Thursday, May 31, 2007

selfish reasons

And so it is, another day in the life of our country. Another page written in our history books. Another chapter in the story of a country going through mid-life crisis that she is constantly unsure of her next course of action.

Of course everybody here has their own selfish reasons. The Muslims have theirs, the Christians have theirs. It even seems the women's rights organisations have their own selfish reasons. Every single piece of literature I read about this repeats the same thing over and over again. I have heard every single outcry there has to be heard, except probably the most important - national integration.

I was about to say that this is my beef with all religion, but then the wife reminded me that it is not religion that is bad, but it is the intepretation of it that sucks. I don't care about what any religion has to say about this issue. Personally, the less said, the better. My selfish reasons into my interest in this issue is the fact that I see my country torn apart by incidents like this. I don't care who is right or wrong - as long as we can somehow integrate all the races and religion in this country - it would suit me just fine.
Religion...has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever. What it means is, "Here is an idea or a notion that you're not allowed to say anything bad about; you're just not. Why not? – because you're not. If someone votes for a party that you don't agree with, you're free to argue about it as much as you like; everybody will have an argument but nobody feels aggrieved by it....But on the other hand, if somebody says 'I mustn't move a light switch on a Saturday', you say 'I respect that.'

Douglas Adams

There is a certain foodcourt in Hicksville which has awesome food. Unfortunately, it is also the epitome of what religious beliefs does to national and racial integration:

You park your car and walk up the steps to the foodcourt. If you a Muslim (and hence, in most cases Malay) then you read the big signboard that says HALAL FOODCOURT with an arrow that leads you to a covered walkway along the outside of the non-halal foodcourt even though there is a perfectly accessible walkway through the main foodcourt.

A visit to that foodcourt demonstrates the most blatant segregation of the races that you ever see, but one that happens all around this country, albeit with less obvious indications. You have Chinese and Indians sitting on one side of the food court and Malays sitting on the other side, so blatantly segregated you are reminded of the blacks in America that were forced to sit at the back of the bus. Except that in this analogy, you aren't quite sure who the blacks are.

So a lot of the Muslims would refuse to dine in a non-halal place even though they can eat fish. Similarly, a lot of staunch Buddhists and Hindus would refuse to dine in a place that serves beef even though they can well eat chicken.

So how now brown cow?

It would be wrong to say that somebody is at fault because everybody is just acting according to their religious believes. But when the system breaks down - any system - then you should be able to point your finger and blame something. Something is wrong here. Why can't a staunch Muslim and a staunch Hindu dine together in a public foodcourt? Just like why can't a staunch Muslim and a staunch Christian get married?

And so, the problem lies in the interpretation of things. I reckon, people should stop listening to the interpretations they hear from some bloke in robes (nevermind the colour - be it white, black or yellow/orange). Your interpretations are for you and you alone. The problem (or issue, whichever word you prefer) with religion is that the consequences are in the afterlife. People are afraid that the decisions they make today will come back and haunt them when they die, but they so conveniently forget that the decisions they make TODAY has an effect TODAY.

Your Chinese friend invites you to his wedding. Do you decline because there will inevitably be a baby pig staring back at you at the dinner table? You are madly in the loop with a Christian dude. Is it right to let go of the only man who ever loved you because you are afraid of what happens in the afterlife? And is it right for someone to stop you? The decisions you make today affect you NOW. What is the right thing to do? How can it be that something so pure and so good like religion be allowed to cause endless moral dilemmas?

I asked a lot of questions that cannot be answered. My main purpose for all this is because I love my country too much to see religion tear it apart the same way it is tearing this world apart. I don't ask you to agree with me, neither do I invite you to scream at me. I just ask that you think about all this and process it through and through.

Perhaps John Lennon was right.

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

*I will monitor this post closely and naughty comments will be deleted mercilessly*

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

you gotta be shitting me

Regret, they say isn't a very nice thing.

You can say that you shouldn't live a life of regret and that you should always look forward to what you are going to do next. Given a choice, some people insist that they are happy with every decision they had made - good or bad - and that they would do it the same way if they had to do it all over again.

I say that's all crap that people say to console themselves. People who say that they would repeat their mistakes again are morons who will never learn from their previous misjudgements. People who go around telling everybody that they shouldn't regret any past decisions are the people who never made a big enough mistake to begin with.

When I first graduated and came back to Malaysia, while looking for proper jobs and in between part time jobs, I had a brainwave of something I was VERY familiar with at that time. At the time, it was a no-brainer and I was surprised nobody else thought about it. When I blogged about it back then, I was apprehensive, mainly due to the fact that (1) I was a fresh grad with no experience to fall back on if this thing failed and (2) it seemed like a waste of money, time and brain power to study a ridiculously difficult degree and then do something totally unrelated. And till today, I keep telling myself - you gotta pay your dues. You can do whatever you want with your career, but you gotta pay your dues first.

A few months ago, I received a forwarded email from Minishorts where some dude was proposing a business plan. I rapped my head against the table then, and now, one and a half years after the brainwave, I rap my head on the table everytime I see a damn NuffNang advertisement (out of pure bitterness, I ain't linking the site :P). The concept was exactly as I thought of (except for two significant differences, the first - credit due to those blokes, I would never have dreamt of, the second - essentially the main money spinning mechanism of my idea, surprising that these guys never thought of it) but it was pretty much a carbon copy of the blueprint of my original plan.

But that alone wasn't enough to drive me crazy.

A major problem I thought of at that time was...In the initial stage of the project, when I hadn't struck deals with companies for me to run their ads, how the hell do I convince people to sign up and put a banner of my advertising company on their blog for minimal charge? I'll be damned, because that problem solved itself. Everyday, I see loads of people with NuffNang ads on their blogs, most of whom do not have advertisements assigned to them, and hence aren't paid. And yet, these people are more than happy to put an advertisement company's banner (it is a nice banner though) on their blog FOR NO CHARGE. And I'll be damned because A LOT of them were people who SWORE that they would NEVER run an ad on their blog.

And that drives me mad with the 'oh-what-could-have-beens'.

Now see, this is the funny part. Because I am fucking jealous and not afraid to admit it. I didn't have the guts to take the risk and again I am not ashamed of that. I am filled with regret that I didn't do it when I had the chance, but..BUT I know that the reasons for not doing it were good and valid reasons.

I still think that it would have been a waste to study engineering and not put it into practice (and I love engineering!). I could never understand how people could study something in university and then come out and do something totally different immediately. It's as if they weren't happy studying that in the first place. And I still think paying my dues was an important thing. An engineer with less than 3 years experience has got no selling point and is worthless. It would have been a horror trying to get a job if I did the business thingy, failed, and by then allowed my engineering knowledge to have rusted away. No, paying my dues was a MUST.

And why am I telling you all this? I don't care if you call me names. I acknowledge my shortcomings there. Yes, in a way I want to tell the world, "Hey I thought of that first!" and you may reserve the right to call me a big green eyed monster, but I challenge anybody in my situation to have nice blue eyes. Most importantly, I am saying all this because last week another brainwave hit me.

History always finds a way of repeating itself and biting you in the ass.


Monday, May 28, 2007

naughty stuff

With regards to the last post, here is something relevant:

On a recent trip to Cambodia...

Birdy, huh?

No, I don't do naughty stuff...



Thursday, May 24, 2007

ugly mutts and tiny weewees

Writing the things I write usually gets me into trouble with a lot of people (it can also score chicks, but that is a story for another day). I have been flamed in many many forums on various topics. The two most popular flames were because of my piece on the SPM top scorer and on the fuel hike topic. Still, those critics, while mostly stupid and malicious weren't exactly funny.

Do you remember the story I wrote before about discovering a forum that discussed henhouses and women of the night? Go on, refresh your memory. Quite sometime back, someone from that forum found my blog and posted a link there, and the fun started. Now, I kid you not, these weren't like ordinary flamers I was used to. These were a bunch of LOSERS with ugly mutts and tiny weewees, and so I thought it pretty funny.

Still, I kept it quiet and monitored the comments in the archive because I didn't want to spell out the forum name. But I bring this up now because just yesterday, NST did an expose on it. You can even check out the scoop on MonsterBlog, and I get a mention there too.

The funny thing about all this is that people try to justify shit like that. I mean, you don't really have to justify your actions. You can screw a goat for all I care. I am going to point and laugh at you, but by all means, if screwing a goat rocks your jollies, then please go on, don't get caught (because it is illegal), and ignore my laughter because you are doing something you think is morally right. Because you can argue that it is a moral issue and that I shouldn't be a moral police. And I can argue I can laugh and call you names all I like too.

Just don't try to justify shit like that. You are breaking the law. Plain and simple. Some of them have argued that it is a mutual trade between two willing parties to satisfy their own needs. Well, yes, but so is selling drugs. I am sure the drug lord and the junkie are both very willing to trade and satisty their lust for money and crack respectively. But that doesn't make it legal or okay, does it?

You can argue that, unlike drugs, sex doesn't hurt people. I thought so too, until I read many, many posts in that forum. A lot of them are married people. One bloke told a story about calling up a freelance agent to come to his house when his wife and kids were away, and they bonked happily on his matrimonial bed. Don't like moral police? Well, screw you. You don't need a moral police to tell you what is right and wrong.

I have written about this before, and I still think prostitution should be made legal. In Amsterdam, the prostitutes have to be registered and they have to undergo a mandatory STD check-up every 6 months. They pay taxes, just like everybody else, must use a condom, and are free to report misbehaving clients to the police. Evil pimps would be a thing of the past, since the women are free to work on their own.

Legalising prostitution should almost instantly wipe out the crime of human-trafficking. Why get an illegal and unchecked-for-STDs prostitute when you can easily get a clean, legal one? And because it is mandatory to practice safe-sex, it would go a long way in curbing AIDS and other public health hazards. I could go on and on about the benefits, but I think you get the point.

And this brings me back to a story from a former prostitute who was my tour guide of the red light district in Amsterdam. She talks about all the stuff I mentioned above and throws up a curveball. Even though prostitution is legal, that doesn't mean it is widely accepted by the public. "Try telling your father that you work as a prostitute," she says. "So why did you do it?" someone asked. "Because I didn't care what people thought."

So, yes. You are free to pay for handjobs (I still don't understand that bit, though) but don't bitch when I laugh at your ugly mutt and tiny weewee.

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Saturday, May 19, 2007


I've always thought of myself as a narcissistic person. I think I am indeed awesome and you could even go as far as saying that I am very much in love with myself. I have never known the meaning of modesty and I seem to think that narcism is in fact a good attribute a person should have.

But then, over the week I have been thinking about a variety of issues. Firstly, the other day, I was reading a blog that was ranting about the leaky issues. I swear it was one of the funniest stuff I have read about in recent times (the leaky story, not the blog) and the writer was telling all of us that he had done his duty as a Malaysian, and that he had just registered to be a voter. He goes on to say that he knows who he will vote for in the next elections, and he knows his vote will make a difference.

Sounds pretty normal, no?

Well, yes it sounds normal. But that is pretty fucking narcisstic, don't you think? Everybody keeps saying it until it has become mundane and the accepted fact. But seriously, do you think YOUR ONE VOTE makes the difference? Are you that deluded? Yes, collectively, in a herd, every vote counts. Therefore, you can say that everybody should play their part, yes. But your vote and your vote alone makes no difference.

This is like the people who complain about the government wasting public funds. This isn't to say that tax payers' money isn't wasted on ridiculous things everyday, but to say, "Bloody hell, waste my tax money to plant tree by the roadside" is indeed a blinking stupid thing to say. The IRB collected some RM65 billion in taxes last year. So tell me again, how much did you pay exactly? Less than a drop in the ocean. Again, you can say that they are wasting public funds, but don't be narcistic enough to say that they are wasting YOUR insignificant tax money (unless your name is Lim Goh Tong).

But all that is not as bad as the narcissists that call themselves religious people. If you consider the majority of the major religions, they all say that God is the supreme being - the creator of all things in the universe, big or small. Then they also say that God loves them all, and cares for them. Sometimes, if bad things happen, it is because God loves them so much that He wants to test their faith.

Hold it.

Now, I am someone who thinks that I am like a freaking genius and that everybody else is inferior. And the fact that I like to keep pointing that fact out to people makes me a narcissist in most people's eyes. But even so, I do not believe that out of all of God creations, from the Milky Way to the amoeba, that an all powerful supreme being actually gives a shit about an insignificant piece of shit like me. I am after all, nothing but a mere mortal.

My existence is irrelevant to the bigger things around the universe. Just like a single grain of sand is irrelevant to the existence of the Great Barrier Reef, how can I be so narcissistic as to believe that an omnipotent being with obviously bigger and more important things to do has my destiny on his 'to-do list'?

Imagine God's to-do list on His daily organiser...

(click to enlarge)

Don't be silly. In the context of the universe, you are irrelevant. You are insignificant and inconsequential (actually, so is the Sumatran Rhino, but I added him in the list for fun). Enough with your narcissism already. Your existence doesn't matter to the existence of the other living creatures trawling the universe any more than the existence of a paramecium in your drain matters to you.


Saturday, May 12, 2007

worst movie, EVER

The story starts when I was discussing movies with a particular friend. This woman then mentioned an Indonesian movie called Heart. She told me that it broke the box office records in Indonesia, and recited some other seemingly impressive bullshit which I bought. And to be fair, there are a couple of songs on the soundtrack of that movie which I thought were pretty good, if you are into jiwang songs.

(try Irwansyah - Pencinta Wanita, and Irwansyah & Acha Septriasa - My Heart)

So fine, after the strong recommendation from the aforementioned friend, and RM15 later (buy original, folks!), I landed myself a copy of the Heart DVD. I figured, there's nothing wrong watching foreign movies since for me, the all time worst movie came straight out of Hollywood in which a pathetic Mandy Moore tried to act as a dying chick in A Walk to Remember. I don't know about it being a walk to remember, but for me it was certainly a movie to forget.

Turns out, I forgot that that particular friend of mine was a moron and I should never have trusted her opinion. This comes to the point in any review where I say, please stop reading if you don't want me to spoil it for you. However, since I recommend that you do not watch this mess of a movie, you can continue reading to see how ridiculous it was.

I should add that the scriptwriter was probably a love sick 15 year old girl, because NOBODY, and I know a lot of girls who have totally whacked romantic fantasies, but still NOBODY could write such a puke inducing shit fest such as this movie.

The movie starts off showing two childhood friends, a bapuk-ish bloke and a tomboy girl. They grow up, and somehow they are still staying together. One day, bapuk goes to the bookstore to buy a sinchan comic. The new issue isn't out yet, so the shopkeeper sells him a comic and tells him that the chick who just passed by the shop was the artist. As they say, it was *puke* LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT *puke* and he buys the comic just so that he can get her autograph.

Apparently, the comic is about, get this, a dying fairy who is sad because she is all alone in this big big world with no companion with her. This is where I should have killed myself for wasting 15 bucks, but I continued watching...

The tomboy then gets jealous, because apparently she loves the bapuk as well, so she makes up a story about how she found a boyfriend too, and decides, in all self sacrificing valour that the best way to show her love for the bapuk is to help him score with the comic book chick.

And here comes the killer....

After a date, and the bapuk decides to go to the chicks house on a mission. Tomboy takes him there, and just before he gets out of the car, he tells her to run him over if he fails because his life wouldn't be worth living. He then proceeds to knock on the chick's door and he presents her with a HUGE pink styrofoam cut-out heart. He tells her that that styrofoam heart is a symbol of his love and he is giving it to her. She must now either accept the heart, or break it.

She protests, saying "I cannot choose" and "You don't understand" (all spoken in Bahasa Indonesia, which I admit is bloody hard to understand). He then tells her that the tomboy will run him over if she breaks the heart because then his life wouldn't be worth living. So, she actually BREAKS the damn thing and storms into her house crying. The next 5 minutes of the movie shows the tomboy, in an obvious jealous rage actually TRYING to run the bastard over and he keeps having to run away from the car.

And then in an apparent lack of the understanding of the term 'continuity', the next scene sees the bapuk hanging out with the chick again, at which she explains that that fairy in her comic is actually her, and that she is dying of cirrhosis *gasp, shocker!* and that she really wants a companion to live out her days.

And if you haven't puked and/or smashed your head repeatedly against the wall yet, then you are safe because the rest of this review is less torturous. Nothing much happens for the next half an hour or so as we see him courting the chick, and the tomboy trying to dress a little more feminine to catch his attention. She also throws away her basketball and skateboard. He then laughs at her for doing so and she gets pissed. She tells him she has broken up with her so-called boyfriend because he has hurt her heart. You can also throw in a lot of scenes of crying in the rain and playing basketball in the rain while pissed.

If you were reading just for the sake of finding out what happens in the end, well, I can't tell you because at that point I decided that it wasn't worth the torture anymore and ejected the DVD and banishing it to the darkest corner of my storeroom. At first I figured that I can guess how it is supposed to end. The chick will eventually die, and after a lot of tears, he realises he loves the tomboy and everybody lives happily ever after. But then I realised that this script and story was written by some crazy love sick teenager and it probably has a more whacky twist to the story which my brains cannot possibly hope to predict. Do leave a comment if you have watched it already.

Never mind that I paid RM15 for a movie that I didn't finish and will NEVER finish. I look at it as RM15 for a really posh coaster for cold drinks. In fact, I will willingly GIVE that cursed DVD to anybody who wants it.

Just give me a holler..


Thursday, May 10, 2007

for tinkerbell

I was having a long chat with my friend TinkerBell. She has had this bloke issue for ages long. Since genesis, to be precise. So, I am telling you what I have always been telling her.

Lesson for you women out there:

1) Vincent is awesome. Listen to Vincent.

2) Don't be a moron. If you like some bloke, tell him. Pick up your balls.

3) Men have huge egos. Telling men that you think they are awesome is another way of verbally sucking their cocks. They will love you for it.

4) But of course, men are also assholes. If you fail, everybody will hear about how you asked him out.

5) Still, chances are pretty good because of (3).

This is a community service message brought to you by the B*tchingLOG.


Thursday, May 03, 2007

world elitist week

Today, we start celebrations for the inaugural World Elitist Week.

There was this story about a goat that was abandoned by its mother as a kid. A pack of wild dogs took it in and raised it as their own. It learnt to bark, it learnt to run, all as a dog would. It would smarl, along with its brothers when their dreaded enemy, the wolf was spotted.

One day, the goat was all alone when it spotted the wolf. Instead of following its natural instincts as it should have, it tried to act like a dog. The wolf was humoured and toyed with the goat while contemplating how best to kill it. When the wolf finally did lunge at the goat's neck, the goat, still thinking it was a dog, swung its hoofs at the wolf. But of course, hoofs are no substitute for claws and the goat was helpless in fighting back.

This shit is true to every extent, whether you want to agree with it or not. Money does not buy class, and similarly, an education does not make an idiot a wise man. You can teach a goat to be a hunting dog, but he will always remain a goat. Its the circle of life. Call it karma, call it balance, whatever. That, is how shit spins. Unfair? Too bad.

And so, I leave you with this awesome conversation plucked from the Puteri Gunung Ledang movie, when the Sultan was discussing the Crown Prince with his advisors:

Bendehara: Hanya mutiara jika digilap, Tuanku...mujurlah cahaya yang bersinar.

Sultan: Bagaimana beta nak tahu manik-manik atau mutiara? Adakah pada wajahnya? Atau lebih mendalam tenungannya? Dan yang utamanya, adakah Si Manik tahu yang dia ni manik?

Sang Setia: Ampun, Tuanku. Mutiara tetap mutiara. Andainya manik seperti diri Patik ini, walaupun digilap haus, ia tetap malap jua.

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