B*tchingLOG...not a weBLOG

moving house

2010-05-05T23:02:00.003+08:00

This will be the B*tchingLOG's last post. Say hello to the unimaginatively named "Say what?!?!"

I've been meaning to do this for eons now. The blog title and template design had long outlived its purpose. I started this blog as a 19 year old university student who was too lazy to spend his Easter Holidays writing his final year degree thesis.

At its peak, this blog was sort of famous, although back then it was easier because there were fewer of us. I've had more than my fair share of controversy and silly arguments with other silly people, but that was all part of the fun.

And no matter how many people told me back then that I was awesome, or that they didn't know any other 19, 20, or 21 year olds who were as well opinionated and as aware of current issues as I was - there were also people who couldn't help but tell me how brash and loud I was.

Either way, it didn't matter then.

But it does now. When a reader comes to this site, sees the maroon template and the big bold words at the top, he immediately forms a judgement on what type of blog this is. And I think, writing more serious stuff these days calls for a more serious template (but not tooo serious, of course). One that doesn't scream out to the reader that I am an angry 19 year old.

So why didn't I just change the template and keep the address? Why did I need to move?

Two reasons.

First, I am sentimental idiot that way. I have a toy car the size of a matchbox that changes colour when the room temperature changes. I put that car in my mum's fridge when I was 5. She has since changed 2 fridges but she knows better than to throw it or put it in my room. Somewhere else in a shoebox are my electronic projects and hobbies from school. Somewhere else are clay moulds of my jaws from the time I have my braces fitted.

It's the same with this blog. I spent days and days teaching myself HTML because I refused to use the ready made templates (unfortunately, I don't have such a luxury these days). There was no conceivable way I was going to allow myself to change the template without preserving the old blog somehow.

Secondly, and more importantly, when someone reads the archives of this blog for whatever reason (even if nobody out there reads it, I do) they have to read the earlier articles in the context of the whole blog. You have to read about me calling a girl with 17As for SPM a moron with the large B*tchingLOG font screaming down at you. And you just have to read the great tampon review with the playful maroon background and yellow fonts mocking you. Any other way and it would seem very wrong.

So there we have it, 6 years and 1 month after I started this blog, change your links and let's start afresh:

SAY WHAT?!?!

edison hour

2010-03-27T00:56:00.002+08:00

Have you heard of Edison's Hour?

It was started by a bunch of American univeristy students in protest of the utterly ridiculous Earth Hour. Edison Hour shall take place during the exact same day and exact same time as Earth Hour, and instead of switching off your lights, we pay tribute to the great Thomas Edison and turn the bloody lights all on.

Last year, I wrote something on Earth Hour and its utter irrelevance especially in Malaysia. It was nothing more than a hypocritical fanfare of showing people that you care when your actions aren't really congruent with your words.

This year, as to further prove my point, I am going to give you some insight into what I do. I work at a small power generation plant and my company has a combined power capacity of slightly less than 300MW. In the last one year, I had been researching and implementing a project to reduce our natural gas consumption (to reduce costs, what else?)

The motivation behind that project wasn't to save the bloody pandas (or manatees). It was purely and simply a commercially driven project. But as Dr. House keeps saying, "Reasons don't matter - results do."

The result of that project is that in the coming year, we will save around 1100 billion British Thermal Units of fuel gas. And to give you a sense of irrelevance, that is enough energy to power up 5.25 million 60W light bulbs during Earth Hour.

Quite simply - you flicking off a few switches is inconsequential in the whole story. And in the context of an even bigger picture, my actions are also irrelevant in the power industry. I am just one guy in a small power plant. There are thousands of engineers like me everywhere in the world, working in far larger plants, capable of reducing our carbon footprint on a far larger scale than the average PR consultant can dare to imagine.

I have moved on trying to educate the general herd on the street. It takes too much effort for too small and impact.

I am talking to you corporate bigwigs - spend your money on other things. Start up scholarship funds to train engineers more awesome than myself. Throw your money into funding Science projects in schools. Who knows, maybe one day some genius will come up with a renewable source of energy that is CHEAP and commercially viable?

This is where Edison Hour really comes in. It probably started off as a mockery (it probably still is) but the essence is right - let's celebrate human achievement! Science has the ability to give us all the luxury we need. Embrace it! Instead of silly banning of plastic bags (you still have plastic containers, don't you?) why don't you start throwing money into researching fully degradable bags?

Why are you trying to send the world back to the stoneage by turning off electricity? Realistically, who the hell is going to dig that idea on a permanent basis?

Get real - if you want to make a difference, stop your charade. Do something that actually matters.

stuck

2010-03-10T22:53:00.002+08:00

I've been meaning to write this since Chinese New Year, but never got down to it. Ibrahim Ali's recent musings and rantings (some would call it ramblings of a lunatic) have actually spurred me on to write this.

Over the new year, I met up with loads of people from school and college. These are people I grew up with in a predominately Chinese environment. If you have been following me long enough, you might have read this before. So there I was, meeting some people for the first time in 10 years since I left school, 8 years since I left college.

We were talking, and inevitably the subject on race, politics and Malaysia in general tend to resurface. This is normal coffeeshop talk that I suppose goes on everyday. It dissapointed me that for many of them the 8 or 10 years of growing up did not seem to change their perspective on race and religion. Here they were sprouting the same insensitive things, bitching about the same issues they were bitching about all those years ago.

Don't get me wrong, I think these people are good people. They are fiercely loyal friends, and I dare say that many of them would gladly take a bullet for me if asked. It's just a pity that they did not have the same opportunity to go out there and mix around and learn another culture. 10 years on and they still have not been able to gain some level of acceptance of other people's seemingly weird and alien culture.

It is as if they are stuck in time warp. While many people have been able to ride off Ibrahim Ali as a madman or a politician saying things for brownie points, the scary thing is that he might actually mean the things he say - the same way my friends actually mean the insensitive things they sprout about the other races.

Is there a point here?

I don't quite know. I guess, all I am saying is repeating my lately often repeated mantra - GO OUT THERE...LEARN A NEW CULTURE. You can't like someone unless you get to know them!

新年快乐

2010-02-13T00:15:00.002+08:00

Since I started working in this predominately Malay company some 3 years ago, the most common question around this time of the year is, "So, do you celebrate Christmas or Chinese New Year?" In the past one week, I was asked that question 3 times.

I used to get very annoyed. My friend Penthesilea gets very annoyed when people couldn't tell the simple difference between race and religion. She's a Chinese Muslim, and no, she isn't a convert. As you can imagine loads of people (and I imagine some of you out there too) scratched their head wondering how that was possible.

My friends tell me I have mellowed. A LOT. But I still give sarcastic answers when thrown stupid questions. But this is not a stupid question. It's a sad question.

It's sad to know that somebody can spend 30 years growing up in a so-called multi racial, multi cultural society yet never knew that Christmas and Chinese New Year are not mutually exclusive. This is the downright failure of the government's education system segregating kids from the get-go with the different types of school, colleges and universities.

We have no right to pride ourselves with the Visit Malaysia ads proclaiming our diversity as a selling point when in fact our citizens are really not that diverse. We are a bunch of people staying under the same roof but not really talking to one another. It's not that we hate or dislike one another (well, most of us logical ones anyway), it's just that we just don't talk quite enough. And we don't hang out quite enough.

This was meant to be nothing more than a Happy Chinese New Year greeting, and I don't wish to be too preachy. We can't have all this doom and gloom in the New Year now, can we?

So, enjoy your booze, enjoy your bak kua and enjoy the gambling.

Drive safe folks.

Happy New Year.

circus

2010-02-02T22:20:00.003+08:00

We know this: The 3 people arrested and charged with the firebombing a church have pleaded not guilty and claimed trial.

Now imagine this scenario:

These 3 guys, through whatever legal means available to them keep postponing their court appearance through various technicalities. Their lawyers are so good, that they somehow manage to push their court date more than a year back. Meanwhile these 3 alleged crooks are allowed to roam free and give talks to anybody and everybody who would listen to them talk about their cause and why the allegations against them are politically motivated (because well, anything's possible, eh?).

Finally, when they have exhausted all avenues of postponing their trial, they show up in court like a Hollywood celebrity arriving for the Oscars - smiling and waving to an adoring crowd chanting their names. As they are led into the court, they pass a police officer in the hall and have the audacity to ask in a Joker-esque manner, "Dood, why so serious?!"

Imagine if those alleged firebombers did that, would you be outraged? How fucking pissed would you be that they made it into a comedy club circus? I would be majorly pissed! Even if I wasn't annoyed that it took more than a year finally haul their ass into court, I would be outraged that they are allowed to turn a court case against them into a soap opera.

Wouldn't you?!?

Now, think about it and then tell me...does this look like a guy is in court and might possibly spend 20 years in jail?

What I am saying is this: why the double standards? Why is this guy acting like a rock star and why is he being treated like a rock star? Because he told you he was framed? Hmmmm....that's an interesting thought. Would you accord the same treatment to those 3 alleged terrorists if they told you they were the scapegoat someone was looking for? Would you chant the name of an alleged rapist as he waltzed into court claiming innocence? After the trial is concluded, I suppose it is fair game depending on the results, but to put up this show pre-trial?!?

He is a genius at this game. The way it is playing out, no matter what the court findings are he ends up as a martyr. If he wins, he will point to "people's will". If he loses, he will point to it being a kangaroo court. I really don't see anyway the poor kid can come away victorious. (This is all allegedly, of course)

On a side note, it took Najib half a day to force his aide to resign over some ridiculously racist remarks, but this guy is still pussyfooting on Zulkifli Nordin more than a year since the Bar Council incident and the countless other despicable acts later including openly fanning the flames of the recent controversies.

I say, throw this guy in jail, so that other better Opposition party leaders can come in and then we can have a proper check and balance system going on in our country. We certainly can do without the circus we have now thanks to this bloke.

take five

2010-01-11T23:18:00.002+08:00

One of the things I do at work is troubleshoot equipment failure.

In layman terms, what it means is that I lead a team like Dr. House does, only except of trying to figure out what is wrong with a person, I try to figure out what is wrong with a particular industrial equipment.

Sometimes, like yesterday, when we are banging our heads against a brick wall trying to figure out what is wrong with a machine, when all possibilities seem exhausted, I tell my guys to take five, stop banging our heads against the immovable brick wall, go back to the drawing board and define the problem.

Usually, we find that the problem cannot be solved because, more often than not, the problem wasn't well defined in the first place. How can you solve a problem when you were too distracted by the symptoms to even identify the problem in the first place?

Think about it.

The problem is not the arson. The problem isn't the government (although certainly the incompetence of certain people are not helping). The problem isn't the word in the first place.

The problem is the inability to understand the other person's culture, the reluctance to walk a mile in his shoes, and the downright refusal to accept that maybe, just maybe the other guy doesn't care that you think you are in the right because he thinks he is in the right too.

The younger Christians are saying that they have been using it forever and ever and the historical facts back it up. They can even quote passages in the Holy Book telling people why the term is technically correct. And they have the High Court saying they can. They are saying that you can't copyright a word. That is why, they say, they are correct and have every right to use the word.

The traditionalist Muslims can't understand why people would wanna upset this whole equilibrium thing that they had going. They can't understand why these people want to use a word that all their lives they have known to describe their God. "Isn't your God called something else? Why can't you use the other word for Him?" All their lives they were brought up thinking what they know is true, and now some people are telling them something else totally whacked up...NO WAY!! They feel suspicious that other fellas are taking what is theirs.

Do you see the problem here?

Everybody has been discussing who is in the right and who is in the wrong. And everybody thinks they are right. Personally, I don't care who is. Yes, you can argue you technicalities on both sides, and yes, you can win any argument you like. You can win your debates, win your court cases (or lose the subsequent appeal) but still the problem remains, both parties feel that they are in the right.

I mean, I am sure you face this in my aspects of your every day life. You present an argument in a sound and logical manner (or so you think) and your boss shoots it down. In matters such as this, more often than not, once people have ingrained in them that they are right, nothing is going to change their mind.

If I was saying this to a different audience, I would put this argument in a different manner for which they would understand my message. But because I know this blog is read primarily by young middle to upper class urbanites, most of whom support the usage of the word by the Christians, I will say this:

You cannot understand why these "uneducated" (quote unquote from many of my friends) people find it so hard to accept that you are correct, that they can't copyright a word, that you are backed by historical 'facts' - that is the same way they feel about you. The fact that you feel that anyone who disagrees with you is either uneducated, ignorant or worse, a fundamentalist

So, just for one second. Stop and think about putting yourself in the other guy's shoes.

What is the solution I propose?

Frankly, I have nothing concrete. We can promote discussions and education but it all takes time. Time that a lot of us fear that we do not have. There is a time bomb is ticking today. We need a quick fix solution while we work on the discussion and re-education which will take years, if not generations.

Again, I have no clear solutions. But I am presenting the real definition of the problem, in the HOPE that the people smarter than me, the people who were entrusted by the democratic system to make things right actually do come up with something.

And perhaps, if you realise the actual problem that we are facing, that you can take steps to correct it at your level - talking to more friends, convincing people to open up their minds and look at both sides of the coin.

At this point in time, even the simplest of things can help.

don't ever lose hope

2010-01-08T20:29:00.002+08:00

"Vincent, how lah? What's wrong with this country? Still got hope meh?"

"There's always hope. Don't ever, ever lose that."

Never mind about all that has been said about those acts of terrorism. Let's face it, anywhere else in the world, we would label the perpetrators terrorists. Loads of things can be said about them, but instead, let's focus on what is said about this whole issue.

Many of my friends, on Facebook, on blogs, discussing this issue - even on Malaysiakini and every online portal out there have been categorically dissing UMNO, BN, Najib and Hishamuddin. I don't deny that they could have handled it better. Heck, they should have handled it better, especially in the lead up to today's events.

But to pin the blame solely on UMNO is akin to saying that supporters and leaders of the Opposition party would have acted differently given the circumstances - is malicious at best, and worse - extremely delusional.

People all too eager to make this a political issue have to wake up and realise this is a community problem, a society issue that could have been resolved (granted, not easily) with proper discourse. To make it a political issue would be highly criminal - that is to say that if we were to swap governments tomorrow, this problem would go away automatically - that is wishful thinking that in the long run is more dangerous than the situation we are in today.

Joining a Facebook group called "AKU BENCI UMNO & BN" is equally criminal because it shows how narrow minded we are into thinking that this problem will solve itself in the next elections.

This has nothing to do with political affiliations - and to prove it, I challenge all of you reading this to a simple experiment. Open your Facebook account and count how many friends of other races you have. Then, if you are Malay - select 5 of your most Melayu friends (if you are Chinese, pick 5 of your most Cheena friends). You know, the ones who spent their entire lives in sekolah agama, then went to MRSM, then UiTM and is now working with a GLC. Similarly, a Chinese boy who went to Chung Hwa all his life, then went to UTAR and now works at his father's business. Count and see, how many friends of other races they have.

My record - one of my friends, Chinese bloke with 400 friends and NOT A SINGLE Malay or Indian friend. He went to a Chinese school all his life, then went to Singapore to study, then UK and is now working in a typically Chinese firm.

How can we tolerate (for the lack of a better word) and how can we understand other races if we don't know them? We can't blame people like my friend because this is how society moulded him to be. They had no opportunity to mix and to learn from other races and other cultures.

We, as relatively educated and supposedly more cultured citizen - it is our responsibility to show these people the beauty of diversity. Instead of pinning the blame on an easy scapegoat, we should wake up and work harder to promote our diversity.

This is an appeal to the rational citizens in my country.

Start with the man in the mirror.

Go out there, learn a new culture today.

We cannot lose hope. We must never lose hope.

2019

2010-01-04T22:53:00.005+08:00

My mornings in the office usually start off with me arriving at the office, going through my mail and then preparing for the morning brief with my staff. In between all that, I somehow find the time to glance at The Star Online and read the top 10 headlines of the day.

Today, I was particularly busy and only managed to find time for that at around 4.30pm. So it was only around that time that I managed to read today's headlines about the government set to appeal the 'Allah' ruling.

I've always felt that in any argument, both parties are to blame. The Christians, I feel, are picking a fight. We all know that the Malay word for God is Tuhan. So unless Herald is printing Arabic versions of their newsletters, I can't quite understand what they are fighting for. And besides, if you ask any of those people who drive around with 'I LOVE JESUS' and 'WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?' car stickers, I wager my head that they would not willingly swap the word Jesus with Allah.

That said, we are supposed to be civilized people here, but I see that one of my friends has joined a Facebook group called MENENTANG PENGUNAAN NAMA ALLAH OLEH GOLONGAN BUKAN ISLAM and quite honestly the things being said in there are quite scary. You're worried about people getting confused? Isn't that why you have wise imams in the first place? Aren't you supposed to correct the misconceptions amongst your brothers? Your efforts should be channeled into worrying what you can do to help the confused rather than fight off other people.

So fellas, give and take, can?

That wasn't the main point of this post, but rather what lead to it. On my drive home, I kept thinking about this issue and how the world will change over the new decade.

I mean, it seemed like yesterday I watched Survivor: Pulau Tiga and remember thinking what an awesome concept this thing called "Reality TV" was. After 10 years, "Big Brother" and "My New BFF" and I reserve the right to retract my original opinion.

So, I was actually thinking what the world like would be in 10 or 20 years time. This gets a little convoluted, so try to keep up.

Consider the following facts:

Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world today. There are 1.5 billion Muslims in the world compared to the 2.2 billion Christians. By the middle of the new decade, there would be more Muslims than Christians. The growth is exponential, meaning that sooner rather than later, if nothing is done, Christianity would be relegated to a minority religion, with Hinduism accounting for the 2nd highest majority.

Now, being backed into a corner inevitably means people will fight back. Well, probably not like they did one millennium ago where the Crusaders went at each other's throats with an axe and sword (I certainly hope not!). The New Crusades would be fought politically - heck one might argue it has already begun. The most powerful man on Earth is called Barrack HUSSEIN Obama!

Therefore, if you have a kid, tell him to forget about studying Geology to look for the last drop of oil. Forget about studying farming to support the increasing world food demand. In my (not so) humble opinion, those two would be relegated to the #2 and #3 most sought after profession.

I reckon, in the next decade or so, the most in-demand job (and hence, the most lucrative) would be that of a Christian missionary, paid to spread the word of God.

But that's just me. And I have been known to be crazy...

blame

2009-12-29T21:51:00.005+08:00

Loads of people call me crazy for driving back to KL from Hicktown every weekend. They tell me I should take the bus - its cheaper and not so tiring. Yes, I say, but I trust myself more than I trust the bus drivers.

Another day, another bus accident. Another pile up of body bags. Another aftermath to keep people occupied with, until another set of jet engines (or missile launchers) go missing.

People keep talking about the bus driver being sleepy. Today, he claimed trial to reckless driving, after admitting that he fell asleep at the wheel. Then you have silly politicians wanting to ban night buses, while forgetting that people can fall asleep during the day too. We also have people talking about special licenses to drive double decker buses and all that hoolah.

This job has thought me many things, especially when it comes to pinning the root cause to a problem. Major industrial accidents of recent time (which I am familiar with anyway) never pointed the blame to one individual. The 2 operators who caused the BP Texas City explosion never went to jail or got fined. And certainly, it was Exxon that bore the brunt of the lawsuits and penalties in the Exxon Valdez oil spill, not the tired third mate and the drunk ship master.

Tragedies occur because of a sequence of events. They occur because of the lack of safeguarding measures that should be in place. Yes, they are often triggered by people earning $5 an hour, but this doesn't mean the blame should fall on their shoulders. The fact that he is paid $5 an hour is testament enough to his skill and competency, hence why should it surprise anyone when this guy inadvertently sets the barn on fire? He certainly didn't put all the hay in the barn, nor did he make the barn out of wood, so if anything he is as much of a victim because he has to live with the guilt of killing all those people anyway.

More pertinent questions here are:

1. Why was he tired? Has he been overworked? Why is he overworked? How many hours had he been driving? Is there an enforcement on how many hours a bus driver is allowed to drive in a day?

2. What was his co-driver doing? Sleeping, we presume? If he felt sleepy, why didn't he tell his co-driver who should have then kept him company by chatting about random things?

3. It is easy to ask him to rest, but if he had pulled over to sleep, and if the bus arrived at the destination late, would he have been in trouble with his bosses for delaying the next trip? Does the bus company, or in fact, do any of the bus companies have policies pertaining to this? What would happen to a bus driver if he frequently arrived late because he frequently pulled over to take a nap? Would he be in trouble with his bosses? Or do they encourage him to pull over and take a nap? Why has NOBODY asked this question?

4. Why is there no outrage (not even from Malaysiakini!!!?!) towards the lawmakers? Why are the Ministry of Transport allowed to go scot free in all these accidents? Why are they not passing laws or coming up with proper procedures to mitigate future accidents?

The problem with blaming the bus driver is that you can put him in jail and think, "Ah, that's it then. He won't be around to kill anymore people." But we forget that a few months from now, someone else WILL fall asleep at the wheel again.

And we put him in jail. And another. And another...

We rewind, and press play. We keep looping the tape over, and over, and over again....till when?

Post publication entry (3 Dec 2010):

5 days after I wrote the above, The Sunday Star did a center spread on this issue. In the past few days, I have been reading the Letters to Editors section of a few newspapers. Still, nobody has raised the question I did about point number (3).

The Sunday Star article had 2 short paragraphs briefly talking about it:

Farhan Zainal* has just returned from the Road Transport Department (RTD) to explain why his bus had arrived late at the station by 20 minutes.
"A passenger lodged a complaint," he says. "If you are fast, then you’re good. If you’re slow, they say the bus is like a kereta lembu (bullock cart)."

I think this is outrageous!! Why does the bus driver report to the RTD on why he is late? Is this the main reason why drivers are reluctant to take a break even though they are sleepy?

Still all the unasnwered questions...

2009 wrap up

2009-12-28T22:25:00.003+08:00

It's been almost 2 months since I wrote anything here.

I used to say that I was busy. It was true, too. I had a crazy exam to study for. I had tons of books piling up, waiting to be read. This blog, which seemed so important just a few years ago gradually became a thing of the past.

But I won't shut it down. There are gems buried in the archives. As we grow up, our perception changes, we see the world differently, some of the opinions I made back then might probably be outdated now, although I am pretty adamant that I still stand by most of them. So no, the blog stays, for better or for worse. Michelle told me long ago that I should put the password for this blog in my will so that someone (the grandkids, I believe) could carry on.

I reckon, I will still use this as a reminder to myself. My thoughts, though cryptic at times, are primarily for me anyway, so this is a good place to pen them. Besides, I still love writing anyway.

2009 has been a relatively good year.

I say relatively, because all things good are relative anyway.

I got promoted this year, so the career seems to be going well. I've never had much problems with work anywhere I went, so I suppose that's a great thing. Financially, I've not had to worry about money this year too, the markets have been great, plus when you are good at your job, moolah tends to come your way pretty easily.

After my boast in last year's wrap up that I've never had to take a single day's sick leave in the 3 years I had been working, I got floored early on this year with a bloody kidney stone. This despite me drinking 4 litres of water a day without fail. Too bad, I guess. The doctor says that the magnitude of pain from a kidney stone is similar to labour pains so I think I now know what women go through, hah!

Traditionally, only those two things have ever been important to me - career (and money) and health. Family goes without saying. So, make that 3 things. I've never really cared about anything more. I've never really bothered to put much (or any effort) at my personal life. Perhaps it is time to change the game play and look at other things.

So let's take things one step at a time.

Everybody knows that the only reason I am here in this Hicktown is because of the job. And I love this job. But let's work on getting back to KL in the coming year. And let's make that my one and only target this New Year.

If you are new to this blog (chances, you are not - since I don't publicize it), there is an annual mantra that I recite this time of the year:

I am not going to wish you an awesome year ahead, because inevitably, there will be setbacks, disappointments and heartbreaks. I do, however, wish you the strength to overcome all that adversity, the tenacity to piss in the wind and the guts to stare down the barrel of a gun.

And above all, to enjoy the year ahead.

Happy New Year, folks!

monkey see, monkey do

2009-11-05T23:26:00.002+08:00

Did you guys know there is a Facebook group called "We are 1,000,000 Malaysians that support the BAN of plastic bags"?

Of course the 'friend' of mine that is a member of that cult was always a tool anyway, so it kinda makes sense. Besides, there is a bloke in that group who wrote, "We can ban plastic bags... of all kind.... Except condoms. SAY YES TO CONDOM. SAY YES TO SEX!" so we can assume that it is a group for idiots anyway since there exist people who thought that condoms were plastic and not rubber. Or people who thought that plastic and rubber were the same thing.

But I never did get this whole idea of banning plastic bags. I could never understand why these tree huggers make such a big fuss about using plastic bags when grocery shopping.

Seriously. I haven't got the faintest clue why not.

Look, when you buy something, you will ultimately generate waste from it eventually. If you buy an apple, you will throw the core. If you buy a bag of potato chips, you will throw the bag. If you buy a tube of toothpaste, you will eventually throw the empty tube.

Correct?

Now, when you throw rubbish, what do you use? I don't know about the tree huggers who bitch about me taking plastic bags when I shop at Giant, but when I throw away food waste, I throw it in the same bags I bought the stuff in. And, odds are, you generate some sort of waste everyday and hence need to take out the trash every other day if not everyday.

So, if they ban plastic bags, or ask me not to use plastic bags, where the fuck should I throw the chicken bones, orange peels and general waste?

Or are these people who call for the ban of plastic bags actually idiots who never cook and therefore have never experienced generating waste?

I don't know. You guys need to humour me here.

sudah lama tak jumpa

2009-09-30T21:50:00.006+08:00

(Updated version: 3 October)

Whoah.

It's actually been a month (give or take 2 days) since I last posted something. It's definitely been more than a month since I last bothered looking at the site counter. But you underlings shouldn't worry. I will be here. Off and on. For the time being, more off than on, but I won't ever stop.

The narcissistic asshole that has been writing stuff here for FIVE years hasn't stopped being a narcissistic asshole all of a sudden (side note: let's be dead honest here, anybody who owns a blog or posts on FB/Twitter is a narcissistic asshole - there are no two ways about it). It's just that I have been busy. Very busy.

Why are you busy at night, Vincent? Surely you don't work late into the night?!

No, I don't. Work doesn't keep me busy. Work doesn't even stress me. It keeps me occupied. I get home from work at 6. I get online for a bit and then take an evening nap before waking up for dinner an hour later. It's a good life this. I highly recommend it to you people who are inflicted with the God Complex (those are people who work till 10pm thinking the company will shutdown and go bankrupt if they ceased to exist tomorrow).

See, I have been studying.

The finance/banking people would know of the CFA thingy, and I am actually putting in effort studying for an exam which has a ridiculously low passing mark. I have never studied this hard in my life. Not for my SPM, not for A-Levels, and even not for my final year of uni. I would like to think that I have, for the first time in my life come across an exam in which the possibility of failing is very, very real.

So yes, I have been studying.

But there have been things which I wanted to talk about, you know...just to educate you people out there...but I just have not had the time.

I shall, however, spare time for one topic, because I think it's had really unfair criticism when the news broke (especially from the idiots who comment on Malaysiakini).

I am talking about Malaysia's very own F1 team. Now I am not using the real and proper name because I feel very geli everytime I hear that word, but in all seriousness, when I first heard the news, I was at work and The Star Online posted it as 'breaking news'.

I couldn't believe my eyes! This is awesome shit! This may be the excited little engineer speaking, but this is unbelievably cool! Think of all the possibilities! Loads of Malaysian engineers who dreamt of getting into F1 their whole lives now find it a real possibility. (I have never been one to be a fan of cars, so not really my thing - but it is still damn bloody cool!)

Of course it didn't take long for ~~idiots~~ people with different opinions to make their feelings known. Waste money la. People starving la. Corruption la. Di di da da. I have had this debate with no less than than 5 people since the news broke. Now that they announced it as a 'totally private' initiative with external funding, the criticism has died down a little bit.

But the arguments have been there from the start - Honda and BMW have pulled out, why are we going in? Critics say F1 burns a hole in your pocket. What kind of idiot are you? What kind of business can sustain itself over decades if they continously suffer losses? Of course it can be a profitable business! Maybe the F1 team itself loses money, but for car makers like Ferrari and Mercedes, this is actually damn good branding for them. BMW pulled out because they weren't winning anything and their involvement in the sport was beginning to damage their reputation as great car makers.

And I shall even go as far as saying this - even if the F1 team is funded by the government and hence the tax payers, and even if it makes a loss in the region of a couple of hundred million a year, it is still beneficial to the country as a whole. The technology transfer alone is priceless. The experience our engineers will get from it will be invaluable. That, coupled with the fact that the car will be locally made - this produces a huge knock-on effect. 225 jobs on the team itself - but how many thousands more to support the industry?

Plus, not to forget this goes a small way in reducing the brain drain issue. I knew a few really smart Malaysian aerodynamic engineers and composite material engineers working as research assistants in the uni in UK when I was studying. Maybe projects like this will be able to tempt them back home. I don't care much about the racing itself - I don't care if we finish last in every race? Who is to say we will?!? And even if we do - so what? Why? Scared malu? People who are afraid of being malu will never learn anything useful in life. And IF in a couple of years, things go sour and the investors decide to close shop and pack up their bags - so what? Surely we would have at least gained something from the whole experience? Is that not worth the investment?

Every now and then, someone needs the balls to do something outrageous. Someone needs to have the guts to have an idea so ridiculous that everybody laughs at him. And goddamn, but it is even more awesome when those people prove everybody else wrong.

"99 percent of the people will say we will fail, but I like it. This is my life, everybody have said I will fail" - Datuk Tony Fernandes

Post publication entry (3 Oct): I wrote the above, very disjointed after studying 3 straight hours and just needed to get it off my chest. Re-reading this article (and Tony Fernandes' awesome quote) made me recall a particular incident with MAS' former CEO Idris Jala, who everybody thought he was mad and a 'liar' for promising to turnaround MAS.

Below were a couple of links written by Raja Petra regarding the issue:

MAS Flight Delays: Idris Jala LIED!!
MAS is burning, Butcher from Shell is Fiddling

And if you did bother to read those two articles, it would be worth to note that that month, despite all the problems was MAS' best operational profit to that date. And boy, if you were Raja Petra, reading back that post, won't you feel like a total idiot?

Of course, Raja Petra is a total idiot in any case, but the point is, I imagine it must feel damn bloody awesome to do something totally outrageous and have everybody call you crazy - only for you to prove them wrong and shove it back in their red faces.

octogon

2009-09-02T20:51:00.002+08:00

"I am starting to get so sick of politics."

"Only now? These guys have been acting like morons since the beginning of time"

"It's not just one party. It's both sides that are being gutless idiots"

"Both sides? All sides you mean..."

"All sides?"

"Of course. Surely you don't believe that there are only two sides? I count at least 8 sides."

"Hmmm...???"

"There are two sides in PAS alone, two in MIC, at least two sides in MCA, and God only knows how many sides there are in UMNO....come to think of it, only PKR is firmly united because everybody rallies around that lying egomaniac whom without with the party won't function...."

chronicals of hicksville - going clubbing

2009-08-23T21:01:00.004+08:00

Three years in this Hicktown, and I had never been clubbing here before. In fact, it's been a while since I had last been clubbing anywhere. One of the signs of old age is the tendency to avoid loud noises. Don't get me wrong, I have been boozing in Hicktown before, but in pubs. Dodgy ones even. (sidenote: this post reminds me - I still owe a part 3 to the boozing stories in the link).

So when my friend Mel asked me to come along on Friday, I jumped at the chance of doing something new in this Hicktown (which usually equates to an awesome story) and also getting some booze into my system. Also because I was assured there wouldn't be any fengtau music since her friend from KL was the guest DJ for the night.

The story starts off in my house when I get out of the shower and I realise I don't have anything to wear to the club. Now, this is not like some woman going, "Oh my God I have nothing to match my new handbag!" This was me, literally not having anything suitable to wear to a club. Most of my wardrobe is in my house back in KL. Most days I wear old t-shirts to work - my job calls for it. On more formal days when I have to attend a meeting of sorts, I wear a standard company issued work shirt. Only very rarely do I wear a long sleeve shirt to work. If and when I go out at night, I usually throw on a nice t-shirt.

I make do - I find the most casual long sleeve work shirt that I have, and a pair of khakis and decide to wear that. Heck, I looked like I was going to work instead of a club. See, where I come from - the standard dress code for a club is a collared shirt (or at least a polo shirt). Heck, I've even seen people denied entry into a club because they were wearing sports shoes.

So how the fuck was I to know, that in this stupid jakun infested town, there is apparently no dress code for clubs?! I mean - none at all. I walk into the club (no cover charge even) and the first bloke I see is wearing bermudas and a pair of Nike Shox!!! FUCKING bermudas!! In a club! What the fuck, man? I mean...the last time I went clubbing, my friend was celebrating his birthday and two of his guests weren't allowed in because they were wearing round neck t-shirts!

I walk around to the front looking for Mel's table and as I pass the masses, I notice a Snoop Dogg wannabe wearing a singlet (YES, A FUCKING SINGLET) with a huge ass gold chain hanging from his neck. Never mind about the gold chain, the dude was wearing a singlet! In a club!! I walk around I see another dude wearing a pair of flourescent green Crocs!! Crocs!! In a club!! What the hell is going on here?!?

Nothing of note happened the rest of the night, partly because I had good company and partly because the music was great (did I not mention the DJ was a KL bloke?). But then sometime around 1.45am, when our bucket of beer was almost finished, and I was going to order summore, Mel came over to me and said:

"Hey, don't order too much more"

"Why? Night's still young.."

"Errr...no it's not. Forgot to tell you....they close at 2"

"TWO? TWO?!?!? What the fuck? Why?!"

"Don't fucking know man.."

"Club that closes at two. TWO! What the fuck man...."

Why am I even surprised? Every aspect of life in this Hicktown has been a great big culture shock. Yes, I am pretentious. Yes, I am elitist. Yes, I come from the big city and yes, I mock these stown (small town) folk.....but I should be used to this shit by now. If there has been a constant it is the fact that this is one country, but the people are worlds apart.

headlines

2009-08-12T21:20:00.002+08:00

In today's newspapers - ACTUAL headlines which you WISH were accompanied by the following stories:

Toll rises with 6 more deaths

In a move that is bound to incense the rakyat, the government has decided to increase the toll rates after 6 more Mat Rempit were killed when they rear ended the ass of a water buffalo which was trying to cross the road. While the Rempits cannot be stopped and should be rehabilitated instead, the toll rise is meant to keep out poor farmers from allowing their livestock to roam the streets.

Motion passed despite walkout by Barisan reps

In a rare display of solidarity in accordance to the 1Malaysia concept of together-getherness, politicians on both sides of the fence (including those on the fence) were egging on the injured water buffalo to pass motion. The water buffalo was believed to be suffering severe constipation after an earlier road accident saw the head of a Mat Rempit lodged up the animal's behind. After several motivational speeches by maverick Anwar Ibrahim, the water buffalo finally managed to pass motion. However, the limelight was stolen by Barisan reps who walked out when they found out that...

Anwar seeks to disqualify prosecution team over ‘bias’

A friendly football game between Barisan and Pakatan turned ugly as Maverick Anwar yesterday attempted to disqualify BN's Prosecution FC by writing to FAM and the MACC alleging bias against PR's Defence FC. In the letter, Anwar claimed that the referree appointed for the game was the father of one of the dead Mat Rempits. He claimed that the referee would be 'biased' since he was seen to have been taking sides with the water buffalo over the Mat Rempit.

The referee, who refused to be named was seen wearing a Liverpool jersey when he told reporters, "Daddy tak bias...." He also warned Anwar to retract his accusations or to face a RM100 million lawsuit.

throw 'em all in jail

2009-08-04T17:38:00.002+08:00

1. Almost two years ago, in the aftermath of the BERSIH rally, I wrote an article calling the protesters hypocrites. I wrote, "A rally could have been held in a stadium where like-minded people could go and stay out of everybody else's way." Two years on, and a new government later, the Prime Minister says the exact same thing. No, I am not one of his advisors. I don't think he reads my blog either.

2. To refresh all your crappy memories (Malaysians do have crappy memories, which is the only explanation as to why people support Anwar Ibrahim), after the elections, the opposition blokes held a series of rallies in stadiums. In fact, wasn't this the largest rally since the elections? Why did they take to the streets after so long? What happened to their stadiums? Clearly, it was because the stadium rallies did not garner enough publicity and did not pull a large enough crowd.

3. Now, after people go for the street demo, they come back and complain. Because that is what Malaysians do. Idiots go for the rally fully knowing what to expect. Tear gas and water cannons. Isn't that what happens EVERYTIME? Only idiots do the same thing and expect different results. Want to make yourself a martyr? Good for you. Go there, stand in front of the water cannon, get shot like a rag doll by the water jet, then come home and keep quiet. You go there and challenge bullies who are stronger than you, and then expect them to treat you well? Are you fucking mental?

4. It's a good thing they have started to prosecute people for taking to the streets as they please. You fellas keep going on and on about how it is your civil rights to go and protest and shit. WRONG. It is not your bloody right. It is against the law. Just because you don't like the law, doesn't mean you can ignore it. Just because it goes against your perceived notion of 'freedom', it doesn't mean that law doesn't exist. Don't like the law?!? Too fucking bad. Next elections, gather all your friends and family to vote for the party who would uphold your notions of democracy. If that party doesn't win, that means the rest of us don't agree with your notion of 'freedom'. That is the essense of democracy, kapish?

5. Then you fellas also keep making noise about the police. "Police supposed to fight crime, not beat up innocent people." Okay, wait there. None of those people are 'innocent'. But let's not argue on technicalities, okay? Because you people are really talking out of your butts. If you people were so concerned about the police force and their role in demonstrations versus their role in fighting crime, you would know that in demonstrations and rallies worldwide, police have to be deployed for crowd control. In the recent G20 summit in London, the extra deployment of police cost GBP 8 million, to control a crowd of 5,000 people. Are you people mental!?!

6. All that money just to pay for your civil liberties?! Screw you. You are free to exercise your liberties as long as it doesn't cost other people a single cent and doesn't inconvenience others. So yes, if you ask me, all those people should be thrown in jail. And parents who allow their minor children to attend should be thrown in jail as well.

7. The point is, if you truly and really believe in democracy, you must also truly and really believe that the majority of people, the majority of whom voted the current government in, also agreed to their policies, no matter how draconian you believe them to be. Don't be a hypocrite and shove your nonsensical ideas in the rest of our faces.

1malaysia

2009-08-01T20:32:00.004+08:00

Some things people get. Some things come naturally to certain people.

These things are a gift, a perspective. You cannot learn a new perspective. You cannot wake up one day and decide you want a new perspective. You have to experience it.

Yasmin Ahmad obviously had both the experience and the gift to share it without shoving it in your face.

This one though....he obviously doesn't quite get it. Yet.

IRONY PERSONIFIED

screen shot of the 1Malaysia homepage

Step #1 : Welcome to 1Malaysia.
Step #2: Please segregate yourselves right now into orderly groups and click the button according to your groups. Thank you.

I say 'YET' because I hope he will get it eventually.

I don't care about the politics, but I do want him to 'get it' for our sakes. It is one thing promoting a togetherness. It is totally a different thing blatantly segregating people according to the races right from the beginning.

perils of Hicksville, part 1

2009-07-14T22:21:00.006+08:00

They say time flies.

I suppose they are right, but they obviously have never been in solitary confinement before so who are they to say?

It's been three years now since I have been shipped off on an adventure of a lifetime to this far and strange land. Well, actually it's been 3 years and 1 month, but as I have been having so much fun, that milestone didn't really dawn on me until a couple of days ago.

And to celebrate these 3 lovely and wonderful years, I have decided to compile a travel guide for your benefit, just in case you find yourself in this part of the world for work or pleasure. And urbanite friend of mine recently found herself in this parts and experienced a huge culture shock. Yes, you urbanites should really learn that the world doesn't exactly revolve around you.

My day begins daily around 7 am, when the alarm clock on my phone goes off. IF it has the opportunity to go off. You see, it is not because I have a faulty alarm clock, or a faulty phone but quite frequently, I am awaken by roosters, copulating frogs and once, a stray cow. As you would imagine in a kampung environment, there is a lot of greenery around. In fact, there is a great big green lung just in front of my front gate.

Technically, I believe, it belongs to the government. It might belong to some rich bloke, but since it is sitting there doing nothing, the ever industrious kampung folk claim it as theirs. 3 doors away from my house, a bloke runs a kedai runcit from his house. He sells eggs. And he rears the bloody chickens for that purpose.

So every now and then, as you would expect of a rooster - the bastard would crow at sunrise, thus waking me up long before my alarm clock was set to go off. Even worse, that particular rooster has a faulty internal body clock and has been known to start crowing his balls off at 4 am. I have often contemplated of running the bastard over as he crosses the road (the chicken crosses the road to get to the reban ayam, if you were wondering) but my childhood was scarred by horror stories of the kampung mob going amok with their machetes when an urbanite ran over their chicken.

Also, in that patch of kebun, some other industrious folk have turned it into a kandang lembu. Every evening, the cowboys (or more accurately, motorbikemen) would guide them back to the kandang after a full day of grazing in the fields. Occasionally, those slackers would forget one cow, or miss out and that cow will try to find its way home. But being cow-brained and all, it will fail, and long after the cowboys have gone home, the cow would wander up and down the street moo-ing its way into the long, starry night.

That is not to mention the thriving ecosystem that is the kebun, filled with all sorts of annoying creatures. The flavour of the month really depends on the time of the year it is. End of the year is the time chicadas go into mating hyperdrive and they creak all throughout the night. I can tell you that the frogs' mating season has just ended a couple of months ago. And roughly about anytime now I can expect those annoying 'flying ants' that are so attracted to bright lights that I cannot leave my front door open while watching tv, less my whole house be swarmed by these flying pests.

But I digress...

As I was saying, IF I was lucky enough to get a nice uninterrupted sleep till 7 am, and if I am lucky enough not to have been stung by a vile creature while I was sleeping, I then have to drag myself to the toilet where I must be careful that in my half awake stupor I do not accidentally fall into the toilet - because where else in this modern world would you find a hole-in-the ground toilet installed in a 4 year old house?

When I step out of the house to get to work, as I open my gate, my own bad experience has taught me to keep my eyes wide open for shit on the road. Cat shit, cow shit, chicken shit - they all smell the same. Plus my colleagues (and the cleaners) do not appreciate it if you step on it and then walk into the office, leaving a brown trail of destruction everywhere I go. Of course, all my excuse of morning sinus masking my sense of smell fall on deaf ears as their either mock me or silently curse my stupidity.

So, after skillfully dodging the poo on the road, I then get into the car and drive to work. Where you urbanites are lucky that only have to put up with traffic jams (traffic jams are a constant, you know what to expect) and Mat Rempits (they may be a menace, but most of the time they know what they are doing - you have to if you plan on going at 150kmph on your kapchai and live to tell the tale).

In Hicksville, however, you have to put up with crazy kampung folk who aren't really in a rush to get anywhere and cruise on the main road at a jaw dropping 30km/h. In all my years here, I have learnt not to judge a driver by the car he drives, because in this Hicktown, someone driving a spanking new Honda CRV is just as likely to road hog as the next guy driving a 30 year old rusted Dutson. And overtaking a slow car is usually a strict no-no, least you be mowed down by a 10 tonne truck coming down the other side of the road.

After succesfully navigating through all that, I then come across (the first of many) a 12 year old kid on a motorbike, ferry his 8 year old brother to school. Both without helmets. Riding on the wrong side of the road, coming right at you against the flow of traffic. This is the worst when you are coming out from a T-junction trying to turn left and you only think to look right, because hey, that's where the traffic is SUPPOSED to come from. But little did you know that the two little stupid buggers are on the road shoulder coming straight at you.

Human reflex tells you to dodge the stupid fuckers, just because they are kids, even if it means plowing yourself into the next lane where oncoming traffic might just kill you. However, human reflex is slightly more lenient when it comes to animals. Most people would instinctively choose to run over a goat or a chicken or a cat if they had to. This explains the daily carnage I witness on the way to work. In fact, I have been exposed to so many mangled carcasses, I can identify the dead animal from afar. It is a useful skill to have - the ability to differentiate between a mangled up dog and a flattened goat.

So, getting past the pesky kids, easy going old men and sacrificial roadkills, I turn into the industrial area to get to my workplace. Just before the workplace, there is a nice long stretch of road which really is any Mat Rempit's heaven on Earth. However, JKR has a tendency to meddle around with the road for no apparent reason. Occasionally you will find a nice big hole in the middle of the road which you must dodge. The latest project of theirs was to dig out the tar, creating mini trench about 4 inches deep all the way across the road, for reasons only Einstein could dream of speculating. A colleague of mine (who I suspect was trying to be a Mat Rempit on 4 wheels) hit the trench, burst two tyres and wrecked the rims.

Such are the perils one must face in Hicksville, all for the simple task of waking up and going to work......and you haven't heard what happens at night AFTER work...

idiot

2009-06-26T19:09:00.002+08:00

You useless, chicken shit IDIOT.

All the babbling and talking and talking and it all came to naught.

All because you screwed up. All because you didn't have the bottle to follow through.

You can make all the excuses you like, but at the end of the day, you messed up.

Your feeble excuses may have had some rational in the past. Maybe once, maybe twice.

But no amount of self consoling you do can justify this one.

For once in your life, you could have actually given your all.

You could have put in some effort.

What was there to lose?!

But no, you chose to screw up.

Now, stop walking around with your tail between your legs (at least that way there was something between the legs) and go fucking redeem yourself.

Idiot.

two conversations

2009-06-12T20:55:00.003+08:00

Between 2 women:

"Argghhh! I hate this bloody industry!"
"Long day at work, huh?"
"Fuck man, all the bloody men around. Nothing but horny men!"
"Why, what did they do?"
"I spent the whole day at the booth trying to sell the product, and the whole fucking day people kept talking to my chest!"
"Typical of men la..."
"I sit down they look, I stand up they look, I show them the product they still look!"
"Yeah, I know how you feel..."
"You know, if this happened at a bar it wouldn't be so bad. But this is serious work and I am explaining serious things! And even when they ask questions they still talk to my chest!!"
"Eurghhh!"

Between 2 men:

"Wahahahaha, eh dude just now at the exhibition right, got this woman at the Company X booth with damn big boobs man."
"Yeah got loads of those around, I think they employed models to man the booths."
"No, no this was one of their sales people. She was wearing white blouse with the top two buttons undone."
"Including the collar?"
"Oh, make that 3 buttons!"
"Whoah, that's even more teasing than a low cut top.."
"Yah, fuck man, I TRIED looking at her face. Serious. But right, damn fucking distracting okay. My eyes like automatically glance."
"Dood, put it this way la. They can bitch about how men don't look at their face when talking, but when they dress like that while working, they actually want people to peek. Otherwise they won't dress like that, right?"

of twitter and pointlessness

2009-06-10T23:14:00.006+08:00

Did you know I am on Twitter?

Well, not me per-se, but our HantuBola thing is. This twitter thingy is confusing. TigerJoe and I are too much of dinosaurs to embrace new technology on our own. No prizes for guessing who started forcing new technology down our recalcitrant throats.

As I was saying, it was confusing. Do I need to pay for it? Why were all these people on Facebook calling themselves @katherinelee and @crapman? Was it some sort of email address that I missed out? Why are people telling me what they are eating? I have my own stress being stuck in traffic jams so what makes you think I want to share your stress when you are stuck in jams? And how are these people updating in the car? Oh boy, I have not been exposed to this much technology since I learnt on my second day of using the Internet that I could find (fake) naked pictures of Sandra Bullock.

Anyway, as I was saying - Twitter. Yes, so the fella started asking us to use it for HantuBola, which I thought was a pretty nifty idea since we could tweet (oh my, all the new terms!) when watching games and it was cool for taking the piss, which is crucial in football. Of course as you would expect, someone like me doesn't have 3G on the phone and even if I did I was not about to pay whatever the going rate is. So anyway, I signed up for my own twitter account (@vbglau - DOH, whatelse?!) so that I could get onto @hantubola (yah, I thought I needed to - sue me).

To cut an already long story short, I have a twitter account which I have never ever used or sent out a tweet. BUT. Vincent, being Vincent, already has 4 followers - 3 babes and a dude (HI!!!!! *waves frantically*). It's actually quite good knowing that I still have a few readers here despite occasionally spewing out my dosh.

As for the apparently pointless dosh that is Twitter, please, feel free to follow @vbglau. Who knows? I might start tweeting one day when I get 20 followers or something (despite not using it at all). It may be pointless, but that's what I said about Facebook.

But speaking of pointlessness, have you fellas heard of the 1BlackMalaysia campaign?

What (I think) started as a statement of intent by these weird people by organising candlelight virgils to protest the Perak takeover then just got sillier and sillier (not that I think a bunch of people standing by the roadside holding up candles is genius stuff). But, as I keep saying, you are free to practice your civil liberties however you see fit as long as you don't cause chaos and you don't disturb the people who have no intention of buying into your cause.

So that's why I never did comment on the candlelight virgils (even though our police had other ideas). And then these fellas started wearing black to 'mourn the death of democracy'. Now, this started to annoy me because I like wearing black but I would like to have nothing to do with this idiotic campaign. See, I don't like walking down the street wearing my favourite black t-shirt and have people look at me and go "hmmm is he mourning the death of democrazy too? Or is he just some clueless TWIT (ah hah! see what I did here?) who likes black?" How convenient of these people to choose such a common colour and involve people who have no intention of joining the cult.

See, if they really wanted to make a statement they could ask people to wear a pink fedora with a peacock feather hanging off the top. That way, not only they can be sure that it sends a STRONG message, but the organisers get to raise funds selling the fedoras. After all, Malaysiakini needs to get its funding from somewhere, no?

And then it just got downright ridiculous.

Now, these guys are planning on wearing black, going to the local kopitiam and ordering Kopi O. Are you muppets serious?! What is wrong with you people? Telling me that you are stuck in a jam with @koneman and @crazyhorse after having lunch in SS2 with @ahbeng is pointless, but this is a whole new ball game. What is your objective? What do you want to accomplish? What is the endgame? What possible good can come out of this? You're making a statement? Remind me again - What statement is this?

On a sidenote, while I do not agree with this jump ship nonsense in Perak, people would do well to remember that that bloke Anwar started all this nonsense in the first place. Unlike the average Malaysian who has a memory span of 1 year and the average Anwar fan club member who has a memory span of 2 weeks, I seem to remember all those promises of taking over the government. I seem to remember a trip to Taiwan. And I seem to remember what happened 3 days before Perak fell.

But never mind all that.

Back to the Kopi O party. I suppose the mother of all pointlessness would be:

@democrazyman is with @dungu and a bunch of people at Old Town Kopitiam still waiting for our kopi O. Wish da Banglas wud hurry.

And then I started thinking. With this twitter thing, being pointless is not the whole point. It seems fun, doesn't it? Why did people play with that Tamagochi nonsense? Simple, pointless, mindless fun. So is Twitter, I suppose.

So perhaps I shouldn't be too harsh on these idiots then. Perhaps they are just a bunch of people who got together one day and decided, just like in school, that they should dress the same (only without the baggy jeans and long chain hanging down the pockets), hang out in the same place (you were a dork if you weren't in Sunway Pyramid every weekend) and while doing that they would 'stick it to the man' by drinking their kopi o's.

I suppose, if that's their idea of fun, then I should be okay with it. But if they are deluded enough to think that they are making a statement...well, let me put it this way. The 15 year old Goth wannabe with black eyeliners and emo-hairstyle outside Central Market thinks he is making a statement too.

now that you're 25

2009-06-02T22:45:00.008+08:00

There's a great article which you should check out. It talks about what you should do when you hit 25. At this point, I should write a great introduction, but my boss tells me that when something is already great, one should just 'copy shamelessly'.

If you have reached the age of 25, I have a bit of bad news for you, to wit: it is time, if you have not already done so, for you to emerge from your cocoon of post-adolescent dithering and self-absorption and join the rest of us in the world. Past the quarter-century mark, you see, certain actions, attitudes, and behaviors will simply no longer do, and while it might seem unpleasant to feign a maturity and solicitousness towards others that you may not genuinely feel, it is not only appreciated by others but necessary for your continued survival. Continuing to insist past that point that good manners, thoughtfulness, and grooming oppress you in some way is inappropriate and irritating.

This then prompted me to write my own list, and although I am not 25 yet, therefore making me a pompous and preachy twat, I think this is how full grown adults should behave once they hit 25 (preferably before) :

1) Stop camwhoring on your blog. Seriously. It used to be cute when you were in school or college or university. It used to be funny/sexy the way you attracted (stupid) guys to your blog by posting 100 pictures of yourself in 100 different poses. It used to be. Not anymore. Why? Because chances are, somebody at work is going to recognize your face. Worse still, if a customer of yours recognizes your face. Would you walk into a bank and buy unit trust from a clearly unstable woman (you can tell she's unstable because you read her blog) who plays dress-the-clown-and-take-pictures in front of the mirror?

2) Be knowledgeable, dammit. Read more books. Watch the Discovery Channel. Cancel your subscription to E! and start watching CNBC. Nobody cares that you can talk about your university textbooks. Nobody outside work cares about what the details of your day-to-day work is. People want to have a conversation about general stuff. How is it possible that the world is in its worst recession since the 1930s but most working adults can't tell you why?

And it isn't just the serious stuff - it is totally unacceptable that you think Homer only exists in the cartoon and don't know who Martin Luther King is. I am not saying you need to be an expert in Queen, but if you never heard of Freddie Mercury in your life, something is clearly wrong with you.

Like it or not, politics (local AND global) dominate a lot of business small-talk, so start reading the newspapers, dammit. You are encouraged to read Malaysiakini to get a different view, but no matter what Anwar Ibrahim tells you about mainstream news being biased, you have to bloody read it as well.

3) Please constantly remind yourself that you are no longer a 15 year old who broke into daddy's liquor cabinet. If you go clubbing or go out for drinks, this isn't your first time (you are excused from this point if you are 25 and it is your first time) and isn't your last time (you are also excused if you are suffering from a terminal disease) tasting alcohol.

Control yourself, dammit. It is fun getting high and saying all sorts of silly things, but fun party girl stops being fun when she starts puking everywhere and people have to hold her hair back as she hugs the toilet bowl. Know your limits. Surely you have been boozing long enough to know how much you can hold in before you start puking. And if you are a girl it's even worse if you are the type who passes out in a party. The men may be assholes. That's their sin. But you don't be an idiot. Look after yourself.

4) Oh, and girls, just so you know, pink blouses matched with a shocking pink skirt and a fluffy pink handbag does not belong in a professional setting, unless you are a dancer or a stripper. Leave your pink fetishes at home. You are a full grown woman and if you want to be treated and respected by your peers, then stop dressing like a tart. Don't try to 'manja' your male colleagues so that they do things for you. That's the role of your (stupid) boyfriend. If you need something done for you, ask properly. Do away with the childish giggles and batting of the eyelids.

5) Don't squeal. If you think squeaking is 'cute', you need to slap yourself in the face. The aim is not for people to think you are 'cute'. The aim is for people to take you seriously. And if you have a natural high pitch voice, train yourself to speak with a lower tone. Get rid of that Tweety Bird voice. Yes, it can be done. Margaret Thatcher had a high pitch voice when she started off as an MP. By the time she became PM, she had refined it to sound less irritating. If people feel irritated with the way you talk, nobody will take anything you say seriously.

6) This one is a little rich coming from me, but Boys, if you don't have a suit, buy one. It's about time you owned a nice pair that you can wear to formal functions. Unless you work for McDonalds, chances are you will need it sooner rather than later. It doesn't have to be uber fashionable, something that fits and looks presentable is enough. Don't borrow your friend's suit, don't even bother renting one - you can get an acceptable 2 piece suit, a good shirt, a tie, cufflinks and shoes for RM1000 during Malaysian MegaSale. And no, that's not expensive if you know how to spread your expenses.

7) Which brings me to the next point - you're no longer a kid who blew his pocket money on the Dragonball comics. You're a bloody working adult who should have already mastered a simple concept called 'budgeting'. As a friend, it's not fun having to constantly listen to you moan about your lack of funds while you splurge on a new set of rims or your 25th pair of shoes. What do you mean you couldn't resist the "SALE" sign? Are you a 5 year old kid raiding the cookie jar?!

Because it is not cool that you don't return my call because your phone 'ran out of credit'. Jeebus, are you still in college?! Don't you have at least 20 bucks to spare for your phone? Do yourself a favour and carry cash in your wallet in case of an emergency. No, 10 bucks is NOT considered 'cash'. 10 bucks buys you jack-shite these days.

8) You are not God. Lose your God-complex. If you are sick, stay at home. Your office will not crash and burn in your absence. The Earth will still keep spinning on its axis. The sun will still rise in the East and the birds will still keep chirping away. Life goes on. Your colleagues are not helpless twunts who will die if not graced by your presence. Believe it or not, they WILL get on fine without you.

Resist the urge to boast to your friends that you work until 10 pm every night and have to bring home work every weekend. That's not hardworking - that stupid and inefficient. What the hell were you doing during office hours? Chatting on MSN? Uploading your photos on Facebook? You're not projecting the image of a good worker - you're telling the world that you can't finish your work within a reasonable time.

24 things you learn from 24

2009-05-31T18:41:00.005+08:00

The best way to watch 24 is to wait for the season to end, and then watch all the episodes back-to-back.

If you watch 17 episodes in a single day, I guarantee you will dream of being Jack Bauer and killing people.

Watching the maximum limit for watching TV series on a 17" LCD monitor is 680 minutes. After that your eyes will start twitching. Which is why I stopped at 17 episodes and decided to read a book.

There has been a trend this year. All the great TV characters are insane. House is now in a mental hospital with his hallucinations. Sylar first has mother issues, then father issues and then goes through an identity crisis. And now we see Jack Bauer with his God complex. There's a difference between being a hero and being nuts. Jack Bauer is clearly nuts.

If Jack Bauer 'gives someone his word', expect that someone to get into trouble real soon and Jacko the Whacko risks everything to keep to his word.

If Barack Obama watched 24, he would know that you can't close down Guantanamo Bay. Humans have rights?!? Who knew?!!?

Things can't just go wrong on its own. There's always a traitor/rat/mole somewhere.

A 'safe room' isn't that safe afterall. You can still gas the ventilation unit and smoke out the pesky rats using a mixture household cleaning products.

No matter how great you think you are, no matter how powerful you think you are, there is ALWAYS somebody pulling your puppet strings.

FBI/CTU computer analysts are weird, akward people who have no life and have no idea how to act in a social environment.

The Hyundai Genesis (which has a cool LCD display on the dashboard) is the official car of the US government/FBI. Which explains why the American car companies are going bankrupt.

Those bad guys never learn...kill Jack Bauer when you get the chance, you dumbasses!!

Those beareucrats never learn...trust Jack Bauer no matter what he does, you dumbassess!!

The guys who seem uber evil in the first few episodes are actually sacrificial lambs. Even if they set off nuclear bombs or crash planes, their actions are actually irrelevant at the end of the day because there is a bigger plan being executed by smarter and more powerful people. Ironically, the smarter and more sophisticated guys always fail.

If you spot a minor character being a hero, chances are he or she is going to go crazy/get sacrificed/brutally murdered. The only hero that is allowed to exist on this show is Jack Bauer. Everybody else is a pawn.

If you spot a hot chick, don't start getting attached to her character because she is going to go crazy/get sacrificed/brutally murdered. Pretty women are usually pawns. Or bait. Usually both.

You can apparently control all the power plants and sewage treatment plants from remote control. I think this would greatly surprise my bosses as they have been told otherwise.

Apparently chemical/nuclear/power plant managers wear ties and long sleeved shirts to work. My boss would be amused.

All the Presidents of the United States have dysfunctional/crazy/irritating/incredibly stupid family members.

Before Jack Bauer can talk to a material witness/follow up on a lead, the said witness must get mortally injured and have only 5 sentences to say before he dies/lapses into coma/gets killed.

If someone has a list of important stuff that he doesn't want other people to see, he will put it in a microchip and implant it inside his body, and then Jack Bauer will at some point rip it out.

Elisha Cuthbert is incredibly hot, but she wins the award for the most annoying TV character, ever. For reference, please watch Season 1 and tell me you weren't egging on the bad guys to FUCKING KILL her already.

Stem cell research cured Jack Bauer from a biological weapon attack. How can members of the God-Fan Club possibly object to it now?!?

It's a good thing nobody is counting because I have ran out of stuff to say.

snippets

2009-05-28T21:22:00.003+08:00

Susan Boyle was over-rated from day one.

Sure, it was a novelty. Old, fat, ugly woman can sing....shocking! I must say I was pleasantly surprised when I first heard it, but then after you listen to it over and over again, and compare it with the original, you realise that she is no better than the hundreds of people who had auditioned for Fantine in Les Miserables.

And so, we get to the part of her latest performance - have you watched it? She sings Memories from Cats....and screws up the FIRST NOTE!! She does well after that, but screws up again in the middle and doesn't seem to be able to pull the higher notes.

Look woman, you got lucky the first time, but Memories is a CRAZZYYY song to sing! If you guys really are interested in Britain's Got Talent, then check out two other acts which I think should win - Diversity and Stavros Flatley.

I see NuffNang has started to re-introduce annoying pop-up ads.

Rich, I know, coming from a guy who has pop-up ads coming from his site counter. But its only there because I am too lazy to do anything about it and I like that site counter.

But sure, good on you guys. Ugly and annoying pop-ups in the corner of the screen is just as conspicuous as big ones that jump up in your face.

Note to bank managers:

If you are going to employ pretty sweet young things to sell loans, you really have to make sure they act with a certain level of professionalism. If I walk into a bank to apply for a loan worth a couple of hundred thousand bucks, I am certainly not going to pick your bank just because that pretty girl showing off her (nice) cleavage flirts with me and giggles at everything I say. She may be Olivia Wilde giving me a lap dance while making out with Megan Fox, but I still won't buy it if the deal isn't good enough.

Look woman, if you were street peddling a 3 ringgit keychain, I can understand your sales tactic, but this one really doesn't quite cut the cake. And ladies, seriously, if you want to be taken seriously at work, do yourself a favour and act appropriately.

so unfair, boo-hoo-hoo

2009-05-16T23:19:00.006+08:00

It is this time of the year where we have our usual bleating and storm-in-the-teapot row over JPA scholarships. Every year we get kids (and their parents) moaning about how the world is such an unfair place and how the evil, evil JPA has the audacity not to reward their 11As with an overseas scholarship.

Of course, this year, in an effort to rebrand itself, MCA has also taken an especially keen interest in this so-called 'injustice'. So here we have Ong Tee Keat going on and on about 'meritocracy' while conveniently forgetting that exam results are not the only indicator of somebody's merits.

If you have been following my blog long enough, you know that I have written extensively on this issue, about how I worked with, and met, loads of top scorers who can't string together a proper sentence when pressed. I've met kids who can't hold a proper conversation about issues outside of their SPM textbooks.

Take for example, this bloke who wrote to Lim Kit Siang complaining about the travesty of him not getting a scholarship:

The unfair PSD scholarship awards

Letters
by Lye Hoke Tan

The unfair PSD scholarship awards issue, it happens all the times. I graduated from Chung Ling High School in Penang at 2004. Before 2004, I didn’t notice much about this problem, I just heard it from my high school teachers complaint it to us, I didn’t know it was so serious until it happened to my friends around.

....

Click here for the full article.

Are you for real, kid?!!

In the first paragraph alone, I counted no less than FIVE grammatical errors! With your shitty English, you have the audacity to wonder why you were not considered for an overseas scholarship??!? And while I recognize that not everybody has a flawless command of the English language (I certainly don't) but if I was going to write a letter to an MP complaining about a perceived injustice to me, I will fucking make sure that I get 10 people to check my letter to make sure I don't make an ass of myself.

And that speaks volumes for the attitude of these so-called top-scorers doesn't it? Here we are giving our kids the impression that the world owes them a living just because they have the ability to regurgitate everything they read from a book. It teaches them nothing about life and nothing about exhausting other avenues to get what they need.

I received a forwarded email the other day with a long and exhaustive list of companies and associations (more than 50, I think) that offer full scholarships. Yes, JPA needs to revamp up their selection criteria, but for the public to think that these kids can wash their hands clean of any blame is just ridiculous. Fine, JPA may or may not have screwed you over. But if these kids are as good as they claim they are, then why can't they qualify for these private scholarships?

Nobody owes you anything. When you start working and see all these so-called injustices perpetrated against you, are you going to go running to your parents and the press? Are you going to see your MP because some bloke at work screwed you over? No, you fucking grit your teeth and find a solution around your predicament.

I've learnt that if you really are that damn awesome, people will tend to give you what you want. If you really are that damn awesome, things will come your way. Nobody will deny you something you trully deserve. If someone doesn't like you, someone else will. But if you find that the whole world doesn't seem to like you, then the problem doesn't lie with the whole world.

Quite simply, the problem lies with you.

technology blonde

2009-04-22T21:18:00.002+08:00

You know those old people who go, "What is this Internet, ah?"

I reckon, in about 40 to 50 years I would be that old bloke.

Back in the day when I was studying in the UK and grocery shopping was a weekly routine, I had friends who ordered their groceries online and got them delivered straight to their doorstep. It was free delivery and everything if you bought more than 50 pounds worth of items, which was pretty easy if you shopped together with your housemates.

But I never did dig that crap. I always preferred walking (or taking the bus if I was lazy that day) to Sainsbury's, pushing the trolley from aisle to aisle, queuing up with OAPs (old age pensioners) and pikeys. Then, I would lug all those biodegradable plastic bags all the way to the bus stop, catch the bus, and then lug it another 5 minutes from the bus stop to my house.

These days, I still prefer to pay my electricity bill and water bill at the post office. I know it is a bitch to queue up, plus I have to go during lunch hour, but again, I prefer to go to the ATM, withdraw all that money and queue for half an hour in the post office with the village folk.

I know it makes no sense and I am supposed to be a smart guy and all, but I hate the impersonal mask of technology, so I do things the hard way. Now this is a funny thing because I never claim to be a people person.....so I can only conclude that I don't bother learning new stuff that I am not the least bit interested in.

Okay, I know it's not hard paying bills online, but I just don't want to.

It's like twitter. I don't get it....very fun meh?

My phone battery ran dead the other day, so I asked my friend if I could borrow his phone. He whipped out his HTEC (HTC?!?!) and handed it to me. I looked at the thing. Stared at it. Looked back at him....."How to dial ah?"

Then just now, on Facebook, this friend of mine updated his user status "No electricity in neighbourhood, mozzies eating me alive".

I messaged back, "No electricity then how is your modem powered up?"

"Blackberry my friend :) wonders of mobiles!"

Goddammit.

biased

2009-04-07T21:56:00.009+08:00

(click to enlarge)

This was a screen shot of my FB front page just a few minutes ago.

We have one obvious PKR bloke who thinks that it is sad day for Sarawakians because the majority of the voters doesn't think his idol, Brudder Anwar is the saviour of all mankind. Apparently it is a bad thing that people don't share his political views. Why is this so?

Then, we also have an UMNO bloke who thinks it is the end of the world (okay, maybe not to that extent) but 'we' are dead because BN lost the other 2 seats. To be fair, I don't know if he means 'we' as in 'we BN supporters' or 'we Malaysians'. I certainly hope it wasn't the later.

My friend TigerJoe made an astute observation the other day:

How is a football fan like a Malaysian political observer?
The football fan will cheer even though his team benefited from a dodgy penalty decision or a wrong offside call, but will bitch like hell when his team suffers from the same crappy decisions.

What is the difference between a football fan and a Malaysian political observer?
The football fan will gladly admit he is biased.

And since we are on this topic of politics, here I am once again playing Devil's Advocate. Why on earth is everybody demanding a removal of ISA? The evil Western overlords who once upon a time critisized us for it all now have some sort of law that allows for detention without trial.

Of course it should only be used for terrorists and evil people, but hey, 'evil people' is a very subjective term, no?

And besides, I would like a show of hands, if you were in a position of power, how many of you will voluntarily give up a tool which would allow you to destroy people who got in your way? I am not asking if you would use it as a wildcard. I am asking if you would give up that wildcard. Would you would play Monopoly and throw away your get-out-of-jail-free card? You don't have to use it, but will you throw it away?

Be honest, now.

english, english, english

2009-04-01T22:28:00.004+08:00

I am an engineer.

But that tells you nothing of my background.

I am an urbanite. I grew up in the city and went to a private school. Up until Form 5, I was surrounded by peers with impeccable English and a horrible command of BM. In college, I met people who couldn't pronounce 'autopsy'. It beggared belief. But I picked up a lot of BM, even from the Chinese guys and actually became pretty good with it, complete with the slang and appropriate lingo.

I now work for a large engineering firm. I now stay in the East Coast of Peninsular Malaysia. In close to 3 years, I can count with one hand the number of times I have spoken to a shopkeeper in English. At work, while the engineers and management staff are from all over the country, the majority of our manpower, the skilled technicians/mechanics are from around here. And even with my fairly good (or so I thought) BM, I struggled to pick up the local lingo. And if 'autopsy' beggared belied, how about a guy who didn't know what 'blame' meant?

I have lived in both worlds. I have been through both extremes. I have seen all there is to see. I went from one end of the scale to the other. I had an intern under me a year ago who was doing his diploma in a local polytechnic. That kid was one of the smartest kids I worked with, he picked up things very quickly even faster than some engineers. But his learning curve was limited because I don't think he understood half the things I said.

At the end of his first week, I sat down with him and asked, "So, what di'cha learn today?"

He stared back at me.

I repeated myself, slowly, "What did you learn today?"

I see two eyes still staring back at me.

"What. did. you. learn. today?"

Eyes.

"Apa yang mu belajo hari ni?"

And only that got him going. It then occured to me that that kid had no idea what I was talking about the whole week. Many of you reading this are going to go nuts, most of you are going to be judgemental, and all of you are wondering how he passed SPM English. That reaction is normal. That was the same reaction most of my friends had when I told them that story. But these are the same friends who didn't understand something so simple when I told them the 'dok nak makang' story.

Seeing both worlds gives me a great perspective. I know how hard it is to change a set-in-clay mentality. But I still believe that English is absolutely vital for Science and Maths. I have seen many great technicians/mechanics stiffled because they can't really converse in English. I know many good engineers who can't get far because they are unable to sell their ideas in English.

A simple example: There are must be more than 20 ways to describe a failure of a material - tearing, shearing, cracking, rubbing, buckling, stretching, beaching, twisting, bending.....I could go on and on but I think you get the point. Are there Malay words for all those technical terms? Yes, I am sure there are. How many people in the industry know the Malay words for those terms? Almost nobody. So, you may know what sort of failure occured but since you cannot describe it in English, that counts for naught doesn't it?

I write this because I just read an absolutely mind-bogglingly ridiculous editorial in Malaysiakini titled, 'Maths and Science: The case for BM'. Among the ridiculous points made:

Close to 70 percent were not confident enough to sit the exam in English. In absolute numbers, that’s 352,641 pupils. It is mother tongue instruction that’s most effective for children as countless studies have shown. Unesco endorses this formulation. The European Union similarly adopts a mother tongue education policy.

So? Shall we also adopt a full mother tongue policy? Shall we then allow each student to answer their exam questions in their respective mother tongues? And since when was a child's lack of confidence in doing something a factor in whether he needs to do it? If he lacks confidence in learning to ride a bike, does this mean that we stop teaching him altogether?

Is it so incomprehensible to the vocally pro-PPSMI urbanites that English is alien to the majority of rural children?

Agreed. Many urbanites do not understand the problem. Which explains the long introduction to this post. But if this is her real opinion, I fear for this writer's children. Apparently, just because something is 'alien' and the child lacks confidence, it is a license to exempt the child from doing it. We must not confuse between what is easy to do and what needs to be done. The fact that it is difficult to implement and change their mindset is proof that we need to work harder to make it work, not to bloody give up on it just because it is hard to do.

A most oft-cited argument in favour of PPSMI is that the bulk of reference material is in English. But we’re talking about seven year olds and 11 year olds. They don’t need to refer to advanced textbooks and academic papers. They’re not required to write a thesis using English jargon. Foundation level Math and Science deals with basic concepts that can be explained just as well in BM or vernacular. Even at ages 13 to 15, schoolgoers don’t specialise in Math and Science. Not everybody aspires to be a scientist.

No, they don't need to refer to advanced textbooks or academic papers. But they will, eventually. And there are loads of awesome textbooks out there, even from our Singaporean neighbours, that are written in English, and would make awesome reference material. Such short termism is scary. Just because something is not important now, it doesn't mean we don't need to learn it to prepare for the future!!

Three scientists of Japanese ethnicity shared the 2008 Nobel Prize for their work in subatomic physics. They obtained their PhDs from Nagoya University and University of Tokyo. They learned their Math and Science in Japanese…I’m sure.

YES, but I am also damn sure that their research paper which gave them that Nobel Prize was written in English, not Japanese! And we really have to stop comparing ourselves to the Germans and Japanese. They have really awesome technology and all that technology is documented in German and Japanese, which makes great reference for their students.

We too, have great technology in our heritage. We have boat makers who could build their seaworthy fishing boats without using a single nail. Was that technology documented anywhere? No, it was passed down by word of mouth from father to son, and so that technology is dying.

And for modern technology, we are no where close to achieving what the Germans and Japanese have achieved. Our technology is pittance compared to theirs. One day, if and when we do attain their level of technology and we can sustain it ourselves, then fine, by all means teach Maths and Science in Kelantan dialect. Because then, it wouldn't matter. But to learn from others, you need to speak the language that they speak.

In national-type schools similarly, the school’s Chinese character is lost while ‘doubling’ wastes precious time when Math and Science are taught overlapping in both English and Chinese.

Chinese primary schools are feeders to the independent Chinese high schools whose students take the UEC. This exam is recognised for entry to universities in Taiwan, China, Singapore, Australia and some European countries.

I find it hilarious that the crazy Chinese educationists are so bent on teaching it in Mandarin to preserve culture and to supposedly enable us to do business there, when in fact in China, people are rushing to learn English!!

And anybody from an Australian or UK university will tell you that Chinese students who went there (no doubt that academically they were accepted) with a bad command of English did horribly and suffered a great deal to catch up. Never mind that people like me struggled with the Scottish/Irish accent of my lecturers, the Chinese bloke didn't understand a word he was saying! And won't you guess, his first year results were absolutely crap. Smart guy, but what could he do when he couldn't understand anything?

I've decided to leave the best for last: I was reading through the memorandum submitted by GMP to the King calling for the abolishment of teaching Maths and Science in English. The most ridiculous point of all:

Tidak mereka tahu bahawa sebelum tahun 2003 jumlah tesis Sarjana Sains (M.Sc.) dalam bidang sains dan matematik yang ditulis dalam bahasa Melayu berjumlah lebih 2,000 (dua ribu buah) manakala tesis Doktor Falasfah (Ph.D.) dalam bidang tersebut yang ditulis dalam bahasa Melayu berjumlah lebih kurang 400 buah?

Is that something to be proud of?!?? Are you fucking kidding me? I can't believe that they are using that as an argument FOR their cause! I would never have guessed it! 2400 research papers in the entire history of our universities is seriously embarrassing! It is nothing more than a piss in the ocean! It is no where near what MIT churns out IN A SINGLE YEAR! And we expect our students to limit their reference material to those 2400 papers? Even Kinokuniya has more than 2400 different books for fucks sakes!

I can summarize from all this that their points are simple: It is damn bloody difficult to do, and since other people aren't doing it, and since we've been doing it all along and turned out fine (ish) hence we don't need to rock the boat - let's keep things they was it is, shall we? What message are we sending to our children - that it is okay to take the easy way out in life? That we do not need to overcome obstacles - that we can just bypass those obstacles?

This attitude is more than just Maths and Science in English. This sickening attitude reflects the mentality of Malaysians who are content on sticking to the status quo and not doing anything to improve themselves. And we are never going to be a developed nation with this kind of attitude.

earth hour my ass

2009-03-25T22:55:00.002+08:00

The only thing worse than a tree hugger is a tree hugger wannabe.

The tree hugger, as idiotic as he is at least is not a hypocrite (well, most of the time anyway). The tree hugger wannabe, however, tries to get you to do stupid things for ridiculous reasons.

Like switching off your lights for a whole hour. ONE WHOLE HOUR YOH! Think of all the whales and polar bears you are going to save!

Now, a core part of my job as a rocket scientist (which is the glamorous name for a Gas Turbine engineer) is to reduce the fuel gas consumption of gas turbines (gas turbines are things that generate electricity for you people out there). This means that in one day, I would have done more for the environment than a thousand tree huggers who cycle to work. So this gives me the right to criticize idiots when it comes to the environment.

I was supposed to write this last night where I was going to tell you people what a farce and what a load of hypocritical crap Earth Hour is, but I woke up this morning and it seems like a lot of people have already done that. So, I decided to do my part and educate you on what you could and should actually do.

Okay, truth be told, I am actually not that annoyed about Earth Hour itself. I think its good for other countries where there exists people who really don't care about the environment and hence this is a good publicity tool to raise awareness, and I think there is nothing wrong with that.

However, when done in Malaysia, it makes no fucking sense. If you didn't already know, how it normally works in other countries, like the US or UK - the national power authority (equivalent to TNB) will forecast the amount of power they require at any given point in time for the following day, and tell the power plants how much they would need to generate at that particular time.

In Malaysia, however, because of the Independent Power Producers - IPPs (which you can blame on the old man and the frog king) the power plants tell TNB how much they are willing to generate and TNB is obligated to buy all that power, whether or not TNB and the consumers require it.

This means that, come 28th March, even if everybody and every household shuts down all the switches in their house, the power plants would still be generating electricity at full blast to maximise their sales to TNB. Hence, you shutting off your power consuming devices is irrelevant towards the amount of fossil fuel burnt by the IPPs.

Therefore, I think WWF is being a moron here. Instead of spending all that money on publicity for a worthless cause, all that time and effort could be channeled into helping TNB force the IPPs to renegotiate their contracts. TNB (and to a certain extent, the current government) has been trying to do that for years now, but the IPPs have refused to budge. What I am saying is, if you people want to do something worthwhile, then do your research on the biggest crooks around. I will not name them, but it is easy for the average Joe to find out who the biggest IPPs are, what companies run them, and boycott their other products. As a consumer, it is very easy to put pressure on the services and goods provided by the same companies that operate the IPPs.

Ironically, some of those large IPPs have an extensive CSR program on environmental protection, and the public laps it all up, not knowing that these guys are burning unnecessary fossil fuel to produce electricity that we do not require.

The intention is good, but intentions count for nothing if you do not have the results to show for it. Focus your time and effort on the right thing, otherwise you look nothing more than a fool.

On the other hand, as an engineer, I would be very interested actually to see what happens if every household in the country shuts off ALL their electrical appliances for that one hour. Theoretically, if at the end of that one hour, when everybody flicks ON the switch within a minute of each other, it will cause a surge in the national grid and we could experience a catastrophic nationwide black out. This is purely theoretical and of course has never been proven because never before has so many people flicked on their switches simultaneously.

For that reason, and that reason alone, I would encourage as many idiots as possible to participate in this Earth Hour nonsense.

All in the name of science.

tool

2009-03-09T23:56:00.002+08:00

From The Star:

No one masterminding movement against use of English

KUALA LUMPUR: The movement against the use of English in the teaching and learning of Mathematics and Science (GMP) on Monday denied it was being masterminded by certain groups including the opposition parties.

GMP chairman Datuk Dr Hassan Ahmad said based on what transpired at the gathering on Saturday to protest against the use of English in the teaching of the two subjects was outside the power of the GMP, and "the GMP considered their presence as an expression of their support."

...

"We want Pak Lah to resolve the PPSMI (teaching and learning of mathematics and science in English) issue immediately before it becomes more serious, we have good intentions in championing the principle of reverting to the old policy which had no problem in the national education system.

...

Yes, clearly there was NO PROBLEM and is no problem with our education system. Which explains why our universities are the pinnacle of excellence revered upon by students all over the world and why our fresh graduates are so well sought after that large MNCs need to bend over for them. Clearly, what was done before was top, top drawer.

Moron.

same?

2009-03-03T23:31:00.005+08:00

I have a friend who wants to travel the world with the intention of talking to people and learning their culture. She wants to prove that religion does more harm than good. Like her, I too have always wanted to travel the world and talk to people. Unlike her, I already have my answer on religion. My motives are much simpler. I want to learn what each and every nationality thinks about their history and their future.

I have always wanted to ask the Japanese and Germans about the war - I wanted to hear both sides of the story. I want to know what the Russians think about their fall from grace (as the Americans would have you believe) or whether they think they are still a world superpower. I want to ask an Iraqi about Saddam and a Cuban about Castro. I need to know what the Indians and Pakistanis think about their love-hate relationship of each other.

Over the years, I have had the privilege of indulging some of those questions and satisfying my curiosity. I had a fruitful chat with an old German man and seperately, two young Germans, and it was amazing how their opinions were as different as night and day. I have not had the chance to discuss the same matter with the older generation Japanese, although I suspect their response would not be much different from the Germans.

Tonight, I had the pleasure of dining with 3 Iraqis. While Saddam was still a touchy subject, and one I felt inappropriate to ask business contacts at a first meeting, we still managed a chat about our respective cultures and political ideologies. On a sidenote, I am told that Saddam once owned a Proton (albeit a small one, a Wira I guess). On another sidenote, it is refreshing to talk about political ideologies with a foreigner because these days it is sickening to discuss politics with the average Malaysian.

Our conversation somehow diverged on me being a Chinese, but not being able to speak fluent Mandarin. I explained our schooling system and the different type of schools and the languages that we learn in school. I then asked whether English was taught in addition to Arabic and one thing led to another....

"Here in Malaysia, we are now teaching Mathematics and Science in English but a lot of people are arguing about that. What do you think? In Iraq, do you think they should teach this in English or Arabic?"

Immediately, the younger guy, an engineer, spoke up: "Yes! For sure English! We are not developed, we must learn from other people. All our manuals are in English but our people cannot read it, so what is the use? We cannot develop like that."

The older bloke, an official with the Oil Ministry immediately interjected: "No, no we must translate all this books into Arabic. This is our culture, our history we cannot damage it. Learning English is good for a second language, but all this knowledge we must keep in Arabic."

"But other countries, much more developed! We must learn from them. How to learn if we cannot understand what they saying? How we can understand their books and technology?"

"No, you see Japan and Germany they speak their own language but they have good technology"

"When we get developed like Japan then we can use Arabic, but now we have to learn English first"

"You know modern human civilisation started from Iraq Mesopotamia - how can we throw away our culture of 5000 years? We started mathematics, science all this and then translate to Greek to send to Greek civilisation then they become great, then they translate to Latin then the Romans become great. So you see, we must keep it in our language so that we can be a great country"

"Yes but now we know nothing! We must learn first!"

Their argument dragged on for a good 10 minutes until it eventually continued amongst themselves in Arabic while their third companion continued talk to my colleague and I. In between their argument, the older guy tried to explain something to us while the younger guy was shaking his head. As they got back to their argument, I turned to my colleague:

"Doesn't this argument sound soooo familiar to you?"

hollow

2009-02-26T22:42:00.002+08:00

You know how Manyoo has been playing for the last few months? Where the other team just turns up to play the game, but aren't really interested....and then they get steamrolled by Manyoo? I was thinking how awesome that would be - how great it must feel to keep winning and winning easy. It must make you feel superior. It surely must make you feel awesome.

But it really doesn't.

I found out today how goddamn frustrating it must be to be in their shoes.

At work, there was a huge competition between two business divisions, where teams would need to do a presentation on a project they did or an innovative leadership talk of some sort. So there I was, so gung-ho about this whole thing, I spent a whole week preparing for the presentation. And I shit you not, I spent so much time preparing, I could speak better than Anwar Ibrahim (for all his bullshit and hypocrisy, credit where credit is due, that bloke can sell a ton of sand to a bedouin).

Then, I found out only on the day before the competition that I was the only contestant in that particular category. Everybody else had submitted their entries for the other two categories. Which meant I won by default. All I needed to do was turn up and I would win. Still, I told myself, fuck it, even if I win by default, I was going up there on stage, and leave no doubt in the audiences minds that I would deserve that victory, whether or not there was a challenger. I even tweaked a major part of the presentation the night before when I got a brainwave for what I should say.

As it turned out, I nailed the presentation. Yes, I was nervous in the beginning, but I managed to iron it out pretty quick. On a side note, Tiger Woods said yesterday, just before he played in his first tournament in 8 months that he was always nervous before every game. He went on to say that the day he stopped being nervous was the day he quit, because being nervous shows you care enough for it to matter.

At the end of the event today, where they announced the winner, I remember sitting in my seat feeling absolutely underwhelmed. It was not my fault nobody else submitted an entry in that particular category. Yes, I think I would have won even if somebody did take part. But it felt very, very hollow. I went on stage, collected my trophy, smiled for the camera and returned to my seat still feeling very underwhelmed.

Of all the awards, of all the trophies and of all the achievements I have had in my life, this one was supposed to be one of the most important, certainly the most important of my career, but it turned out to be the most hollow of them all. It meant nothing. Winner by default. Bah!

I did get an 8-gig pendrive for my efforts, though.

say what?!

2009-02-15T23:05:00.002+08:00

Filler post!

I know I want to write about something, but I just can't seem to find the mood to sit and type a long arsed serious post about the idiocy of increasing the gas subsidies again.

So, here are some random quotes compiled over the last few months. Some of them are my lines, some are from friends, while one of them from the old man which is too good to leave out. Today, I share with you, the ultimate wisdom of life...

"What is your life's objective?"
"I wanna travel the world."
"What for?"
"I want to have a conversation with people of all races and religion and prove that religion does more harm than good"

"Eh, my friend told me she used a tampon for the first time that day..."
"It's good to know I am still considered the subject matter expert in this area"
"She said it felt like having a tiny dick inside her while walking.."

"...and she's damn smart too"
"That's it?"
"Well, she's loaded la. Money is always a factor what"
"So, lemme get this straight - she's richer than you, hotter than you and smarter than you"
"Er, yeah"
"So what the fuck are you bringing to the table?"
"I love her"
"HAHAHA, fuck you man. Are you like 15?!? Love, is pretending to like eating the chicken neck and feet so that your kids can enjoy the good parts. Love, is taking the bus to work so that you can save up for her birthday present. Love, is spending your last dollar on a red rose so that you can see her smile. What you're saying is not love, it's MADNESS!"
"........"
"Oh no, wait.....the last one is pretty much the same thing"

"It's fucking fun man....it's like...smoking pot while watching Borat!"

"Jim Clancy last evening asked viewers to write in on whether their government/leaders are doing the right thing during this financial turmoil.

I thought for 2 seconds.

One each for BN and PR.

Lompat masuk (perangkap) boleh tapi lompat keluar tak sah!! He, he, he!

chronology of failure

2009-02-08T20:07:00.003+08:00

Engineer's log: Chronology of Failure

Friday, 6 February 2009

0430: Alarm sounded in the main control building. Strain gauge detected severe circumferential stresses in the Waste Water Filtration Casing, Unit A.

0435: Engineer ignored the alarm as it was suspected to be a slight upset in the process flow causing fatigue stress in the main support strut.

0450: Second alarm sounded in the main control building. A pressure gauge had shown excessive built up pressure in the frontal supply area, near the west side of the Waste Water Storage Tank. Engineer acknowledged the alarm this time as the pressure could not have been due to fatigue stress in the main support strut.

0530: The on-call mechanic took too long to respond to this Priority Level 1 incident and further disciplinary action shall be taken on this matter. Strain gauge and pressure gauge showed extremely high levels of stress and pressure. It was observed that these high readings is usually present only during the production and discharge of nanobots.

0550: On-call mechanic perform some troubleshooting checks on the system and diagnosed the problem as a calcification of foreign minerals in the filtration system, leading to clustering. Due to the size of the foreign particle cluster exceeding filtration media size, the filter media suffers breakthrough. Due to the breakthrough, the foreign particle is suspected to be lodged in the flexible hose connecting the Waste Waster Filtration Casing (Unit A) to the Waste Water Storage Tank, thus causing a blockage in flow, which then led to the build up in pressure. The on-call mechanic determines that he cannot proceed further, and recommends the Specialist Engineer perform a Non-Destructive Ultrasonic Test to confirm presence of the blockage. The on-call mechanic pumps suppressant chemicals into the system to reduce the effect of pressure build-up.

0600: Filtration system pressure is maintained at dangerously high levels. Most major equipments are put on standby mode to reduce stress on the overall system.

0930: Specialist Engineer (SE) arrives, but work cannot commence due to administrative red tape and bureaucratic procedures.

1100: SE starts troubleshooting the system distress. SE performs the Non-Destructive Ultrasonic Test and confirms the on-call mechanic's diagnosis of the presence of a foreign object blockage. SE requests a Full Computed Tomograph Scan of the system to determine the exact location of the blockage and to determine the next course of action.

1130: Owner's Engineer decides that depending on the results of the Full Computed Tomograph Scan, a major overhaul of the filtration system maybe required. As such, the Owner's Engineer decides to postpone the scan and bring in his preferred crew to do the job.

1300: Flow throughout the system fluctuates. Pressure fluctuates between safe levels and dangerous levels.

1630: Owner's Engineer preferred crew arrives on-scene and takes over based on the morning report. This new SE disagrees with some of the recommendations made by the morning SE. However, he proceeds with the Full Computed Tomograph Scan of the system.

1800: The system does not suffer further pressure fluctuations and is put on partial standby for the remainder of the day. The SE shall review the test results in the morning and decide on the next course of action. It was also ordered that the main system be put on standby at midnight to prepare for overhauling works the next day. Neither fluids nor solids are to be pumped in to the system at all costs.

-End of Day 1 report-

there's a time and place...

2009-02-04T21:59:00.003+08:00

...for everything.

There is a time and place for playing, and there is a time and place for working.

There certainly is a time for politicking and there is a time for getting your hands dirty.

Goddamit.

It's been one fucking year. You won some, you lost some. The economy is in piss poor shape. People are getting retrenched everyday. There is a stimulus package you are supposed to be working on. Don't you have the two richest states to govern? All of you. Will you assholes get back to work already?

Nobody believed me when I told them that both these idiots will drive our country to the ground. Pakatan and BN? Different lie, same bullshit. Why aren't there stronger leaders out there? Why aren't there leaders who knows what their priorities are?

One fella spends one whole year talking about these damn takeovers. The other fella spends one whole year talking about how immoral it is. And suddenly, in one day, it's padan muka one fella and goddamn you hypocrite to the other guy.

It's frustrating, it really is. One year of comics and circus acts.

It really is enough.

A couple of weeks ago, when I told you (and my friends) the UMNO jahat story, most people laughed at it. One of the comments said it was 'absolutely wonderful'. You know, when I first heard those words uttered, I laughed to myself. Because it was funny.

But then if you think about it a little longer, like I did, suddenly it didn't seem so funny after all. For the record, he really didn't let her get the red watch. The more I thought about it, the more disgusted I was that a parent could instill such hatred upon a 5 year old kid who doesn't understand any of this stuff.

I told my colleague that story the other day and he was actually surprised that I never knew things like that was common in this Hicktown. Apparently even the tadikas are heavily influenced by political parties and kids are brainwashed from a young age to hate certain political parties and of course, the politicians affiliated to those parties.

Some democracy we live in, huh?

happy chinky new year

2009-01-27T22:46:00.003+08:00

"Shit man that's a shit load of food. I dunno about you guys, but normally I shit like once or at the most, twice a day. But the last 2 days right, I have been shitting like 4 or 5 times a day....too fucking much food man!"

"Yups..."

"Aye!"

"Uh-huh"

"YES! Same!"

"Yeah!"

I think the significance of Chinese New Year is slightly lost. Besides getting the free money (which is always welcome), besides the food and the booze, besides the mahjong and poker, what else is there?

But still, I have been told I am a chink, so that is why I celebrate Chinese New Year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody, and may this year bring you good fortune and good health. Because with those two, there is pretty much nothing else you can ask for.

Except good sex, but that comes automatically with the first two.

i-am-not-shitting-you story of the day

2009-01-20T21:13:00.003+08:00

I was queuing at the local KFC (which incidentally has suffered a big drop in business since the 'zionists' started killing innocent people). On a side note, I am not sure I fully understand what 'zionists' are and I am damn sure not many other people fully understand what that term is either. I am also not sure how fried chicken relates to missiles, but that is a story for another day.

Anyway, this bloke in front of me was ordering food for his family. He ordered a Zinger Tower set meal which came with a 'free' watch:

"Encik nak warna apa?"

"Hmm?"

"Untuk jam tangan...encik nak warna apa?"

"Oh, nak Biru. Warna Keadilan tu."

"Maaf ya, encik. Biru dah habis stok."

"Hijau boleh jugak. Warna PAS tu."

His 5 year old daughter interrupts....

"Ayah, ayah, Mimi nak warna Merah!"

"Tak boleh. Merah UMNO. Jahat tu...."

all hail calvin!

2009-01-13T00:37:00.003+08:00

I have nothing much to say except show you a comic that was drawn 15 years ago, and remind you why I worship the Calvin & Hobbes comic strip...

click to enlarge

boycott everything, lah

2009-01-09T23:33:00.004+08:00

I've always liked the old man.

No matter what the Anwar fan club says about him, he's certainly not a two faced hypocrite and he speaks his mind. Yes, he's done loads of naughty things, but I feel his contributions outweigh all those stuff. So, yes, I like him.

Which is why I am kinda worried about the fella.

Although his sarcasm is still very much in place, some of the things he seems to be saying these days has been at times ridiculous and senseless. I fear he might be getting senile, which would be a great shame.

Take for instance his latest outburst against Isreal and the Americans.

Yah, I get it. You hate Isreal and are pissed with the Americans for getting into bed with them. But then to call for a boycott of American products is kinda dumb. But why discriminate McDs, KFC and Starbucks?

Is this proposed boycott a two-way thing? Are we just going to stop buying their stuff, or do you also propose that we stop selling things too? Because the way I see it, if you are supremely annoyed with someone, you would cut off all relationships with the person. That would put us in greater shit that we are already in since the US is our second largest trading partner.

If you ask those burger flippers at McDonalds to quit their jobs, where do you propose they work? And hey, while you are at it, do you also ask the thousands of workers in Intel, Dell and Western Digital to walk away from their jobs? How about the banks? Citigroup? Let's take it a step further, shall we? Shall we ask the fellas in the Esso refinery in Port Dickson to walk away from their jobs? Sure, we would be choking our country of 15% of our fuel supply but never mind la, we need to bankrupt those naughty Americans!

And while we are at it, since we are going to stop drinking Coca Cola* and stop brushing our teeth with Colgate. should we also shut down all our power plants that run GE gas turbine and hydroturbines? The next time you require an MRI, please ask your doctor if the MRI machine is made by GE, and because you wouldn't like to use American made products, please decline the MRI. Do we need to boycott MAS too, since they fly Boeing airplanes?

(*sidenote: The Muslim Restaurant Operators Association has removed Coke from the menu at thousands of their restaurants - how about Pepsi!?!)

And finally, after you read my blog, please uninstall Windows, yeah?

vincent's lessons in life

2009-01-06T21:49:00.005+08:00

"You men are so shallow lah"

"And that is a bad thing because....?"

"Just because she's not as good looking people don't notice her...she's way smarter, okay?"

"So what? We're not sitting for an exam here."

"So that's shallow lah!"

"Aah, so you appreciate a genetic gift of intelligence more than a genetic gift of beauty...who's being shallow now?"

"What rubbish!? Being smart takes effort, okay? All the studying, all the reading...I got my first class honours by studying a shit load okay!"

"And you don't think all those models just woke up one day and managed to look stunning by doing nothing? You had nasi lemak for breakfast and briyani for lunch...you think the models can afford to do that? You think they can indulge their every craving for chocolate? You spent hours in front of your books, they spent hours in the gym! How long do you spend in front of the mirror before you step out of your house? How long do you think they spend? Is that not time and effort? Time and effort that you and her didn't bother investing in? I like smart. Heck I love smart people. But don't demean pretty people while you're at it."

wrap up

2008-12-31T23:29:00.004+08:00

There should be a checklist somewhere...

Health? Good. Not a single MC taken since I first started working 3 years ago.
Money? Good. Company pays a nice hefty bonus for a good performance.
Career? Good. New position for the new year.

Don't really know what else to ask for beside that, really. Contrary to popular believe I am a happy person, easily content at what life brings.

Then there should be another checklist for next year. Checklist, not resolutions mind you, because resolutions are pointless.

Sit for and pass Level 1 CFA. Preferably in July. Otherwise December also can. Not because I need it, but just because I want to say I can do it. If you are a Finance person and would like to tell me that I am a lunatic for wanting to do it for the fuck of it, well save your breath. No less than 3 of my close friends have told me that only crazy people do a CFA 'for the fuck of it'. So yes, I have been told that I am mad. Nothing new there.

Then I wanna climb Kinabalu. Then climb Tahan.

Yeah, very disjointed. Not like me at all. But you see, I have been spending the last 2 weeks on leave and reading 3 books, all of them about different things, and I keep hopping from book to book, and all of a different genre. First, there's King of the Godfathers which is a true story of er, The King of the Godfathers. Then there's Asian Godfathers which I think every working adult should read. And lastly Nelson Mandela's autobiography which came highly recommended by Penthesilea. All very deep stuff. Plus, I have been reading Stiglitz's Globalisation and Its Discontents for the past 5 months or so but my puny brain can't seem to absorb all the facts, so I keep re-reading the earlier chapters.

But enough talk la. I will leave you with my annual mantra, which I think you guys have read before:

I am not going to wish you an awesome year ahead, because everybody knows that's not going to happen. Inevitabliy, there will be setbacks, disappointments and heartbreaks. I do, however wish you the strength to overcome all that shit, the tenacity to piss in the wind and the guts to stare down the barrel of a gun.

And above all, to enjoy the new year.

this is cap

2008-12-09T23:52:00.003+08:00

This is ubbish. My keyboad is oicially ucked.

See i you can igue out which keys ae spoilt? I'll would gie you a hint but I don't think you ae that etaded. Actually this is un. Enjoyable, in act. Because chatting with people on MSN, I am oced to think o synonyms so that my sentences make sense.

As an example, I can't say ca, so I say automobile. I can't say ATAU, so I say altenatiely. Well, it's still nonsense, but at least "altenatiely" makes moe sense than "o". Then, I came acoss the most itating (annoying) wod that is 3 lettes long, stats with APH, ends with _ome (1st lette - Julius Cease's place) and sounds like the English wod 2+2 EMPAT.

You see what I did thee?

2+2 UCKS SAKES MAN!!

I thought I could use the numbe to subsitute the wod, just like 15 yea old blogges do, but een that numbe is ucked!!!

Oh, so yeah, I shouldn't say UCK eithe cause its sounds so stupid, so I hae to epogam my habit o calling people *ucke*s and call them assholes instead. Altenatiely cheebais, because that woks too.

Let's see...

This Chistmas, I need a new laptop, plus some money to shit house. No wait, that didn't sound betul. I need money to moe house. Dammit, cannot also. I NEED MONEY TO PINDAH TEMPAT KEDUDUKAN SAYA. Hmph! 1st sentence that made sense! I would tell you the stoy on why I need to moe but that's gonna be a long stoy and I think you wouldn't want to baca the stoy this way.

UCK it.

SCEW it.

I am going to sleep.

mukhriz & thailand

2008-12-03T20:41:00.003+08:00

When someone commented a few weeks ago that he couldn't understand why the Malay politicians go bonkers when the 'Malay special rights' are questioned. His logic was, why get so worked up over it when people were merely putting their views forward and not asking it to be totally removed. There should be room for discussion, shouldn't there? Silly government, he said.

I told him I agreed wholeheartedly. Discussion is good, but I added, if you wanted a similar outcry of ridiculous proportions, you only need to say something about the existence of vernacular schools and you will hear the Chinese politicians going bonkers as well.

For one, I've mentioned my take on this before. I do not like the idea of segragating kids as old as 5 (I am sure you've heard of Chinese kindergartens as well) by the language they speak, which most of the time relateds to the colour of their skin. And this goes for all types of segregation - vernacular schools, yes, but also religious schools and institutions of higher learning as well.

I read a rather good article in today's NST, talking about Thailand and how we should be counting our blessings. I am not going to dwell into how they seem to be in shambles while we are arguing about yoga, neither am I going to say how much better off we are.

However, I would like to highlight a couple of points:

Our neighbours' situations are infinitely fascinating to us because of what they are that we are not, or not yet anyway. They have a strong, united and irrepressible civil society movement centred in Bangkok, which involves professionals, students, the media and the middle class. They revere their monarchy to the point of taking lese majeste charges very seriously. They also think representative democracy is pretty much a joke.

Thai academician Ji Giles Ungkaporn, who wrote in 2003 about the Thai non-governmental organisations scene and the problems of democratic representation in its peoples' movements, was blistering in his latest assessment of the situation in Bangkok. Back then he talked about social movements like the Assembly of the Poor, which consisted mostly of the Thai peasantry and rural poor. The assembly sat protesting in front of government buildings for their rights, but as Ungkaporn noted, it was actually educated activists who conducted the negotiations. Leadership was very much elitist, and ultimately the poor could only speak through their votes.

Ungkaporn on Wednesday wrote that it was now "fascist thugs" from the anti-government People's Alliance for Democracy who are demanding that their government, democratically elected by the majority of the Thai population, hands over power. "The PAD wants a dictatorship to replace democracy because they deem that the majority of the Thai electorate are too ignorant to deserve the right to vote."

Thankfully, we are not quite like surgeon Noppakoon Lagum, one of those occupying Suvarnabhumi International airport, who claimed: "Rural people have good hearts but they don't know the truth like we do in Bangkok. It is our duty to re-educate them." This is a scary pomposity.

Does this sound familiar?

You bet it does, because that is exactly the mentality a lot of Malaysians share - a lot of URBAN Malaysians, I must add.

When I questioned last year's BERSIH rally, many urbanites pounced on me for my critisism of nothing more than a political march. They said that me being inconvenienced was a small price to pay for 'the cause'. What cause, I asked? Their cause, not mine! Many concluded that I was ignorant and unwilling to pay the price for democracy (or some mumbo jumbo along those lines). I suppose this would be the same people who, if push comes to shove, would be willing to shut down our national airport to get what they want.

These are the same people who supported Anwar Ibrahim's September 16 (failed) project, even though the BN government won the mandate to rule, just 6 months before that. The reason these urbanites gave was because the BN government won the rural votes - and you can't let these simple minded kampung folk make important decisions! Yes, let's allow the urbanites to decide everything for the greater good and complain about fuel price along the way. Who are these kampung folk to decide who should rule? It's for their own good!

Democracy? If you thought March 8, was a sign that democracy was alive and kicking in Malaysia, you have gotta be smoking weed.

it's all his fault

2008-11-20T17:46:00.004+08:00

As I mentioned before, I was lucky to get very good training early in my career. I had a great teacher not many people have. One of the most memorable stories he told me (which I've also seen running around in emails and heard someone at my current workplace tell this story) was about someone taking over the top post of an organisation.

On his first day in the big chair, incidentally his predecessor's last day, he was given 2 envelopes. The predecessor told him that he was lucky. He screwed up quite a lot, so the board of directors were pretty annoyed so the new guy would get quite a lot of leeway to get things right. The envelopes, he was told, was when things got tough and he really couldn't think of another solution. He should open the first envelope and follow the instructions. Things would then take care of themselves, he was told. And if he ever faced another problem he couldn't solve after that, he should open the second envelope.

"But what if I have another huge problem after the second envelope?"

"Don't worry about it. The second envelope should take care of all your problems forever."

And so it was, the new guy took over the reins, and was given ample time and leeway by the board to put things right and sort out stuff. All went well until a few months down the road when a problem arised. He thought day and night about it, but couldn't find a solution until he remembered the 2 special envelopes.

He tore open the first one which read, "All your problems can be solved by putting the blame on your predecessor."

Brilliant idea! The bloke was unpopular when he left anyway! People will believe it!

And so that is what he did. He engineered a long story on how the incompetant bloke messed up everything, and that he was doing all he could to fix the problem. Easy! He was given time and space again to implement his solution even though it cost a lot of money and embarrasment for the company. But he did manage to sweep it under the carpet and the problem went away eventually.

That was all great until a year later, when all his small problems seemed to snowball and spiral out of control....time for the second envelope! He ripped it open and started sweating uncontrollably as he read its contents.

"You got away with blaming me the first time. Time for you to prepare two envelopes for your successor...."

You know Mr Lim, among the 3 stooges, I like you (and your father) the most. Simply because I don't think you are a two faced bastard and I know you are not a lunatic. But as a leader, you simply have to stop your incessant whining and bitching about every goddamned thing. People judge you on what you accomplish, not about how much you whine about things. Yes, we get that there's shit left behind. Clean it up and move on, dammit.

It's the same at work too. You either shut up and get the job done, or start preparing the two envelopes.

not a blog

2008-11-02T22:55:00.002+08:00

"Are you all bloggers?"

"Hahaha, what?!? No. No! I can assure you, NO!"

[.....]

"Why are you ashamed to call yourself a blogger?"

"Because, one, bloggers are idiots and two, I am NOT a blogger."

"You have a blog..."

"Look, I also play football. I don't call myself a footballer. I play golf. Heck I play golf more often than I update my website. I don't call myself a fucking golfer, do I? I also edit my website, but that doesn't make me an editor, no?"

"Hmmm...that kinda makes sense in a way"

"Ya think!? Heck, bloggers are people who sit around at home bumming around doing nothing useful and seemingly do this shit to make a living"

"Those are PRO-bloggers!!"

"What rubbish? I am an engineer. That is what I do for a living. I don't call myself a fucking PRO-engineer, do I?"

"Ha ha"

mulut celupar

2008-10-31T00:48:00.003+08:00

A colleague of mine who is also from KL but works in Hicktown likes to travel back to Hicktown after the weekend back in KL early on Monday mornings. The logic is that she gets to spend as much of the weekend as she can with her family and then leaving KL at 4 or 5 am on Monday morning ensures that she can reach the office by 8 am. Personally, I think it is ridiculous and extremely dangerous.

A few months ago, on a particular Friday, it was 6.30pm and I was going home. I saw her still at her cubicle:

"Hey, aren't you going back to KL today?"

"Yeah, wanna finish some stuff first"

"Go back la. Don't drive so late. Dangerous."

At which point, another girl butted in cheekily with, "Why you so caring suddenly?"

With a grin and without the slightest hessitation, I replied, "Actually it's not that I am caring, but if she get into an accident, I have to do her work for her. So actually, I am worrying about myself."

We all had a good laugh at my assholism, and I went home spending a totally boring weekend in Hicktown.

We received news on Monday morning that that colleague of mine fell asleep at the wheel, smashed up her car real bad, and then went on MC for 2 weeks.

Prophecies can be a bitch.

Two days ago, I went out for lunch with a friend. I was in her car and we were going back to her apartment. From where we were coming from, she needed to make a U-turn to get to the other side of the road.

At the first opening in the divider, there was a large no U-turn signboard. One was expected to go another 100 metres down the road where you could U-turn legally. But, as you would already guess, my friend took the turn at the first opening.

Just as she was doing that, I went:

"Eh, got big NO U-TURN sign there whey."

"You very good boy one hor?"

"Yeah, after police catch, how?"

And there they were, 50 metres up the road - two of them in their spanking white uniforms. My friend was pulled over by the traffic police. We didn't stop laughing - couldn't stop laughing in fact, not even as she handed the guy her license and IC.

Lesson learnt: You should really listen to me when I say something. It's true.

don't buy toshiba laptops

2008-10-27T19:19:00.004+08:00

About 3 and a half years ago, while I was still studying in the UK, my laptop got stolen and I was forced to buy another one while over there. Being a poor student and stuff, I settled on a Toshiba laptop that was on a discounted price at PC World, even though the online reviews mentioned that that laptop was prone to cooling problems as it got older.

For the last 6 months or so, I have had frequent problems with overheating and the laptop would frequently auto-shutdown. I took it apart, cleaned the insides the best I could and fixed it back, but the problem still persisted and got worse and worse. I meant to get it fixed, but I never really had the time since I was stuck in Hicktown and all. As of recently, the laptop was even able to overheat even though I used it in an air-conditioned room and with a cooling mat.

Last week, I finally got down to sending it to the local Toshiba service centre to get it fixed since I was in KL for a couple of weeks. I checked it in in the morning and also asked for a quotation for a new battery since the current one is completely kaput and I can no longer run the laptop on batteries. I got the call the next morning saying that the laptop was ready for collection. The technician proceeded to explain somethings to me, but since I was driving, I cut him short and said I would pick it up the next day and he could explain the problem to me.

My conversation with the technician roughly as follows:

"Sir, we found the internal parts dirty so we cleaned it for you already"

"Yes, I know it was dirty, I already cleaned it myself before. Did you change the cooling fan or the heat sink?"

"Er, no we don't have the spare parts. But we tested the laptop the whole day left it running, it didn't overheat"

"You tested it in an air-cond room, correct?"

"Should be okay sir, we cleaned the heat sink already"

"Fine. What about the new battery? How much?"

"Sir, we cannot replace a battery because we don't have spare parts."

"Can you order it?"

"Cannot, sir. Because you bought this laptop in UK and we have an agreement we cannot sell the parts for them."

"I don't understand this. It's a Toshiba laptop. You are Toshiba. Why can't you order from UK?"

"Cannot, sir. It's agreement. Like that one."

"So, what do I do now?"

"Er, cannot do anything sir."

"What?!? Look, I don't care if you charge me a bomb for it. My laptop works fine. I just want a battery so I can bring it around. If you have to order from the UK and charge me 500 bucks for it, I don't mind paying."

"But sir, I told you, we cannot do that. We cannot order parts internationally. It's like that everywhere. If you buy from Malaysia and go to Saudi Arabia, the branch over there cannot order parts"

This is where I get annoyed and start raising my voice, and people around me start looking....

"So, you are telling me that if I want to buy a laptop today, and I get a job in UK or Dubai or whereever, I shouldn't buy a Toshiba laptop because I can't get after sales support?"

"Oh, that one different. We can help you claim international warranty"

"Okay, and after your ONE YEAR warranty period is over and it breaks down, I can't get spare parts?"

"Oh, cannot sir"

"Look, my laptop is no longer a laptop. It's a desktop now you know. I have to use it in an aircond room otherwise it overheats. I can't use it while watching TV because the battery is dead, and you can't do anything about it. So why on Earth should I buy a Toshiba laptop anyway?"

".........."

"If you tell me that repairing it costs a bomb because you have to order parts from overseas, I understand, but at least then I have the option of either repairing it or buying a new one. So, go tell your management that they have a ridiculous policy, and that I will do everything in my power to make sure everybody I know doesn't buy one of your laptops anymore"

And so, this is where I am. I don't know if any other supposedly international brands practice such a dumb policy, so if you know of any, please let me know since I am looking to buy a new laptop sometime in the next few months. No matter how good a product you have, it counts for ballocks if your after sales service is piss poor. Good for Toshiba, they sold me a product once, but I guarantee I'll never buy another product from them again.

In the meantime, spread the word, especially to people who are going overseas to study or work. Loads of students going overseas purchase their laptops here and bring it with them when they go abroad. After the one year warranty period ends, you are a sitting duck because if anything breaks down, you can't repair it, no matter how much you are willing to pay.

election talk

2008-10-16T23:46:00.004+08:00

From today's The Star:

Bring down power tariffs, Tenaga urged

PETALING JAYA: Tenaga Nasional Berhad has been urged to lower electricity charges in tandem with the drop in fuel prices.

In welcoming the Prime Minister’s announcement on lower fuel prices, MCA central committee member Wong Nai Chee urged TNB to reduce its rates by 14.8% as the petrol price had further come down from RM2.45 to RM2.30 a litre.

"Since TNB is one of the government-linked companies involved in the national privatisation project, it should provide good services to the public with reasonable charges," he said in a statement yesterday.

"If TNB is not willing to lower its electricity charges, the Government should consider liberalising the market," he added.

And further quotes from the actual press statement:

MCA Wong Nai Chee: "Government should consider liberalizing the electric industry"

....

Sdr Wong Nai Chee who is a member of MCA’s Central Committee said, “compared to June 14, 2008 when fuel prices were increased to RM 2.70 per litre, yesterday, the government reduced the fuel prices to RM 2.30 per litre. This shows that fuel prices have dropped by 14.8%. Therefore, it is appropriate that Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB) should also lower its electric charges in tandem.”

While MCA welcomes the government’s commitment to fulfill its pledges based on the international market crude oil prices and adjust domestic fuel prices accordingly, Nai Chee pointed out that there was also a hike in TNB charges owing to the spike in crude oil prices in June 2008. “Since, fuel prices have currently decreased, therefore, TNB ought to lessen its electricity charges.”

....

As TNB is seen as monopolising the entire electricity market in West Malaysia, Nai Chee then suggested that, "if TNB is not willing to decrease its electricity charges, the government should reveal TNB’s monopoly of the electric industry and take into consideration the liberalization of the electric market. Let other competitors participate in electric field, and enable these independent power producers (IPP) to compete with TNB."

Dood, either you are seriously ignorant and hence have no business being a politician and so-called 'serving the people' or you are taking a leaf out of the Anwar Ibrahim book of crapby talking rubbish in order to gain popularity.

Firstly, if you didn't pay attention in Science classes in school, our power plants do not run on petrol or diesel. In fact, you would be hard pressed to find power plants anywhere in the world that run on either. The majority of our power plants run on natural gas, with a further sizeable amount running on coal. And while the global crude oil price does affect the price of natural gas, the prices are irrelevant when compared to petrol prices in Malaysia.

In any case, natural gas price on the NYMEX is currently around RM22 per million British Thermal Units (mmBTU) while the power industry only pays RM14.31 per mmBTU. Quite a sizeable subsidy won't you agree?

And secondly, asking the IPPs to compete with TNB is laughable to say the least, and comical at best. But sadly, there is nothing funny about our politicians' ignorance on one of the biggest leeches in our economy. The IPPs are leeching off TNB (and Petronas) by getting cheap gas and having the right to sell all the power generated to TNB, no matter how inefficient their plants are and no matter if there is any demand. He makes it seem as if the IPPs are at a disadvantage here, when they are in fact the beneficiaries of this ridiculous system.

I know it is election time and everybody feels the need to say something popular to gain attention and put themselves in the spot light. But when you end up talking out of your butt, best you keep quiet in the first place.

generation gap

2008-10-15T22:12:00.004+08:00

My parents and I went to check out this new restaurant the other day. Food was so-so, ambience was chick, overall experience was enjoyable, but that is not the story I am here to tell.

As we were ordering the food, we had a chat with the waitress and learned that the place had just opened the previous week. Anyway, the food came, and we tucked in to enjoy, while talking about the usual stuff one would expect families to talk about during chow time.

Just then, a bunch of 4 yuppies waltz in and start barking their orders around like how you would imagine yuppies do. When their food arrived, instead of attacking the food, they opened their bags, whipped up their SLRs and started a picture taking frenzy. I let loose a wry smile of amusement as I usually do when I see people like that.

My dad sees me smiling and turns round to see what so funny. He takes a look and then comments:

"Wah you see this restaurant so new already got journalists come to write about it"

"Er, no dad. Those aren't journalists"

"Yes la, you see their camera so high tech"

"No dad, trust me, those people aren't reporters. They are bloggers."

"Like that Raja Petra type ah?"

"Oh this one a bit different. They take pictures of everything they eat, and then put on the Internet"

"For what?"

"Er...no reason. Just for their friends to see. Look, I don't really get it either."

"Siao ah? Ciak pah boh mi kia zhou ah?"

*literally translated: Crazy is it? Eat full full already nothing (else better) to do is it?

vincent's words of wisdom, episode 15395

2008-10-11T11:54:00.002+08:00

A few days ago, as I sat reading stupid blogs, reading about people bitching about their hollow lives, complaining about the injustices of life, on how the economy is bad, on how they had nothing to do with it yet they are the ones suffering, complaining on how the government(s) screwed them over, my mind started wondering to an incident a few months ago.

At the office we were preparing for sort of a family day event and we were packing goody bags for the kids. In each goody bag was an assorted pack of chocolate bars and sweets. Halfway through, we realised that we were short on Milky Way chocolate bars and it was a hassle to go out and buy more.

The girls started panicking:

"What do we do? What do we do!?!?"

And then I came out with the most awesome solution, ever:

"Don't care la. Pack the remaining packs with whatever chocolate you have left. The last few packs that don't have chocolate bars, we compensate by giving them more sweets"

"But that's not fair! Kids would want the chocolate bars, not the cheap Kopiko!"

"So what? That's a good thing. We are teaching kids from a young age that life is not fair."

I left everybody speechless. I think I would make an awesome boss.

selamat hari raya

2008-10-02T02:28:00.004+08:00

Wishing all my Muslim friends and readers:

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

Please drive safe, where ever you are or where ever you are going. A friend of mine died on the Karak highway a few days ago on his way back to his hometown. Instead of celebrating Raya, his family are burying him.

Don't add to the statistic.

On a seperate note, the last time I was down in Singapore, I went clubbing with a few friends. There was free cover charge if we gave them our business card. Since then, I have been getting regular emails from the club promoting their latest events.

I usually delete those emails as they come in, but I got one on Monday that was just hilarious:

Clearly, our Singaporean neighbours are confused over the concept of Hari Raya, nevermind the puasa.

conscience

2008-09-28T00:21:00.004+08:00

When I was just 17, I had finished my first year of uni at a local college. I had a 3 month break before I was supposed to fly off to the UK for the second year. I could have chose to bum around like all my friends did, but I ended up doing an internship stint with a local company which turned out to be the most educational 3 months of my life.

It was my first ever job and my boss turned out to be one of the most awesome people I had ever met (he still is). I was taught (drummed into me, in fact) that work ethics were the single most important thing in the working world. It doesn't matter if you are smart or stupid, but if you do the job you are paid to do, half the task would be accomplished.

Countless times I've woken up to a spinning headache after a late night out, and countless other times I've woken up after a long holiday, dreading to go to work, but I have never called in sick or made excuses to come in late. It's not that I love my job, or hate my job - it's plain and simple that I am being paid to do it.

On Saturday, I was offered free grandstand tickets to the Singapore F1 race. I had to say no. I couldn't take leave on Monday because my Muslim colleagues had already gone on their long leave. My friend asked me to call in sick. Another told me to ponteng half a day and nobody would notice (which was true since all the bosses are on leave for Raya). Another told me I was an idiot for even thinking twice about it. I was tempted. Very tempted.

I got off the phone, started thinking of how I was going to make the trip down, when I then realised that I couldn't do it. I had never skipped school before, never skipped work - and so it didn't make sense to start now. Sure, it was FREE grandstand tickets to the first ever Formula 1 night race, but I just couldn't do something like that. I couldn't just take the money that people pay me at the end of the month, knowing that I had cheated them out of it. I called back my friend and said that I had to pass. She said she never heard me sound so sad before.

I spent pretty much the whole weekend feeling like shit that I passed up a great chance that I will probably never get again, but knowing that it was the right decision (or so I tell myself). The thing is, when I woke up this morning I felt really proud of myself.

And let me tell you this - in my book, there is no greater feeling than that.

it's not about the popcorns!

2008-09-18T23:44:00.004+08:00

The last book I managed to finish entirely in one sitting was Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. I had 3 hours to kill in KLCC, so I waltzed into Kinokuniya and picked up a book that seemed the most interesting. I had never heard of him before but I would later learn that I read it on the very same day he passed away.

In the book, he talked about a time when he was a kid and he went to Disneyland with his parents and his sister. His parents then allowed them to roam free on their own for a while. His sister and him, grateful that they were granted that freedom by their parents, decided to buy them a present from the gift shop with their remaining pocket money. When they walked out of the gift shop, he somehow dropped the package and broke the mug that they bought.

Distraught, and on the verge of crying, they were ready to walk away when a stranger approached them and asked them to try to go back into the gift shop, tell the store manager their story and see if they could get a new mug. Randy couldn't believe that it could be done - he knew it was his fault, but he tried it anyway. To his surprise, the store manager agreed on the spot to give him a new mug and even apologised for not wrapping it enough, causing it to break when it was dropped.

The book goes on to say how Randy collaborated with Disney many times during his professional career and how his parents were so impressed with Disney's customer service that they ended up giving Disneyland back more business over the years just because of a $12 mug. He then questions - if you are in the service industry, does your company have a policy that would allow your staff to do what the Disneyland guys did? Would your managers punish a store clerk for giving an 8 year old kid a new mug to replace one that he broke? You claim that your customers are always right and that you will do anything to please them. Are you really?

Going back to my previous story about the popcorns, it was really about the popcorns. It didn't hurt me that I didn't get to have the popcorns. In fact it was healthier that I didn't get to indulge in junk food. Indeed, I walked away, thinking what a muppet the counter lady was, walked into the cinema hall, watched the movie and then went home and blogged about it.

It would have stopped there if not for the comments of a few people who seemed to think that it wasn't the girl's fault - and when I thought about it, it probably wasn't. I could blame her for her stupidity and her indescretion, but this job has thought me that you can't blame RM5/hour workers.

There is something incredibly stupid about a management that thinks that they cannot trust their workers with popcorn to the extent that they need to keep track of how many boxes are left at the end of the day. Dammit, you're not selling boxes of gold, it's popcorn for fucks sakes! How much popcorn can your employees steal a day? How much money do you lose from your employees eating your goddamn popcorn?

Take that into consideration, versus the number of people you annoy and the sales you fail to make just because you didn't have the right sized box, and we have a damn stupid policy with which someone needs to be shot.

I know, it's just freaking popcorn.

But there's a lesson to be learnt everyday and best you learn from other people's stupidity.

idiot watch, part 932523

2008-09-04T01:21:00.002+08:00

*conveniently translated into English*

"Hi, I would like a light & sweet popcorn please"

"That's less sugar, you know" (They say it EVERYTIME. It's as though they were trained)

"Yes, please."

"What size?"

"Small, please"

*searches under the counter, comes up holding a large box*

"I am sorry, no more"

"No more what? There's loads of popcorn there!"

"Popcorn got. No more small box. We only have large box."

"So?"

"Would you like a large box?"

"NO. I want a small light & sweet popcorn!"

"But sir, we are out of small boxes. We only have large boxes left."

I look at her like she's the dumbest cow in the whole world.

"Can't you just use the large box and just put in less. I dunno...like fill it up half way?"

"Cannot. We don't sell the popcorn, we sell the box."

"What? WHAT?!?! You sell the box?!? Look I just want a small portion of popcorn. Just go ask someone else who knows."

Our village idiot then proceeds to call over her co-worker, who then tries to tell me the same thing.

"Sir, we are out of small boxes. Only large boxes left."

"Yes, I don't care. Give me a large box, or whatever. Just give me a small portion"

"Sir, we can't do that. We need to sell you a large portion."

"But why? You're not making sense!"

"Because we don't sell by the portion. We sell by the box."

At this point, I realise that arguing with idiots is futile, so I just walk away with the consolation that this makes another good story for idiot watch.

lost the gold or won the silver?

2008-08-18T01:01:00.006+08:00

I'll go and say it outright - Malaysians do not deserve successful sportsmen.

It's actually not the first time I have said it, and certainly won't be the last. But let me explain. Again.

Sure, Lee Chong Wei lost. He got spanked for his efforts. But less you forget, he was the second seed, playing against the world number 1 in the enemy's den. He lived up to his seeding, and even though his good just wasn't good enough, he lunged for every shot, he dived and ran himself ragged through the four corners of the court, never giving up a shot. Yes, the nerves got to him, but he still fought for every shot.

What else can you ask for?

And in spite of doing all that, I have been reading some blogs and seeing some people's nicks on MSN condemning his performance. Some claim to have been 'let down' while others feel that it was 'memalukan'. A well known madman questioned why there was a need to give credit to a 'loser'. Then some introverted assholes and idiotic housewives must inevitably bring in the political card - he is a MaChAi, you know. Meanwhile, other people have conspiracy theories about bookies and how he stands to make more money by losing.

Screw you people.

This is why our football team is in the doldrums. Even when they give their all, people still dump crap all over them. And support Chelsea in the process. Malaysians love to build up heroes and then tear them down when they fail. Before you say that you were 'let down', how many of you watched all his previous games? Or are you just a glory hunter waiting for him to get to the finals? How about a little support? 'Support' doesn't mean gathering a bunch of your best pals to hang out a the mamak and cheer him over a glass of milo ais. Support means following him through the earlier rounds even when he was playing against relatively weaker opponents. How many of you followed the games when he destroyed Ronald and Soni?

It's not just badminton, you know?

How many of you follow Nicol David's career? Again, 'following' the career doesn't exactly mean picking up the papers in the morning, reading the headlines and going, 'Ah Nicol won again. Good lah that girl' and then proceeding with your business of the day.

We have two really awesome cyclists but how many of you bothered? How many of you watched the keirins (do you even know what the keirins are) yesterday? Did you follow the men's sprint (not the 100 metres, you idiot) today? Did you cheer for 'Mohamed Ah-weng' when he made it through the first repechage and them jump a leap of joy when he did a wheelie to beat a former World and Olympic champion at the end to make it through the second repechage?

Or do you just not give a shit, but instead wait to discredit people when they ultimately fail to beat other world class athletes?

Lee Chong Wei carried the hopes of the entire nation on his shoulders today and he failed. And he admitted that he failed. But it was not really fair because he never had the REAL support of the entire nation in the first place.

missing the big picture

2008-08-13T23:31:00.008+08:00

Since everybody is so hung up on racial issues as of late, I decided that I would start with a story of my weekend. Yes, it is late because I have been both busy and lazy, as well as crying over our dreadful Olympic performances. Anyway, a good part of my Saturday afternoon was spent in Seremban where a bunch of us took a road trip (if you can call a 45 minute drive a 'road trip') to attend our close friend's wedding.

We spent a good part of the time discussing whether Guo Jingjing was hotter than Xie Xinfang - because boys will always be boys. It was your typical Malay wedding held in the bride's house where they close up the stretch of road and the guests sit under the canopy on the street. Long story short, we were having problems locating the place because our navigator couldn't read the map properly (men don't need maps).

"Fuck it la, let's just drive until we see a signboard"
"What signboard?"
"Eh, kammon la. This is a Malay wedding. Sure got signboards - just look for Ros + Alf"
"Hehe, for Chinese we only have signboards when we die. Got candle summore.."

First up was the issue of the controversial 'Conversion to Islam' forum held on Saturday. Many people, friends and random blogs that I have been reading have condemned the actions of the protestors. Many took to heart the fact that the Chinese were referred to as 'babi' and were asked to 'Balik China!'. Many were unhappy over the fact that the protestors made no effort to understand what the forum was about in the first place, and that they were rowdy and unruly.

When I was studying in the UK, I once experienced someone hurling racist remarks at me while I was minding my own business having lunch at McDonalds. A lot of people would have been annoyed, but I wasn't really bothered for the simple fact that she was nothing but a lowly pikey. It wasn't worth getting worked out over.

Going back to the big hoo-hah at the forum, why are you people getting worked up over some uneducated, unemployed ruffians screaming ridiculous profanities which they hardly understand themselves? (Balik China? How about the Chinese Muslims? Do they need to balik China as well?) You have the opportunity to take the moral high ground here. You can always say that you agreed to a civilised discussion but you were interuptted by uncivilised people.

But you got your priorities wrong and you are barking up the wrong tree.

Instead, you should be upset that the big guns are the ones who have let you down.

The Prime Minister who doesn't want such forums to be held, ever.
The Deputy Prime Minister who thinks that the organisers of a civilised discussion are in the wrong.
The so-called Prime Minister-in-waiting who can't keep his house in order. (He has said that he will take action - so credit due there, but let's wait and see, shall we?)
The DAP big guns who seem to be on holiday, considering the fact that they have never been afraid to speak up, but have treated us to a deafening silence this time around.

What have all those people been doing for you?

Absolutely nothing.

And that is what I am annoyed at. That the so-called leaders (and wannabe leaders) of this country have been too terrified to make a stand because they are afraid that a few hooligans on the street would not vote for them.

And then we get to the UiTM issue.

Personally, I have never supported the idea that a learning institution of any kind be constricted (formally or informally) along racial lines. That is why I have never been in favour of Chinese and Tamil schools. When such segregation happens, not only is there a lack of understanding of each other's race and religion, it also does nothing to help the learning process that schools and universities are supposed to cultivate.

When I was studying, I made it a point to do my group projects with students from other nationalities. I worked with many people, from the Brits, Italians, Greeks, and Iranians to the Indians, Thais, Koreans and Americans. Each of them taught me something about their work ethics and I learnt to pick up the good points from each and every one of them.

Students shouldn't be worried that another 'race' of people, nevermind that these are their own countrymen, are taking their places, but instead should be happy that they can learn more and improve themselves. But most students are immature and don't realise things like this, and so it is up to the teachers and the leaders to teach them that.

So again, it is not the 5000 students I am annoyed at, but the UiTM vice-chancellor who has no business being an educator as he clearly does not know what it takes to improve his school and his students.

And back to my beef with our politicians, we all know where the BN government stands on this (which is why they got spanked so badly in March). However, the so-called champion of equality, Anwar Ibrahim, who has been so keen to tell us about his vision of meritocracy and how he wants to abolish the NEP, had a perfect opportunity to address this issue here, but failed to muster a single word.

Is his silence here an indication of what we can expect from his proposed government?

The same old status quo?

who won?

2008-07-15T23:19:00.003+08:00

Big debate. Historic, some may say.

Who won? Is it not clear already? Your perception of who won really depends on your political affiliation, doesn't it? The blogs on Petaling Street have gone on the offensive, critisizing Ahmad Shabery's personal attacks and his foaming mouth. However, those blokes on Bernama TV have been tearing into Anwar Ibrahim saying his proposals have been very vague and not as detailed as he promised. Even I can't call myself a fair judge on this simply because I cannot accept the notion of a reduction in subsidy.

However, some very relevant thoughts and facts, with a forward apology if I misquote any one of them:

1) Saying you won't engage somebody in a personal attack and then calling him Tokoh Semangat 46 at the end of your sentence is like saying, "I won't resort to personal attacks, you moron"

2) It is easy to say that you are going to reduce reserve capacity from 40% to 20%. Good on you, mate. HOW?!? The curse of the IPPs already exist and their contracts would run for another 7 or 8 years. Are you going to force them to renegotiate their contracts? What message does this send to foreign investors or future investors? That you can sign a contract today and it will be worthless tomorrow with a new government in place?

On that same point, when Ahmad Shabery pointed out that the curse of the IPPs was during Anwar's tenure as Finance Minister and Deputy Prime Minister, Anwar then pushed the blame to Mahathir saying that nobody agreed with it, which was why the then Ani Arope resigned as TNB's head honcho. If Anwar did not agree with it back then, then similarly he should have resigned along with Ani Arope!

3) I know this point was brought up, but I have to mention it here again because that was the first thing that popped into my mind when Anwar said that he proposes a 50 sen reduction. Didn't he say BEFORE the elections that if he won, he would reduce the price of petrol from RM1.92? Why is it that 4 months later, he now proposes RM2.20 - a good 40 sen or 50 sen more than his original proposal? Is that not a consession that the earlier subsidy proposal does not hold water?

4) Anwar Ibrahim claimed that he never asked us to compare our petrol prices with Venezuela. Well, he didn't but his wife did. The day the government announced the petrol hike, his wife, the Opposition leader called a press conference telling us that the price of petrol in Venezuela was 16 sen per litre. They even issued out a table (if you have been on the Internet, I am sure you have seen it) comparing our petrol price with places like Venezuela, Saudi Arabia and Iran.

5) What the are you going on and on about how your BN/UMNO thingamajig is the reason behind Petronas' success? Was Ahmad Shabery confused over the debate topic? Attacking Anwar Ibrahim was relevant (sort of) because he meant to say, look you won't be able to reduce the fuel price tomorrow if you took over today since you could do all that in the past. Fine. But what does that have to do with BN/UMNO? Nothing. Stick to the topic mate.

At the end of the day, the debate only works if either party managed to convince a disbeliever. I don't think either of them suceeded in doing so.

random blog stuff

2008-07-13T21:50:00.004+08:00

Last week, I received a mail from a representative of a local newspaper saying that they wanted to feature my blog. That article would feature me, and me alone. Two years ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity.

These days, however, I wonder why people still want to read this dosh. Yes, once upon a time I used to be femes and shit. I used to get an average 400 hits a day! I don't know what the going average is these days, but back then it was semi-huge. These days, blogs aren't really my thing anymore. Back then most people blogged because it was cool to be famous, even if it was just being famous on the Internet. These days, blogs have evolved into one of two things - you are either using it as a money making tool or a platform to spew your political agenda, or worse, both.

These days, thanks to Nuffnang and Adverlets, a typical blog looks like this:

*picture stolen from Karcy

This blog started off as a ranting tool, hence the less than savoury name. As it got more popular, it became more provocative, sometimes on purpose, sometimes because that was what I genuienely felt. These days, it is more pretentious in its purpose. I somehow feel the need to write the wrongs out there. I sometimes feel the need to correct misperceptions of certain issues.

I have been thinking a lot about how the last few posts I wrote about the fuel hike would have been more effective if I had a bigger audience, and hence would be able to influence more people, but then I realised that I still prefer my semi-anonymous identity. I like that nobody from work knows about this (I HOPE!) and intend to keep it that way.

Which is why I told that newspaper reporter that I would pass on the offer to do a feature article on this blog....

Oh, and some n00b on someblog somewhere was talking about blogger meets. HAHA! Never been for one, never intend to. I think I am still the atas blogger from before, because somethings will never change.

don corleone

2008-07-04T22:02:00.003+08:00

The first proper novel I bought was Mario Puzo's The Godfather. I was in Form 5 and this chick told me that it was her favourite book. And when you are 16, it is compulsory to like the same books and movies that your crush (or girlfriend, or whatever) likes.

But she was right, because till today, it remains my all time favourite book. I have lost count the number of times I have re-read it and re-watched the movie trilogy. I have always maintained that anybody who has not read the book or at least watched the movie ought to be shot.

Anyway, in the book, when the ailing mafia Godfather Vito Corleone hands over command to his youngest son Michael, there is much surprise and dissension among the caporegimes (captains).

He does things that make no sense to his family and the capos . He allows the rival gangs to encroach on his territory and then orders his people not to fight back. When he interrogated a guy he was about to have killed to confirm his guilt, his gang took it as a sign of weakness, since they are the mafia and there should be no questions asked. His men address him by his first name, Michael - indication that they have no respect for his leadership.

His perceived weakness and incompetence led to an outright betrayal by one of his capos who plotted to have him assassinated. But out of the blue, in one swift move, he launched an operation to take out all his enemies and conspirators. In one day, he crippled the operations of all the rival gangs and managed to gain control of organised crime in New York. By sitting quietly and acting like an idiot, he allowed his enemies to be complacent and he managed to weed out the traitor in his family.

This is where I come to the final scene of The Godfather movie, where his men realise that he is a genius after all, and they line up to pledge allegience. He stands there like a Greek God presiding over his worshipers lining up to pay homage. The most senior capo bows, kisses his hand and calls him Don Corleone - the ultimate sign of respect.

The ultimate question over the last few days is...

Is our head honcho a genius like Michael Corleone who sits quietly and allows his enemies to take each other out, or is he really a lame duck?

a socialist story, part 2

2008-06-20T00:17:00.003+08:00

In this second part, there is another article for you to read - certainly more recent that in the first post. Two years on, and it seems that the prediction made in the first article came through. PDVSA continues to struggle while Hugo Chavez continues pouring more money into his 'rakyat'. It doesn't take a genius to realise that when PDVSA has declined so badly to the point that it cannot fund Chavez's charity, his standing amongst the people will decline and he will eventually be replaced, leaving his successor with pretty much nothing to work with.

This is what I am against.

I do not care who runs this country (never liked any of them in the first place), so as long as the guy in charge does not make decisions just to stay popular with the people. Anwar Ibrahim promises to increase the subsidy while Lim Guan Eng wants to give each household earning less than RM6000 a month and extra RM6000 a year. If people don't have enough money, then you create opportunities for them to make money, not give it to them for free.

I think my stand on this is quite clear. But go on and read this, then make your own stand.

Chavez Under Pressure
Stratfor Analysis, 9 June 2008

Venezuelan state-run oil company Petroleos de Venezuela (PDVSA) is up to four months behind in payments to a host of energy industry contractors, El Universal reported June 10. Although the delays officially have been blamed on technical malfunctions, there is some evidence that PDVSA may be at serious risk of financial ruin, spelling grave implications for Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's regime.

PDVSA is the main source of income for the Venezuelan government and the principal financial foundation for Chavez's populist policies. Chavez's reliance on PDVSA to fund his policies is increasing even as inflationary pressures in the Venezuelan economy mount, local elections approach and the government struggles to compensate for system-wide food shortages. If PDVSA's late payments are an indication that the company is faltering, it could seriously shake the country and put the government at risk of losing control.

While PDVSA has been late in paying contractors before, the delays have never been quite this protracted. The official reason is that PDVSA's SAP computer systems program is experiencing unspecified technical difficulties. There is, however, speculation that corruption is exacerbating the situation. PDVSA is also reportedly experiencing very high employee turnover, which has slowed all of the company's processes.

The compromised employee situation began in 2002, when a significant portion of PDVSA's skilled staff was laid off after the company's participation in a coup attempt against Chavez. The move left the company without technically skilled personnel or an accounting department.

Oil production took an immediate hit after the coup attempt. With the company organizationally scrambled, daily production of crude oil fell from an all-time peak of 3.15 million barrels per day (bpd) in 2000 to 2.34 million bpd in 2003, according to estimates by the U.S. Energy Information Administration (EIA). Although PDVSA claims to have raised oil output to pre-coup levels, there is serious doubt as to whether this is true. The EIA, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries and the International Energy Agency all estimate that Venezuela's actual output of crude oil hovers somewhere around 2.4 million bpd. PDVSA's crude upgrading output also dropped by about 200,000 bpd in 2007.

A spike in imports of refined products and inputs is also cause for concern, as the value of purchases spiked from $759 million in the second quarter of 2007 to $1.6 billion in the first quarter of 2008. Part of the increase is most likely due to the rise in global oil prices and is not necessarily an indication of dramatically increased imports of refined products. However, it is yet another sign of weakness and a burden on PDVSA. If PDVSA is rapidly losing the capacity to produce these refined products (necessitating increased imports), it is in trouble.

In the face of declining production, PDVSA is able to invest only a small amount of funds into new exploration and production. The EIA estimates that in order for the company to maintain its level of production, an investment of $3 billion per year is necessary to compensate for lowered production in mature fields. But in the first half of 2007, PDVSA invested only 4.8 percent of revenues, or $2.09 billion, into exploration and production - hardly enough to increase revenue.

Many of the company's capital expenditures have been focused on acquiring stakes in other companies and projects following Chavez's 2007 nationalization campaign, which required PDVSA to hold a majority stake in all Venezuelan energy operations. Such deals give PDVSA a higher percentage of revenues, but also a higher burden of responsibility.

In spite of its reduced production capacity and increased financial burden, PDVSA is largely responsible for the fiscal solvency of the Venezuelan government. PDVSA's financial statements from the first half of 2007 indicate that the company contributed 37.8 percent of total revenues to the state. After taxes and expenses, PDVSA had only 2.1 percent of its revenue left. With such a small surplus, PDVSA has very little wiggle room for adapting to new demands.

Furthermore, PDVSA will not be able to take advantage of spiking global oil prices. A recent change in tax law will increase the tax PDVSA pays per barrel of oil sold. Oil prices had been estimated at $35 a barrel, but actual oil prices averaged $95.84 a barrel; hence, there is an excess of $60.84 a barrel. These additional earnings were used to calculate higher income tax. Some analysts have predicted that unless the global price of oil is at or above $150 per barrel, PDVSA will be in the red.

This is not to say that Venezuela is not taking action to counteract PDVSA's financial difficulties and declining production. A series of deals with foreign governments and companies has brought further investment into Venezuela's energy industry, and several blocks are currently up for auction. However, the flow of investment is gradual , and the demands on PDVSA are increasing.

In addition to covering its own costs and debts, PDVSA is also responsible for a host of social and economic programs that are the basis for many of Chavez's policies, and upon which he relies for public support. These include farming, food production, food distribution and oil industry equipment production. (PDVSA is also in the process of acquiring control of Venezuelan electric utility Corporacion Electrica Nacional.) These policies extend abroad to include foreign oil and general assistance programs in Latin America that have been key to Chavez's foreign diplomatic strategy.

With so many demands on PDVSA, it is perhaps no wonder that the company might be having difficulties making its payments to contractors.

And the political and economic strain Chavez is feeling is ratcheting up the pressure on PDVSA even further. Chavez's recent reversal on two key policies - an authoritarian intelligence law and support for the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia - shows that the president is feeling threatened. With skyrocketing inflation, periodic food shortages and the approach of November local and state elections that will test the United Socialist Party of Venezuela's mandate, Chavez is leaning ever more on PDVSA for financial support for his populist policies.

Chavez's populism is intended to maintain public support and the survival of his regime. But the more he leans on PDVSA to fund his policies, the more Chavez risks shattering the very foundation upon which his kingdom rests

a socialist story, part 1

2008-06-18T00:18:00.003+08:00

It is not often I copy and paste entire articles here.

In fact, this is the first time I am going to copy and paste an entire article here because (1) it is an old article and I lost the link and (2) even if I had the link, you would have to pay to read it.

The following article offers a glimpse of a socialist Venezuela. Whether or not you think the actions of Hugo Chavez below is right is different matter. This article offers a very balanced view, both for the people's point of view as well as their National Oil Company. When I first read this article two years ago, I thought it brilliant and an eye opener that I decided to save it up. And so here I am, sharing it with you at a time where I deem this article extremely revelant.

If you haven't read my previous article, please do so first before proceeding with this. Please do not be the typical Malaysian who says, "Nah, this is happening in Venezuela. It won't affect me". The truth is, this is exactly what certain politicians are proposing we do with our own National Oil Company.

As global demand tightens, oil producer has agenda
Stratfor Analysis, 2 August 2006

Ricardo Coronado, the head of western operations for Venezuela's state-run oil giant, found out the hard way that his job wasn't just overseeing development of one of the world's richest oil regions.

On a recent Saturday, Venezuela's flamboyant leader Hugo Chavez scolded him on national television for failing to appear at a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a school in western Venezuela paid for by Petroleos de Venezuela SA.

"The time is past when the president turned up and PDVSA was off somewhere minding its own business," said Mr. Chavez, who ordered an aide to summon Mr. Coronado. When the hapless executive arrived a half-hour later, Mr. Chavez was still raging, and cut him off before he could defend himself. "There's nothing you can say," the Venezuelan president lectured.

Since Mr. Chavez took power in 1999, he has become PDVSA's de facto CEO, steering the oil company into political, economic and philanthropic ventures that have distracted it from its core business of finding and producing more oil. The consequences for PDVSA are stark: Output has fallen to an estimated 1.6 million barrels a day from nearly 3 million barrels in 1998.

The oil company, the world's third-biggest by most measures, is run along social and political guidelines as much as business tenets. As a result, much of the decision-making involves figuring out new ways to fund Mr. Chavez's pet projects. One of the latest ventures was paying to televise soccer's World Cup for free in Bolivia, a Chavez ally.

Mr. Chavez's geopolitical considerations, and his anti-American bent, also influence the way the company does business. PDVSA has turned away from traditional partners like U.S. major Exxon Mobil Corp. and is doing much more business with state companies from Iran, China and India. This weekend, during a visit to Tehran by Mr. Chavez, Iran pledged to invest $4 billion in two Venezuelan oil fields. The two nations also unveiled a raft of joint ventures, including a refinery in Indonesia.

PDVSA, however, has announced deals and projects in the past that have so far failed to get off the ground, including a proposed South American pipeline.

The company's diminished production has cut world output by more than 1%. That may not sound like a lot, but in a global oil market stretched tight by growing demand, political volatility and hard-to-expand supply, the company's production shortfall has contributed to the run-up in oil prices during the past few years, and is likely to continue to do so.

A recent report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office says that PDVSA's long-term decline in output is a growing energy-security problem for the U.S., which relies on the Andean country as its fourth-biggest oil supplier. Venezuela boasts the biggest oil reserves outside the Middle East, and is much closer to the U.S. market.

Venezuela's production could slide further. Under recent changes by Mr. Chavez, PDVSA will now be in charge of managing the privately run fields in Venezuela, where growing production accounts for roughly a third of the country's total oil output. Mr. Chavez is imposing new rules on the ventures that could hamper their continued growth, such as requiring them to spend part of their budget on social projects.

Nothing is more central to Mr. Chavez's political fortunes than PDVSA, pronounced peh-deh-VEH-za. The oil giant is the source of the money his government lavishes on the poor and, in many ways, his 60% approval ratings. Before the former paratrooper took power, many in Venezuela viewed the company as a fiefdom where oil engineers and technocrats lived comfortably and little was done for the poor.

Under Mr. Chavez, the priorities of PDVSA, which has funded half of government spending for decades, have changed dramatically. The company still hands over a portion of its profits to the government, but it also gets directly involved in poverty alleviation and economic development.

The company must spend at least 10% of its annual investment budget on social programs worth about $1 billion a year. But that figure doesn't include other spending by the oil giant on projects such as building roads and the government's subsidized food program. That kind of economic aid totaled $8 billion last year alone, the company says. Palmaven, the PDVSA unit that oversees social spending, is the company's fastest-growing division.

PDVSA's social focus sets it apart from most oil companies, which try to maximize output and profits. Even most state-run oil companies, which tend to have bloated payrolls, try to mimic private-sector efficiency and focus entirely on the oil business. PDVSA's shift recalls the role that Mexico's state firm Pemex played for decades in trying to spur economic development by providing jobs and building roads.

Such attention to economic development, however, gives the company less time and money to devote to its oil business. It spent just $60 million on exploration in 2004, compared with $174 million in 2001, according to the company's recently published 2004 financial results. That's bad news for Venezuela, where current wells are so old that their output falls at an average rate of 23% a year, forcing the company to drill new wells just to keep production steady.

"The oil industry needs investments in maintenance and expansions," says Domingo Maza Zavala, a central bank director who applauds the company's social mission but also says it should be more efficient.

In a recent report, Gersan Zurita, an oil analyst at Fitch credit-ratings agency, said that PDVSA's "forced disinvestment" for social programs has hamstrung the company's ability to produce oil.

Some of PDVSA's problems can be traced to a devastating strike in late 2002 and early 2003, during which Mr. Chavez sacked about 19,000 employees who opposed his policies. Even though employment is now back to pre-strike levels, output -- which began to recover in the months after the strike -- has since fallen again, suggesting a long-term decline at the company.

PDVSA counters that the company is performing well, and says its daily output is 2.2 million barrels, though most independent analysts and the U.S. government put it at about 1.6 million. The company says it plans to boost production to 4 million barrels a day by 2012. Venezuelan officials also point out that the country's oil exports to the U.S. have remained steady since 2004 at 1.5 million barrels a day.

In some cases, Mr. Chavez has literally taken PDVSA assets and handed them to the poor. The elegant five-story headquarters for PDVSA Servicios, a subsidiary that oversaw communications and technology services for the oil giant, has been turned into the Bolivarian University of Venezuela. The university's 5,000 students get a free ride: tuition, materials, health care and food are paid for by the oil company.

Students and teachers view the campus's marble-lined elevators, expensive artwork and baseball field as evidence that PDVSA's executives lived too cushy a life for a poor nation before Mr. Chavez came to power. As a group of students and teachers play baseball, 36-year-old English teacher Claire Bendahan looks on in approval. "This is socialism in action," she says. "Now our country's oil money is being used for the poor."

At this new PDVSA, job creation -- outside the oil business -- is also in. The company is kicking off a new program to create about 73,000 jobs, including at a paper plant and in ecotourism.

The firm's own hiring is based on social and political goals as much as on talent. Under a new job-placement system, candidates with larger families are given priority because they are viewed as needing jobs more. Those who have been unemployed for longer are pushed to the front of the line, too. This goes for technical and engineering jobs as well as secretarial ones.

Quality and safety have suffered since the strike. Industry executives say PDVSA has botched a number of wells over the past year due to human error. Contractors complain they have to repeatedly send staffing requests before getting properly trained oil hands. Even the National Assembly, where every legislator is from a pro-Chavez party, is alarmed enough that it is investigating whether the new hiring system has excluded more-experienced workers.

Company officials say accidents are in decline compared with 2003, just after the strike. "At first we had some bad stumbles, but the safety side has been improving a lot," says Jorge Luis Sanchez, the head of Venezuela's Enegas natural gas regulatory agency.

Nowhere has the company's decay turned up faster than at PDVSA's massive 1.3 million-barrel-a-day domestic refining network, which suffered more than a dozen plant outages in 2005. In March, two workers died in a blast at the Amuay refinery, the nation's largest. Last month, another explosion and subsequent fire caused extensive damage at a 190,000-barrel-a-day unit at Amuay, sending spot gasoline prices higher in the U.S. Gulf Coast where Amuay ships much of its production.

"Workers are scared," says Oswaldo Caibett, the president of the Fedepetrol oil union. The union filed a complaint with the attorney general's office last year after a deadly refinery fire, accusing management of negligence.

PDVSA refining chief Alejandro Granado recently acknowledged to the local press that accidents at the refining complex are above international standards, and that the company had contracted U.S. chemicals firm DuPont Co. to help it improve safety.

PDVSA's ambivalence about boosting oil production is seen in the shallow waters of the remote Gulf of Paria, where Christopher Columbus first set foot on the South American continent in 1498. U.S. oil giant ConocoPhillips discovered the Corocoro oil field in the area in 1999, and spent the next few years drilling exploratory wells and drawing up a production plan.

But when Conoco was ready to transport a U.S.-made drilling platform to Corocoro in late 2004 to get commercial production started, PDVSA, which has a 35% stake in the project, refused and insisted the company use a locally made platform. That decision set back commercial production by more than a year to early 2007.

"Nowhere else in the world do you have a field with 500 million barrels that just sits there," said an oil executive involved in the project.

PDVSA says that it doesn't want to rely on imported technology and wants to spawn a domestic oil-services industry to compete with the likes of France's Schlumberger Ltd. and U.S.-based Baker Hughes Inc. PDVSA recently announced that any private oil company doing business with the state firm must source a majority of supplies and services in Venezuela.

In the past two years, Mr. Chavez has rewritten the rules of Venezuela's oil industry. In 2004, his government claimed a majority stake in some 32 operating agreements between private companies and PDVSA, which gave the state firm at least a 60% stake in most ventures. This year, he announced similar rules for four heavy-oil projects in the Orinoco region, and is expected to eventually seize operations from two other private ventures not included in the original 32 deals -- among them the Corocoro field.

Soon, any private oil company working in a joint venture with the state firm will be required to spend 3.3% of its local investment budget on social programs. "It's not easy. . . . But there will be no more projects with their backs turned to our reality," Rafael Ramirez, president of PDVSA, told an audience of industry executives in announcing the move in June.

Oil-service companies, which provide platforms, rigs and drilling supplies, must also include a community project, such as low-income housing, as part of their bids for contracts from PDVSA. In addition, the companies must spend up to 5% of the value of each contract hiring local worker-owned service companies to do some of the work.

Some in the oil service industry are pushing back. Todco, a U.S.-based rig supplier, has already sent two of its eight Venezuela rigs back to Houston.

Nevertheless, PDVSA's priorities are focused on bettering the lives of people in the nation's teeming slums. In the seaside town of Catia la Mar, about a half hour drive from the capital, the firm has just built one of 1,000 new community centers it plans to construct across the country. The centers offer living quarters for two doctors, often Cubans, who give locals free medical care. The waiting rooms all have new TVs and DVD players.

A local PDVSA employee organizes residents into a dozen committees, including health, sports and political ideology, which identify local needs and draw up proposals for PDVSA to fund.

The spending goes down well with Yoselin Escobar, a 33-year-old teacher and member of the local education committee, who is trying to convince the oil company to pay a monthly stipend to stay-at-home mothers who look after the children of other working moms. "Thanks to our president, the oil company helps us," she says. "I'm voting for [Chavez] until I die."

I do hope that you appreciated the article, and please feel free to draw your own conclusions from it.

I really want to know what you think here.

fuel hike facts

2008-06-11T21:36:00.002+08:00

Most people have asked me about the fuel hikes and I have explained this scenario to many people, including supporters of the hike, simply because their reasons were wrong. In the past week, I have talked to friends who work for Petronas and Exxon Mobil who don't seem to know how the oil pricing works. Personally, I think those people need to be shot, but that is a story for another day.

People (namely the lying opposition leaders) have been questioning why Malaysia, as a net exporter of oil cannot afford subsidies, since the inflated price of oil should inflate the profits of this country. Being a net exporter of oil is irrelevant in our case for many reasons:

While Wan Azizah may be right about countries like Venezuela selling petrol for RM0.16 per litre, she does not consider many things. Heck, she probably did, but conveniently forgot to tell you guys about it. Theoretically, if the oil from the ground belongs to the people, so you could charge them the cost price for you to extract the oil from the ground, process it, and deliver it to the petrol stations. Personally, I am against this type of socialism (we will come to that later), but THEORETICALLY, it is possible.

However, we have different oil companies operating in this country. You can look at the pump stations and we are spoilt for choice. Shell is the market leader with about 35% of the market share. Petronas holds about 30% of the market share, while the rest are made up of Esso, Mobil, Caltex and BHP. This essentially means that 70% of the money is going to foreign oil companies - which does not make any sense. If Petronas held 100% of the market share, then at least the profits would be pumped back into the government and to the people. In my opinion, what needs to be done is to completely remove all the subsidies and allow all the oil companies to compete in a free market.

Going back to the issue of socialism in Venezuela's case, it would totally depend on which angle you are looking from. From the point of view of the Average Joe on the street, it would be absolutely fantastic to have to pay next to nothing for petrol. Hugo Chavez's populist policies scores him brownie points with his people, but are bad for his national oil company, PDVSA.

What he is doing is essentially what Anwar Ibrahim is proposing we do to Petronas.

When he first came into power, PDVSA was a growing giant with enormous potential. At that time they were producing some 4.5 million barrels per day (bpd) with a growth potential of 6 million bpd (numbers vary depending on which source you believe). When he took power, he channeled a huge chunk of PDVSA's funds into the country, halting a lot of their major projects. Some 20,000 PDVSA staff went on strike to demand Chavez's removal and call for early elections. Chavez responded by sacking each and everyone of them.

No company, no matter how well run can afford to replace 20,000 staff in a blink of an eye, so PDVSA struggled and today, even though they are still churning in billions of dollars of profits, they claim they are producing 3.5 million bpd. OPEC puts their figure closer to 3 million bpd (again, the numbers vary depending on the source, but the point is still the same). And as long as Chavez continues pouring in the money to his social project to gain popularity with his people, the oil company will continue declining until it can no longer contribute toward the nation.

We have seen that very same thing happen with Pertamina, Indonesia's National Oil Company. In the 70's they were huge, contributing to some one fifth of Indonesia's GDP. Years of mismanagement (granted there was a lot of corruption) and populist policies have literally destroyed the company. Up until recently Indonesia was a member of OPEC who wasn't actually an oil exporting country.

We have gas processing plants and oil refineries that are getting older and older and cost more to maintain. Inflation in the industry is bordering on ridiculous. 6 months ago, I purchased a particular item for work for a certain fee. Two weeks ago, I needed the same item for another equipment and I found the price had jumped 60%. The largest oil company in the world, Exxon Mobil posted a $39 billion profit in 2006. Despite the 80% jump in global oil prices, their profits for 2007 increased by a mere 2.5% to $40 billion.

10 years ago in school, we were told that Malaysia only has about 19-20 years of oil left. Today we still have 19 years of oil left in our lands. This is because you keep exploring new areas to look for oil. It is a simple rule of any business that you need to keep reinvesting your profits to sustain your business.

If Anwar Ibrahim does as he proposes, he will be extremely popular in the short term but will destroy this country in the long run.

Update:

I also followed this up with a couple of related articles:

A Socialist Story, Part 1
A Socialist Story, Part 2

Do read them for a better understanding of our dilemma.

fuel hike, part 104215

2008-06-05T15:10:00.006+08:00

I can't decide which is worse:

The Government lying to the people and the uneducated people lapping up their lies

OR

The Opposition lying to the people and the educated people lapping up their lies

Before today, I spent about RM400 a month on petrol. And I believe that that was quite a lot because I frequently commute between Hicksville and KL. I believe the Average Joe with a smaller car than mine (1.6L Waja) who mostly drives to and from work would spend less than myself.

But let's take my expenditure for example:

40% of RM400 = RM160 extra per month

RM160 - RM50 rebate = RM110 extra

If you have problems forking out an extra RM110 (or less) per month, you really have no business driving a car. Whatever happened to living within your means? Funnily enough, the 'friends' of mine who are complaining the most at the ones who must have their weekly dose of RM15 Starbucks coffee, and are more than willing to pay RM2 for a freaking doughnut that doesn't really taste all that great in the first place. That is what is meant by 'changing your lifestyle'.

You read the news and see that there are protests in KL, Ipoh, Penang and Kuching. Why do you urbanites talk as if the world owes you a living? If you people are to be believed and it is the 'poor' who are really suffering, where are they?

Busy earning money to survive I guess.

I find it extremely ironic that Pak Lah's bravest decision and what I feel is the most telling contribution to date would probably be one of the last few things he does. I always think that leaders must make difficult decisions because it is the right thing to do, and not because they are worried they become unpopular.

I can do without a new government full of hypocrites, thank you very much.

ego trip

2008-06-01T23:08:00.006+08:00

Because everything in life can be explained by a quote from House:

GABE: Why did you become a doctor?

HOUSE: That's the big question? I give you complete license to humiliate me and that's the best you can do. Well, okay. Let's discuss the wonder of the human body.

GABE: No, no, no. You're a curious guy. You like to figure things out. Why not go into research? Why work with people when you obviously hate people?

HOUSE: When I was fourteen, my father was stationed in Japan. I went rock-climbing with this kid from school. He fell, got injured and I had to bring him to the hospital. We came in through the wrong entrance, passed this guy in the hall. It was a janitor. Friend came down with an infection and doctors didn't know what to do. So they brought in the janitor. He was a doctor and a buraku; one of Japan's untouchables. His ancestors had been slaughterers, gravediggers. And this guy knew that he wasn't accepted by the staff, didn't even try, didn't dress well, he didn't pretend to be one of them. The people around that place, they didn't think that he had anything they wanted, except when they needed him. Because he was right; which meant that nothing else mattered, they had to listen to him.

House MD - Season 3, Episode 7 : Son of a Coma Guy

Because there is no bigger ego trip than to be proven right over a diagnostic that nobody came even remotely close to guessing.

i am all for transparent government, but are you?

2008-05-14T23:26:00.005+08:00

One of the most dissapointing results of the recent General Election was the fact that a particular bloke near my area became MP. I think I mentioned enough times in my numerous posts before and after the elections that I don't really care much for any political party, but I am particular on the person that is supposed to represent my best interests.

Which is why when Loh Gwo Burne won the Parliamentary seat for Kelana Jaya, I flipped out. This was a boy whose only previous contribution to the nation was 'accidentally' videotapping a guy talking on the phone. This was a wannabe politician who was unable to vote for himself because he wasn't a registered voter who obviously did not care about his democratic duties until given the PKR ticket.

I berated everybody I knew who voted for this moron, because the obviously cut off their nose just to spite their face. But people said, Hey give him a chance...he might do something useful, you know. When I read his question for the parliament about disabled people, I was somewhat impressed because it was a good question.

However, today's news got me boiling all over again over this idiot:

Loh: A lot more to Lingam clip

KUALA LUMPUR: The VK Lingam video clip shown to the Royal Commission of Inquiry is only some 20% to 30% of what was recorded that night at the prominent lawyer’s house in December 2001.

Somewhere in China, there is a disk containing the complete recording of what Loh Gwo Burne videotaped, separated into segments named VK1, VK2 and others. Most of what was made public was from the first segment of VK1.

"I downloaded the video from my private computer into several hard disks and compact discs. When I went to work in China in 2004, I took it along," Loh told The Star.

"The disk is still there. The rest of the videos contain, among other things, other telephone conversations between Lingam and the other person on the phone, as well as conversations Lingam had with my father.

"What has been made public is only about 20%-30% of what I filmed," Loh said.
.....

Asked what he wanted to do with the copy in China, Loh replied: "Nothing at the moment. Eventually, when I find it, I will give it to the relevant authorities if required."

.....
Asked why he gave a copy to Manjit Singh, Loh said that at that time in 2001 both Manjit Singh and Lingam were acting for his family over some legal matters.

"Manjit Singh had been displeased with Lingam over some payment issues. I passed the CD to him because at that point we were also not happy with the services provided by Lingam because there were many postponements to my family’s case," said Loh
(Source)

So, there's a lot more to that tape, huh?

And you didn't think that the Royal Commission needed to know that? You didn't think to mention that earlier when you were in court, did you? Why only open your mouth today? No real need to ransack your house in China to look for the 'missing' 80% is there?

I am all for frying the corrupted people involved in this scandal. But how about this guy who took the video in 2001 but kept quiet about it all this time? His statement that "I passed the CD to him because at that point we were also not happy with the services provided by Lingam" is surely the most crystal clear case of blackmail ever. If he knew it was a crime back then, why didn't he come forward then?

It is clear that the tape was released to coincide with the general elections to show people how corrupt the government apparently was. Perhaps we should wait till the next general elections before this imbecile decides to release the other 80% of the tape.

Would somebody like to have a chat with the Pakatan Rakyat people about transparency?

what has the world come to?

2008-05-01T23:34:00.005+08:00

For the 70 or so people who still bother to read the dosh that I churn out ever so irregularly, hello there! I have been on leave for the whole week, and have been doing nothing except sitting home watching tv, playing PS3 and er...playing golf.

Yes, if you didn't already know. I do play golf. But I do benefit from the fact that I have never ever dissed it in my life, so at least that absolves me from being called a hypocrite.

Oh, and the taxes! Why hasn't anybody been bitching about the tax season? Come on, people! What is wrong with you?! You are Malaysians! You are supposed to be complaining about everything! Especially about things you have to fork out money over! Tax season came and went and nobody said anything?! How can?! What has the world come to?!

Speaking of what the world has come to, you know something fishy is going on with the Grand Dude in the Sky when a Chelsea vs Liverpool game is more exciting than Manyoo vs Barcelona. Utter madness!

But back to the taxes. Did anybody file their taxes the stoneage way? I did! I don't like all those online stuff. I still physically go to banks and pay my utility bills at the post office. Just like an old man. If you actually went to the tax office, I don't know about you guys but I was fucking impressed! Government servants working so efficiently! Never!

Those guys did a fantastic job, polite and courteous to the last! The lady at the photocopy machine even sembang with me! An efficient civil service! Whoah.........so proud of those fellas!

I know the cynics out there would be like...it's their job! Well, tell me if you would get pissed at this particular female specimen who brings you her Borang BE to check:

Miss, I am sorry. You have to re-do this.
WHY?!
Firstly, Miss, you cannot use liquid paper.
Eeyer!
And then Miss, you cannot use blue pen. Must use black pen.
HAH!?!? Why you all never tell one?!?
*patiently turns to the front page*
See here Miss, it says in bold, "JANGAN LIPAT DAN SILA GUNAKAN PEN DAKWAT HITAM"
Oh.

And what is it that I hear Mahathir has a blog. What the fuck is going on man?! Since when did blogs become so powerful?! Okayla, since I have been blogging for more than 4 years, I think I know what I am talking about rite. So here's a trade secret:

BLOGS ARE AN OVERHYPED PROPAGANDA TOOL THAT IS REALLY AS POWERFUL AS TONGKAT ALI.

That is to say that it helps, but only very very little. So little that it actually makes no impact on your performance. And if your wang is in really bad shape in the first place, tongkat ali is useless.

Seriously.

Please consider the fact that the Grand Mullah of blogs in Malaysia gets some 15,000 hits a day while Papa Smurf gets some 7,000. Coconut Man gets 20,000 hits. Fellas, that is how big the Malaysian Internet is okay.

NOT BIG AT ALL!

To all those morons who told you that blogs were the major factor in the election results, please don't kid yourself. You lost because you sucked, and you won because the other fella sucked more than you.

Which then brings us to the point I made the other day. Apa benda bigfoot monkey ni? Come on la. You idiots were elected represent people. Act with class and tact, can or not? Show some elitism, can or not?

Our elections are kinda like American Idol, no? You have a bunch of semi-talented misfits being voted into the limelight by a bunch of clueless rakyat. Please la. You people see what you did? You put morons in the Parliament. Think about it: If Brother Anwar b Ibrahim actually comes good on his word to form the gomen, what position in the cabinet would Karpal Singh get?

I leave you with this gem of a quote from House, because everything in life can be explained with a quote from House:

Cuddy: "Tell me, if it is your aim to sell me the same crazy idea as that House does, how are you an improvement on House?"
Foreman: "I...brought you a coffee?"
House MD, Season 2: Failure to Communicate

earth day

2008-04-24T23:00:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow would be the 48th consecutive day of work. After that, a long deserved rest. I have never, ever worked harder in my life. If my school teachers were to see me today, they would eat their shoes. I still remember one of them telling my mum at report card day, "Your son is damn bloody lazy".

It was World Earth Day the other day, and while there had been many initiatives to save the planet, most of them were plainly not feasible or just purely misinformed.

Someone on the radio said that she pledged to reduce her electricity consumption. Instead of sleeping with the air-cond, she promised to sleep with the fan. My manager, in our weekly department prep talk, tried to encourage us to cut electricity consumption. I told him that it was futile.

Less you forget, this is Malaysia, where the IPPs own you. It doesn't matter if every single Malaysian stops using electricity for one day. The IPPs will burn hydrocarbons to generate electricity and force sell it to TNB anyway. So for those of you who can't sleep without the air-cond, take solace in the fact that your actions makes no difference to the environment. But hey, we are here to talk about the environment and not the IPPs.

However, you could stop driving and take the freaking public transport if you work in downtown KL. There isn't a place in the Golden Triangle that you can't get to using the public transport and less than 10 minutes walk, so there should really be no excuses.

But who am I to say, eh? I eat sharks, terrapins and pretty much anything that moves. And because of that, me talking about saving the environment is hypocritical as hell.

Oh wait a minute...there are loads of those hypocrites around aren't there?

the chronicles of hicksville - going boozing, part 2

2008-04-07T23:11:00.003+08:00

Part 1: The Adventure

The Dodgiest Bar, Ever

After that little adventure of mine, I gave it some thought and figured that after about 2 years in this hicktown, it was time to go out and actually start looking for bars to go to. See the world, know what goes on in your neighbourhood. I think things like these are important in shaping your outlook of life.

So it was a Saturday night, and while Saturday nights usually means PARTEEEE for most people, my project was still going on and I had to work the next day. I had initially planned on watching a movie and then later going home to crash. But as I walked out of the cinema hall feeling unamused by way I had spent the last 2 hours (10,000 BC. Don't watch that crap), I decided to go out looking for nice bars to go to.

I knew of a particular club, but I also knew its reputation as a fengtau joint and I wasn't really in the mood for that kind of music. Come to think about it, I will never be in the mood for that kind of music. So, cruising around in my (mud stained) Proton, I finally found a bar in a back street somewhere.

It was 10.30pm, early by Malaysian standards. Too early in fact. When I walked in, there were two corner tables that were occupied, one of which was a table of very scantily clad girls. And I stress - girls, not women. I headed straight for the bar and ordered a Heineken. The fact that the bar did not have any bar stools annoyed me a little, so I was forced to pick a table and have a seat.

I was facing the pool table and the TV (I think House was on) and started drinking my beer, wondering when people would start coming in. At the pool table was a rather foxy girl, no older than 19, with a dress that her mother wouldn't approve off. Her playing partner looked like a schoolboy, but after 5 minutes, I realised it was one of the most boyish girls I have seen.

But the real story was when I got my drink. Immediately, two girls from the earlier mentioned table came over and sat next to me. One on either side. However, instead of being normal human beings trying to make social contact with an alien species, they sat next to me in a room full of empty tables and chairs, and just kept quiet, seemingly waiting for me to make the first move.

I have to admit that I am no party animal, at least not in this country, and certainly not in this town. But I knew of places in London before, strip joints, to be exact, where women would come up and talk to you and then later you would get a nice hefty bill for their services. When you consider the fact that Oprah makes as much as she does just by talking rubbish, I suppose paying women a 100 times more attractive than Oprah to talk to you doesn't sound that bad a deal if you need company.

Still, I would rather talk to myself than to pay some random girls, one of whom wasn't even hot. And what bothered me was that they sat at my table, next to me and didn't say a word. 5 minutes pass and I alternate between catching glimpses of Cuddy's ass on the TV and pool girl's ample cleavage. Oh, and the booze as well. Still the my two companions haven't uttered a word and have started playing with their phones.

Now, people who know me know that I don't smoke and in fact can't stand the smell of cigarettes, except when I drink because the taste of smoke mixed with alcohol forms the most pleasing sensation on your tongue. And of course, not forgetting that the combined sins of boozing and smoking increases your coolness factor ten-fold.

And since this was the first time I went drinking alone (I usually steal people's cigarettes), this was the day I bought my first pack of cigarettes. I got up all of a sudden, walked to the bar and asked for a pack of Mild Seven. It was the only brand they had. The barman didn't have a light, so I went back to my seat and asked the first of my companions who turned to watch me take my seat for a light. She said she didn't have one, but asked me for the fag anyway.

I gave her a stick, and watched as she took it in her mouth, walked over to a bunch of guys (who had just walked in 5 minutes before that and also had two female companions join them not too long after) and asked the guys for a light. She got it, took a puff, came back to my table where she took the stick out of her mouth and gave it to me.

You couldn't pay me enough to smoke that stick, especially since I can only guess the things that have been inside that mouth. And speaking of which, as I am writing this, remind me NEVER to share a straw with any of my female friends. Especially those who are sexually active. Thinking about it actually gives me shivers down my spine.

Anyway, I light another stick from the lighted stick she gave me, and gave her the cigarette for her troubles. She took it and continued the silent treatment. Another group of AhBengs walk in, and immediately another two girls from the infamous table go up to them and sit at their table. Whether the bar employs these girls, or whether they are self employed is beyond my knowledge of night life.

After being at the bar for a mere half an hour, I decide that I have seen enough, finish my beer and get out of there. The minute I pay my bill, the two girls get up from their seats and rejoin their colleagues at the infamous table.

The night was still young. I hadn't seen enough...

Next: The one night stand

the chronicles of hicksville - going boozing, part 1

2008-04-03T22:10:00.004+08:00

The Adventure

As of today, I have been working for 26 consecutive days, stuck on a major project that is expected to run for another 15 days. In my recent performance review, my boss called me 'hardworking' which is weird because I have never ever been called hardworking. My teachers in school would laugh if they ever heard someone describe me as hardworking.

I haven't been back home since the Elections, so I haven't been able to see if there are any changes. I doubt it, since the MP near my area is a moron of the highest order. But let's leave the silly politics aside and let me get back to my story.

Being where I am, the majority of my friends are Malays and mostly devout fellas. Since I moved to Hicksville, I have never been out for a booze, since I don't know anybody who boozes here, nor do I know the good pubs. But leading a project for 20 odd days straight can be stressful, so the other day, on a particularly long day at work, I decided to get some whisky.

I didn't know where to go, so I headed to the first logical place - the biggest hotel in the city. I heard from some contractors that the hotel had a pretty nifty bar since it was quite a popular tourist spot and since the expatriate community headed there a lot. It didn't matter that it was a Wednesday night and it didn't matter that it was only 9 pm.

By Malaysian standards, 9 pm is early, which never really made sense to me. In the UK, people used to go out boozing as early as after dinner (I have seen people stone drunk at 7.30pm) and then get home around 10 or 11pm just in time for bed so that they can wake up for work the next day. Over here, if you told people you were going clubbing at 9 pm, they would call you crazy. Maybe you clubbing folks can humour me why the need to start at 11 and finish at 3?

Anyway, the bar was pretty empty when I walked in so I headed for the bar-top, took a seat and ordered my drink.

Double shot of Jamesons on the rocks.

The bartender was pretty good. Not too much ice that diluted the whisky and not too little that it was still warm. There was a live band playing in the background. They were kids, not a day over 20, but they were pretty darn good. And so I sat there, enjoying my drink, thinking about this adventure of mine.

It's an adventure because I think it freeing to have the cojones to waltz into a bar alone, sitting there alone with your drink like a depressed alcoholic would and not giving a shit what all the insecure people think about you. I figured, when I found my hangout joint, I would waltz in one busy Friday night, order a bottle of what-ever, plonk it on my table and start drinking. The theory is, when you do that, people will come over just to talk to you.

But that was the plan for another day...

Next: The Dodgiest Bar, Ever

six word memoir

2008-03-16T01:02:00.005+08:00

Everyone has a story. Can you tell yours in six words?

This was a challenge put up by one Larry Smith on his website. He asked readers to submit a 6 word memoir of themselves. Six words. No more, no less. The sheer popularity of it spawned a book, very aptly named Not Quite What I Was Planning.

These were among the best I have seen:

Found true love, married someone else.

Married for money, divorced for love.

Never really finished anything, except cake.

Married twice but never knew love.

Waited for years, now too late.

I am great but not modest.

Like Charlie Brown, not as popular.

"Barrister, barista, what's the diff, Mum?"

My personal tragic favourite is "For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn." If you didn't get it the first time around, re-read it.

I like that it is personal. Only you can really understand what it means. Most people will try to generalise and take a stab at you, and even think that they understand where you are coming from, but that is where the fun is. I like that you tend to filter out everything and write only the most important event of your life, or in some cases, the most recent big event.

I have been thinking about what my six word memoir would be, but so far I have not come up with anything that I am happy with. There are a few candidates, "Lives in Hicktown, always bored stiff"or "Genius misunderstood, arrogance understated, perpetually bored" and "Many regrets, none worth crying over." When I do decide on a good one, I'll post it here.

But till then...What is your six word memoir?

72 hours after the tsunami...

2008-03-12T23:27:00.002+08:00

...and the in-house fighting has already begun. New dawn? HAHAHAHA!

Quick, show of hands! Who was surprised?!?

No?

Oh, you mean you didn't expect it? If you didn't expect it, you really are a moron.

I was telling everybody who wanted to listen on Monday that the Perak MB issue will blow up in everybody's face.

I was laughing when I heard this friend of mine voted the 'alliance' without knowing that his precious DAP wouldn't get to put one of their guys as the Menteri Besar because of his skin colour. That's all fine, this is Malaysia and we all accept that. Except that I think the party with the most seats should have the right to have one of their guys as the head honcho. Oh, but except for the other fact that that party does not have any Malay dudes in it. So much for Saudara Anwar's anti-racial politics stance, eh?

And then Old Man Lim goes and pisses off his fan club by saying that DAP will boycott the swearing in ceremony of the new Chief Minister. One of the gem comments (before his site crashed by being lynched by the stupid Internet herd) was this bloke saying that this was his first and will be his last time voting for DAP because he regrets thinking they could bring a change.

Can you spell F-I-C-K-L-E??

I tell you, it pains me to see my country ripped apart by stupid politicians, past and present. But it sure is an awesome feeling knowing that I am right and I can go around telling all the idiots out there, "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Brace yourself. It's going to be a rocky few months. You ain't seen nothing yet.

election aftermath

2008-03-09T13:50:00.005+08:00

Wasn't that a shocker?

Last night, Manyoo and Chelsea both lost their FA Cup matches to less popular opponents. Although Liverpool will tell you that Barnsley are not inferior in anyway, and the signs were there for Chelsea, nobody would have bet their life on it. Of course in Chelsea's case you could blame arrogance and complacency, coupled with an incompetent manager, but there was still no excuse. It makes for an exciting season finale in the Premier League and the next few months will be crucial.

Last night's other results ran pretty much along the same lines as our favourite national sport – the one in which we love so much, but the same one that pains me to see our incompetency taking centre stage.

Samy had to go. That much was clear. At one point Khairy and Rafidah were losing but nobody would have missed them anyway. Koh Tsu Koon and Chew Mei Fun's respective losses were debatable, although credit has to be given to their formidable and qualified opponents. However, some of last night's results were just unacceptable.

Someone sounded very happy when she told me Sharizat lost. I wonder if these people know what they are talking about. Sharizat had done more for the disabled community than all of her predecessors combined. For her to lose to a girl whose only purpose is to act as proxy for her father is bordering on ridiculous. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in giving a big round of applause for Malaysian Nepotism at its finest.

However, even more ridiculous is the victory of PKR’s Loh Gwo Burne in Kelana Jaya – a boy whose only contribution to the country so far was to accidentally tape a video of an Indian bloke talking on the phone 6 years ago and release it 6 months before the elections. Ladies and gentlemen, another round of applause please. This time, give it up for Malaysian Transparency!

This goes to shoot down any theory that people vote the person and not the party. You could have put a donkey under the opposition banner yesterday and people would still have voted the donkey. And for that, I would like to congratulate the thousands of fickle minded people who voted to take out an idiot and put a bigger idiot in his place. You may hate one party all you like and love the other party to bits, but there has to be a sensible and rational line that needs to be drawn. Did you even know that Loh Gwo Burne wasn't even a registered voter? And you people put him in the Parliament!! Congratulations, you guys cleverly cut off your nose just to spite your face.

What's most interesting now is to see how things pan out in MCA and Gerakan, and more importantly, MIC. The idea put forward to me a couple of days ago by one of my friends was quite simple. In essence, in order to keep yourself on the right track, you need a strong opposition. However, you also need powerful and convincing allies. The point was not that BN was too powerful prior to Saturday. The problem was that UMNO was too powerful and had started ignoring their allies. MCA and MIC leaders turned into nothing short of being yes-men because they knew that if they didn’t toe along, they would be crushed. What we really needed was an MCA and MIC that was equally as strong as UMNO.

What happened yesterday was that both MCA and MIC were indeed crushed, but crushed by opponents didn't expect. So what we are left with now is a very bruised BN with UMNO emerging the least weakened among the 3 major allies. Yes, in their place, DAP and PKR would voice their objections, even more strongly than MCA and MIC could ever dream off. But when you have a hard head in power, persuasive friends are always more effective and can gain more in-roads than an irritating rival.

What ideally needed to happen was DAP and PKR to win outright, but that was never going to be possible due to their lack of ambition from the start. The fact that the duo won 3 states as opposed to their target of just 1 is indication enough of how far they could have gone if they put in more effort in the other states. What is worrying now is that there is a real possibility that a bruised BN (or UMNO, depending on how you see it) is forced to elect ministers even more incompetent than the current bunch, and that there are now no real allies to keep them in their place. Let's just hope that the opposition, with all their voice now is powerful enough to keep BN in line. Otherwise, we would find ourselves in a position much worse than we started off in.

Another equally interesting thing to watch out for is to see how PKR governs Selangor. This is more interesting than Penang because it was totally out of the blue and the opposition wouldn't in their wildest dreams have thought of winning Malaysia’s most developed state. What are their plans? Would the federal government starve the Selangor government of money the same way they did with Kelantan and Terengganu?

But what annoys me the most out of all this is that petrol prices are probably going to remain as they are for quite a while. In this 'new era', we need leaders who can make decisions which are unpopular but correct. The elections are over. The popularity contest can stop now. I don’t care what Anwar Ibrahim said in his pre-election speeches, this economy cannot sustain itself for long if we continue unnecessary wastage through ridiculous subsidies.

Think about this. You walk into a petrol station and fill up your gas tank. You then walk into the station’s convenience store and buy a can of Coke. The 325ml can of Coke costs RM1.20, which works out to roughly RM3.70 per litre. Ridiculously, you paid RM1.92 for a litre of petrol. Imagine that!! A can of Coca-cola costs more than a can of refined petrol! We are willing to pay more for gassy sugared water than we are willing to pay for an unrenewable energy source!

So now we have a bunch of leaders who have been burned and are too afraid to anger the people anymore. On the other side of the fence, we have a bunch of leaders who got there on the promise that they would make petrol the same price as a bottle of Spritzer.

Well done lads. Long live democracy, eh?

Everybody seems to be celebrating in this 'new' Malaysia. Change has occured, they say. What change? For better or worse? There is work to be done. Don't celebrate just yet.

monkey or no monkey?

2008-03-07T22:50:00.003+08:00

I just arrived back in PJ from the kampung.

I suppose it won't come as a surprise, but I still haven't decided whether I should vote the dacing, the penis, or the monkey. Last night I read a rather convincing article in favour of the penis, but over lunch somebody else made a very good point about the dacing. And while driving home in the torrid rain, I kept thinking that I should stick to my instincts and vote the monkey.

When I got home, I heard that there was a ceramah near my place, so I figured that I could give these buggers another chance to convince me. I didn't even know which party was conducting the ceramah until I got there. There was that Nathaniel Tan bloke speaking there in front of a relatively small crowd.

Was I impressed?

Not a single bit.

I was there for half an hour and he spent the better part of 25 minutes talking about how bad BN was. I think I have bored myself (and you people) half to death about this, but it really bugged the shit out of me. I went there hoping that someone could tell me why I should vote them, but instead Nat gave me 100 reasons why I should not vote BN.

He did give 1 reason though:

BN does not keep its promise. I will tell you now. You vote for us tomorrow on the 8th. If we win, on the 9th we will reduce the price of petrol immediately!! But if you don't vote us and we don't win, how can you say we don't keep our promise? We have no power to do anything about it!!

*crowd cheers, albeit not very enthusiastically*

5 minutes later...

....vote for us!! We must deny BN their two-thirds majority!!

Eh friend. You kidding me or what? So you want to win or you want to deny two-third majority? If you wanna deny majority then why you make a promise that IF you win, you will destroy our economy by subsidizing petrol even further?!? You already know you won't win outright, so why are you making promises on the assumption that you will?

There were a lot of other ridiculous things being said, but I think you get my point that they are lying morons. The rain was getting heavier, so I went off and tried to find a dacing ceramah that I could go to.

I stopped at one of the dacing election booths and asked them where the nearest ceramah was. Apparently, there wasn't any going on tonight. Imagine that. The night before the elections and they slack off? No need to campaign any more? A sure victory?!? The guy at the booth told me that they finished the campaigning this afternoon. Lazy buggers! I wasn't expecting any big names! I just wanted to hear what the bugger in my constituency had to say!

Heh.

So it's the monkey then?

vote the monkey

2008-03-05T21:36:00.002+08:00

Is it fair to say that Malaysians in general aren't too fond of their principles?

Why is it so hard to understand that you are supposed to vote someone you believe in, not someone who is the lesser of two evils?

Why is it that when I ask someone to give me one good reason why I should vote a particular party, they name me 10 other reasons why I shouldn't vote the other party?

Why don't you people realise that those two options aren't the same?

Why can't people understand that you actually have another option of sticking to your guts instead of selling your ass just to TRY something new?

Why is it considered a 'waste' to spoil my vote intentionally when at the end of the day, they do count the number of spoilt votes as well?

Why do ALL politicians make promises they can't keep?

Why do people keep buying those promises, just because someone else offers them?

Why do young voters think that they are so special?

Why do people think it is such a big crime if other people don't want to vote?

Why is voting considered a requirement to be a "good citizen"?

If I spent the day at an orphanage instead of a polling station, does that make up for "not doing my duty"?

Why is it that in the whole blogosphere, there is only one good blog commenting about the elections?

police karma

2008-03-02T22:53:00.002+08:00

Do you guys remember this awesome story about the first and the last time I tried to bribe a cop?

The other day, while driving back to Hicktown, I was pulled over by another cop because one of my brake lights was not working. Instead of the normal stalling and asking for reasons, this guy asked for my driver's license and straight away started writing me a ticket. I had to pay a RM70 saman, but it was my fault and I was happy with the way he went about doing things.

On Friday night, I was back in PJ in my parents' house. Somewhere around 12.30am, while I was busy kicking ass on my PS3, my mum said she heard something or someone crawling on the ceiling. At first we suspected it was a rat or one of those pesky cats, but the sound grew louder and louder.

Fearing the worse, we decided to call the police and ask them to check it out. The call was frustrating in a way, since they had to keep transferring you. When you dial 999, you have to tell the operator what service you want and then he will transfer you to either the ambulance service, the police or the fire department. In this case, we were transferred over to the KL headquaters. After that, they transferrred us to the PJ headquaters before finally transferring the order to the police station nearest my house. We were later advised that we should always note down and if possible, memorise the phone number of the police station closest to your house since it would be the fastest way. Of course, if you forget, there is always the 999 option.

Anyway, my mum put down the phone, the sound on the roof was getting louder and louder and so we switched on all the lights and locked up the dog while waiting for the police to arrive. And you wouldn't believe it, because as soon as we did all that, they arrived.

THREE MINUTES.

That's how long it took them to arrive on scene. 3 minutes after we hung up the phone, they were ringing our doorbell. You know what I think?

I have very good karma with the police. I have never had a bad thing to say about them (except curse them for not being corrupt in the Genting story) because they never gave me a reason to. Every encounter I had with them, they did their job and they did it well. When my mum's bag was snatched, the officer was polite and understanding. This is why I really believe in karma. When you have faith in people and when you don't diss them unnecessarily, you will find that they usually won't dissapoint you.

So stop your complaining and whining. Don't be like that kinkylittleshitfairy who bribes a cop and then complains about being 'forced' to do so, or that kennysia bloke who bribed a cop and then happily tells the world that 'it's normal'.

Oh, turns out my neighbour was also awoken by the ruckus on the roof. When the police climbed both our roofs to check it, they found a freaking musang. In the middle of a housing area. A freaking fox.

But still, kudos to Officer Hasrul and his team for the extremely prompt response. I didn't get the names of the other guys because they had to rush off to another place, but that experience would stay with me for a long time.

so who you vote?

2008-02-19T23:26:00.002+08:00

Election fever is really beginning to show. We are contemplating postponing the start of a project till after the elections so that everybody can go home and vote. The flags have started flying, especially in this kampung town where I am.

I think I have said enough about the state of the political parties in this country and how voting for any of them is nothing more than being between the devil and the deep blue sea. Enough about me moaning about how the government seems to be screwing things up and the opposition definitely not being strong enough run the country. When you are standing in front of the voting slip on election day and you don't know who to vote, there's always the option of drawing a monkey and marking an 'X' next to it.

I watched one of Barack Obama's speeches on CNN the other day was absolutely enthralled. I watched him talk for 10 minutes and I was totally drawn into his propaganda. He hypnotised me with his elocution skills and for that brief moment in time, I actually believed IN him, never mind that I have nothing to do with the US Elections. I told my friend this story and she asked me if he was talking about "giving power to the minority" since he was black himself.

I can't say that I follow the American presidential race very closely, but I understand that both him and Hillary Clinton have made it very clear in a few of their speeches that they hoped they would win the nomination, not because they were a woman/black but because the voters believed in them and trusted their abilities. In short, Obama refused to make it a racial issue, while Clinton refused to make it a gender issue.

And this is where we Malaysians FAIL big time. We ask for meritocracy, but many a time I have heard the Chinese complain that they will never see a Chinese Prime Minister. I always have the same response. Instead of asking that our Prime Minister be of a certain skin colour, how about asking for a competent and clean one instead?

We score top marks in the hypocrisy section when we ask for equal rights as Malaysians. We ask to be treated equally and abolish special rights given to certain Malaysians. But when the elections come around, you have people like Hindraf complaining that the government didn't do enough for the Indians. The Chinese go on and on about their ridiculous Chinese school demands.

I have been telling everybody for ages that democracy doesn't work. Not in this country anyway. Democracy works under the assumption that each and every voter has all the facts and can make rational and informed decisions. Not a chance in hell that is going to work. Not when you have citizens who vote a party just because they repair your village dirt road 2 months before the elections. Not when you have citizens who vote a party because they were told there are religious consequences in the afterlife if they didn't.

Giving power to the citizens just because they have a vested interest in the country is like giving power to 500 000 factory workers in Vietnam and asking them to vote somebody to be the CEO of Nike. In the corporate world, there is a Board of Directors who make decisions like that. These are people who are undoubtedly capable and competent in their own right. These are people who can make informed decisions.

In Malaysia we have The Council of Rulers, our very own permanent Board of Directors. Why are the Sultans powerless? Screw democracy and power to the people. If this model works in all the biggest companies in the world, why can't this model work for a nation? Is management in the corporate world so different from the outside world?

I am actually keen to know whether people choose to vote the party or the person. I actually do have a peeve with most of the people I meet who say that they are sick of the way things are and are willing to vote for ANY opposition because they are desperate for change. I reckon that is the stupidest thing anybody can do.

Look, if you support the opposition, vote for them by all means. If you believe in them, if you believe in their abilities then yes, support them all you like. But don't vote for them just because you want something different. How can you buy into something you have no faith in? Similarly, if you think the current government is doing a good job, then go for it. Re-elect them. But don't do it just because you don't like the particular opposition party.

When I was young, I couldn't understand why there were so many spoilt votes. I always wondered how people could be so stupid to not understand that they have to mark a simple 'X' next to the person they liked. Now I know why they did it. I think most of the spoilt votes came from people who didn't like either of the options they were provided and wanted to voice their opinion.

Honestly, it seems like a pretty good option at the moment.

it's my year

2008-02-12T19:55:00.000+08:00

Sorry late ah.

Happy New Year! Happy Rat Year!

Now, I am not one for reading into horoscopes and zodiacs and what-have-yous but someone dropped a bombshell on me over New Year dinner and told me that I am Chinese, and am therefore superior with superior believes and traditions. But never mind the dude that choses to suck his own dick. Never mind also if you didn't understand that rant.

Oh, to those of you who didn't get any SMS from me wishing you a Happy Chinese New Year, that's because I got tired of personally typing people their individual greeting and then not even having them reply with a word of thanks. This year rather, I replied everybody who sent me a greeting and typed each one of them a personal message.

Back to where I was, it's supposed to be MY year isn't it? It should be good, no? I have plans for this year - career wise, and all the other stuff too. Executing them would not be easy, but I reckon it's all about stuffing up the cojones. In many ways, in many things, I have to insist that a lot of things are done my way.

It's my year, isn't it?

In the gambling front, I spent 3 solid days playing Texas Hold 'Em, where the highlight was fighting back from having 2 chips left to winning 40 bucks in that round. It helped that in the final hand, my uncle had a Queen full house and threw in all his money. With a pair of hidden Kings and another pair on the table, I kicked ass.

It's my year, alright.

I was supposed to be on leave this whole week for a much needed break. Usually, I go camping every New Year. I had frogs last year and went fishing in Kenyir the year before. This year, however, we couldn't go because we got word that it was raining heavily at the camping place and it would make our 4WD expedition impossible. So, I sat home and played with my spanking new PS3 all day long. But then, I got a call earlier today from my boss asking that I cut my leave short because of a work emergency. So back to work and no more bumming around!!

It really is my year.

of randomness

2008-01-31T22:29:00.000+08:00

This buddy of mine complained about work just now. Actually, most of my buddies seem to complain about work. Am I the only happy chappy around?!? The dude in question was complaining about his incompetant boss.

I never quite understand why people complain about their bosses being dumbasses. It may help that in all my jobs since I was 17, I have always been able to get along with all my bosses. And I certainly don't think it has anything to do with my (non-existant) people skills.

Anyways, I would have thought that having a moron for a boss would be a good thing because it would be easier to look good. Complaining that your boss if a moron means you think you are better than the dude, in which case he probably depends on you a lot. And surely it is good that people depend on you a lot?

And secondly, I once heard this awesome retort from someone. Why are you complaining about your boss? Him being your boss means that somewhere along the line he did something right in his career. Fine, you may say he kissed a lot of ass and sucked a lot of dick to get to where he is, but the fact that he earns more than you for doing less work (according to you) trumps the fact that you think you are smarter than he is.

As House would say, "Reasons don't matter. Results do."

What is up with random people calling themselves entrepreneurs? Let's clarify things, alright. You have a shitty product over the Internet. That was pretty much the same thing as me selling art blocks at 50 cents a piece when I was in Standard 4. And I didn't call myself an entrepreneur, dammit.

Young entrepreneur my ass la. Sitting at home banging balls in front of your computer does not make you a businessman. It just makes you a slacker who is too lazy to go out and get a real job and actually contribute to society.

A lot of people are not looking forward to Chinese New Year. It is much simpler for me. Chinese New Year for me means I usually get to go back to my natural habitat in a jungle somewhere, sleep under the stars and eat frogs.

However, this year, I MIGHT have to go back to work on the 3rd day of New Year. No, you didn't read that wrong. Yes, I know it is a Saturday. What to do, right? You gotta do what you gotta do.

Finally, please go watch Rambo.

Unlike the Cloverfield bullshit, this one actually entertained me.

cloverfield

2008-01-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

Before I start, allow me to clarify that there aren't any spoilers here.

The reason there aren't any spoilers here or anywhere else on the Internet is because there is nothing to spoil. The marketing team was given a lot of credit for the viral marketing strategy it used. Watch this movie and it is easy to see why. There are no big stars and the writers don't quite get the concept of a 'plot'.

This officially rates as the stupidest and most puke-inducing (literally) movie I have ever watched, and is likely to remain the stupidest and most puke-inducing movie I will ever watch. When I watched Heart, I called it the worst movie ever. I change my mind. At least I got a useable drinks coaster after Heart. Cloverfiled, however gave me nothing but a fucking headache.

People keep saying, "Don't expect much! It's a monster movie! What do you expect?!?" The truth is, I didn't. Nobody in the right sense of mind watches monster movies expecting a great plot (but surely there has to be a plot in the first place) or the great characters. Think Godzilla. People diss Godzilla all the time, but I remember being suitably entertained. That is all I ask for - to be entertained. Cloverfield did jack shite entertaining me.

The reviews/synopsis said that it was going to be shown from the first-person view, kinda like Blair Witch Project. Blair Witch my arse. It was more like watching really bad filmakers like America's Funniest Home videos, only less funny and more puke inducing. Every review I have since read has been praising Cloverfield for being 'different'. As early as 10 minutes into the movie (even before the monster came out) it was clear that it was going to be different because no other movie gives you a headache while watching a farewell party.

I don't get this first-person view bullshit. Is it supposed to make me feel as if I am IN the movie? What the fuck is up with all these movies these days with the shaky-camera effect? Monster movies should work by terrifying the viewer, like creeping up on an unsuspecting idiot and suddenly pouncing - hence making your heart skip a beat. Or by the monster being uber-cool by itself. Either way, Cloverfield did none of that. All it did was tell me that I get dizzy easily.

There is only one way you could have enjoyed this movie - if you aren't the type who can get dizzy looking at shaky images. Put it this way - I got dizzy 10 minutes into the movie and if I had watched the movie alone, I would have left the cinema at 45 minutes when it was clear that I would not be missing anything. Since I didn't want to ditch my friends (who weren't dizzy) I spent most of the time staring at the KELUAR sign or closing my eyes so that I wouldn't get an epileptic seizure.

If you got a headache AND still enjoyed the movie, there is something seriously wrong with you.

conversation of the day

2008-01-11T20:04:00.000+08:00

Two guys were walking on the street when they saw a person with long hair walking in front of them:

'Eh, eh...check out that chick dude.'

'Chick your head la. That's a man la sohai.'

'Shit you la. Even though from the back can see that she's hot la.'

'HE is not hot.'

'See the hair! And the ass damn nice whey!'

'Yeah? Why don't you see how tall he is and how broad HIS shoulders are?'

'Tiu, never seen tall chicks before meh?'

'I am telling you...it's a dude. Look at the shoes!'

'It's a chick la fucker...let's overtake her and see.'

*Two guys walks super fast and then suddenly glance around for no apparent reason*

'......!!!!!!!!!!!.......'

'HAHAHA! Fucker you thought the guy had a nice asssss!!! HAHAHA!'

'Fuck off...'

'HAHAHAHAH!'

not so righteous thought of the day

2008-01-03T00:53:00.001+08:00

Welcome to the only blog in Malaysia that actually makes sense...

Quote of the day:
Everybody fucks around. Just don't get caught.

The canteen at my workplace has had a bunch of new operators for a couple of months now. There is a lady boss and among the helpers are two faggots. They haven't gotten their silicone implants but I reckon they have started on the hormone pills. Smooth skin and soft voice, complete with the makeup.

Now there are many types of biggots. As far as bigots go, I thought of myself as pretty high up on the asshole pyramid. I don't mince my words kindly. I called them faggots up there. As much as derogatory terms go, that should rate pretty harsh. Heck, I even make fun of them. Gays, faggots...who cares? As long as they are 'different' the mocking seemed fair play.

Today, I learnt that there are bastards much worse than myself.

I found out that there are a bunch of people in the workplace who boycotted the canteen just because there were two bapuks working there. Not because the food is crap (which office canteen has awesome food?!?). Not because they were being harrassed by the effiminate men (they weren't). In short, the reason there were only two occupied tables during lunch hour today was because some people didn't want to be served by faggots. And because the lady boss decided that the ability to scoop rice, clear plates and wash dishes wasn't pre-determined by how people chose to dress or whether they liked it in the butt, her business has to suffer.

This is the society we live in.

If religion teaches you to hate so strongly, then it is flawed. If your conservative values and culture teaches you to discriminate so radically, then you need to question the wisdom of your ancestors. How can you possibly justify hating another human being such? A person who did you no wrong. A person whose only crime was sitting in the corner minding their own business and looking different compared to you.

This is the society we live in.

Where a man who committed no crime (last I checked, adultery wasn't a crime) but is condemned by the righteous rakyat. And so today I learnt something new. YEverybody fucks around. Everybody is a righteous bastard. Just don't be caught. And just don't be the one who has to be judged.

jokes of the day

2007-12-22T23:20:00.000+08:00

Did you hear about those people wanting to protest some dunno-what this time around? Apparently it was supposed to be tonight. But it got called off at the last minute...

Candlelight vigil postponed

KUALA LUMPUR: The candlelight vigil organised by Gerakan Mansuhkan ISA, planned tonight, will not take place.

GMI said the event has been postponed to Jan 5.

Its secretary E. Nalini, when contacted, confirmed the postponement, and said this was because there was shortage of lawyers to defend them should they be arrested.

"Most of the lawyers who volunteered to help us are out of town because of the holidays," she said.

So remember folks, it is your right to gather peacefully to protest important things..

Unless of course it is the holiday season. And your lawyers are out of town.

On a much funnier and less silly note, I heard the most awesome one-liner joke over the radio just now:

What do you call a happy burger??

BERGEMBIRA!!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Seasons Greetings!

the golden compass

2007-12-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, I befriended a few construction workers while I was doing my engineering internship during my college days. They told of a story where they went to the cinema watch Lord of the Rings : Fellowship of the Rings. As you would imagine these aren't guys who knew who Tolkien is, or that it was an adaptation from a book anyway.

The story goes, towards the end of the movie where Frodo and Sam are standing on top of a mountain and they can see Mount Doom from a distance, the scene cuts to the credits and the movie is over. Pissingly annoyed that he didn't know that it was a trilogy, and hence wasn't expecting the abrupt ending, he stood up a screamed PUKIMAK!

Well, something like that happened to me. Towards the end of the final scene, I saw the Bangla dudes starting to open the doors to the exit. At first I thought, being Banglas they prolly made a mistake. Then the conversation between the characters and the shots seemed as if it was leading towards the end of the film. "Hey, what the fuck is going on?"

And then the credits started rolling. I turned to the movie partner and went, "Eh, did you know there was going to be a continuation?" She looked at me funny, not unlike talking to a retard and said, "Yeee..yah, it's a trilogy"

But anyhows, I thought it was entertaining.

No, seriously. I don't care what you read in reviews and stuff. I was entertained for the two hours or so and was even anticipating more. The ice bears were so fucking cool as were the witches. Serafina Pekkala is such an awesome name and witches aren't usually that cool.

I'll just say that people who gave the movie a shitty review can be split into one of three groups.

1) The religious nuts Seriously. What the fuck is this all about? Anti-God? What? How?

2) The book nuts Yes I know reading is good for you and everything. I read a fair bit too. But if you are going to expect every movie to be adapted like for like just so that you can revel in your childhood fantasies, then you are going to hate every movie. Except maybe porn because that should be one which would indeed play into your childhood fantasies.

3) The crazy film critics This is how I think it works. Some dude got paid some money by his newspaper or magazine or Internet movie website to write a review on a movie. Somehow, because he was paid he feels obligated to write a long article about the movie instead of a one liner, "This was a fun and enjoyable movie suitable for the whole family" or "This was a rubbish movie that you should only watch if you want to get in the mood for killing babies". Instead he writes a whole page of dosh that nobody really understands. Take for example this review snippet in last Saturday's Star Weekender:

Director Weitz's inexperience is another problem. He has totally failed to reconcile the story's flashes of magic and adventure with its more sinister and emotional moments.

Dude...what talk you?!?

minnie mouse

2007-12-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

Short one today, because I am jaded and because I have other more important stuff to do. However, as always, I have reasons to be irritated.

Women are only allowed to act cute until they are 15. After that age, any female who speaks with a squeaky voice, dresses herself entirely in pink like a tart and/or giggles for no apparent reason should be treated like a 5 year old like she deserves. Or, she could be bitched slapped just for irritating the shit out of the rest of us.

Please discuss.

what's up, doc?

2007-12-03T23:28:00.000+08:00

I have been in Hicksville for almost one and a half years now, yet today was the first time I paid a visit to the doctor for a medical opinion. I had been once before, but that was for a routine company medical check-up.

It is not that I don't like visiting the doctor, I just don't believe in pumping my system with drugs when my antibodies are well equiped to take care of it. Sore throat? Drink water lah. Flu? There is no known cure so just sleep it off lah. That said, I don't get sick that often either. Try once a year. And in the 2 years plus that I have been working, I never once had to take an MC. Besides, unlike some lazy cows around, I don't slack off work anyway.

Anyway, the point is that I went to the doctor to get some tests done. Medically, the only thing wrong with me was that I boozed too much way back in university and kinda messed up my liver. I wanted to get a Liver Function Test done and also needed an opinion regarding the constant aches in my body lately (but that could have been due to the golf, haha!).

I walked into the room, and sat behind the desk was a rather large woman. Now, while large people in general are good for a laugh (it's funny to make fun of them), fat doctors are just plain wrong. How the hell do they tell their patients to watch their diet and live a healthy lifestyle when they are chomping down a large Big Mac McValue Meal set after their shift?

In this Hicktown, you are usually only allowed to use one of two languages - Malay or Cantonese. If you see a Chinese, you speak in Cantonese (which really helped me improve my Cantonese) and if you see anybody else, you speak in Malay. However, I figured that doctors should be exempt from that rule. If you made it through med-school, you sure as hell ought to be able to speak English, right?

Wrong.

Right from my first greeting, she answered all my English questions in Malay. That's all fine because I can get along fine with Malay. But it bugged me that my doctor couldn't string together a coherent sentence in English. Which med-school did she go to? Never mind her obviously obese body frame; could I trust her opinions?

As I walked out of the clinic, there was a name list of about 8 doctors hanging on the front door. I figured that the doctors would most probably be listed according to their seniority or demand. You wouldn't expect the owner or the head honcho to be languishing at the bottom of the list, would you? I turned around and asked the nurse for the name of the doctor that just treated me.

Her name was right at the bottom of the list. Go figures.

what's next?

2007-11-25T16:39:00.000+08:00

Another week, and yet another rally.

I think I have said all I can say about the rallies. You can fight for whatever you want, however ludicrous it is (Sidenote: $4 trillion? Are you for real?!) just as long as it doesn't get in the way of the general public.

The other day, people dissed me because I said I got caught in a jam and later couldn't go out shopping. They dissed the 'shopping' bit because they say it wasn't important. But that's not really the point, is it? I was caught in another jam today, 400 kilometres away from KL. This time, it was because I committed the crime of going to work.

So how now brown cow?

You can blame the police again. Blame them all you like. Blame the government while you are at it. That is what Malaysians do best - blame everybody but themselves. The problem is that people are so arrogant to believe it is democratic for tens of thousands of people to 'gather peacefully'.

Here's food for thought.

You know those Mat Rempits? It isn't exactly a crime for them to 'gather' at night and ride their bikes together as a group. However, it is a crime when they gamble and race illegally. But most of us get irritated or even afraid when a large group of them congregates in our neighbourhood. Are you saying that the police should let them 'gather' since they are doing nothing, and then only take action when they start racing??

Or since you people believe it to be democratic as long as people gather peacefully, then how about this? Is it okay if 200 Indonesian workers 'gathered' outside your house, thus blocking your access in and out of your house. You are inconvenienced, yes. But if they are just standing there, is that okay? Your logic says that peaceful gatherings are allowed, so as long as those people aren't harming you, they should be allowed to gather outside your house, right?

This is getting frustrating for the rest of us. Two weeks ago it was a political rally. Today it was a racial issue. What next tomorrow? If rallies are allowed to go on, what next? Rally for lower taxes? Demonstrate high petrol prices? Human nature dictates that people will never be happy with what they have. So is it acceptable that we have 'peaceful demonstrations' every weekend of the year?

Really? Is it okay that week in and week out 50 000 people are allowed to gather in the city centre to voice their displeasure at whatever suits their whims and fancies? Rallies like that set a dangerous precedent. Two major demonstrations have been held in the last one month. Can anybody honestly tell me that you agree with to allow such demonstrations to keep going on? If that is the case then it will never end. Let's say hypothetically that the Opposition wins the next elections. Are they going to allow BN supporters to hold rallies EVERY WEEK?

You tell me. How do we go from here? If protesters get what they want then what is stopping other people from holding mass protests to demand something else? What you people have done was open a very dangerous can of worms and set a very scary precendence.

What's next for our country, then?

kampung story of the day

2007-11-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

In this kampung where I am, a stranger would easily mistaken it for a warped time zone. There is a sense of lawlessness, yet it isn't quite so. Hardly anybody ever wears a helmet when riding their motorbikes. It isn't because they want to break the law - it is probably because they couldn't be bothered to. And speaking of which, it isn't an uncommon sight to see 12 year old kids ferrying their younger siblings on these kapchais that dwarf their small frame.

For many of my city friends, what we perceive to be simple common sense is viewed by the kampung folk as trivial matters that do not need to be fussed about. Child safety seats for cars? You gotta be kidding me..

In the middle of my (new) housing area, there is a playground. It's a modern concept, isn't it? Most new housing areas in the Klang Valley employ such a community bonding area. The kids play there in the evenings and the parents socialise with one another while keeping an eye on the brats. But this is where the "first world infrastructure, third world mentality" really shows.

I was taught at a very young age, as I am sure most of you were, that roads are for cars and we should never play in the middle of the road. But in this kampung, along with the numerous other kampungs in this part of the world, it seems a ridiculous notion but parents actually allow their kids to play on the road, and won't even bat an eyelid when a car approaches. It's their road, see. You are trespassing with your car, so you have to watch where you are going - not the kid.

Let me sidetrack for a moment, but you know all those frequent cases of people getting run over by trains while trying to cross the railway tracks? I am of the opinion that these people aren't stupid, but more of the fact that they are ridiculously ignorant towards the dangers of a speeding train. As silly and unthinkable it may sound to you, I reckon that these people really do not know the dangers, or think that tragedy will never befall them.

Two days ago, I nearly ran over a kid. This, despite me coasting at a mere 10km/h. I have ingrained it into my brain that the minute I enter the housing area, the foot goes off the gas pedal, ready to slam my brakes when required while keeping my eyes trained for a random brat that is oblivious to the danger of a passing car. Anyway, the said kid was standing by the side of the road when I approached. I saw him standing there, fixed to a spot staring somewhere else, so I decided that it was alright to pass him. Just as I was driving past, he started to dash across the road while his eyes were still focusing on something else. I slammed my brakes and blared my horn.

The commotion turned the heads of a few adults in the playground - none of whom bothered to tell him to get off the road or teach him to watch himself. I don't know where the parents were but an evil guess would be that they were at a brain transplant.

There was another kid a few months ago who spilled an entire bucket of Lego blocks on the road and proceeded to squat smack in the middle of the road and pick them up one at a time. His mother was standing by the side of the road, patiently waiting for him to finish while the idiot in the car (me) had to wait a full 3 minutes before I could proceed along the road.

Or how about the time when two kids were playing in the playground while their mothers were on the swings? One of them had a toy machine gun - the type that gave out an irritating rat-a-tat-tat sound along with blinking red LEDs when fired upon. Upon seeing my car from a distance, he ran into the middle of the road thinking he was Rambo and shot at my car. Literally. It was incredulous. I couldn't believe my eyes. It's not everyday a 5 year old kid can render me speechless.

These stories always get me thinking.

In the bigger picture, the government talks about nation building. The opposition can talk about fair elections and what-not. Yes, the big picture is important, but has anybody stopped to give thought about the smaller puzzles that you need to solve first? But how the hell do you build a nation where people don't care enough for their lives to wear a motorcycle helmet? How do you expect the kampung folks to make a decision in an election (fair or otherwise) when they lack the ability to judge the threat of a passing vehicle towards their own child's safety?

I don't really know how to explain it. Stupid is not the word. A lack of common sense is not the term. Ignorance or 'tidak apa' is more like it. And if you have a bunch of people who are tidak apa towards their own lives and the lives of their children, there really isn't much else you can do to help them.

not part of the gang

2007-11-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

The last few days have jolted my mind back into the time machine. I can see the event happening right in front of my eyes as if it was yesterday. There was this dude in my class. His name was Vignesh.

We all know someone like Vignesh - he didn't fit in, and didn't even bother trying. All that was important to him was that he got through the day, said and did whatever he thought was right. Not many people liked Vignesh - that is not to say people hated him. He was...irrelevant, and hence everything he said was not taken seriously. I remember thinking what a fool he was. I now wish I could have been more like that back then.

The year was 1998. Malaysia had just hosted the successful Commonwealth Games and everybody was chuffed about it. Obviously the subject of conversation most days were about the Commonwealth Games. One day, our hero would ask out loud, "Why isn't the United States part of the Commonwealth?" much to the amusement of everybody in the class. "Commonwealth is for countries that used to be under British rule la, bodoh." Vignesh then tried to explain that the US was once colonised by the British but nobody would have anything to do with such a ridiculous notion. How could the British have landed in such a superpower like the US??

After mocking Vignesh for his stupidity (all while he continued maintaining that he was correct), we all went about our own business and let him be. Never mind that Vignesh was half-right and we were all dead wrong. It didn't matter. What mattered was that in that setting, in that group of people, the majority had made up their mind on something and it was futile to change their mind, no matter what logic you put through.

In this setting, in this group of people, I will NEVER be part of the group. I like how Vignesh went about things. If that was how he felt, and if he could justify it correctly, then so be it. Along the way he (and I) might convince a few people, but for the rest - as the Thais say, "mai pen rai". Never mind. Let it be.

A common theme on the blogosphere seems to be how The Star quoted that there were ONLY 4000 people at the rally and how the police said there were ONLY 5000 people. These people went on to critisize these two parties calling them biased and deluded. And I fully agree. But these people also forget that their sifu-in-chief Anwar Ibrahim claimed after the event that there were 100 000 people there. Funnily enough, nobody seems to critisize the dude for his similarly biased and delusional estimate.

Hypocrisy? I dunno. You tell me...

And how about every other blog that seems to mention Al-Jazeera and some idiot who can't speak English well and doesn't seem to know what he is talking about? I agree again. He really was an idiot. But you people also forgot to mention that Al-Jazeera also called the Papa Smurf of bloggers an 'independant journalist'. If anybody reading this can call Jeff Ooi an 'independant' anything, I'll seriously pay good money for whatever it is you are sniffing.

Over the last few days, I have heard nothing but people saying how big an idiot I am. Other people have been saying that my opinions are okay - but they must continue marching to 'educate' people like me so that we stop our ignorance. Right, so your version of democracy says, "You are either with us, or you are against us"? Hmm...that's a great thought!

I never liked the concept of democracy, and never claimed to. But surely if you are preaching it, then you should be expected to practice what you preach?

I have been critisized for saying that I was stuck in the jam and couldn't go shopping. Someone else was critisized for saying their family missed the Chicago musical. Apparently, these things aren't as important as our 'freedom and rights'. Oh, I see. You get to decide what is important for me? Nice concept of democracy you have, eh?

Thinking about it, I don't care if it was 4000 people or 40000 people. If 4 million people took to the streets all over the country, I wouldn't be making a fuss. At least 4 million is a significant enough mandate. But instead we have 40,000 people claiming they acted on everyone else's best interest. And at this point, somebody would invariably jump up and scream, "40,000 people at the rally doesn't mean only 40,000 people support it!" Well, if you support it and weren't there, then my point proven - cakap tak serupa bikin.

You know, if you people had simply called it a political rally, I wouldn't be so annoyed. I would be annoyed at the way you inconvenienced others, but at least I wouldn't call you a hypocrite.

vote RoN

2007-11-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

Let's not kid ourselves, shall we? This afternoon's rally - peaceful or not, was not about a call for real democracy or handing over of a memorandum to the King. A rally could have been held in a stadium where like-minded people could go and stay out of everybody else's way. And if they really wanted to hand over a memorandum to the King, I am sure the Opposition leaders could have done it in person if they kept it behind closed doors and didn't hype up the event.

Quite simply, today's show was nothing more than a demonstration of power. They are telling the present government that they have the support of the people. They are telling the people that the present government is doing something really wrong and that they are our saviours. It may shock you, but I fully agree that things are messed up. But two wrongs never made anything right and today's rally was nothing more than a hypocritical farce.

The Opposition leaders needed to make it big and hype it up. But disrupting public peace is not the way to go about doing things. Thousands of people were affected by the rally - businesses were undoubtedly disrupted and tourists given a horrible impression of the country. Street demonstrations are bad for business - one could only venture a guess as to how many foreign investors were shoo-ed away by today's events.

Somebody said that this is the price to pay for freedom and rights. Yeah, so why is it that the Opposition parties are allowed to decide the price to pay on my behalf?

The Star says there were 5000 people at the gathering. Malaysiakini says there were 40 000 people. This is my case in point - different lie, same bullshit. This has always been the case. Reading too much of only one source clouds your judgment - so let's settle for an in-between figure of 20 000 people, alright?

There are 4 million people in the Klang Valley. Isn't it truly ironic that in a rally for democracy 0.5% of them get to tell us what is right and what is wrong? Please do away with the hypocrisy - this was nothing more than a political statement designed to tell the public that the general elections are coming and that you should vote them.

If you don't know where to cast your vote during the next election, events of today should further confuse you. I do not need to say anything further about the current administration. Everybody knows their faults and their screw-ups. You would truly be an ass if you are going to allow people who messed up so badly to continue screwing up.

Yet, the alternative is not an attractive enough proposition. We have a bunch of Opposition parties working on the principle that "your enemy is my enemy" even though their ideologies are as similar as chalk and cheese. The Opposition parties don't exist with the intention of winning the general elections. Their only objective is to disrupt as much as they can the operation of the incumbent government. They have no clear and fixed policies except to oppose whatever the government is doing - sometimes for no other reason other than thinking it is their job to oppose blindly.

When things are done wrongly or screwed up big time, that is where the Opposition parties can earn their votes. The chief justice case is a good example. Misappropriation of funds is another. But when they oppose necessary things like the removal of fuel subsidies, the smarter of us know that they are only doing it to fish for votes. They fought the price hikes because it was the popular decision among the majority of people at that time. I don't care who is in charge of this country - I'll be damned if the guy at the top makes decisions based on a popularity contest.

Let's look at Anwar Ibrahim. Here's a man who is championing the removal of the NEP or calling for it to be reviewed. That's all fine, except for the fact that this was a man who spent most of his political career seemingly being fine with the idea. Then he gets screwed over, and suddenly the NEP is a bad thing. Hypocritical, isn't it?

It has come to the point where people think it is acceptable to hold mass protests and disrupt public peace just to get their idea across. It is not. People think that the lesser of two evils is acceptable. It is not.

So what do I propose?

Frankly, I have no idea. Regular readers of this blog know that I seldom comment on a matter without proposing a solution. Unfortunately, I don't have the faintest idea what the solution is. This is why, today I really weep for my country.

During my university days, during our student council elections as well as elections of individual societies, besides the candidates running for the post, there was an option to vote RoN, short for Re-open Nomination. You could select that option if you weren't happy with any of the people running for the position. If RoN won, all candidates would be disqualified, and there would be a renomination new candidates to run for the position. In my 3 years in university, I have only seen it happen once - there was only one candidate running for President of the Malaysian Singaporean Society and he embarrassingly lost flat out to RoN.

How I wish things could be so easy.

Update: A response to most of the comments, here.

the gathering of hypocrites

2007-11-10T14:54:00.000+08:00

Dear Fucking Idiots,

Because of your moronic behaviours, my Saturday has been ruined. I had to cancel my shopping plans and I was stuck in a jam for more than one hour. My parents, who wanted to go down to KL to meet a family friend had to change their plans.

I am in no way condoning a gathering of fucktards, but if you wish to do so in the future, perhaps it would be more considerate doing it in a secluded place, so as to not inconvenience the other 4 million of us in the Klang Valley. May I suggest you congregate at Bukit Kayu Hitam and if you really must submit a memorandum, I am sure DHL would kindly oblige.

You can fight for whatever you choose - frankly I don't give a flying fuck. You can even campaign for your right to fuck goats and walk around nude, but when your actions cause problems for the rest of us, that is where your name changes from an activist to a mere inconsiderate cunt.

It is ironic that you tell me that the mainstream media is feeding me government propaganda, yet you people are drowning me in your hypocritical crap. Different lie, same bullshit. Suck my balls lah. Don't pretend you are any different because you are all the same type of forked tongue snakes, all trying to prey on the weak minded, indecisive fools.

Congratulations, you idiots just got your point across. I won't be voting the incumbents. But I won't be voting for your hypocritical asses either.

Update: I am now less annoyed than previously, but I stick by my words. Now, go read this.

get out of jail free

2007-11-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

When I was young, people kept telling me that I had to work hard to succeed in life. My dad and my sister are pretty much workaholics, so it is not as if they are just saying these things for the heck of it.

When I was in Form 3, people all around said I had to work hard and study hard to do well in PMR. I bummed around and got 5A's out of 7. One of my teachers scolded me. Her reasoning was that if I had put just a little more effort I could have gotten the straight A's. Just a bit more effort, she said.

And so, in the first week of Form 4, I told myself that I would work hard and ace my SPM. The hype lasted 2 weeks and I spent the next 2 years bumming around. I got A's for the subjects that mattered to me - 5 out of 9. I remember doing fuck all for Biology and one of the SPM questions asked to 'lukis sistem pernafasan ikan' I drew a fish that a kindergarten kid could have done better and pointed to the gills and wrote 'insang'. But this was in the days where there weren't idiots who took 17 subjects, so all was good.

Then I told myself that in university, it would be different because it was going to be subjects that I chose. I mean - I chose to study engineering, but I didn't choose to study History and Biology in school. But nobody told me that Mechanical Engineers had to study crap like Structural Vibration and C programming. So, despite everybody telling me I had to work hard in uni, I studied right at the last minute, did just enough for my assignments and bummed around the rest of the time AND still got through unscathed with a Masters and a very commendable final year project. Everybody knows someone like that - the asshole who did jackshite but still came up tops. I didn't exactly come up tops (actually no where near the top) but I still got along fine. Sucks to be you, eh?

Now that I am working, everybody says that you have to work hard, put in extra hours and all the usual bruhaha to make more money and be rich. And all this got me thinking (because I have been on leave for one whole week and I have been thinking a lot), I got along fine in school bumming around and just doing enough. Not too much, not too little - just enough. I was never top of my class, but I was always better than average. Same thing happened in uni - I was no where near the top of the class, but people who put in 3 times more effort than myself didn't exactly beat me by a mile.

I am saying all this because yesterday, some people mentioned again the importance of working hard (more than 12 hours a day!!!) to succeed and do well. Screw it. I have been lazy my whole life and have made it pretty darn far. I am therefore convinced that there is money to be made just by being lazy. Sure, I won't be as rich as Lim Goh Tong, but I reckon I'll be able to get along just fine.

You see, I just had another brainwave! I figured out how to make money while SLEEPING. Too bad I am too lazy to do anything about it...

vincentism makes sense!

2007-10-24T16:44:00.000+08:00

I said this the other day, but allow me to repeat myself. One year ago, if you asked me to make a wish, I would have asked for a hundred billion dollars. Recently, I've come to realise that it wasn't the money that I craved - it was the power that came along with it. So today, if I had one wish, I want to be God.

Remember my take on the whole God issue? Well, to be fair, it isn't exactly the WHOLE issue, but just a portion of it. See, here's the thing. With religion, there is always the age old argument of scientific proof versus unexplained believes. I am stuck half-way between the two because I am an engineer and an annoyingly inquisitive prick who cannot accept things without proper scientific proof or at least a logical theory to back up events. On the other hand, I also believe in things like Karma.

Introducing Vincentism!

Okay granted this doesn't quite explain everything, but it does explain a couple of points. In any how, I don't expect to be Grand Master until I am 50 years old (old people are seemingly more credible) so I have a lot of time to work out how many other things work.

In the beginning...

In simple terms which you will understand, think of God the Creator (if need be, I'll decide on his name later) as a blacksmith of sorts. He creates stuff. He created our solar system and our planet and he created life as we know it. Think of yourself as nothing but robots in built with an Artificial Intelligence system. This is how we can think for ourselves and ensure our constant survival. We are Frankenstein monsters that God created and is now powerless to control, unless of course he sends an asteroid flying our way.

Scientifically, it makes sense. We are trying to put AI into robots and our machines, but being narcisstic little twats, we never thought of ourselves as God's AI robots. There is a big bloke somewhere around, but of course we can't see him because he is that damn fucking huge. I mean, he created our solar system as we know, so of course he is a big as hell. If you are asking why we can't see him even though he is so huge, well ask yourself if you think a mosquito 100 metres away from you can see you. One day, if we do actually develop a rocket that could travel all that far, maybe we will get to see Him, after which he will swat us down like how we would the mosquito.

Karma

The good thing about religion is that it keeps people in line with the norms of society. Can't go around raping people, killing people, etc... It uses fear as a powerful weapon to keep people in check. Do this, and you won't get to sit on God's lap in the afterlife. Do that, and God will reward you aplenty. The thought of a spirit residing in us that gets to travel to a heaven and hell when we die is pretty far-fetched and scientifically impossible to prove.

Vincentism doesn't believe that the Almighty God gives a shit about you and I the same way you wouldn't give a shit about the paramecium in your drain. When you die, you just die. You cease to exist, just like the broken alarm clock you threw away last week. But with no afterlife concept, it would be pretty difficult to keep people from being assholes.

So, there about comes the concept of Karma. It's not exactly a new concept, but it makes sense, scientifically and mathematically. It is the circle of life, or balance of power - you do something good and you collect brownie points in which you are rewarded later by the workings of nature. Similarly, if you choose to be an asshole and collect demerit points, you would find yourself royally fucked sooner or later.

Newton's 3rd Law states that for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. Simply put, in any mathematical equation, the left side must equate to the right side for perfect harmony to occur. This is the law in which every natural entity must obey. TWO equals TWO. When you do something good to the factor of two brownie points, then you can expect to be rewarded with something of an equal magnitude somewhere along the way.

But that is not to say that if you give someone an iPod today, you will get one for yourself tomorrow. For instance, the act of giving might be worth two points, which also equates to FIVE plus NEGATIVE THREE. So you get a pay rise (5), but meet an accident on the way home (-3). Nature has it's way of evening itself out, so us puny humans have to be on our toes all the time. And by keeping us on our toes all the time, that is how our species will eventually rise to the top and reign supreme over the universe (in hope that we can build that rocket to see God, just before it is squished like a pesky housefly)

Okay, like I said I haven't figured everything out, but I have another 25 years or so to do so. The good thing here is, unlike other religions which always seem to have answers for everything or tries to have an answer for everything (which then makes people annoyed when they cannot accept inconclusive answers), Vincentism which is very much based on scientific and mathematical theories can always say, "Oh, dunno lah. Need to research more," instead of giving people dodgy answers.

What other major religious debate have I not covered? Any questions, my children?

planet killer

2007-10-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

Al Gore wouldn't be pleased!

Muahahaha! If everybody lived like me, we would need 4.1 planets!

But see, that's the thing. Not everybody lives like me. So, a big shout out and thanks to the dudes who are doing what they are doing to enable me to live like that. In case you are too silly to understand that, let me blow your mind away with my awesome logic.

In the past, when I heard that people cycled to work because they didn't want to burn fuel, I laughed at them for being dumb and told them to take the bus or carpool if they were so worried about the environment. I was totally against Greenpeace and crap like that for being so pretentiously dumb. These days, I realised that they are doing us a big favour by cutting down consumption so that the rest of us can continue living the way we do. So instead of scorning them, I thank their valiant sacrifice.

So yes, please stop eating sharks, because if you guys continue eating sharks and they become extinct, then where the hell am I supposed to get my shark's fin supply? Same goes for terrapins too, okay? Stop eating them. If they go extinct how are my future kids going to taste their meat?

Take this 3 minute quiz to see how badly you are fucking up our planet! After that, tell me if you beat my score!

you don't like our angkasawan?

2007-10-21T21:42:00.000+08:00

Our astronaut touched down back on Earth a few hours ago. I have been meaning to say this a long time ago, but I had more important things to do, like improve my golf swing and weeding my garden. Now, I know many people are not fans of our space programme and have been slagging it off from Day One as a waste of money. Today would be a good day to buy some lottery tickets, because it is a rare occasion that I actually agree with that sentiment.

I have never been a fan of space programmes. Not just ours, but I am talking about space programmes in general. I believe many other scientific frontiers can be more affordably breached than space. I have written about space and appropriate technology here and here. I fail to see how the Mars Rover and Beagle (assuming that it wasn't really crushed by Starscream) projects were significantly beneficial enough to mankind to warrant such a high cost when the amount spent on it could easily wipe out the debts of many African nations.

But back to our space programme - allow me to play Devil's Advocate, because that is something I do really well. Critics have slammed it as 'a waste of money' and 'money spent could be given to the poor'. Supporters say it goes a long way in encouraging our kids to take up Science and Technology.

Whateverlah.

The thing is, the critics said it was a waste of money and then the government responded that the cost of the programme was totally absorbed by the Russians when we bought some fighter jets from them. Kinda like when you buy loads of groceries from the kedai runcit and you bargain for a discount but the shopkeeper is reluctant to slash the price. But he wants you to come back in the future, so he throws in a pack of chewing gum free of charge to sweeten the deal. So, cost is not an issue here.

But I hear you shouting, "I don't believelah!"

Have you guys already decided who to vote for in the next general elections? Quite simply, if you believe that the cost of the space programme was free, then you would be a Barisan National supporter. If you don't believe a single word of it, then you are an Opposition supporter. In both cases, nothing else I say will make a difference to you, so I won't even bother trying to convince you otherwise (because I have better things to do than to argue with morons on the Internet).

But if you don't know what to believe, well then jump into my boat. We can still talk about the cost and whether it is prudent to spend all that money either on the space programme or on the fighter jets when the money could be used to help the poor, build more schools, develop the East Coast, employ more policemen, bla bla bla bla...

Okies..

So who gets to decide how the extra cash is spent? Surely helping the poor should take precedence? Or should they? How about disabled groups? Are they more in need of the extra cash than the poor? Then where on the list of priorities do fuel subsidies sit? (Ironically, the people who complained the most about the space programme and demanded that the money be spent on the poor were the same people who complained about the reduction of fuel subsidies) .

This argument is as ridiculous as is tedious. Which one of you thinks you have the right to decide if we should uild more roads or employ more policemen? If you say that the poor should take precedence over everything else, how about our sports programmes? Should we still continue funding our badminton team or shall we slash all the sports budgets because surely sports isn't is as important as feeding the poor? And what more performing arts? Why should we build more theatres and give grants to production companies. Who cares about pretentious people watching an orchestra when there are people living below the poverty line?

Shall we now start a debate on the merits of funding our national sportsmen? Arguments like these are pointless because at the end of it, it all depends on your area of interest AND more importantly, your political affiliations. If you are going to be hypocritical and wish to debate something, then debate your political ideologies, because in this very immature Malaysian society, your political affiliations decide whether you support something or not. The government's job is to do something and the opposition's job is to oppose it, no matter what the circumstances are. The supporters' role is to support, and support blindly.

Grow a spine, people. And more importantly, start forming your own opinions.

just wondering...

2007-10-19T21:34:00.000+08:00

It seems that the latest bright idea in the news is that the government is going to establish a registry of sex offenders and pedophiles. It is proposed that the names of these maniacs along with their offenses be made public in newspapers and on the Internet to ensure that this list is accessible to a wide audience.

Now this is nothing new and is being practiced in many countries around the world. Some proposals have even called for these perverts' address to be made public so that we would know if one of them is lurking around our neighbourhood. In the wake of the brutal Nurin murder, nobody in the right mind is going to oppose such a move. Heck, you can tell that even the opposition and socio-political *ahem* morons *ahem* bloggers approve of this move on the count that they haven't written anything about it.

However, I was just wondering...

If you pick up the newspapers on any given day, a good number of the sexual offenses against kids are incest cases. Father raping daughter. Grandfather raping granddaughter. Uncle raping niece.

So, if you come up with a sex offenders registrar, how do you protect the identity of these victims and their family members?

con job

2007-10-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

I swear, there is no ~~better~~ eviler way to make money than to con unsuspecting kampung folk. Or at least, err...katak-di-bawah-tempurung folk.

Look dad! Flat TV!
What's so good about it?
Dunno...my friend at school says its the latest technology!
Oh, okay. Let's buy it! So cheap summore!

jean valjean

2007-10-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

In Victor Hugo's Les Miserables, the main character Jean Valjean was put in jail because he commited a crime - he stole a loaf of bread to feed his sister and her 7 children. We could argue all day about social injustices, not just in this country but throughout the world. We could talk about the hypocrisy of 'making poverty history' while pouring in billions to send a probe to Mars.

But those are arguments best left to people whose job would be to sit and argue about things like this, because there will never be a solution so as long as we remain humans, intact with our selfish nature. Still, it would not change the fact that poverty and desperation often leads people to do undesirable things. Undesirable to you, and you would be surprised - but just as undesirable to themselves.

For the purpose of this story, and for my not-so-regular readers who might not already know, I have a mentally disabled brother. The politically correct term these days is 'learning disabled'
but I am not one for political correctness, so you are free to call him whatever you wish just as long as you treat him good. Words versus actions, you know.

It should come as no surprise to you that despite what you are taught in schools, disabled people are bullied on a daily basis. It is the unfortunate truth that while an idiot at Pizza Hut cannot serve soup correctly, she has a job, while for a lot of disabled people, making a much smaller mistake would mean that you are out of the job. But I am not one to complain about the injustices of life, believing instead that karma would take its course.

In his latest job, my brother finds himself working in a restaurant as a waiter. The job is not without its usual problems, both with the employer and with my brother's own inability to work well. However, at this new job, he befriends many of the Les Miserables of this society and in turn many Jean Valjeans.

This particular chap, one that we (I say 'we' because if you are sitting in front of a computer reading this, then you are fairly well-off) would ride off as a kutu of society, approached my brother and asked to borrow 10 bucks so that he could take the bus home. And so, my brother lent him the money. My mum immediately smelled a rat and told my brother to make sure he got the money back as soon as possible because no bus ride costs 10 bucks. But, as is the case with my brother, we were left banging our heads on the wall the next day when he told us the guy needed an extra 20 bucks - which my dear brother so kindly obliged.

That was not the end of it, for this little con game went on and on until my brother came home one day and told us that the kutu owes him RM60 and we finally managed to convinced my simple minded brother that the guy did not forget to bring his wallet for the 6th time in a week and that the guy was actually cheating him. One week after that ordeal, my brother came home with the news that the kutu had resigned and balik kampung to his hometown in Kuala Terengganu. I know it sounds really silly, but so do the weekly stories of people paying RM20,000 to a bomoh for a magical stone. Things like this do happen.

The normal reaction to the proud new owner of the magical stone is to say 'padan muka' for being so dumb, and I agree. But when the person who was conned turns out to be a mentally disabled guy, people tend to get outraged. None more so than my mum who went around telling anybody who would listen, how there exists animals who actually have the heart to cheat handicapped people. Lowlife, I believe was the term of the day. Personally, I shrugged it off. RM60 is a lot of money to some people, but we weren't exactly going to starve. On one hand, it was good because we used that as a lesson to my brother that he cannot be so trusting of random idiots in the future.

One week later, my brother was told by another of the waiters that the kutu had just sms-ed to say that his father finally passed away after a long illness and that he had to stay in Kuala Terengganu to help his mother look after the other siblings.

Sure, cheating the money out of a mentally disabled bloke probably wasn't the proudest moment of his life. This is one case in which the ends do not justify the means. I kept wondering how he could look himself in the mirror, or how he was going to try to keep a straight face when he went back to the kampung and gave his siblings their weekly pocket money.

I guess when you are desperate, you would be surprised by the things you could do...

story of the day

2007-10-02T21:44:00.000+08:00

Vincent has the scruffy look again.

The last time I had the scruffy look was somewhere around this time last year when our Muslim friends were in their fasting month. This woman at the chap fan stall stared at me real hard before she served me. Only when I uttered a word of Cantonese did she reply back in Cantonese, "Oh I thought you were Malay." The woman at the McDonalds drive through also frowned at me before serving me.

Still, today's story beats the other two hands down.

I went to KFC for lunch. When it came to my turn and I stepped forward the cashier greeted me with the coldest greeting ever:

"Take away, ke?"
"Dok, nak makang"
"Orang Melayu tidak dibenarkan makan di sini!"
"Tau, tapi aku owang Cina"

Still not visibly pleased, she stared at me real hard before finally deciding it wasn't wise to lose a customer. As she served me, there was a little Malay kid at the next counter with his mum who was ordering food at the same time. Before I could grab my tray and take a seat, the kid looked up to me and asked, "Abang makan sini ke?" His mother dragged him off before I could reply, so I flashed him a smile.

Every other person I know has told me to shave off the caveman goatee and do away with the Malay accent (and speak in broken Malay), but I think useful for getting me into hilarious in situations like this!

idiot watch, episode 103258

2007-09-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

This picture appeared in The Star's thumbnail section on 8th September. The thumbnail section is actually a section where people send in 'weird' or 'interesting' photos along with a caption and the photo of the day wins a cool RM50. Below this picture was the actual caption sent by the person who took the picture.

Highway to nowhere

Is this an abandoned project or an attempt to create the world’s shortest elevated highway? The unfinished project is located at the border of Pahang and Terrengganu along the East West Highway.

So what do you think?

I think, from people's reaction to weird stuff, you can tell a lot about the person. Here, I can categorise people into 3 distinctive groups. But before you read on, go back and have a look at the picture and do me a favour and formulate your own opinion, will you?

Done?

Right.

If you are someone who looked at the picture and the caption and then agreed with it, you belong in this first group. You probably also mumbled out "What a waste of the rakyat's money!" or "Abandoned project! Which corrupt minister pocketed all the money?" or "Cracked highway!". However, you forgot to say, "I am a fucking idiot" because that is what you are.

Chances are, in this online blogosphere world thingy, most of you belong in this group. You read something and you are prejudiced by whatever you want to make out of it. I specifically told you to look at the picture and formulate your own opinion, but unfortunately, you are too big an idiot to do that, so instead you latched on to another idiot's opinion and believed it immediately. You do nothing but moan about everything when in fact you know nuts.

However, if you belong to the second group, you're not too bad. You would have looked at the picture and thought, "Heh, this is weird...but surely there's an explaination. Wait, let me go ask somebody" That's fine. At least you have a positive outlook in life compared to the miserably depressed pessimists from Group One. You acknowledge your lack of knowledge (or brainpower) and you keep an open mind and try to get the answer from someone more knowledgeable. You realise that there are somethings beyond your understanding but that doesn't mean those things are automatically wrong. So, read more and open up to more possibilities and you might just learn something new everyday.

And then of course, if you saw the thing and thought, "Hey! I know what that thing was made like that!" then welcome to the third group. Like me, *ahem* you look at the picture and realise - shit, that's not an abandoned project. That's not a result of poor budgeting or horrible planning. In fact, that 'highway to nowhere' is actually an example of awesome planning and foresight!

As the idiot who sent in the photo so cleverly pointed out, it is a flyover OVER a highway. In the future (5, maybe even 10 years time) when you decide to develop the surrounding area and you need to build a road or bridge over it, you cannot afford to shut the whole highway for a few months while you build something over it, can you? Hence, anybody with a farsighted vision would have built the bridge together with the highway, thus eliminating that problem in the future. So in essense, the 'highway to nowhere' is actually a result of someone actually having the brains to look 10 years into the future, but it gets slagged off by idiots who lack similar brainpower.

So which group do you belong to then? Seriously, the problem with a lot of Malaysians is that they are not trained to formulate their own opinions and tend to follow the herd without a critical thought process. It does nothing for the country because they tend to moan and groan about everything without thinking for a second that there probably is a reason behind peculiarities. Time to change, people! You aren't always right (unless you are me) so shut your gob and go ask around before you rip into something you don't understand.

Learnt something new today, didn't you?