Tuesday, September 25, 2007

idiot watch, episode 103258

This picture appeared in The Star's thumbnail section on 8th September. The thumbnail section is actually a section where people send in 'weird' or 'interesting' photos along with a caption and the photo of the day wins a cool RM50. Below this picture was the actual caption sent by the person who took the picture.

Highway to nowhere
Is this an abandoned project or an attempt to create the world’s shortest elevated highway? The unfinished project is located at the border of Pahang and Terrengganu along the East West Highway.

So what do you think?

I think, from people's reaction to weird stuff, you can tell a lot about the person. Here, I can categorise people into 3 distinctive groups. But before you read on, go back and have a look at the picture and do me a favour and formulate your own opinion, will you?



If you are someone who looked at the picture and the caption and then agreed with it, you belong in this first group. You probably also mumbled out "What a waste of the rakyat's money!" or "Abandoned project! Which corrupt minister pocketed all the money?" or "Cracked highway!". However, you forgot to say, "I am a fucking idiot" because that is what you are.

Chances are, in this online blogosphere world thingy, most of you belong in this group. You read something and you are prejudiced by whatever you want to make out of it. I specifically told you to look at the picture and formulate your own opinion, but unfortunately, you are too big an idiot to do that, so instead you latched on to another idiot's opinion and believed it immediately. You do nothing but moan about everything when in fact you know nuts.

However, if you belong to the second group, you're not too bad. You would have looked at the picture and thought, "Heh, this is weird...but surely there's an explaination. Wait, let me go ask somebody" That's fine. At least you have a positive outlook in life compared to the miserably depressed pessimists from Group One. You acknowledge your lack of knowledge (or brainpower) and you keep an open mind and try to get the answer from someone more knowledgeable. You realise that there are somethings beyond your understanding but that doesn't mean those things are automatically wrong. So, read more and open up to more possibilities and you might just learn something new everyday.

And then of course, if you saw the thing and thought, "Hey! I know what that thing was made like that!" then welcome to the third group. Like me, *ahem* you look at the picture and realise - shit, that's not an abandoned project. That's not a result of poor budgeting or horrible planning. In fact, that 'highway to nowhere' is actually an example of awesome planning and foresight!

As the idiot who sent in the photo so cleverly pointed out, it is a flyover OVER a highway. In the future (5, maybe even 10 years time) when you decide to develop the surrounding area and you need to build a road or bridge over it, you cannot afford to shut the whole highway for a few months while you build something over it, can you? Hence, anybody with a farsighted vision would have built the bridge together with the highway, thus eliminating that problem in the future. So in essense, the 'highway to nowhere' is actually a result of someone actually having the brains to look 10 years into the future, but it gets slagged off by idiots who lack similar brainpower.

So which group do you belong to then? Seriously, the problem with a lot of Malaysians is that they are not trained to formulate their own opinions and tend to follow the herd without a critical thought process. It does nothing for the country because they tend to moan and groan about everything without thinking for a second that there probably is a reason behind peculiarities. Time to change, people! You aren't always right (unless you are me) so shut your gob and go ask around before you rip into something you don't understand.

Learnt something new today, didn't you?

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Sunday, September 16, 2007

between a rock and a hard place

It's actually difficult writing something online. Write something nice about the guys up there and you get called a government crony. Take a swipe at them and you get your ass hauled into the lockups.

But as things go, what is left for a guy like me to do? They say that the elections are coming. They say that you have to do your duty as a citizen of a democratic country. Exercise your right, they say. Go with the guys who have brought us so far in the last 50 years or so. Or vote to get rid of the oppressors, they say.

So, it's either an incompetant incumbant or a moronic opposition? Ho-hum, I'm screwed there aren't I? Haven't I mentioned before why democracy is one of the dumbest but most popular concepts around? It gives the people the feeling that they are in control. Collective power, or so it seems.

Thankfully, with Vincent around to guide you lost souls out there, hopefully things can improve.
You see, things are sometimes not as they seem. To put it simply, if brain power was a taxable item, loads of people would get rebates. When there is a problem, you need to get to the root of it. Barking up the wrong tree does nothing, except make you like a stupid bitch.

For example, if you ask most Malaysians out there what the biggest scrouge of society is today, they will scream in unison : MAT REMPITS! And I have the inclination to slap people everytime they say that.

Allow me to sidetrack. I was in the car with my friend Diana the other day and this AhBeng in his modified Wira (complete with spoilers and an oversized exhaust pipe) cut in front of me, forcing me to jam by brakes.

"Have you noticed, of all the scum on the road the Chinese AhBengs are the ones with the supped-up wannabe sports cars? Always."
"And the Malays, always with their kapchais - hence the Mat Rempit title"
"And the Indians?"
"Are you kidding me? Indians where got money for cars or bikes?!?"
This is where she assaulted me, but being a guy, we are used to shit like that - teeth seething and all. (I was once assaulted by a rather large woman for a reason I cannot possibly understand, but that is a story for another day). But, as she acknowledged, it was sad but true. Still, the point at hand here is not about Mat Rempits on a rampage in our streets.

The average idiot in the public rants that we need to get rid of this Mat Rempit menace. Get them off the streets, they scream. Confiscate their bikes! Take away their license! Bodoh. As if the bikes were the issue in the first place. Bikes don't race on their own you know. Bikes don't throw rocks at cars you know. You can get rid of all the bikes you like, but at the end of the day, it's the idiots riding them that are the problem. This is a social problem - not a practical one. These are the les miserables of society. It's a matter of social evolution - you solve the education problem, the economic problem - only then will social problems like this dissapear.

And talking about barking up the wrong tree...

Why is every idiot out there complaining about so-called taxpayers money being wasted? I have this friend who couldn't stop bitching about the government wasting his money with ridiculous projects and stuff (which is fair in a way, I suppose) and then one day I found out this bastard had never ever filled up a tax return form in his life even though he earns more money than myself.

It was disclosed the other day that some moron working for the Youth and Sports Ministry who clearly isn't overburdened by intelligence bought a set of 4 screwdrivers for RM250-ish when the market price was around RM50-ish. Whoah...you should have seen what the bloggers had to say about it! The barrage of comments from half-riped students, housewives and the general population of imbeciles was nothing short of astounding (funny that these are the people who complain about taxpayers money when in fact they aren't the ones contributing to the tax money).

Quite frankly, the first question I asked when I read the article - were they diamond tipped screwdrivers? But okay, I accept that they weren't and okay, there probably was some hanky-panky going on. But anybody, who works for a large multinational corporation will tell you that it is impossible for you to buy something at the market price. Suppliers know you have a deep pocket and will invariably squeeze every last penny they can from you. That is inevitable.

Funnily enough, the procurement system put in place to counter corruption actually causes problems like this. What do you do when you open bid for a set of screwdrivers and find that out of all the bidders, the lowest bid put forward is indeed RM200? Especially in the engineering line, a lot of the time, specialist contractors are in cahoots with each other. A lot of the time, consultants from rival firms agree to mark up the price a certain percentage so that everybody gets the spoils and shares the big fat cake, and in the end large companies suffer - in this case the government suffers.

This happens everywhere, but just because it involves the so-called 'public funds' people get outraged. Again, you are barking up the wrong tree. Question instead the ethics of our people - as businessmen and as citizens. Corruption? Yes, probably, but what about all the other factors that caused this ridiculously inflated price of goods?

Elections coming, eh? So where are we now? Oh yeah......

On one end, an incompetant incumbant. On the other hand, a clueless and moronic opposition.

Rock. Me. Hard Place.

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Thursday, September 06, 2007

holy fuck

Okaylah you all know I have been busy and stuff. But there is no excuse for me not knowing this piece of information. I know it is old news and a lot of you have probably heard about it already...but I JUST heard about it today so here is my mandatory rant.

Remember her?!?!

Unless you have been living under a rock, you would definately remember her as the fat one that somehow managed to win Miss Malaysia by some freak of nature. And unless you are a socialist or a moron, not many people get the honour to appear on this blog TWICE. This post makes it THREE.

She got a lot of stick for being fat and er.......being fat, but my critisism was directed mostly at her being pompous and her representing Malaysia yet she was unable to string together one coherant sentence in our national language.

Today, I heard from a friend that she became the ambassador for Marie France - you know, the slimming thingyamajig. But before I could scoff at someone trying to teach a crab to walk straight, he sent me a before and after picture:


This is by far the best fucking choice for a celebrity endorsement in the fucking history of the advertising industry!! MARIE FRANCE WORKS! IT FUCKING WORKS! UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!

Look I never believed in all this slimming bullshit but this is actual proof that this shit actually works! People have been telling me all night, "Of course it works! Do you know how much it fucking costs?!" Well, people are buying pills to try to make their dicks bigger all the time but it doesn't work, does it?

Well done Marie France.

As for Andrea, looks can change. Unfortunately, being pompous doesn't.