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Sunday, March 16, 2008

six word memoir

Everyone has a story. Can you tell yours in six words?

This was a challenge put up by one Larry Smith on his website. He asked readers to submit a 6 word memoir of themselves. Six words. No more, no less. The sheer popularity of it spawned a book, very aptly named Not Quite What I Was Planning.

These were among the best I have seen:
Found true love, married someone else.

Married for money, divorced for love.

Never really finished anything, except cake.

Married twice but never knew love.

Waited for years, now too late.

I am great but not modest.

Like Charlie Brown, not as popular.

"Barrister, barista, what's the diff, Mum?"

My personal tragic favourite is "For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn." If you didn't get it the first time around, re-read it.

I like that it is personal. Only you can really understand what it means. Most people will try to generalise and take a stab at you, and even think that they understand where you are coming from, but that is where the fun is. I like that you tend to filter out everything and write only the most important event of your life, or in some cases, the most recent big event.

I have been thinking about what my six word memoir would be, but so far I have not come up with anything that I am happy with. There are a few candidates, "Lives in Hicktown, always bored stiff"or "Genius misunderstood, arrogance understated, perpetually bored" and "Many regrets, none worth crying over." When I do decide on a good one, I'll post it here.

But till then...What is your six word memoir?

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

72 hours after the tsunami...

...and the in-house fighting has already begun. New dawn? HAHAHAHA!

Quick, show of hands! Who was surprised?!?

No?

Oh, you mean you didn't expect it? If you didn't expect it, you really are a moron.

I was telling everybody who wanted to listen on Monday that the Perak MB issue will blow up in everybody's face.

I was laughing when I heard this friend of mine voted the 'alliance' without knowing that his precious DAP wouldn't get to put one of their guys as the Menteri Besar because of his skin colour. That's all fine, this is Malaysia and we all accept that. Except that I think the party with the most seats should have the right to have one of their guys as the head honcho. Oh, but except for the other fact that that party does not have any Malay dudes in it. So much for Saudara Anwar's anti-racial politics stance, eh?

And then Old Man Lim goes and pisses off his fan club by saying that DAP will boycott the swearing in ceremony of the new Chief Minister. One of the gem comments (before his site crashed by being lynched by the stupid Internet herd) was this bloke saying that this was his first and will be his last time voting for DAP because he regrets thinking they could bring a change.

Can you spell F-I-C-K-L-E??

I tell you, it pains me to see my country ripped apart by stupid politicians, past and present. But it sure is an awesome feeling knowing that I am right and I can go around telling all the idiots out there, "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Brace yourself. It's going to be a rocky few months. You ain't seen nothing yet.

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Sunday, March 09, 2008

election aftermath

Wasn't that a shocker?

Last night, Manyoo and Chelsea both lost their FA Cup matches to less popular opponents. Although Liverpool will tell you that Barnsley are not inferior in anyway, and the signs were there for Chelsea, nobody would have bet their life on it. Of course in Chelsea's case you could blame arrogance and complacency, coupled with an incompetent manager, but there was still no excuse. It makes for an exciting season finale in the Premier League and the next few months will be crucial.

Last night's other results ran pretty much along the same lines as our favourite national sport – the one in which we love so much, but the same one that pains me to see our incompetency taking centre stage.

Samy had to go. That much was clear. At one point Khairy and Rafidah were losing but nobody would have missed them anyway. Koh Tsu Koon and Chew Mei Fun's respective losses were debatable, although credit has to be given to their formidable and qualified opponents. However, some of last night's results were just unacceptable.

Someone sounded very happy when she told me Sharizat lost. I wonder if these people know what they are talking about. Sharizat had done more for the disabled community than all of her predecessors combined. For her to lose to a girl whose only purpose is to act as proxy for her father is bordering on ridiculous. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in giving a big round of applause for Malaysian Nepotism at its finest.

However, even more ridiculous is the victory of PKR’s Loh Gwo Burne in Kelana Jaya – a boy whose only contribution to the country so far was to accidentally tape a video of an Indian bloke talking on the phone 6 years ago and release it 6 months before the elections. Ladies and gentlemen, another round of applause please. This time, give it up for Malaysian Transparency!

This goes to shoot down any theory that people vote the person and not the party. You could have put a donkey under the opposition banner yesterday and people would still have voted the donkey. And for that, I would like to congratulate the thousands of fickle minded people who voted to take out an idiot and put a bigger idiot in his place. You may hate one party all you like and love the other party to bits, but there has to be a sensible and rational line that needs to be drawn. Did you even know that Loh Gwo Burne wasn't even a registered voter? And you people put him in the Parliament!! Congratulations, you guys cleverly cut off your nose just to spite your face.

What's most interesting now is to see how things pan out in MCA and Gerakan, and more importantly, MIC. The idea put forward to me a couple of days ago by one of my friends was quite simple. In essence, in order to keep yourself on the right track, you need a strong opposition. However, you also need powerful and convincing allies. The point was not that BN was too powerful prior to Saturday. The problem was that UMNO was too powerful and had started ignoring their allies. MCA and MIC leaders turned into nothing short of being yes-men because they knew that if they didn’t toe along, they would be crushed. What we really needed was an MCA and MIC that was equally as strong as UMNO.

What happened yesterday was that both MCA and MIC were indeed crushed, but crushed by opponents didn't expect. So what we are left with now is a very bruised BN with UMNO emerging the least weakened among the 3 major allies. Yes, in their place, DAP and PKR would voice their objections, even more strongly than MCA and MIC could ever dream off. But when you have a hard head in power, persuasive friends are always more effective and can gain more in-roads than an irritating rival.

What ideally needed to happen was DAP and PKR to win outright, but that was never going to be possible due to their lack of ambition from the start. The fact that the duo won 3 states as opposed to their target of just 1 is indication enough of how far they could have gone if they put in more effort in the other states. What is worrying now is that there is a real possibility that a bruised BN (or UMNO, depending on how you see it) is forced to elect ministers even more incompetent than the current bunch, and that there are now no real allies to keep them in their place. Let's just hope that the opposition, with all their voice now is powerful enough to keep BN in line. Otherwise, we would find ourselves in a position much worse than we started off in.

Another equally interesting thing to watch out for is to see how PKR governs Selangor. This is more interesting than Penang because it was totally out of the blue and the opposition wouldn't in their wildest dreams have thought of winning Malaysia’s most developed state. What are their plans? Would the federal government starve the Selangor government of money the same way they did with Kelantan and Terengganu?

But what annoys me the most out of all this is that petrol prices are probably going to remain as they are for quite a while. In this 'new era', we need leaders who can make decisions which are unpopular but correct. The elections are over. The popularity contest can stop now. I don’t care what Anwar Ibrahim said in his pre-election speeches, this economy cannot sustain itself for long if we continue unnecessary wastage through ridiculous subsidies.

Think about this. You walk into a petrol station and fill up your gas tank. You then walk into the station’s convenience store and buy a can of Coke. The 325ml can of Coke costs RM1.20, which works out to roughly RM3.70 per litre. Ridiculously, you paid RM1.92 for a litre of petrol. Imagine that!! A can of Coca-cola costs more than a can of refined petrol! We are willing to pay more for gassy sugared water than we are willing to pay for an unrenewable energy source!

So now we have a bunch of leaders who have been burned and are too afraid to anger the people anymore. On the other side of the fence, we have a bunch of leaders who got there on the promise that they would make petrol the same price as a bottle of Spritzer.

Well done lads. Long live democracy, eh?

Everybody seems to be celebrating in this 'new' Malaysia. Change has occured, they say. What change? For better or worse? There is work to be done. Don't celebrate just yet.

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Friday, March 07, 2008

monkey or no monkey?

I just arrived back in PJ from the kampung.

I suppose it won't come as a surprise, but I still haven't decided whether I should vote the dacing, the penis, or the monkey. Last night I read a rather convincing article in favour of the penis, but over lunch somebody else made a very good point about the dacing. And while driving home in the torrid rain, I kept thinking that I should stick to my instincts and vote the monkey.

When I got home, I heard that there was a ceramah near my place, so I figured that I could give these buggers another chance to convince me. I didn't even know which party was conducting the ceramah until I got there. There was that Nathaniel Tan bloke speaking there in front of a relatively small crowd.

Was I impressed?

Not a single bit.

I was there for half an hour and he spent the better part of 25 minutes talking about how bad BN was. I think I have bored myself (and you people) half to death about this, but it really bugged the shit out of me. I went there hoping that someone could tell me why I should vote them, but instead Nat gave me 100 reasons why I should not vote BN.

He did give 1 reason though:

BN does not keep its promise. I will tell you now. You vote for us tomorrow on the 8th. If we win, on the 9th we will reduce the price of petrol immediately!! But if you don't vote us and we don't win, how can you say we don't keep our promise? We have no power to do anything about it!!

*crowd cheers, albeit not very enthusiastically*

5 minutes later...

....vote for us!! We must deny BN their two-thirds majority!!

Eh friend. You kidding me or what? So you want to win or you want to deny two-third majority? If you wanna deny majority then why you make a promise that IF you win, you will destroy our economy by subsidizing petrol even further?!? You already know you won't win outright, so why are you making promises on the assumption that you will?

There were a lot of other ridiculous things being said, but I think you get my point that they are lying morons. The rain was getting heavier, so I went off and tried to find a dacing ceramah that I could go to.

I stopped at one of the dacing election booths and asked them where the nearest ceramah was. Apparently, there wasn't any going on tonight. Imagine that. The night before the elections and they slack off? No need to campaign any more? A sure victory?!? The guy at the booth told me that they finished the campaigning this afternoon. Lazy buggers! I wasn't expecting any big names! I just wanted to hear what the bugger in my constituency had to say!

Heh.

So it's the monkey then?

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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

vote the monkey

Is it fair to say that Malaysians in general aren't too fond of their principles?

Why is it so hard to understand that you are supposed to vote someone you believe in, not someone who is the lesser of two evils?

Why is it that when I ask someone to give me one good reason why I should vote a particular party, they name me 10 other reasons why I shouldn't vote the other party?

Why don't you people realise that those two options aren't the same?

Why can't people understand that you actually have another option of sticking to your guts instead of selling your ass just to TRY something new?

Why is it considered a 'waste' to spoil my vote intentionally when at the end of the day, they do count the number of spoilt votes as well?

Why do ALL politicians make promises they can't keep?

Why do people keep buying those promises, just because someone else offers them?

Why do young voters think that they are so special?

Why do people think it is such a big crime if other people don't want to vote?

Why is voting considered a requirement to be a "good citizen"?

If I spent the day at an orphanage instead of a polling station, does that make up for "not doing my duty"?

Why is it that in the whole blogosphere, there is only one good blog commenting about the elections?

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Sunday, March 02, 2008

police karma

Do you guys remember this awesome story about the first and the last time I tried to bribe a cop?

The other day, while driving back to Hicktown, I was pulled over by another cop because one of my brake lights was not working. Instead of the normal stalling and asking for reasons, this guy asked for my driver's license and straight away started writing me a ticket. I had to pay a RM70 saman, but it was my fault and I was happy with the way he went about doing things.

On Friday night, I was back in PJ in my parents' house. Somewhere around 12.30am, while I was busy kicking ass on my PS3, my mum said she heard something or someone crawling on the ceiling. At first we suspected it was a rat or one of those pesky cats, but the sound grew louder and louder.

Fearing the worse, we decided to call the police and ask them to check it out. The call was frustrating in a way, since they had to keep transferring you. When you dial 999, you have to tell the operator what service you want and then he will transfer you to either the ambulance service, the police or the fire department. In this case, we were transferred over to the KL headquaters. After that, they transferrred us to the PJ headquaters before finally transferring the order to the police station nearest my house. We were later advised that we should always note down and if possible, memorise the phone number of the police station closest to your house since it would be the fastest way. Of course, if you forget, there is always the 999 option.

Anyway, my mum put down the phone, the sound on the roof was getting louder and louder and so we switched on all the lights and locked up the dog while waiting for the police to arrive. And you wouldn't believe it, because as soon as we did all that, they arrived.

THREE MINUTES.

That's how long it took them to arrive on scene. 3 minutes after we hung up the phone, they were ringing our doorbell. You know what I think?

I have very good karma with the police. I have never had a bad thing to say about them (except curse them for not being corrupt in the Genting story) because they never gave me a reason to. Every encounter I had with them, they did their job and they did it well. When my mum's bag was snatched, the officer was polite and understanding. This is why I really believe in karma. When you have faith in people and when you don't diss them unnecessarily, you will find that they usually won't dissapoint you.

So stop your complaining and whining. Don't be like that kinkylittleshitfairy who bribes a cop and then complains about being 'forced' to do so, or that kennysia bloke who bribed a cop and then happily tells the world that 'it's normal'.

Oh, turns out my neighbour was also awoken by the ruckus on the roof. When the police climbed both our roofs to check it, they found a freaking musang. In the middle of a housing area. A freaking fox.

But still, kudos to Officer Hasrul and his team for the extremely prompt response. I didn't get the names of the other guys because they had to rush off to another place, but that experience would stay with me for a long time.

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