00b). We all know that their opinions count for nuts, because opinions are like assholes - everybody has one and they are usually shitty.
Also, like I explained in Looney Theory Number Two, I would soon be the PM of this country. Running it would be a breeze in the park. There are a couple of policies which I would implement which would make Malaysians Love Malaysia (just like the name of my party).
1. Bangsa Malaysia
This Bangsa Malaysia thingy is important, I kid you not. Everybody keeps babbling about they have to check a box stating their race and religion when they fill up forms and stuffs. INANE RAMBLINGS! Who cares about some shitty form that you had to fill? It is extra effort, you lazy pricks, just to write your race and religion?
Let's take it a step further, shall we?
Let's abolish holidays like Chinese New Year, Hari Raya and Deepavali since we want to place more emphasis on calling ourselves Malaysians and not Chinese Malay Indians. Oh, no, wait...on second thoughts, Malaysians don't like things to be taken from them, so I shall cut down the CNY and Hari Raya holidays from the present 2 days to just 1 day. And the extra day we save can be used for September 16, because it is a travesty that we want to be Malaysians but do not celebrate Malaysia Day. And since there is an extra day, why not put the cherry on the icing and declare 9th August a public holiday too? Because honestly, that was probably the most awesome day in our history. (If your history sucks, please stop calling yourself a Malaysian until you check up stuffs like that.)
Why stop there?
What's all that monkey business about Chinese schools and Indian schools anyway? Why don't we settle for a uniform education system? Since Malay is the national language we shall keep the kebangsaan schools. Of course people are going to make noise about destroying culture and shit like that, but seriously, if people wanted their kids to speak Mandarin and Tamil, they would teach their kids anyway - with or without schools. Like, I don't see any school teaching hokkien, but every Chinese from Penang can speak Hokkien anyway.
And like my friend TigerJoe shrewedly observed, racial problems can be solved in the bedroom. For those of you who are slow in the head, that basically means that if everybody fucked everybody and everybody was a rojak, we wouldn't have any racial problems. So heck, let's ammend the laws to allow free-marriage. And since Malaysians love free stuffs, we'll even give tax rebates to newly-wed rojak couples for 10 years.
2. Upgrade ISA.
Humans are stubborn assholes. They want reforms but they want everything to go their way. Malaysians are recalcitrant here. Every time something happens that they don't like, they take to the streets to protest. Like Maddox rightly puts it - Civil Disobedience is still DISobedience. This is where a dictator like me comes in. You need dictators when you want reforms. You can ask that Ataturk bloke.
Have a gathering in front of KLCC? Show sympathy pics of your bloody head? Disagree with anything I say? The new ISA would have the power to bash your already thick skull further in. We could even gather all those protestors (and the pussies who stand by the side and take pictures) and treat them like hamsters. We feed them shitty horse food and force them to run on a great big wheel all day long. This wheel would of course be connected to a turbine that can produce electricity.
So there you have it....no more IPPs, and all that extra electricity could be sent to some places like Myanmar and be stored for future use in great big huge capasitors. I also listen to opinions of the rakyat and I heard a suggestion that we can lower the price of electricity since we have excess. That is a good idea and the money saved from there can be used to subsidice the price of fuel. This would guarantee my victory in upcoming elections because all the shallow kiamsiap bastards would only vote a government that gives them cheap fuel.
My plan is fool proof. I think I would even have extra money to subsidice the price of Haagen Daaz ice cream.
Labels: awesome theories
of course it's logical! it maybe looney but of course it's logical! i wrote it...durrrr
keng : People seem to keep telling me that, but I don't see any of it, so I am going to have to blame other people.
water : What? That is what the rakyat wants! That's what I read somewhere anyway.
anonymouse : Not a typo. My speling sucks.