Saturday, May 12, 2007

worst movie, EVER

The story starts when I was discussing movies with a particular friend. This woman then mentioned an Indonesian movie called Heart. She told me that it broke the box office records in Indonesia, and recited some other seemingly impressive bullshit which I bought. And to be fair, there are a couple of songs on the soundtrack of that movie which I thought were pretty good, if you are into jiwang songs.

(try Irwansyah - Pencinta Wanita, and Irwansyah & Acha Septriasa - My Heart)

So fine, after the strong recommendation from the aforementioned friend, and RM15 later (buy original, folks!), I landed myself a copy of the Heart DVD. I figured, there's nothing wrong watching foreign movies since for me, the all time worst movie came straight out of Hollywood in which a pathetic Mandy Moore tried to act as a dying chick in A Walk to Remember. I don't know about it being a walk to remember, but for me it was certainly a movie to forget.

Turns out, I forgot that that particular friend of mine was a moron and I should never have trusted her opinion. This comes to the point in any review where I say, please stop reading if you don't want me to spoil it for you. However, since I recommend that you do not watch this mess of a movie, you can continue reading to see how ridiculous it was.

I should add that the scriptwriter was probably a love sick 15 year old girl, because NOBODY, and I know a lot of girls who have totally whacked romantic fantasies, but still NOBODY could write such a puke inducing shit fest such as this movie.

The movie starts off showing two childhood friends, a bapuk-ish bloke and a tomboy girl. They grow up, and somehow they are still staying together. One day, bapuk goes to the bookstore to buy a sinchan comic. The new issue isn't out yet, so the shopkeeper sells him a comic and tells him that the chick who just passed by the shop was the artist. As they say, it was *puke* LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT *puke* and he buys the comic just so that he can get her autograph.

Apparently, the comic is about, get this, a dying fairy who is sad because she is all alone in this big big world with no companion with her. This is where I should have killed myself for wasting 15 bucks, but I continued watching...

The tomboy then gets jealous, because apparently she loves the bapuk as well, so she makes up a story about how she found a boyfriend too, and decides, in all self sacrificing valour that the best way to show her love for the bapuk is to help him score with the comic book chick.

And here comes the killer....

After a date, and the bapuk decides to go to the chicks house on a mission. Tomboy takes him there, and just before he gets out of the car, he tells her to run him over if he fails because his life wouldn't be worth living. He then proceeds to knock on the chick's door and he presents her with a HUGE pink styrofoam cut-out heart. He tells her that that styrofoam heart is a symbol of his love and he is giving it to her. She must now either accept the heart, or break it.

She protests, saying "I cannot choose" and "You don't understand" (all spoken in Bahasa Indonesia, which I admit is bloody hard to understand). He then tells her that the tomboy will run him over if she breaks the heart because then his life wouldn't be worth living. So, she actually BREAKS the damn thing and storms into her house crying. The next 5 minutes of the movie shows the tomboy, in an obvious jealous rage actually TRYING to run the bastard over and he keeps having to run away from the car.

And then in an apparent lack of the understanding of the term 'continuity', the next scene sees the bapuk hanging out with the chick again, at which she explains that that fairy in her comic is actually her, and that she is dying of cirrhosis *gasp, shocker!* and that she really wants a companion to live out her days.

And if you haven't puked and/or smashed your head repeatedly against the wall yet, then you are safe because the rest of this review is less torturous. Nothing much happens for the next half an hour or so as we see him courting the chick, and the tomboy trying to dress a little more feminine to catch his attention. She also throws away her basketball and skateboard. He then laughs at her for doing so and she gets pissed. She tells him she has broken up with her so-called boyfriend because he has hurt her heart. You can also throw in a lot of scenes of crying in the rain and playing basketball in the rain while pissed.

If you were reading just for the sake of finding out what happens in the end, well, I can't tell you because at that point I decided that it wasn't worth the torture anymore and ejected the DVD and banishing it to the darkest corner of my storeroom. At first I figured that I can guess how it is supposed to end. The chick will eventually die, and after a lot of tears, he realises he loves the tomboy and everybody lives happily ever after. But then I realised that this script and story was written by some crazy love sick teenager and it probably has a more whacky twist to the story which my brains cannot possibly hope to predict. Do leave a comment if you have watched it already.

Never mind that I paid RM15 for a movie that I didn't finish and will NEVER finish. I look at it as RM15 for a really posh coaster for cold drinks. In fact, I will willingly GIVE that cursed DVD to anybody who wants it.

Just give me a holler..


heart sounds like every cheesy romantic comedy, teen drama and korean series mixed into a bowl and left to rot. even i, an eternal optimist and romantic, feel like puking after that "review".


What a review.

I am a chick flick fan.

However, even I think Heart is horrendous. Just by what I heard.

My friend say that at the end, someone died and he/she gave their heart to the person. I think the tomboy died, and gave her heart to the sickly girl.

I too, would never see it to really know.


Hahah.. you are so right, I hate this too!!!

i have to distribute this hell of a movie to my TV clients. I have no faith in my products.





That stupid Nirina (the boy best friend) died and gives her heart to that girl.


Ultimately: it's a waste of time.



That's funny shit.

I knew it! Only a lovesick 15 year old chick could dream up such a stupid plot.


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