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Thursday, May 01, 2008

what has the world come to?

For the 70 or so people who still bother to read the dosh that I churn out ever so irregularly, hello there! I have been on leave for the whole week, and have been doing nothing except sitting home watching tv, playing PS3 and er...playing golf.

Yes, if you didn't already know. I do play golf. But I do benefit from the fact that I have never ever dissed it in my life, so at least that absolves me from being called a hypocrite.

Oh, and the taxes! Why hasn't anybody been bitching about the tax season? Come on, people! What is wrong with you?! You are Malaysians! You are supposed to be complaining about everything! Especially about things you have to fork out money over! Tax season came and went and nobody said anything?! How can?! What has the world come to?!

Speaking of what the world has come to, you know something fishy is going on with the Grand Dude in the Sky when a Chelsea vs Liverpool game is more exciting than Manyoo vs Barcelona. Utter madness!

But back to the taxes. Did anybody file their taxes the stoneage way? I did! I don't like all those online stuff. I still physically go to banks and pay my utility bills at the post office. Just like an old man. If you actually went to the tax office, I don't know about you guys but I was fucking impressed! Government servants working so efficiently! Never!

Those guys did a fantastic job, polite and courteous to the last! The lady at the photocopy machine even sembang with me! An efficient civil service! Whoah.........so proud of those fellas!

I know the cynics out there would be like...it's their job! Well, tell me if you would get pissed at this particular female specimen who brings you her Borang BE to check:

Miss, I am sorry. You have to re-do this.
WHY?!
Firstly, Miss, you cannot use liquid paper.
Eeyer!
And then Miss, you cannot use blue pen. Must use black pen.
HAH!?!? Why you all never tell one?!?
*patiently turns to the front page*
See here Miss, it says in bold, "JANGAN LIPAT DAN SILA GUNAKAN PEN DAKWAT HITAM"
Oh.
And what is it that I hear Mahathir has a blog. What the fuck is going on man?! Since when did blogs become so powerful?! Okayla, since I have been blogging for more than 4 years, I think I know what I am talking about rite. So here's a trade secret:

BLOGS ARE AN OVERHYPED PROPAGANDA TOOL THAT IS REALLY AS POWERFUL AS TONGKAT ALI.

That is to say that it helps, but only very very little. So little that it actually makes no impact on your performance. And if your wang is in really bad shape in the first place, tongkat ali is useless.

Seriously.

Please consider the fact that the Grand Mullah of blogs in Malaysia gets some 15,000 hits a day while Papa Smurf gets some 7,000. Coconut Man gets 20,000 hits. Fellas, that is how big the Malaysian Internet is okay.

NOT BIG AT ALL!

To all those morons who told you that blogs were the major factor in the election results, please don't kid yourself. You lost because you sucked, and you won because the other fella sucked more than you.

Which then brings us to the point I made the other day. Apa benda bigfoot monkey ni? Come on la. You idiots were elected represent people. Act with class and tact, can or not? Show some elitism, can or not?

Our elections are kinda like American Idol, no? You have a bunch of semi-talented misfits being voted into the limelight by a bunch of clueless rakyat. Please la. You people see what you did? You put morons in the Parliament. Think about it: If Brother Anwar b Ibrahim actually comes good on his word to form the gomen, what position in the cabinet would Karpal Singh get?

I leave you with this gem of a quote from House, because everything in life can be explained with a quote from House:

Cuddy: "Tell me, if it is your aim to sell me the same crazy idea as that House does, how are you an improvement on House?"
Foreman: "I...brought you a coffee?"
House MD, Season 2: Failure to Communicate

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