Saturday, December 22, 2007

jokes of the day

Did you hear about those people wanting to protest some dunno-what this time around? Apparently it was supposed to be tonight. But it got called off at the last minute...

Candlelight vigil postponed

KUALA LUMPUR: The candlelight vigil organised by Gerakan Mansuhkan ISA, planned tonight, will not take place.

GMI said the event has been postponed to Jan 5.

Its secretary E. Nalini, when contacted, confirmed the postponement, and said this was because there was shortage of lawyers to defend them should they be arrested.

"Most of the lawyers who volunteered to help us are out of town because of the holidays," she said.

So remember folks, it is your right to gather peacefully to protest important things..

Unless of course it is the holiday season. And your lawyers are out of town.

On a much funnier and less silly note, I heard the most awesome one-liner joke over the radio just now:

What do you call a happy burger??


Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Seasons Greetings!

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Saturday, December 15, 2007

the golden compass

Once upon a time, I befriended a few construction workers while I was doing my engineering internship during my college days. They told of a story where they went to the cinema watch Lord of the Rings : Fellowship of the Rings. As you would imagine these aren't guys who knew who Tolkien is, or that it was an adaptation from a book anyway.

The story goes, towards the end of the movie where Frodo and Sam are standing on top of a mountain and they can see Mount Doom from a distance, the scene cuts to the credits and the movie is over. Pissingly annoyed that he didn't know that it was a trilogy, and hence wasn't expecting the abrupt ending, he stood up a screamed PUKIMAK!

Well, something like that happened to me. Towards the end of the final scene, I saw the Bangla dudes starting to open the doors to the exit. At first I thought, being Banglas they prolly made a mistake. Then the conversation between the characters and the shots seemed as if it was leading towards the end of the film. "Hey, what the fuck is going on?"

And then the credits started rolling. I turned to the movie partner and went, "Eh, did you know there was going to be a continuation?" She looked at me funny, not unlike talking to a retard and said, "Yeee..yah, it's a trilogy"

But anyhows, I thought it was entertaining.

No, seriously. I don't care what you read in reviews and stuff. I was entertained for the two hours or so and was even anticipating more. The ice bears were so fucking cool as were the witches. Serafina Pekkala is such an awesome name and witches aren't usually that cool.

I'll just say that people who gave the movie a shitty review can be split into one of three groups.

1) The religious nuts Seriously. What the fuck is this all about? Anti-God? What? How?

2) The book nuts Yes I know reading is good for you and everything. I read a fair bit too. But if you are going to expect every movie to be adapted like for like just so that you can revel in your childhood fantasies, then you are going to hate every movie. Except maybe porn because that should be one which would indeed play into your childhood fantasies.

3) The crazy film critics This is how I think it works. Some dude got paid some money by his newspaper or magazine or Internet movie website to write a review on a movie. Somehow, because he was paid he feels obligated to write a long article about the movie instead of a one liner, "This was a fun and enjoyable movie suitable for the whole family" or "This was a rubbish movie that you should only watch if you want to get in the mood for killing babies". Instead he writes a whole page of dosh that nobody really understands. Take for example this review snippet in last Saturday's Star Weekender:
Director Weitz's inexperience is another problem. He has totally failed to reconcile the story's flashes of magic and adventure with its more sinister and emotional moments.

Dude...what talk you?!?


Monday, December 10, 2007

minnie mouse

Short one today, because I am jaded and because I have other more important stuff to do. However, as always, I have reasons to be irritated.

Women are only allowed to act cute until they are 15. After that age, any female who speaks with a squeaky voice, dresses herself entirely in pink like a tart and/or giggles for no apparent reason should be treated like a 5 year old like she deserves. Or, she could be bitched slapped just for irritating the shit out of the rest of us.

Please discuss.


Monday, December 03, 2007

what's up, doc?

I have been in Hicksville for almost one and a half years now, yet today was the first time I paid a visit to the doctor for a medical opinion. I had been once before, but that was for a routine company medical check-up.

It is not that I don't like visiting the doctor, I just don't believe in pumping my system with drugs when my antibodies are well equiped to take care of it. Sore throat? Drink water lah. Flu? There is no known cure so just sleep it off lah. That said, I don't get sick that often either. Try once a year. And in the 2 years plus that I have been working, I never once had to take an MC. Besides, unlike some lazy cows around, I don't slack off work anyway.

Anyway, the point is that I went to the doctor to get some tests done. Medically, the only thing wrong with me was that I boozed too much way back in university and kinda messed up my liver. I wanted to get a Liver Function Test done and also needed an opinion regarding the constant aches in my body lately (but that could have been due to the golf, haha!).

I walked into the room, and sat behind the desk was a rather large woman. Now, while large people in general are good for a laugh (it's funny to make fun of them), fat doctors are just plain wrong. How the hell do they tell their patients to watch their diet and live a healthy lifestyle when they are chomping down a large Big Mac McValue Meal set after their shift?

In this Hicktown, you are usually only allowed to use one of two languages - Malay or Cantonese. If you see a Chinese, you speak in Cantonese (which really helped me improve my Cantonese) and if you see anybody else, you speak in Malay. However, I figured that doctors should be exempt from that rule. If you made it through med-school, you sure as hell ought to be able to speak English, right?


Right from my first greeting, she answered all my English questions in Malay. That's all fine because I can get along fine with Malay. But it bugged me that my doctor couldn't string together a coherent sentence in English. Which med-school did she go to? Never mind her obviously obese body frame; could I trust her opinions?

As I walked out of the clinic, there was a name list of about 8 doctors hanging on the front door. I figured that the doctors would most probably be listed according to their seniority or demand. You wouldn't expect the owner or the head honcho to be languishing at the bottom of the list, would you? I turned around and asked the nurse for the name of the doctor that just treated me.

Her name was right at the bottom of the list. Go figures.