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Tuesday, June 02, 2009

now that you're 25

There's a great article which you should check out. It talks about what you should do when you hit 25. At this point, I should write a great introduction, but my boss tells me that when something is already great, one should just 'copy shamelessly'.

If you have reached the age of 25, I have a bit of bad news for you, to wit: it is time, if you have not already done so, for you to emerge from your cocoon of post-adolescent dithering and self-absorption and join the rest of us in the world. Past the quarter-century mark, you see, certain actions, attitudes, and behaviors will simply no longer do, and while it might seem unpleasant to feign a maturity and solicitousness towards others that you may not genuinely feel, it is not only appreciated by others but necessary for your continued survival. Continuing to insist past that point that good manners, thoughtfulness, and grooming oppress you in some way is inappropriate and irritating.

This then prompted me to write my own list, and although I am not 25 yet, therefore making me a pompous and preachy twat, I think this is how full grown adults should behave once they hit 25 (preferably before) :



1) Stop camwhoring on your blog. Seriously. It used to be cute when you were in school or college or university. It used to be funny/sexy the way you attracted (stupid) guys to your blog by posting 100 pictures of yourself in 100 different poses. It used to be. Not anymore. Why? Because chances are, somebody at work is going to recognize your face. Worse still, if a customer of yours recognizes your face. Would you walk into a bank and buy unit trust from a clearly unstable woman (you can tell she's unstable because you read her blog) who plays dress-the-clown-and-take-pictures in front of the mirror?



2) Be knowledgeable, dammit. Read more books. Watch the Discovery Channel. Cancel your subscription to E! and start watching CNBC. Nobody cares that you can talk about your university textbooks. Nobody outside work cares about what the details of your day-to-day work is. People want to have a conversation about general stuff. How is it possible that the world is in its worst recession since the 1930s but most working adults can't tell you why?

And it isn't just the serious stuff - it is totally unacceptable that you think Homer only exists in the cartoon and don't know who Martin Luther King is. I am not saying you need to be an expert in Queen, but if you never heard of Freddie Mercury in your life, something is clearly wrong with you.

Like it or not, politics (local AND global) dominate a lot of business small-talk, so start reading the newspapers, dammit. You are encouraged to read Malaysiakini to get a different view, but no matter what Anwar Ibrahim tells you about mainstream news being biased, you have to bloody read it as well.



3) Please constantly remind yourself that you are no longer a 15 year old who broke into daddy's liquor cabinet. If you go clubbing or go out for drinks, this isn't your first time (you are excused from this point if you are 25 and it is your first time) and isn't your last time (you are also excused if you are suffering from a terminal disease) tasting alcohol.

Control yourself, dammit. It is fun getting high and saying all sorts of silly things, but fun party girl stops being fun when she starts puking everywhere and people have to hold her hair back as she hugs the toilet bowl. Know your limits. Surely you have been boozing long enough to know how much you can hold in before you start puking. And if you are a girl it's even worse if you are the type who passes out in a party. The men may be assholes. That's their sin. But you don't be an idiot. Look after yourself.



4) Oh, and girls, just so you know, pink blouses matched with a shocking pink skirt and a fluffy pink handbag does not belong in a professional setting, unless you are a dancer or a stripper. Leave your pink fetishes at home. You are a full grown woman and if you want to be treated and respected by your peers, then stop dressing like a tart. Don't try to 'manja' your male colleagues so that they do things for you. That's the role of your (stupid) boyfriend. If you need something done for you, ask properly. Do away with the childish giggles and batting of the eyelids.



5) Don't squeal. If you think squeaking is 'cute', you need to slap yourself in the face. The aim is not for people to think you are 'cute'. The aim is for people to take you seriously. And if you have a natural high pitch voice, train yourself to speak with a lower tone. Get rid of that Tweety Bird voice. Yes, it can be done. Margaret Thatcher had a high pitch voice when she started off as an MP. By the time she became PM, she had refined it to sound less irritating. If people feel irritated with the way you talk, nobody will take anything you say seriously.




6) This one is a little rich coming from me, but Boys, if you don't have a suit, buy one. It's about time you owned a nice pair that you can wear to formal functions. Unless you work for McDonalds, chances are you will need it sooner rather than later. It doesn't have to be uber fashionable, something that fits and looks presentable is enough. Don't borrow your friend's suit, don't even bother renting one - you can get an acceptable 2 piece suit, a good shirt, a tie, cufflinks and shoes for RM1000 during Malaysian MegaSale. And no, that's not expensive if you know how to spread your expenses.



7) Which brings me to the next point - you're no longer a kid who blew his pocket money on the Dragonball comics. You're a bloody working adult who should have already mastered a simple concept called 'budgeting'. As a friend, it's not fun having to constantly listen to you moan about your lack of funds while you splurge on a new set of rims or your 25th pair of shoes. What do you mean you couldn't resist the "SALE" sign? Are you a 5 year old kid raiding the cookie jar?!

Because it is not cool that you don't return my call because your phone 'ran out of credit'. Jeebus, are you still in college?! Don't you have at least 20 bucks to spare for your phone? Do yourself a favour and carry cash in your wallet in case of an emergency. No, 10 bucks is NOT considered 'cash'. 10 bucks buys you jack-shite these days.



8) You are not God. Lose your God-complex. If you are sick, stay at home. Your office will not crash and burn in your absence. The Earth will still keep spinning on its axis. The sun will still rise in the East and the birds will still keep chirping away. Life goes on. Your colleagues are not helpless twunts who will die if not graced by your presence. Believe it or not, they WILL get on fine without you.

Resist the urge to boast to your friends that you work until 10 pm every night and have to bring home work every weekend. That's not hardworking - that stupid and inefficient. What the hell were you doing during office hours? Chatting on MSN? Uploading your photos on Facebook? You're not projecting the image of a good worker - you're telling the world that you can't finish your work within a reasonable time.

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Ramblings:
Well said, young man..honestly you're the kind of blogger Malaysia needs more these days..there are way too many shallow blogs out there..yucks...BTW, about the camwhore thing..haha..you couldn't have said it better..and oh yeah, any women above the age of 20 should stop sticking their tongue out in pictures and doing the whole 'kawaii' poses...it's not cute, it's not stupid..just downright idiotic...
 



I'm going to be 25 this year...
 



what's next? a blog about posts on something to do with the number 26?
 



i like no.8 the most. it applies even in my world of no-such-thing-as-9-to-5. get over yourself, seriously.
 



Me? Young man??!

Well, I never...!

 



MY, someone's in a beautiful mood (: OH WAIT. You always sound this grouchy. LOL. You should be the human version of Sesame Street's Oscar the Grouch. Age is just a number, mate. Haven't you heard? Growing old is mandatory but growing up's optional (;

Leave the Peter Pans be. LOL.

 



At your age, you are excused. Growing up is optional for you.

Hopefully by the time you hit 25, that concept is long lost.

 



9) it's not all about YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. YOUR point are not always RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT.

10) hold the door, not just for your date but for everyone at that point in time when you are entering or exiting the damn building and someone else is behind or in front of you.. and if someone else does that for you (esp when exiting cinema halls), don't stare at the kind soul like she's some kind of bizarro creature. also that kind soul does not expect any nod or smile of appreciation BUT AT LEAST continue to hold the friggin' door la #$*I(#

 



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