Sunday, January 20, 2008
Before I start, allow me to clarify that there aren't any spoilers here. Labels: reviews
The reason there aren't any spoilers here or anywhere else on the Internet is because there is nothing to spoil. The marketing team was given a lot of credit for the viral marketing strategy it used. Watch this movie and it is easy to see why. There are no big stars and the writers don't quite get the concept of a 'plot'.
This officially rates as the stupidest and most puke-inducing (literally) movie I have ever watched, and is likely to remain the stupidest and most puke-inducing movie I will ever watch. When I watched Heart, I called it the worst movie ever. I change my mind. At least I got a useable drinks coaster after Heart. Cloverfiled, however gave me nothing but a fucking headache.
People keep saying, "Don't expect much! It's a monster movie! What do you expect?!?" The truth is, I didn't. Nobody in the right sense of mind watches monster movies expecting a great plot (but surely there has to be a plot in the first place) or the great characters. Think Godzilla. People diss Godzilla all the time, but I remember being suitably entertained. That is all I ask for - to be entertained. Cloverfield did jack shite entertaining me.
The reviews/synopsis said that it was going to be shown from the first-person view, kinda like Blair Witch Project. Blair Witch my arse. It was more like watching really bad filmakers like America's Funniest Home videos, only less funny and more puke inducing. Every review I have since read has been praising Cloverfield for being 'different'. As early as 10 minutes into the movie (even before the monster came out) it was clear that it was going to be different because no other movie gives you a headache while watching a farewell party.
I don't get this first-person view bullshit. Is it supposed to make me feel as if I am IN the movie? What the fuck is up with all these movies these days with the shaky-camera effect? Monster movies should work by terrifying the viewer, like creeping up on an unsuspecting idiot and suddenly pouncing - hence making your heart skip a beat. Or by the monster being uber-cool by itself. Either way, Cloverfield did none of that. All it did was tell me that I get dizzy easily.
There is only one way you could have enjoyed this movie - if you aren't the type who can get dizzy looking at shaky images. Put it this way - I got dizzy 10 minutes into the movie and if I had watched the movie alone, I would have left the cinema at 45 minutes when it was clear that I would not be missing anything. Since I didn't want to ditch my friends (who weren't dizzy) I spent most of the time staring at the KELUAR sign or closing my eyes so that I wouldn't get an epileptic seizure.
If you got a headache AND still enjoyed the movie, there is something seriously wrong with you.
It is utterly pretentious and artsy. And that's actually a good thing. The ending makes up for the slightly boring middle part. The usually annoying Kiera Knightly is also fantastic in the movie.
p/s: How come I get a random hug?
and yeah Quake gave me migraine and I had to puke that away. So man, thanks for the heads up. For the good of mankind and everyone chancing it in the cinemas, I'm gonna stay well away!
Vincent, no need be scare of raisingmercury, give free also nobody want ler.
me play music gnarl barkley - crazy 2 cure Vincent's headache